Thursday, June 28, 2007

lordy, it's been more than a month. i'm surprised i haven't been jilted off some folks' links.

so..... so. so? so!

so between last friday and last sunday, i magically have completed 2 bachelors of arts, and 2 certificates (one that says i know a bunch of stuff, and one that says that i can actually do something). too bad all the work to get those took, oh, a decade (well, for 3 of them at least), but it was surprisingly exhilarating to click the buttons online, and to get a little piece of paper. suddenly i actually feel like i have done something with my life. go figure.

in the meantime, i still have no clue what to do with myself now. i was going to postpone decisions until i had my weekends free again. and now i do, and i still don't want to decide things. so i think i may go back to just appreciating and enjoying vancouver summer for what it can be. with luck, it'll be sunny when i have my week off next week, and i'll actually get to be outside, rather than throwing more indoor beach parties, which are still fun, but i'd rather be outdoors.

i've discovered how difficult it is to just sit and write a letter. even now, as i type this, i should be lying in bed handwriting, but somehow this is easier to do. maybe because it's faster and the words can just pour out without much thought. maybe because my hands hardly move, and it's just that much lazier (= better? no...). either way, i need to start taking buses more, because both my reading and writing's gone lax again. though biking is becoming more and more addictive....

what else what else. the laundry-list of updating a blog that no one even reads. i could tell you about the energy work i've been getting and how amazing it's felt, or how i'm sensing more and more around me which is generally awesome, though sometimes frustrating. i could tell you how i'm still as klutzy as ever, with giant bruises to prove it, but i'm a klutz who's figuring out the knack to jumping double dutch, or how i'm learning to get along with the one person who drives me insane when we're working together.

really, though, everything's the same. it's all completely different, of course, but if you step back far enough, things are the same as ever. except for one thing: for the first time in a very long time, i'm remembering what it feels like to be me, and i'm actually feeling the fun and energy and spontaneity that goes along with it. it started, actually, just a little while before that last post, i think, when i went on an unplanned road trip to mt baker with sharon. and it's just grown and reaffirmed itself since then. and it's wonderful. and i'm amazed that i spent so long being a shell of myself without even realising it.

unfortunately, i was never good at having a full-on plan, and that apparently still hasn't changed. there's always Magic Deciding Coin, though.