Friday, March 02, 2007

today i became the record-holder for quickest call-in request ever for the oldtime jazz show. what can i say, i had a craving for Nagasaki, and he offered to take requests, and i needed something to distract me while driving...!

i just wrote a long email to a friend who's galavanting in south america, the lucky bastard. it was a catch-up email of sorts, the first one since he left. but as i wrote one paragraph, i thought it'd be reasonable to snag it and post it here (with subtle edits), seeing as it's been essentially all that's been on my mind for the last week. so here goes:

Vancouver could be great. It's just the vast majority of folks that make it seem dull and uninteresting. So to relieve boredom and frustration, I think I'm going to take a yoga instructor certification course. It means 3 months of no weekends, and a cost that would equal two trips to Europe and back, and it's totally going to make me poor for a few months, but I'm thinking that it's one of those things that will pay itself back, between being able to actually teach and earn money back (there's already people at my day job asking when I'll be offering classes at Ritchie Bros, so that's encouraging..), but more importantly teach and know I'm not doing damage to people, which is the real reason why I want to take the course. And then there's the fact that I can travel with it. A friend's been trying to convince me that it's gonna go along with my whole "desire to help folks" but I don't know how much I believe that one, to be honest, if only because sure, it'll help people in Vancouver and other places where stress rules supreme, but when it comes to going the places that I do want to go to, to do the volunteer work that I'd like to do, I can't see how yoga is going to be improving the world for people who need access to education, or to clean water. However, at the same time, that's other things that I want to do, but there's no reason why I can't do that afterwards. And right now, maybe I'd like to learn something that I can take with me, and then while I go off to Europe and live there awhile and find organisations to work with out there, this can be something to use on
the side, for fun and profit! At least, enough to get me by.

...right?

i think the frustration is coming from everyone who immediately assumes that i'm doing this because i want to make it my career. i don't. i like yoga. it's helped me a lot since i started it. it makes me feel good, it's making me trust my body more, it's making me learn how to centre and focus and to take some time to just be. which is hard to do here. and whenever i like something, i want to share it. (which can be read as wanting to prove to other people that it is truly awesome, but usually this pertains to music, and usually i have a damn good reason for telling you it's great, and you're a philistine to disagree.) but especially because it's working with the body, i want to know how to share it -- teach it -- correctly, so that i know people aren't gonna hurt themselves. when i was getting physio after my first knee surgery, i seriously considered switching into kinesiology because i was so impressed with my physiotherapist, and so thrilled by the prospect of being able to help people feel whole again. but i didn't. i have other things i want to do. and that's what's been frustrating me about this decision, is that there's lots of other things i want to do in life, and i don't know if this is the right one to be spending time, energy, and money on right now. but then again, it's three months. it's money. money returns. time goes by, but it's not like i'm going to be dead anytime soon. and there's a lot more i can work on afterwards. and if right now, i want to learn something that i can take with me when i travel, i want something that's going to help others feel good both mentally and physically.... so this works.

right?

ironically, i left work hoping to make it to yoga class today. due to traffic and leaving a little too late, i missed the bus and therefore missed my yoga class. so instead i've sat in a cafe and thought about what to do, rather than doing what it is i think i want to do. yay for reflection time! but i think it's alright this way, too. the question is, will i lose the sarcastic edge as i learn to become a froofy yoga teacher? i hope not.

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