Tuesday, December 13, 2005

now that i've started posting again, i just won't stop.

i've had some unlikely confidants in the past week. which happens. often you can have deeper, more heartfelt conversations with a total stranger than you can have with someone you've known all your life. there's no connection, no expectations, and often you can talk much more freely about things without worrying about where who story will end up with. afterall, a conversation with a stranger is rarely gossiped about in great detail. if you tell someone later about a meeting with a stranger, it's generally more about how you met a stranger and had a deep discussion, not so much what it was about.

at the same time, though, it suddenly feels like my presence is suddenly a bit more widespread. my metaphysical footprint, if you will, as opposed to an ecological or actual footprint. although it still spreads around the same general area of my usual life (SFU, Greater Vancouver, maybe Blaine), there's now tendrils of me that stretch off to areas that these new people go to. not that they're thinking about me, but some part of the story i told them has gone with them to coquitlam, to a beach i've never visited, to another country, across a bridge, to a street i've never stepped foot on.

so i feel a bit unwieldy right now, metaphorically speaking. i've been a bit of a ghost in areas of my life where i'm usually far more present, and i'm making giant imprints in areas that are either brand new or have either been underused for awhile. i'm losing concept of where i am, where i should be, and where i'm not. and it's coming out in little, more physical ways too. like ending up in a club i've never gone to, or walking down a new street (and choosing to walk rather than bike or transit or car it), or not being able to remember which conversation was with which person and when. and that last one's becoming rather troublesome. it's almost as though it's not making a difference who i'm speaking to anymore, that everyone's pretty much an aspect of the same person, and i've stopped differentiating between them all.

too bad i'm too tired to continue this right now.

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