Wednesday, August 17, 2005

i hate you for making me feel guilty for things i shouldn't feel bad for.
i hate you for not caring more about what you do.
i hate you for being too absorbed in yourself to realise what you're actually saying and (not) doing.
i hate you for making me feel intimidated.
i hate you for spying.
i hate you for being so fucking condescending.
i hate you for having to hear yourself talk without saying anything useful.
i hate you for constantly shooting me down.
i hate you for making me regret letting down my defenses even in the slightest.
i hate you for seeing the world in black and white.
i hate you for seeming to be in control.
i hate you for leaving me.
i hate you for signing your letters with "love".
i hate you for pretending that nothing's changed between us.
i hate you for graciously giving me ownership of what was mine in the first place.
i hate you for making what's mine belong to you.
i hate you for making me feel silly for feeling like i need help.
i hate you for making me feel like i dare not seem like i need help.
i hate you for encouraging me to seem independent.
i hate you for disappearing.
i hate you for using other people.
i hate you for making me feel like i need you more than you need me.
i hate you for not being here.
i hate you for using passive-aggressive language rather than being blunt and openly honest about what you're really trying to say.

caveats:
1. i'm not the happiest person in the world right now.
2. i'm not just talking about one person.
3. if you think i'm talking about you and are taking offense to it, you might be wrong. but if you're not, you're a guest here, so don't you dare get angry with me.
4. if you judge me on any of this, i hate you for that, too.
5. "hate" is a strong word. right now, i don't care. it's short and to the point. and it's all relative. so don't tell me off for that either.

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