Tuesday, March 22, 2005

36-pager this week. shouldn't have delivered it, knee's killing me now. live'n'learn, i suppose.

yesterday i was saved by stew and cowboy bebop. it's great living here, i like everyone i live with, but it's been damn difficult not being able to talk about stuff relating to school while i'm at home, out of respect to my housemates' relationships to others involved. so no discussion here. no discussion at the paper, for obvious reasons, and because i'm an editor there, nothing else. no discussions at the radio. so outside the people i'm planning with, i haven't been able to talk to anyone. but you need someplace completely unconnected to the stresses of work to relax and vent and say what you're thinking, and i haven't had that. and even here, i have to word things strangely because them's the rules. so, considering that any off-time that i've had from one job has been spent catching up on another task (and, sadly, no time spent on soundwork still), i've been bottling everything up to a ridiculous degree. and can't even talk about the other things that've come up, because everything's gotta be happy right now! smile!

so. vent.

hospital sent me only partial records, and nothing telling me what i wanted to know. realised i was counting on getting that info a lot more than i expected. my knee's been loose lately, and it's pretty likely that i need to have more surgery. won't be as bad this time, but for fuck's sake, i want it to be over with. i haven't talked to my grandma much at all for the last long while. she was largely alone for the last few weeks and i didn't even have time to call her at a decent hour of the day. and i've been having a bunch of blood taken again, and a shot or two, and when i figure it's done for the month, i'm called back because they messed up and have to re-do a vial. and i'm always cancelling plans to visit people and just relax because i have too much work to do. people who were friends before have suddenly become rather arrogant and cocky, interrupting important conversations and throwing out comments that i really don't think are necessary in the least. i still haven't started 3 assignments that were due over the last 3 weeks, and i have yet to talk to the prof about it. i finally made time to work on old english on sunday, and it was well worth it, but i have a couple quizzes and a recitation this wednesday that i haven't prepared for at all yet, and i don't know when i'll fit it in. i keep having things on my to-do list that just never, ever get done. it's been nearly a month and i still haven't had time to unpack. and i woke up the other night because i couldn't breathe because my lungs just weren't working to take any oxygen in. this might be something worth bringing up with the doctor. and i've done as much as i can to separate being editor from being anything else while in the newspaper office, but apparently it's still been misinterpreted and when i make comments in order to look out for or better the paper, i'm accused of meddling (regardless of the fact that it's a glaring typo, or something that the paper could potentially get into a lot of trouble for). making the one place that i really do love and really feel comfortable, the place that's been the closest i've had to a relaxing comfort zone this whole time, it's been made into another place that i'm not entirely comfortable in, and i always have to be on the defensive in.

but it'll all pass, i'm sure. and lisa and vegan stew and semi-vent sessions and spike and jet and ed and faye made things better. and i have my pie-plates now, so i'll make breakfast sometime this weekend. and i gave diego my militia-man toy, that he seemed to get a kick out of. and because dan'n'i aren't going to the circus tomorrow, agnes'n'i are going to go for bubble tea. one's just as good as the other. though i do want the excuse to hang out with dan outside of the peak sometime. it'd just be such a bizarre experience.

but everything's getting better.

and a warm shower and bed'll make everything even better now.

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