Thursday, March 31, 2005

eric the moose, dancing midgets, hunting beavers, evading cthulhu, oh marx, junta, food appreciation, pixies and tom waits road trips, mango yoghurt, master fluffer's omelettes, el presidente, propoganda, dancing nonstop to balkan boogie, lovely lovely kofola, jesus loves you, halla, get-away-from-me, phonebooths from hell, ** HARDCORE **, espressos, spike-uh spiegel-uh, philosophising until 4am, rescuing me from almost-certain death-by-fishbone, spending afternoons drinking Solo and talking about nothing in particular while rocking on waves

these are some of the things that i miss today in particular. and i'd like to send a birthday wish of some sort.

but i also don't think it's the right time to do it. for a number of reasons.

maybe next year.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

. . . welcome to the house of fun . . .

oh young ones, i never realised how much i miss you. why must you remind me of things i don't want to think of, though?

i've just discovered that it hasn't actually been very warm in the house today, and that no one turned up the heat a little while ago.

i don't know if it's related to my head or not, though the doctor told me to come back if i got a bad headache or a fever, but i'm sniffling a little too, so it might just be a cold. i know you said to go get a second opinion, and i will tomorrow morning at school. but i don't want to be all hypochondriac-like about it either.

apparently i hit my head around the personality centre of the brain. which, says the doc, could explain why i've been having strange memories and depressing thoughts that seem to come out of nowhere. i don't know if it explains why i keep saying diego when i mean to say karl. or why i couldn't remember if what i was holding was called a knife or a fork. and, unfortunately, after spending all this time memorising my new address and postal code, i've lost it and have to start from scratch again. doh.

walking cheekfirst into a mailbox with a substantial amount of force on saturday probably didn't help the whole situation. though it was a good reminder not to slouch, because i don't think my head would have been the first thing to hit if i'd had my back straight.

oh, ayanna, where are you when i need you?

on the plus side, one memory that's returned is the name of a game that i want to need to must find to have for my own, to force everyone else i know to play. because it involves overthrowing el presidente and becoming the new el presidente. and as long as there's someone to call you el presidente, then all is well.

. . . i miss norway.

but in non-medical updates, because i hate that this is what this blog has become:

i left a hipster extravaganza to watch Spiderman 2 and prove my ultimate not-coolness. i think it was more fun in the end.

my beautiful blue wall has been painted over with "inner peace".

i saw a romantic film that i didn't despise. in fact, i loved it. and it made me simultaneously so happy and warm and fuzzy and so sad at the exact same time. as good films should.

not all good films, though. some are good if they make you absolutely miserable. or ecstatic.

and i had polish potato salad. and i didn't only have it because it had a european country in its title. and there is a difference between polish and canadian potato salad.

(theirs is better. tastier. more pickle.)

and i want mammos rice rolls. T&T was out of them when i was there. but i found manly pocky instead. apparently only men like dark chocolate pocky. the package implies it. as does the dark green.

darkness. strength. manly. too strong for a woman.

oh sarah, when will you start listening to packaging?

Sunday, March 27, 2005

i should be either lying down and resting or going to mark's place. instead, i'm catching up on blogs i haven't read in awhile. and finding this quiz. and doing it. cuz why? cuz it amuses me so.

1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
"syn assertive, assertory, militant, pushful,"
it's a thesaurus. under "aggressive". i'm not in my room right now.

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?:
a paper bag with a half-eaten chocolate bar birthday gift* inside.
* not mine. doh.

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?:
cowboy bebop

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is:
10:12 p.m.

5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?:
10:06 p.m.

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?:
james, karl, and diego attempting to make apple crumble upstairs.

7: When did you last step outside? What were you doing?:
an hour ago. i was coming home from grandma's 86th birthday dinner.

8: What are you wearing?:
my eurotrash outfit: czech socks, czech stripe-ed pants, london belt, czech underwear, italian necklace, czech shirt, associated-with-czech jean jacket, london motorcycle jacket. so posh.

10: Did you dream last night?
yes. school people were in my dreams. politics people were there. but there were no politics. something felt strangely missing.

11: When did you last laugh?
15 minutes ago, when karl was insisting that i wasn't playing fairly, because he misted me with the water bottle, but i set it to jet to spray him back. i guess you had to be there.

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?:
dance bc calendar still on february, sunset painting, account info, and a tacky mona lisa

13: Seen anything weird lately?:
i live in the honey home. everything's weird here.

14: What do you think of this quiz?:
best one i've done today.

15: What is the last film you saw?:
la mala educacion? i don't know. it's been awhile.

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?:
pay off my school. and buy a plane ticket.

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:
i think i continue to hate potatoes for the sake of hating them, rather than actually disliking their flavour/texture anymore.

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?:
abolish time.

19: Do you like to dance?:
i'm a secret dance superstar.

20: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?:

21: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?:
ashleigh. or caelan.

22: Would you ever consider living abroad?:
already have. will do it again, too.

hopefully sooner than later.

okay, i'll go to mark's now.

Saturday, March 26, 2005


i'm awesome. did you know that? it's true. so fuckin' awesome. if i were any more awesomer, it'd be a crime against the world.

so sometimes i'm punished for it. like yesterday. when i bashed my head hard enough to rattle my brain and give me a concussion that's still in effect, over 36 hours later. i don't believe i've ever done this good a number on my head. i have a dent in my skull from hitting the same place over and over again as a child (coincidentally, i think i hit that exact spot yesterday morning, once again), but i generally just get a headache, not the whole feeling-ill, suddenly-dizzy, fuzzy-all-over, unable-to-word-things-properly, not-able-to-concentrate thing. so in a roundabout way, it's sort of a nifty experience.

i'm just going to ignore the fact that i felt possibly worse today, only because i think that's the hypochondriac part of me kicking in. we'll see how i'm doing tomorrow.

in other news, our dining room turned into a cuban salon last night, i found the perfect passtime for my short-attention-span, needing-to-sit self yesterday keeping track of ballot-counting, someone's still not happy with me at work though i really don't have any idea what the problem is at this point, and i got elected onto senate (third-most-voted-for!), and some people are becoming less haughty, and i'm down to my final week at the peak, and i'll miss early friday mornings when it's just me, then me and dan, then me and dan and agnes -- the whole day is usually fun, but it's good when there's only a couple of us, and i don't think i know of anyone who laughs as much as dan does, and he's got one of those infectious laughs. so he's good to have around.

oh, peak, i'll miss you!

so many random people this past week told me they missed the bunny. so the bunny ad that's in there this week is for them. everyone probably things i love rabbits. i don't, actually. i tolerate them. they're cute. i don't mind them. but i don't love them. even though i used to have one as a pet. maybe his untimely demise scarred me.

or something.

i'm going to blame the concussion for feeling like an idiot and only feeling able to think in the most basic ways at the moment. i don't know if it's fair to the wound, but i don't think i've felt this moronic in awhile.

good night.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

36-pager this week. shouldn't have delivered it, knee's killing me now. live'n'learn, i suppose.

yesterday i was saved by stew and cowboy bebop. it's great living here, i like everyone i live with, but it's been damn difficult not being able to talk about stuff relating to school while i'm at home, out of respect to my housemates' relationships to others involved. so no discussion here. no discussion at the paper, for obvious reasons, and because i'm an editor there, nothing else. no discussions at the radio. so outside the people i'm planning with, i haven't been able to talk to anyone. but you need someplace completely unconnected to the stresses of work to relax and vent and say what you're thinking, and i haven't had that. and even here, i have to word things strangely because them's the rules. so, considering that any off-time that i've had from one job has been spent catching up on another task (and, sadly, no time spent on soundwork still), i've been bottling everything up to a ridiculous degree. and can't even talk about the other things that've come up, because everything's gotta be happy right now! smile!

so. vent.

hospital sent me only partial records, and nothing telling me what i wanted to know. realised i was counting on getting that info a lot more than i expected. my knee's been loose lately, and it's pretty likely that i need to have more surgery. won't be as bad this time, but for fuck's sake, i want it to be over with. i haven't talked to my grandma much at all for the last long while. she was largely alone for the last few weeks and i didn't even have time to call her at a decent hour of the day. and i've been having a bunch of blood taken again, and a shot or two, and when i figure it's done for the month, i'm called back because they messed up and have to re-do a vial. and i'm always cancelling plans to visit people and just relax because i have too much work to do. people who were friends before have suddenly become rather arrogant and cocky, interrupting important conversations and throwing out comments that i really don't think are necessary in the least. i still haven't started 3 assignments that were due over the last 3 weeks, and i have yet to talk to the prof about it. i finally made time to work on old english on sunday, and it was well worth it, but i have a couple quizzes and a recitation this wednesday that i haven't prepared for at all yet, and i don't know when i'll fit it in. i keep having things on my to-do list that just never, ever get done. it's been nearly a month and i still haven't had time to unpack. and i woke up the other night because i couldn't breathe because my lungs just weren't working to take any oxygen in. this might be something worth bringing up with the doctor. and i've done as much as i can to separate being editor from being anything else while in the newspaper office, but apparently it's still been misinterpreted and when i make comments in order to look out for or better the paper, i'm accused of meddling (regardless of the fact that it's a glaring typo, or something that the paper could potentially get into a lot of trouble for). making the one place that i really do love and really feel comfortable, the place that's been the closest i've had to a relaxing comfort zone this whole time, it's been made into another place that i'm not entirely comfortable in, and i always have to be on the defensive in.

but it'll all pass, i'm sure. and lisa and vegan stew and semi-vent sessions and spike and jet and ed and faye made things better. and i have my pie-plates now, so i'll make breakfast sometime this weekend. and i gave diego my militia-man toy, that he seemed to get a kick out of. and because dan'n'i aren't going to the circus tomorrow, agnes'n'i are going to go for bubble tea. one's just as good as the other. though i do want the excuse to hang out with dan outside of the peak sometime. it'd just be such a bizarre experience.

but everything's getting better.

and a warm shower and bed'll make everything even better now.

Friday, March 18, 2005

drunken conversations with warren are more fun than doing a bit of layout or going to sleep. only one of us is drunk. it's rather hilarious. this is what everyone else misses out on, not doing layout on thursdays.

quiz courtesy of warren's page, because it's probably been a year since i've done anything as annoying as this.
A - Age you got your first kiss: not 14
B - Band listening to right now: tom waits
C - Crush: on aspects of many people, but rarely never on a whole, actual person
D - Dad's name: Robert Gary
E - Easiest person to talk to: various people for various reasons
F - Favorite artist at the moment: would aki count? though maurizio cattelan looks intriguing . . .
G - Gummy worms: got any to share?
H - Hometown: the little salmon by the big river (coquitlam)
I - Instruments: piano. jingle bells. recorder. a bit of guitar. didge. kazoo. still need to learn accordian and banjo, though.
K - Kids: good as nieces and nephews and playmates. not as full-time employment.
L - Longest car ride ever: driving to regina when i was 14.
M - Mom's name: is it evangeline or maria? no one's really sure, actually.
N - Nicknames: saraho, sarinko, brigitte
O - One wish: that someone walks in the door with almond bubble tea right now. and that a Perfect Day happens soon.
P - Phobias: needles and medicine and other things that shouldn't already be in your body naturally.
Q - Question you last asked: why do you want to go upstairs? it's like a party in here!
R - Reason to smile: drunken warrens, rollerskates, layout, perogies, licorice tea
S - Song you sang last: cry baby cry
T - Time you woke up [today]: 8:20am
U - Unknown fact about me: i blame my parents' social ineptness on my own discomfort in some social settings. but that's not much of a secret. i don't have secrets. my life is an open book!
V - Vegetable you hate: broccoli. but more out of principal at this point, i've actually started to secretly like it. wait! a secret!
W - Worst habit(s): inability to sit/stand still, being completely busy but still trying to add things to my schedule to help others out
X - X-rays you've had: aside from the dental ones, arm, wrist, upper neck, knee, wrist, knee, knee, knee, knee, knee!
Y - Yummy food: salad, mango, fruit, yogurt, indian, monster-shit muffins
Z - Zodiac Sign: libra. couldn't you tell?

Thursday, March 17, 2005

it's been tested and proven: the best people to go to when you need anything to do with bloodwork or shots (non-alcoholic, needle-y kinds) are the people downstairs in the MBC at sfu. the tetanus shot last week was nowhere near as bad as any other shot i can remember, and somehow, i never reached full-on panic mode. partial-panic-mode, yes. semi-hyperventilating, sure. but not tears. and even though i gave them 6 vials of blood today, it wasn't bad at all. still a little bit of panic, but for the first time ever, i actually glanced at the needle in my arm. and i didn't fall to pieces.

the HCCC&related people are my new best friends.

and then and then and then, during a conversation with my counsellor today, i realised that i have no compassion for meself. pity, but no compassion. and that an undeserved scolding from someone else's mother when i was 9 years old still upsets me. and that even though i know that i shouldn't have had to endure that, i still feel as though i brought that upon meself. and if it were any other kid who was chewed out like that, i'd do whatever i could to make them feel better. but li'l!me, well, she can deal with it. lord knows she doesn't need someone else there to help her out -- she's too hardcore.

apparently i've got some pretty high standards to hold meself to.

also, i may have the most arrogant and pretentious arts section ever this week. this makes me happy.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

any tips on how to make my wireless connection more stable would be greatly appreciated.

i've just memorised my new postal code! i'm listening to apples in stereo! i can't download my CJSF show, which is a shame, because i played some good music! i saw melanie! the new antithesis is out! my feature is published! and the soundclips are all there! i had a glass of red wine tonight! i finally found time to call my mom today! my dad's still waiting for my phonecall! as is the landlord! i had a dream about castles and sieges and football matches and seans! i've found another sean that i know at SFU! i've never known so many sean/shawns at once before! i should be up soon!

i'm going to bed!

Sunday, March 13, 2005

apparently i don't make a very good irish descendent. either that, or i'm just never going to suit a place like the blarney stone. i went because it was ivana's birthday. anyone else, i would have just gone home, but i couldn't not go for ivana's birthday!

everything's strange right now. i've leaped between having boundless energy to none at all. on thursday, all my energy left in an instant and was replaced by an astoundingly strong feeling of emptiness. i don't know if the landmines film had anything to do with it, but i'll assume that it did. same thing on friday. that was due to an email, though.

and on friday i got to play two different people. but one actually worked against the other, and it was the arts editor sarah that played a far bigger role that day. and this might ultimately work against me, i'm not really sure. i don't think it should. but "should" and "will" are, in the end, two very separate things. arts editor sarah's terribly indignant about some things, though, and rightfully so.

saw the most pretentious show i've ever seen today. it was intended to be some form of escapism. i don't know what it was, but if nothing else, we had fun mocking it throughout the performance, at least. and i'm very glad that i'm not the one writing about it. in some ways, i'll miss being arts editor, but i won't miss feeling obliged to produce a worthily-written commentary on everything i see, or feeling as though i'm only being contacted for the sake of scoring free tickets. particularly not the latter.

i almost bought oats when i was shopping the other day. now i'm very sad that i didn't. because i'd love raisin-nut oatmeal right now.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

things to do:
sound composition
sound journal
sound assignment
study for ye olde english test wednesday night
sleep (ie: go to bed by 11:30 LATEST)
work on sound clips for david
organise more
sort out this week's arts section
remember to call Important People before 9pm (impossible to do on mondays, tuesdays, and wednesdays, but still!)

things accomplished tonight:
made crazy fucked up monster shit muffins
ate a carrot
bought lovely thick yoghurt but didn't get around to eating it today

it's a little weird and disturbing to realise that you're becoming like your parents at times.

so who wants to come over and read me czech stories at bedtime? i've been reading them to meself, but i'm getting a little bored of my voice and my accent. if you'd rather read in some other language, that's alright too . . .

Sunday, March 06, 2005

i should have gotten a lot of work done for my sound class today.

instead, i made a mess in order to clean, had a Grand Adventure in home depot, questioned whether medical science has advanced far enough to reanimate people after beheading, received a somewhat disturbing email and told a stranger at the bus stop about it because it disturbed me so, and had an even grander adventure in new westminster with natasha.

she made me buy corn pops. and befriended Random Shoppers 1 and 2 while trying to convince me to buy them. the fact that there was more sugar and fat in them than frosted flakes was pointed out to me numerous times.

it's good to have a friend who cares enough about my well-being to force me to buy unhealthy food for me.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

first night sleeping in my new home. i should already be asleep, actually, but it was impossible to not start unpacking. i'll probably have to do more moving on the weekend, i think, before i can unpack properly, but for now, at least i have a bed. and going to school is likely to be pretty quick tomorrow. and tomorrow i get to go grocery shopping so that i actually have food.

although my student's gift of a boxful of ramen noodles has come in handy. tonight won't be my healthiest night of all time, but it's nice and spicy, so it feels like i've got real food in my stomach, at least.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

kinda sorta not entirely but nearly all packed into the van! what's more, i did it all meself, because daniel chose sleep over helping me! huzzah for my nearly non-existant-but-apparently-there muscles! right now there's room for one more piece of furniture-with-drawers. i can't decide which to go with. i think that the other will stay here until i figure out if i have space for it or not. so, tallish-dresser-with-5-drawers? or kids'-desk-with-7-smaller-drawers? computer screen might be fine sitting on another shelf thing that's definitely going. and ultimately i don't really use either dresser or desk too much, so maybe i could just leave both.


it's strange to actually go through everything systematically and really judge how much you use anything. sorta sad, too, when you realise how much useless stuff you have about.

ah well. bedtime.