Friday, February 18, 2005

i'm exhausted beyond belief at the moment. it's a bit of an effort to stay awake, really, so i'll go to sleep soon. but despite the headache and sore muscles and vaguely-aching stomach after finally eating for the first time today, i'm starting to feel better.

because this was a horrid week. despite the fact that many good things happened. but it was the week that i was sorta hoping wouldn't happen, the week when i finally can't manage everything.

in a large part, it's just too many things to deal with at once. nothing new, really, nothing that actually changes anything. i'm dealing with the fact that i'm sick, i'm dealing with the fact that i've been sick a lot longer than i thought, i'm dealing with the fact that i might have made other people sick in the process (and i hope that's not the case, but i fear that's not true anymore), i'm dealing with the fact that i actually do have limits, i'm dealing with the fact that i actually do need to take a rest, and do need to take time for me.

so caelan and i went on a walk with my aunt's puppy. and i left dance class. and i cancelled tutoring. and i studied. and i talked to professors and actually opened up a little (usually i figure that they wouldn't care). and i danced in a window for an hour. and i helped caelan make sound art. and i sat outside in the sunshine and discussed and got a tan with shawn. and i went on a scavenger hunt for a video. and i ate out. and i sat around and chatted with people instead of rushing off to get to the next place. and i wrote my feature and went to dance class late. and i visited the computer geeks at harbour centre. and i rollerskated around the MBC a little.

and now, things are feeling better. nothing's changed, still, and i'm not going to be able to do anything about what i'm actually upset about. so whatever. gotta make everything else in my world better, then.

summertime's on its way. beach time's almost here -- another 2 weeks or so, i say. soon, i will have a tan, i will be biking everywhere, i will be wearing shorter skirts, i will be wearing sandals, i will be spending more time outside than locked in a windowless room, i will be recording sounds everywhere, i will be having tea parties outside on the grass, making things, sewing things, and i'll probably be getting more sleep then, too.

so now, instead of starting the assignment that's due tomorrow, i'm going to sleep. because that's more important right now. and if i have to lose marks for it, oh well.

(oh, and never fear, there's a bunch of stuff that needs to be written still for me to really get everything out about HepB, but that'll come another time. not tonight.)

No comments: