Saturday, January 08, 2005

it's windy. very, very, very windy. it's been windy the whole time, but this is blustery beyond belief. the whistling around the house is beautiful.

haruki murakami has a new book out. there's posters for it throughout the underground stations here in london. i need to go to a library on the way home from the airport on sunday. if the flight's not cancelled due to snow. i've been told that there were 87 cancellations yesterday. so we'll see.

in the meantime, go read:
On Meeting the 100% Perfect Girl One Beautiful April Morning
just plain text, or done up all fancy-like. you choose.

i don't believe that i have ever seen more people dressed in orthodox jewish garb in the streets before today. it was exciting. the long bits of hair that hang over their ears reminded me of shawn. sorry to say, shawn, theirs beat yours hands down. so long! so curly! and with the hat and black clothes to boot!

while i was walking down one street in the neighbourhood, there was a perfect photo opportunity, destined to be missed. two girls, still in their school uniforms, were crunched up against the upstairs window, with the white lace curtain hanging behind them, they were pointing to the one patch of blue sky above us, with big, happy grins on their faces. if i hadn't hesitated, i could have gotten it on film, because because they were in their house, and because there was someone sitting in the car beside me, i paused. when i finally decided to try to take the picture, the girls saw me and ducked. when they poked their heads back up again, i tried to ask them (mime) if i could please take their picture, but they wouldn't have it. and after a bunch of pointing and shaking heads and nodding vigorously and exuberant thumbs-ups, i didn't take the picture at all. but everyone was happy. so you'll just have to imagine them peering out the livingroom window, on the upper floor of a brick-built house along some street in the Stoke Newington area of london.

at some point the day became a Franny sort of day, though, with me becoming introspective, self-analytical, self-critical, and generally subdued and quiet and maybe a little depressed. i don't know why. i blame it on withdrawal from caffeine, after (foolishly) having a bunch yesterday. or maybe it's because i'm leaving soon. or maybe it's because it was a grey, windy day. or maybe it's because sometimes a person says the right comment to remind you of what your faults are, and who you actually are, rather than who you like to think you are. because in the end, we all know who we really are, what sort of person we are, even if we try to downplay (or emphasise) certain aspects of ourselves. and sometimes you remember that you aren't necessarily so different from the people you might not like as much.

and sometimes you're worse than they are, because you're too busy trying to prove that you're different to realise that you're becoming more of a faker than anyone else you know, spending more time trying to set yourself apart from the rest, rather than just focus on who you actually are.

but thoughts like that pass. you need to have reminders of things like that every now and then, to boot you off your high horse, right?

no more caffeine for sarah. at least, no more after i board the plane to leave europe.

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