Tuesday, September 28, 2004

i'm hoping i didn't jinx meself today. we'll see.

apparently i'm surrounded by little energy fairies. as nutty as the description sounded, i like it. i like the idea of being surrounded by little protection fairies. but shhh! it's a secret.

i've been going through training for vancouver rape relief, but after reaching the halfway point, i have a feeling i might stop going. i'm not sure that it's my thing, really, for various reasons. and, unfortunately, i skipped it last week, which makes it damn more difficult to go this week -- much like skipping tutorials. haven't decided whether to go tomorrow night or not. we'll see.

went to the gravel pits in coquitlam today. they're not near as creepy and magical as i remember. i was disappointed.

there's three people in town this week (or so) that i've interviewed in the past, and, for one reason or another, those interviews are marked as the top three important interviews in my memories -- usually for some sort of self-growth or something like that, or even just for one little comment they made that stuck with me. and, for that reason, i feel obliged to try to somehow meet them all again. one won't know who i am, so i'm hopefully just going to get an interview (it'd be a sort of full-circle for me, regardless of if they know it or not), the other two, i'd rather just have the chance to chat with them instead of interview. but we'll see.

we'll see we'll see we'll see we'll see.

Monday, September 27, 2004

i always find it surprising to find out that people remember me.

it's nice when they do, though.

Sunday, September 26, 2004

saw a swedish film today. i wanted to see it because the photo in the catalogue looked rather striking. and because it was in swedish. when we got to the theatre, i overheard at least a few people saying that they were there because of the picture. after the movie ended i met another couple people who said that they wanted to check it out because of the picture.

i don't think i regret seeing the film. i don't think it was all that great, though. much of the time was spent finding meself growing repulsed by what was going on (or insinuated). there really wasn't a plot to speak of. it just...it was just trying to shock for the sake of shocking, but i didn't find much more to it.

strangely, it's the film that i saw the most people i knew at. my cousin popped up out of nowhere. half the SFSS was there. ed and trevor were there. i think it's pretty funny that, of all the films, it's that one that i saw everyone at. either i have similar taste to all of them (because they were all caught by the picture as well), or they were all just there for the porno part (ie: all of the film).

i'll vote for the latter for the fun of it. because governments, even student governments, are all about the cardinal sins. as is my family. which is why me AND colin AND daniel were there -- 3 out of 4 cousins is pretty telling (the other 3 don't live here).

ahhh, corruption.

also, the basement bathroom at the granville 7 theatre is the most pleasant-smelling bathroom i've ever been in. and driving at 100km/hr with the windows rolled down and yelling as loud as you can for the sake of yelling feels good. and downtown has become a great deal less interesting. but bringing daniel on a mini-tour of the downtown core, showing him where cool places used to be, made it a little bit better.

Friday, September 24, 2004

good god this sucks.

the sun's coming up (well, the coloured stripes are on the horizon at least), poco is wreathed in the early-morning fog that makes it look a lot chillier and crisper than it actually is (such a shame.. i've made the transition to getting excited over winter, y'see), and i've been sitting here for the past few hours watching the stars disappear and wishing i could sleep.

i can tell you that it's going to be a beautiful day, though.

i've had sleep-inducing tea, i've played soothing, ambient music, i've read boring books, i've tried lying down one more time umpteen times (maybe this time! no...), i've watched some tv (for all of two minutes, before i realised i really didn't care to do it at all), i've stretched, i've tossed and turned (even while walking - it's a sight to be seen!), and i'm still awake. have been since 2:30. which means i've had a grand total of just over 2 hours sleep. and today's the day that i have to get stuff done and be up and awake and alert until everything's finished late tonight.

brilliant timing. apparently my subconscious is all in a knot over something right now. every time i did lie down i had the strangest memories spring to mind, too. things i haven't thought about in awhile and things i'd rather not think about because i just get annoyed by them, but all things that have no leaning on anything happening right now -- all things from the far past.

i'd try to sleep one more time, but my alarm was set to catch the first bus, which goes in another half hour. and i just feel antsy right now anyways. shoulda slept over at school, at least i could have been productive while i wasn't sleeping then.

i did get to be awake for a random message out of nowhere from someone i was briefly acquainted with in norway, though.

the little things are always so much more exciting when it's 3am.

i think the horizon's officially red now. i'm going to go eat breakfast. if anyone wants to bring me caffeine today, i'm sure i'll appreciate it.
daniel hates sauce.

heathen.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

last night was spent watching over two hours worth of the russian version* of Tom & Jerry cartoons with kamila. except that the commie version's much better. the music was awesome. and the street signs were all written in russian script. it's nice to just happen to be in the right place at the right time for someone, even if it was accidental. like, say, when someone's had a giant fight with their best friend and feels a little sad and lonely, and when you just happen to have a collection of one of their favourite childhood cartoons. just as an example, i mean.

today nothing really went as planned. except that i got to see kaldaljos. and got to understand bits and pieces throughout the film. icelandic may be pretty different from any other languages i know, but it shares words with norsk and deutsch, so yay and hurrah and huzzah and all that. wasn't quite the most uplifting film i've ever seen, but the kid's acting was pretty impressive.

i miss playing "understand what's going on around me." on the walk to the busstop afterwards i passed two guys speaking czech. only heard a sentence, though, not enough to figure out what they were saying. looking forward to seeing other films at the festival, though, just to hear other languages again.

still waiting for the magical golden opportunity to leap out at me and smack me over the head and tell me what to do. i can't decide anything right now. i can hardly accomplish much these days. it's pathetic.

even so. for not feeling useful at all, i seem to be strikingly busy. i feel lazy, but people tell me i'm not at all. i don't get it. it's prolly just because "busy" doesn't necessarily reflect much in a bank account. too bad.

on the plus side of everything, i think i can see run chico run tomorrow night afterall. hurrah? unless i remember why i felt like i couldn't go. editors party party? perhaps.

whee.

* this time it's a creepy old-dirty-uncle-like wolf and a young, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed rabbit. oh, the pedophilia or other such dirtiness hidden inside it!

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

oh, by the way. i got you a postcard:



Dear [you],

Today we hit Lake Louise AND Lake Moiraine and left each one JUST as the first bus of Japanese tourists showed up, and actually got to see both without the hoards of tourists. It helped that we were up and about by 6:30AM. Also, bread with hummus and slices of smoked tuna makes for a surprisingly alright combination. I wouldn't pay money for it in a restaurant, but it ain't bad in a pinch.

Love, [me]
i'm back.

bet you didn't know i was gone. well, two people did. no one else, though.

2100km in 34 hours. ivana nearly drove off the road when she saw mt robson. it was her first time ever seeing any part of the rockies, you see. other than mike, the lumpy hitchiker, i think it was a worthwhile trip.

we got sunshine. we left the radio off for the first 7 hours of driving and talked nonstop instead until i started to lose my voice. we talked about europe. a lot. we talked about needing to live there. we had Deep Discussions. we talked about people we knew. we talked about past roadtrips. we made last-minute decisions which exits to take. we ended up in the rockies (her first time). we saw a deer. we saw snow. we saw glaciers. we had a romantic moment at the gate of honeymoon lake (the road was closed so we had to make do). we saw millions of stars. we slept hidden away in the woods. i had a dream that i won in a wrestling match against antonio banderas while muslims flew kites in synchronicity. i got to show her lake louise and lake moiraine. we saw pikas and chipmunks. we had someone actually keep pace with our driving. we had rainshowers in the sunshine. we made it home in time. we're gonna do it again sometime. hopefully.

but anyone and anyone who has ever told me that jasper and banff are about the same is a moron. the scenery on the way to banff is a million times better, and a lot more mountains. jasper's dull. and i'm not talking about the town. (although one person in jasper wished us a very pleasant stay in his town, and no one did that in banff, for whatever that's worth.)

Thursday, September 09, 2004

so here's the dilemma. got the prospect of an interview in the next few days at the something Institute of BC at the moment (they've already called me once). however, braids are in the process of being finished, and the plan is to have them done tomorrow. i don't know how casual it is there. the "institute" makes it sound vaguely stuffy, but maybe it's not, and they already know that i currently work at a uni paper, so they can't be expecting me to dress like a lawyer. the braids [would be] newly done, so they're still neat and not scraggly, and all the ends'll be chopped nicely (unlike last time).

so, if i get an interview, if the braids are tied back nicely, and i dress up nice and professional-like, black skirt, nice blouse, is that good enough? or do i really have to take them all out?

ultimately, i personally don't see much of a difference between having neat, pulled-back, slightly (though not shockingly) coloured hair and pulled-back, blonde hair that doesn't like to behave. but then again, my opinions are often not shared by the majority.

course, at this point, seeing as i've mentioned it to people, i won't get the interview. that's the way things work, right? so it's all good in the end.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

my turn for editor's voice this week. other than a detailed analysis of the dreams i've been having lately, i don't have any inspiring topics leaping out at me yet. i have time still, though.

at least i haven't been sawing off the arms of my friends in my dreams, though. i'm not that sick and twisted a person!
i find it ironic to feel slightly strange and out of place when i'm in the company of only other women when the feeling-out-of-place is because it's only women there.

also...

also, dr oetker, i'm so glad i found you here...

also, i want to go to south america.

also, braids are returning. slowly.

also, i'm so unbelievably tense these days. i don't know why.

also, i need to visit grandma. she needs to live closer to make this easier to fit into my day.

also, i really, really need to start taking pictures again. i keep saying this, almost as if it were a mantra. and yet i keep not-heeding it.

also, i am surrounded by brilliant, driven, talented people. i want to join their club.

also, why do i keep finding reasons not to do what i want to do?

also, it's really true how nothin' matters ... in coconut grove.

hot damn, summer in the city.

(i wish.)

Sunday, September 05, 2004

jodi and i went on a scavenger hunt today. in america. it was exciting. we saw real american flags! and real american bikes! and real american cars! and real american cops! and real americans!

first we found the border. and then the post office. and already-hard-boiled eggs at the supermarket. and then we made the scavenger hunt official.

things found:
1. personal propaganda lawn signs
2. (strange, old) man praying before eating their meal
3. many many american flags
4. fire hydrant painted like Captain America
5. mailbox shaped like a giant carp
6. food for jodi
7. mt baker
8. four-legged wild animal (chipmunk)
9. ben&jerry's ice cream flavours we don't have here
10. The Other border crossing

alright, so aside from a couple (2) key items, the general guidelines for the scavenger hunt were "find strange things." but we succeeded! we won! and then we made up a story about a murderous pig who preferred nudity because clothes impaired his mind control powers, though his hot pink trousers, when worn under the light of the full moon, were boogie-inducing indeed (claimed mr johnson, the reporter who found his scoop: the pig was bacon!).

it's too bad that mt baker was suddenly hidden in fog when we began to near the top. it cuts off exploring pretty quickly, when you suddenly can't see 3 feet in front of you.

it's astounding how strong/different the accent is just south of the border, though. you'd think it would be a little more similar to ours, considering that it's just an imaginary line that separates surrey from blaine, but the two accents are hugely different.

oh well. maybe another mini-roadtrip tomorrow, we'll see. i still want to try to make it to phoenix sometime before i lose the car, but i don't know how likely it is. glad to've gotten to do something with jodi finally, though. no better time to catch up with old friends when you're stuck in speeding vehicles!

Saturday, September 04, 2004

guess who just got home after the first production night for the fall.

it's alright, i actually finished my stuff hours earlier. i was just enjoying being around the other people still up there. and, having a car for a few weeks now, couldn't miss an opportunity to give people rides home.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

i want a thunderstorm.

also, rabbit rabbit!
money is a terrible, terrible thing. money is the reason why i've been having Issues with someone lately. it doesn't help that said someone is eager to leap on conflict at the moment, which makes it worse. but if money never existed, neither would the conflict.

and not to be playing the "oh poor me!" card, but said someone is also being rather wrapped up in themselves, thinking that the world is just completely against them, and attacking me way too much when they have the opportunity. not that i take it personally, because i know they're not having the best of times either, but still. it gets frustrating. and when you're not doing well yourself, it's just not gonna help you at all.

luck was on my side today (tuesday). it was the last day of my dental coverage, and one of the dentists at my clinic happened to get a cancellation, and she happened to think that a couple other things should be worked on while she was at it, and she happened to cancel the patient booked after me so that she could do all this work while i was still covered, and, in the end, i just happened to have three teeth drilled up and fixed. my mouth hurts now that the freezing's gone, but it's all for the greater good.

after telling me that i should become a teacher, though, the dentist (not my usual one, but still nice) told me that, because she was going to take a little while with my teeth, i should watch something on TV. i said i was fine. she insisted that i should, and popped in a video of a beegees concert, putting on the headphones whether i wanted them or not. whenever i tried to tilt them back to keep listening to what she was saying to her assistant, she'd tell me to leave them on, i wasn't missing out on anything. so as i was having gigantic holes bored into my teeth, i got to listen to the easy, groovy tunes of the beegees. surprisingly, it wasn't the epitome of hell. i didn't realise that all those songs were beegee songs. but, more importantly, it was like the ultimate dentist experience: drilling, bright lights, freezing, easy-listening music forced upon you from the moment you enter, and a free toothbrush at the end of it.

the dentist also told me that she loved her job because, as she said, everyone she deals with is pretty well. because people who are really sick or really poor can't come to see her, so everyone she deals with is generally healthy and happy and pleasant to see. she doesn't like to be unable to help people, you see. she admitted that it sounded pretty bad, but still said that it was true. hey, she's honest at least.

and then, after winning $1 on a scratch'n'win, we went swimming at the lake with catherine's 17-year-old cousin-in-law, once-removed. and provided him with the ingredients for a great sexy adventure tale to tell his buddies back in nanaimo when he goes home -- provided he leaves out every sarcastic, mocking comment we threw out at him. and maybe it'd be better if he left his friends' imagination to fill in details. going out with girls seven years your senior is pretty cool if you're a guy, i guess.