Friday, July 30, 2004





thanks to the lovely ed for taking a picture or two. cuz i have to show it off to the people i don't see everyday too!

Thursday, July 29, 2004

matt's a dirty whore, but i'm a cheap whore, only worth a $0.75 US phonecall. hey, that's, like, a million dollars canadian, so i'm not complaining.

i've been invited to someone's house for dinner. they live in white rock, right on the ocean. he told me i should come by and his wife'll make dinner and that if i knock on the door and no one answers, just hop the fence, because everyone else does. i don't know what his name is. he's just an older guy (self-proclaimed gypsy) who started talking to me 6 stops before my bus stop. he had to take the bus from maple ridge back to white rock because his ride home fell through. but right before i got off he drew me the map and gave me his phone number, told me i should come by next month.

most people wouldn't do anything about it. i'm sorely tempted to call the number and invite meself (and a friend) over sometime. that's what random conversations with strangers are for - to end up doing something you prolly wouldn't otherwise. and, hey, free food!

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

matt told me he's a dirty, dirty whore. and that we should spend christmas together this year.

i think that sounds like a plan.
my hair has exploded in colourful yarn.

and i really want to leave here right now, maybe come back, maybe not.

i really need to find projects of some sort. i need to be busy right now.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

all of saturday's plans fell through.

but at least i got to see the northern lights on the walk home.

i hope you had a good saturday, though.

Friday, July 23, 2004

{singsong}
people are stupid, people are stupid, people are soooooooooooooooooo stupiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid!!!!!!!!!

stupid stupid stuuuuuuupid....

people are so incredibly stupid! stupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupid

STUPID!
{/singsong}

and now that word itself looks so stupid that the word doesn't even have a meaning anymore. mission accomplished!

final production day today. AND THEN? don't know. but i'm sure it will be exciting.
doom doom, do-doom doom doo-dooooom! doom doom doom dooooom! doomdoomdoomdododoom!

i've just discovered that i've found over 2.5 hours worth of cartoon/kids show themesongs in the past day. i had no clue. and each one's generally 60 seconds or less, which means LOTS of songs. hard part was chopping off 70 minutes' worth of tunes to burn it all to disk. because our show's only an hour long, anyways.

but i've found some cool ones, i think. and i think we'll even make the cancon requirements!* but you'll have to listen to the no show tomorrow to hear them. 15h-16h00 on cjsf. where dock'n'i will spend more time saying pointless things than playing music. and we'll never get to some of the good stuff.

i couldn't find the Camp Caribou theme, though. or the "head like a pingpong ball" song. dock and i could always sing that for bonus cancon points. maybe. prolly not. couldn't find strawberry shortcake, either. did find italian versions of themesongs though. neat oh.

tomorrow's another 5-page section to lay out. well, 4.5 pages. and i have ideas for most of it so far. but we'll see how it goes. hopefully i'm done before it's dark.

* edison twins = canadian, rah!


You're The Guns of August!
by Barbara Tuchman

Though you're interested in war, what you really want to know is what causes war. You're out to expose imperialism, militarism, and nationalism for what they really are. Nevertheless, you're always living in the past and have a hard time dealing with what's going on today. You're also far more focused on Europe than anywhere else in the world. A fitting motto for you might be "Guns do kill, but so can diplomats."

Take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid.

hmmmmm....

Thursday, July 22, 2004

name cartoons or kids' shows. bonus points if they're canadian.

dock and i are doing cartoon/kidsTV theme songs for friday's show and i'm running out of things to look for.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

"God loves you, God loves me, let's love each other."
church orgy every sunday morning, yay!

"ROAD RAGE: How would Jesus drive?"
(not so) amusingly, there was a mini-monument to someone who was killed on the side of the road near that church...

i'm starting to wonder if there's a prize for the best weekly church catchphrase.

hair-braiding was foiled for one more week. so frustrating, because i know how to do the style that i want and i have the patience to do it...i just can't actually do it to meself, so i have to find other people to do it. which is hard. but hopefully by next week.

i have new jeans, though, so yesterday wasn't a complete waste of time. and new shirt. and new shorts. and new (free!) other shirt. still need new replacement-green-pants and replacement-shoes and then no more shopping for another long time. it's kinda fun shopping, knowing exactly what you want, down to the name of the shoe style, and just searching for the cheapest available option. especially when that option's discontinued, which means it'll be selling for cheap. if i can find them anywhere, but there's hope.

watched Bug last night. now everything in life seems dependent on every move i make. and it makes you wonder how much of life is actually like a rube goldberg invention. because if i hadn't done that yesterday, i wouldn't have misplaced that, and then later when i started looking for it i wouldn't have found that necklace and that bracelet and those photos that i haven't seen in eons, and i wouldn't have gone by my old ortho place to get elastics to replace what i couldn't find and wouldn't have seen that person who wouldn't have given me that idea....and if i hadn't said this at that time this other conversation wouldn't have happened and this thing wouldn't have been said causing that situation to occur....

it'll last another day or so, then i'll be fine again.
today's underwear is decorated with rhinestones.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

i haven't slept well at all for the last long while. tonight i plan to skip sleep in hopes of making me sleep better tomorrow night.

i predict that it won't help, though.

chances are i'll be getting a phonecall in the next day or so that i've half been waiting for and half been dreading. we'll see how it goes, though.

Monday, July 19, 2004

geoff berner described prague as the "disneyland for the terminally fucked" in one of his songs. it made me laugh. because it's true.*

folk festival this weekend! yay! it was a festival! accordians and drums and harmonicas and fiddles and basses and guitars and italian and polish and french and 'greek' and ...some dialect from pakistan! gospel and troubadors and cabaret and bluegrass and circus and wandering violin children and poetry and ... stuff.

got to take part in a spirited singalong of "this little light of mine" today. it was actually quite moving.

yesterday sharon's friend heather was here. after we left the fest we introduced her saskatchewan self to veganism and treated her to death by chocolate (full serving devoured by the three of us in 6 minutes flat) before we got back to the car and played "heather tells us how to get home even though she really doesn't have a clue." she did pretty well. she harrassed passersby, calling to them to "have a good day" before ducking her head. she's such a troublemaker. she fits here, though. it's a shame she's gone off to the prairies again.

and i biked a lot a lot a lot today. i'll be tired tomorrow. yay to people who drive around me and give me space and/or slow down. boo to stupid kids to honk loudly as they drive past because they think they're cool. boo to people who zoom past really close beside me. boo to people who cut me off so that they can park right there, and proceed to throw their doors open, almost catching me. stupid people.

there needs to be a thunderstorm soon. the air needs to clear, both metaphorically and actually, and a good thunderstorm's the best way for it to happen. it was muggy enough today. and then i need to see geoff berner perform again. cuz i didn't get to see much of him this weekend. but i remember why we enjoyed him when we saw him way back when. and a bunch of other people.

* well, true for the ex-pats and foreigners there, at least. gotta cover my ass here...

Saturday, July 17, 2004

i always thought that you only had a biopsy when you thought that you had cancer. since yesterday morning, i've learned that A) i was wrong in that assumption, and B) a lot of people don't know what biopsies are. guess i read too many of the "real life" stories of girls getting cancer and anorexia when i was 12. (were those popular elsewhere? they were the hot books in the library in grade 7. but i digress.)

on monday, in the span of about 25 minutes, so many things suddenly went my way: interview came through, free tickets were approved, translink called to tell me that they had my wallet with everything (including $40!) still in it, and the specialist's office called to say that, "hey, remember that appointment you scheduled with us for september? how'd you like to come in on thursday morning instead?"

so i got to see the specialist! and he's a nice guy, i like him. but after asking me a bunch of questions that i didn't even think would be relevent ("how are your joints?") he told me that, well, i should get a biopsy. a nice, long, giant needle, stuck into my back a few times to take three samples of my kidney. and spending the rest of the day lying there in the hospital afterwards. and i'm not put under, but lucky me, they'll give me a local anaesthetic. but i probably can't have a sedative either.

yay! after my knee surgery (commonly known as Most Terrifying Experience Ever), after i thought i was finished with hospitals, i get to do it all over again in 3 weeks! look how excited and joyful i am!

...i'm so scared...

on the plus side, doctor says that it's pretty unlikely that i've got lupus, which is just the thing to make me sleep well at night.

so august 4. the few days before and the few days after, sarah will be desperate for distractions and happiness. fluau, anyone?

Thursday, July 15, 2004

i'm an amateur thinker. i do it for the love, not for the money.

also: my hair is shorter. and will soon be braided a la ?esky, as i've wanted it done for a year.

also: kidney specialist appointment tomorrow morning, ahoy!

also: wallet was found, everything intact.

also: i don't have an editor's voice column topic yet. suggestions?

also: i'm off.

Sunday, July 11, 2004

new top fashion of the summer? sleeping with a wool scarf wrapped around your torso as many times as possible. itchy, unflattering, and just the thing to hopefully get rid of strange muscle cramps in your side/back!

it huhuhurts... fortunately it doesn't hurt too much to laugh. i blame spiderman, though.

cremaster 3 was shafted for spiderman 2 because A) free is cheaper than not-too-expensive; B) figured that being as tired as i am today, a 3 hour difficult-to-watch film probably wasn't the smartest idea; and C) ...i don't know. i was more in the mood to watch a mockable movie with daniel. and have me'n'ed's pizza. at any rate. spiderman 2 beat spiderman 1 hands down. and with a chainsaw. but it wasn't hard to do, as the original film was prolly the worst superhero film i've seen. this one entertained, however.

so this leaves tomorrow afternoon or nothing for cremaster 3. call me if you're interested, it might sway my decision to go if i have company. if sharon's home safe and sound by then.

that's right! sharon's home tomorrow! she's been gone for five months but she's finally back and she'll prolly have a hint of an aussie accent and we'll be greeting her with signs and love and pots and pans and noisemakers and general annoyances and hopefully security won't kick us out before she comes out of customs! hurrah!

...and now sleep.
hey love crusader. you want to listen to Elektronik - Supersonik. by Zlad!

you no need put money in my pocket ... the door is close i just lock it ... i put my cold plug in your socket ... only thing can stop us is flat tire...

trust me i is your new dictator!
hitler vs. stalin: the true tale.

(it's nifty to be able to figure out a few of the russian words here and there. it's a completely different language than czech, but it's still slavic, so there's still some things that are the same...)

Saturday, July 10, 2004

this week was a pretty crappy week. although, parts were still good. today, the No Show was good good times (two callers! such love!) and we played records and had fun. had fun chatting afterwards too. layout was done super early, though i stuck around in part to avoid biking home (i was tired) and to see ayanna's puppy. really sore about losing my wallet, though, mostly because now i've lost my buspass for the rest of summer. doh.

if anyone feels like getting me a gift to make up for a crappy-ish week, this would be appreciated and adored.

...just saying!

gonna see cremaster 3 either tomorrow or sunday, methinks. the copy editor wrote a note on one of my layouts saying that she really liked my review. which is nice of her to say, though i'm not sure if she wrote it because she knew i was stressed or not. i'll pretend that she just wrote it because it's true.
who stole my wallet?????

Thursday, July 08, 2004

bureaucracy is retarded. i don't get it, though. bureaucracy's made up of people, and anyone who thought a little about the situation would see how foolish the school's demand was (that a french-trained seeing-eye dog be english-understanding)... and yet they tried to impose that rule nonetheless. stupid stupid stupid.
INCOHERENT POST, AHOY!!!

all the text on my computer screen is swimming and groovy. makes writing difficult. but groovy.*

i was caught today. in light of this, as well as a completely unrelated admission (namely having access to one person's email and using it on occasion only to delete emails that i send after i decide that i don't want them read) and a few other self-absorbed things i've realised i've done lately, i now feel creepy and selfish and immature and ...something akin to evil, but evil is far to strong a word and there's not enough of "foolish" in there, but something like it.

(really, i do feel bad now. i'm sorry...)

there's a bad trait in my family to use situations as excuses not to act or do things. sometimes it's warranted, but usually it's a stupid excuse. "i can't clean up this mess because *** left this here and they'll be angry if i touch it so i won't do anything at all", "i can't jobhunt today because i was going to get a ride with someone but they left without me and now i'm stuck here", "i can't go work in europe like i've been planning to because i'm sick now", "i can't do my work because this terrible situation has befallen me and i'm so upset about it that i'm suddenly useless" and so on. (not all those are me, by the way. but they've all used in this house at some point.) i don't understand why we've taught ourselves to do it, but we do. the stupid thing is that often, it's more a case of martyring yourself - you actually want to do what it is that you've made yourself unable to do.

and i've been doing that in a number of ways lately. no more, though. no more waiting to sort my shit out after i hear from people, no more feeling sorry for meself when really, my life isn't that bad at all, i can't do much about having to wait for dr's appointments but i don't have to wait for those to occur to do everything else.

ayanna and i went on a walk'n'talk today. we both had things to walk'n'talk about. we ended up going through the community gardens at SFU that i'd found out about earlier today during another needed (and helpful) walk'n'talk with shawn. ayanna and i stole plums, figured out what every vegetable was, gawked at the giant lettuce and discussed replacing a christmas tree with a christmas lettuce, disturbed people out of their peaceful gardening serenity, and ate tiny leaves off the wild lemongrass, spearmint, and peppermint (well, i ate, she smelled). and we found gandhi and little orchards and other things she'd never seen before. and i found a stockpile of wire just the right diametre for my poi......if i can go back and nick some tomorrow. she said things that i expected her to say. and that i needed to hear someone say. and she told me some of what she's been stressing over lately. i hope i helped a little as well.

it's hard to know what the best course of action is when you have a bunch of contradicting reactions that you want to act upon - being angry and showing it, pulling away, being upset, accepting things and moving on... i still don't know what to do. i don't know what i want the outcome to be. and even once i figure that out, i don't know which'll achieve it. i do wish i'd become better friends with lise over the past few months, though. it'd be nice to have some input from someone with some insight into the other side of things.

i'm really sad that i won't be going to norway this summer, though. no hytt, no salty bears, no seafood barbeques, no days out on the ocean, no Solo soda, no silly radio hosts, no 50km meese... oh well, them's the breaks.

no one has answered my classified ad yet. i'm not surprised, i doubt anyone will. still, i do hope someone does. just to see what they say.

* Open Winamp5
O-Preferences-Plugins-Visualizations
Select Advanced Visualization Studio (AVS)
Press 'Start' - a crappy little visualization window should show up, one that is far inferior to milkdrop.
Right click in the new window, then select 'Dock to AVS editor'
Settings-Display
Top right there is a button that says 'Overlay mode.' Check it.
Click on the button that says color, and changing colors rapidly beneath the checkbox.
Select your color of choice, or white. (Black for the text thing.)
Click on "Set Color To Desktop".
Click okay, close the AVS editor.
Have a seizure.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

INXS and Oingo Boingo dance party!!!!

you're all invited. but you have to find your own way over. no shoes allowed. invite expires when i go to sleep tonight.


there's the most perfectly-shaped, cutest, little, itsy, bitsy, teeny, weeny yellow, polka-dot bikinis dandelions in the graveyard near my grandma's house. and it's been years since i've walked through there and i'd forgotten how large it actually is.

my grandma's pretty cool, though. unfortunately, i forget that sometimes. and every time i go and visit, if we end up at the neighbour's for a bit, don always warns me to be careful of those tricky boys. and he always demands that i bring any boy friends (space intentional - he just figures every not-girl i mention is a potential mate and/or conniving bastard) to him for approval. someday i'll actually bring a guy friend over to meet don. then we'll see what he does.

too bad i still can't find the cord to upload digital pictures. the clouds outside are pretty nifty-looking at the moment.

Monday, July 05, 2004

we watched the game at joe's cafe on commercial drive. everyone in there was rooting for portugal.

portugal lost. the greeks won. but commercial drive filled up with people celebrating on both sides. cars-made-into-floats, drummers, cheering, singing, dancing, traffic was stopped, people dressed up and made up on both sides. it didn't matter who won. everyone was just partying in the streets. when we left (just a little while ago) there were still people driving around with flags and honking from both sides.

the times that got the most cheers during the game were when they finally got the satellite working for the one old television that our section was watching, and when the tv came back to life when it died suddenly during the first half. it was a bonding moment between every one of us in there.

too bad the greeks were so defensive. too bad portugal missed when they had chances to get goals. good day nonetheless.

Sunday, July 04, 2004

i'm going to run away and join the circus.



watching the football final on the drive tomorrow. already excited. go go portugaaaal!
why oh why oh why is no one interested or in the least bit excited to go to the circus with me? it's for free and i still can't get anyone enthused! you people make me sad.

i've officially begun to teach meself how to play with poi. thus far, i have proven to meself that i am a klutz, that i am uncoordinated, and that, fortunately, i don't bruise too easily. oh, and that my homemade ones may not be completely ideal. but that's alright. i'm ghetto enough to persevere anyways.

maybe by next week i can try to light them on fire as i swing them.

...ha ha ha...

kaizers orchestra and juggling and circuses and clean laundry. happy happy happy.

(...so impatient...)
considering that i don't like canada day, this year's was pretty good. in a spurt of interest in what actually goes on in coquitlam, catherine, shauna, and annika (yay for babies!) went to find out what golden spike days actually are. they're not that exciting. but they're something to do and an excuse to hang out in the sun all day and eat fish&chips and lemonade and hear some fun music for free. and it was a way to waste time until 4, when catherine's parents were coming down to meet us and head out into the inlet in their boat.

boat!! on the burrard inlet!! i've lived here all my life, yet never once have i been out off the greater vancouver coast in a boat!! and before the boat came, i was still feeling pretty upset at times. but from the second that we climbed into the boat and headed out, everything was fine, everything was peaceful. boats are cool like that. despite the fact that i was doing the one thing that made me think about and miss stefan the most, it wasn't upsetting, just calming.

we headed up indian arm, went by old powerstations that looked like they belonged on old italian streets, dragged feet in the water, had a picnic on the water, found granite falls and explored there, played in the water a little (so warm!), explored deep cove, catherine took us down past the second narrows bridge, and i got to drive the boat back. and i got to chat with catherine's dad who's always reminded me of the godfather both in the way he looks and the way he always seems serious and it's damn difficult to even say hello to him. but he laughed! he joked! shocking!

it's going to take very very little to convince catherine to get her boating license now. and i may as well get mine too. and then we can head out and go fishing or swimming and exploring around. and every now and then we'll bring plastic daggers and wear bandanas and an eyepatch each and say "arrrrrr" a lot. maybe we'll be able to tie a crow to a shoulder too.

i convince catherine to get her boating license, she convinces me to take the self-defense course she's been going on about for years. tit for tat.

Friday, July 02, 2004

i hate hate hate hate hate waiting.

but i have to.

but there's so many things i want to say and i want to know what's going on because i've figured meself out (well, more than before) and i'm thinking differently now and...

...but i have to wait. i'm not sure if time differences make this easier or not.

yesterday i was at Home Depot to buy some wire, and while i was getting the wire cut, this older, eastern-european fellow (strong accent, but not like he had trouble speaking english or anything) came up and interrupted us to talk to the Home Depot guy.

"MY FRIEND! can you tell me where i can find a new screwdriver? this one no longer wants to work!" he said, flourishing his old one.

and he was directed off and all was good.

when i was standing in line to pay, he ended up right behind me. i asked if he found his screwdriver alright.

"i did! look." he showed it to me. "you know how much this is? it's FREE. first one? free. second one? 25% off. third one? FREE," he said, with a knowing nod. and then he looked over at the gum that i was buying with my wire.

"you see this?" he pointed to the "excel". "in spanish? this means 'free today!' all of this? FREE!"

and then he tried to convince me to buy his screwdriver for him, or for us to trade purchases - he'd buy my wire and gum, i'd buy his screwdriver. all said with the utmost serious. and the more i laughed, the more serious he got.

okay, maybe you had to be there to hear him saying it with the heavy accent. but it amused the hell out of me.

waitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwait
i really wish my body would allow me to sleep in. would mean that i waste more hours asleep and unaware of time passing, which makes waiting a little less difficult.

Thursday, July 01, 2004

catherine and i ended up going to swim at lake sasamat today. in a brilliant feat of advance planning (or the lack of it thereof), we arrived without swimsuits or towels or anything you'd normally expect when you go swimming.* and catherine was wearing white underwear and white pants. i didn't know if i felt like swimming so i traded pants with her, but in the end decided to swim too. luckily i was wearing a bra today. and grey underwear. so we swam and had fun over on the docks in the deep part of the lake, and four other kids on our dock didn't care. when it came time to leave, catherine was content to walk back to the car drenched, but i wasn't, because i didn't want to drive in wet clothes and putting anything on overtop of my swimming attire would have just soaked it.

solution? get changed! so i did. and catherine was shocked when i did right there on the dock. when i changed my top she tried to stand in front of me. i told her i didn't care, it's not that big a deal. "you've officially shocked me, sarah. i leave you now. don't you realise you're not in europe anymore?? you can't do that here!" like i cared. so she didn't bother sheilding me when i was changing into my pants. but as i did, she turned back.

"ummmm... you realise you have an audience, right?"

i turned around and on the other dock (there's two docks a little ways apart, one was filled with fishers, the other was where we were), every single face was staring at me. EVERY one. all 15, 20-odd people. i just laughed. so did catherine, but that's what she does when she's embarrassed. but she turned around to face them all.

"FIVE DOLLAR!!" she turned back. "sarah, you may be cheap, but you're still not free!"

and they all looked away.

alas, when we walked past them after, catherine, my pimp, made no move to collect the 15 $5s. we coulda been rich today...

* we'd planning to hike around buntzen. but after five minutes' walk, catherine realised she'd worn sandals rather than shoes, and ones that weren't conducive to walking, at that. yes, between her and i, we may possibly make up a quarter of a planned, organised individual.