Sunday, February 29, 2004

guess who has a cane now!

it's my dead granddad's. and the handle makes my hand smell like metal. it's shaped like a horse. no clue why.

now if i can figure out how to embed a blade into the bottom, things'll be grand.

Saturday, February 28, 2004

final post tonight. seems that this film is just now coming out around north america. consider this to be a strong encouragement for you to go see it. very calm. very sweet. very dry sense of humour. very norwegian (so claim the norwegians who showed it to me this summer). excellent acting. wish i'd bought the dvd while i was out there so that i could show people here, but at least now i can send people to see it on their own.

the one tragedy is the title. in norwegian it's called "Salmer fra Kj√łkkenet" which, literally translated, means "Psalms from the kitchen". which is far nicer than "kitchen stories", don't you think? better than nothing, i suppose.

don't you wish you knew dutch now?

i promise this is the end of the papayas.
today (yesterday now) was my mother's birthday. so happy birthday to her. even though she doesn't read this page.

my radio show has one definite regular listener at the moment. from kansas. and she calls every week to remind me how much she hates me.

it makes me feel so loveded.

fruity music radio show was.....fruity. many mentions of papaya. didn't even get time to play all of the fun j-pop stuff.

there's someone at school who i hardly know but keep running into all the time because our paths keep crossing. and he intrigues me so. possibly the friendliest person i know. but he's one of those people who somehow makes you feel like anything's possible, that there's no reason to stress over things, even though they never say anything like that at all. it's something in their attitude and approach to life. and i'm really glad that i've met him, actually. if only because maybe, years from now, he'll randomly spring to mind for no reason whatsoever and make me smile.

hurrah and huzzah for artist types.

as of today i was told his last name. but i've forgotten it again. i've never been of the opinion that last names are that important, though.

strangely, hanging out at the peak offices lately's been fun, interesting, and actually relaxing (even though no one there today knew who spike jones was), while every time i open an email for the prague magazine i can just feel meself tense up. i think it's the job i have. i just want to be an editor, i think. not web-person. i don't like it so much anymore. but at the moment it's still my leverage point, so i'll stick with it for awhile longer. well, that, coupled with the fact that being the long-distance person, you don't really feel a part of things in the end, just that you're being told what happens. it would be nice if the magazine had more of a "collective" feel to it. as it stands, however, it still feels like one person's baby and the rest of us should be providing support, regardless of what's actually said.

really really wish, however, that i could live in prague and work here. best of both worlds. best company in the world, between the two of them, as well. at least, will be come summertime when everyone's back where they belong.

(so lonely without any inkpens next door...)

if elvis doesn't stop singing queenie wahinnie's papaya inside my head soon, my brain may in fact explode.

come monday the act of taking a shower/bath won't be a huge ordeal anymore, because the doctor will have taken out the stitches and it won't matter if i get my knee wet from then on. you cannot imagine how exciting this is for me.

Friday, February 27, 2004

on the unlikely chance that you have nothing to do between 3 and 4pm today and you're either by a radio in vancouver or just online, listen to me. it'll be a fruity show today.


also, daniel wins for best use of my crutches thus far:

[one placed to support his arm and the other to support his chin]
"look at me, i'm a salvador dali painting!"

catherine's still in second place for dirty dancing with them, though.

it's actually quite amazing how many people will just pick them up and start playing with them when i'm sitting there not using them. didn't expect them to be quite that popular.
forgot to mention before.

saw raffi at the offshore drilling lecture on tuesday night just down the row from mr mulder and me. and if i hadn't been on crutches i'd have gone up to introduce meself, but as it was i wasn't absolutely certain it was him and it didn't seem worth the effort of making my way over (have i mentioned how hard moving is at the moment? particularly when i lose my meds and have to deal with the pain all by meself), but it made sense that it was him, being a big environmentalist as well. but for some reason i thought that he was based in ontario.

but after looking at present-day pictures of him (instead of the "Rise And Shine" record cover picture from the 80s, which is what i usually think of when i think of him) and finding out that their group's actually based in BC...

doh. missed my chance to say hi to raffi.

next time!

out of curiousity: who reading this doesn't know raffi? i've never known how widely he's known, and noticed that kids singers tend to remain popular (relatively) locally only. but...it's raffi! surely he's kinda worldwide, no?

Thursday, February 26, 2004

this is getting creeeeepy....

whilst bored out of my skull online last week i filled in info for a free horoscope, because they're always good for a laugh. and of course got a nice form-letter back yesterday telling me that i'd reap riches and find my true love and live a happy life full of abundance. and it was amusing to skim and delete.

suddenly today i've been talking to people mentioning that there's paying positions available in one place i've been volunteering time in that i should apply for because i seem to fit the position exactly, i've sent all my banking info for a side-job that probably won't pay too much but will nonetheless be some money, and i just got a call for a tutoring job starting this saturday. grade 10 social studies. pre-confederation canadian history. wheee. but anyways, it's money! and for three times a week, that's not going to be too bad....

on top of all that, i had an essay due last wednesday that i hadn't even properly started, let alone handed in. and 2 years ago when i had the exact same prof i was accused of plagiarism (unfairly, i say!) and handed work in late because of personal messes and had to rely on her goodwill to still accept papers from me. that's the only time i've gotten in such a mess academically, but if both of the two times i've had her as a prof i've asked for leeway, that's not going to look good. (talk about dumb luck..) so needless to say i was a little stressed about asking her for another extension. after speaking to her, she allowed me however long i needed (within reason) to finish the paper, before saying that really, if i wanted to, i could combine the two larger assignments that we have into one large research paper on one subject. so i'll do that instead. which cuts down on one more separate assignment, and means i only have to do a bit more research on one topic, instead of starting from scratch (relatively speaking) on two.

so it seems that things are looking up. all i have to do now is decide if i go to prague or not, and if so, when. but even that's sounding good - i'll definitely have a place to stay now if/when i go, and it will be cheap!

still, though. maybe i should have paid attention to when my "lucky" days were. i think one was march 5th....
already sick of this template. maybe i'll change it this weekend.

this weekend i learn how to edit sound recordings. so many thrills.

also, i am currently looking for music relating to papaya or other tropical fruits, be it in the subject, the title, or the bandname. any suggestions would be appreciated.

papaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaya. fun word. {g}
did you know that the surtitles that they play when you see an opera or play in a different language (you know, the projected titles above the stage) were first introduced by the Canadian Opera Company before becoming popular worldwide? before that people had to read the libretto beforehand or actually know the language the opera was performed in.

i did not know.

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

ooh this is a cool site...

many hours wasted listening to accents i haven't heard in awhile. fun fun fun!

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

for anyone in and around vancouver:

tomorrow night, vogue theatre, 7-9ish pm, david suzuki is leading a discussion panel discussing the proposed lifting of the moratorium on offshore drilling in BC. which, of course, is not a good idea for a great many reasons. only $5, i can promise it'll be interesting because the more research into it that i did, the more curious i was. so if you're interested, now you know!

(good god the editor warned me he'd butchered my article on it all, but i just found out how badly right now! it was far more interesting before, i swear. maggieho can attest to that. ah well.)

Monday, February 23, 2004

my knee's gone down from being the size of a grapefruit to merely the size of a large pomegranate.

this is progress.

progress is coming in other venues of life, too. i think. either idealisation of what you don't have is at play, or absolute sincerity. what to do with it, however, nobody knows still.

anyone know of any job openings around vancouver for someone with a background in historical research particularly in european history?

(if you can't pose bizarre semi-hypothetical requests on a blog, where the hell else will you do it?)

Sunday, February 22, 2004

yes. come to my page for all your sexy archeologist needs.

yaaaay weird referrals.

Saturday, February 21, 2004

Copied from tavie, copied from Beth:

The Rules are:
Step 1: Open your Winamp or other MP3 player.
Step 2: Put all of your music on random.
Step 3: Write down the first ten songs it plays, no matter how embarrassing.


penguin cafe orchestra - perpetual motion
gary jules - mad world
sten & stalin - vardelos (can't write the accents - doh!)
benoit charest - belleville rendezvous
vapors - turning japanese
optigonally yours - poodle man
hitman 2 soundtrack - streams
radiohead - pyramid
cowboy bebop soundtrack - spy
+/- - setting your head on fire

between daniel and me we have a bizarre collection of music on our computers. but there's usually so much classical and videogame music, strange that it didn't really show up...

Friday, February 20, 2004

i should be writing my paper that was due yesterday that was already on an extension but now i'll have to hope that a doctor's note will allow for a bit more of an extension on top of it all.

i should be doing a bunch of readings for all my classes and maybe even getting some assignments done early.

i should be finding out if it's possible to get a lift to school this afternoon for the sole purpose of learning newspaper layout, if the zoned, lack-of-concentration feeling leaves me in time.

i should be calling natasha to tell her that she should set up an interview for me for friday night because i desperately need money and although a job like that would entail some messed up sleeping patterns i think i could handle it even if it means that weekends are suddenly a little less interesting.

i should be learning more for the website (anyone feel like giving me a tutorial on mysql databases? i don't do well just looking up info on my own, i like being shown how things work in person. i learn better that way.) and altering some layout things and making it all splendiferous.

i should be figuring out who to interview for a class project, which i think is supposed to be stress-worthy, but it's an interview. and interviews are fun. silly teachers.

i should be figuring out how on earth to clean meself without getting my leg wet while balancing on only one foot (alas, i think it will have to be baths, which i've never cared much for).

i should be bending my knee more regularly. and get more used to crutches.

i should be getting something to eat.

but i don't feel like doing anything other than sitting here reading nonsense and hoping that people come online to chat with. the drugs aren't making my resolve to be productive any stronger either.
i want a cupcake. nice and moist with rainbow sprinkles on top of white icing that hasn't lost its soft goopiness yet. vanilla, please.

Thursday, February 19, 2004

seems i'm immune to Tylenol 3s. or not immune, but they don't do much for me. so i'm on something new. but before i took it i had to wait for the codeine to leave my body (mixing narcotics = bad). and good god, i didn't think the T3s were doing much, but they were doing something because i could not believe the pain.

so now the new drug's in me. and for the longest time i didn't think it had any effect. until i shifted a little and realised that the pain that i thought i was still feeling was purely a memory of the pain that had been there before. it still hurts some, but now i can feel both - the real pain, and the memory pain. except that the memory pain's not such a bad thing because i know it's not real.

bizarre, though.

think i'm gonna have to have the second half of the pill though. half is working, but not well enough....

ain't my life a thrill at the moment!
badgersbadgers
badgersbadgers
badgersbadgers
badgersbadgers
badgersbadgers
badgersbadgers

mushroom
mushroom!
hi natasha!
painpainpainpainpainpain

surgery was misery. i am never, ever, EVER doing that again. EVER. being put under, having to deal with hospitals, having to deal with taking medicine, IV needles, stuff going inside me that doesn't belong, playing around with joints, being stuck in one place, being at everyone else's mercy because you can't do a thing for yourself, feeling fragile and drugged-up, it's every single phobia and thing i hate wrapped up into one incredibly traumatic experience that i never want to repeat. so my body's not allowed to damage itself anymore.

HEAR THAT, BODY?

good.

it was supposed to take 2, 2.5 hours. but in the end i was under for 4 because it turns out that apparently on top of damaging the ligament, i'd torn both cartilidges in there as well (which the surgeon seemed quite surprised about - apparently it's rare for one to be torn, let alone both). and doctors kept telling me i was fine....

and coming out of anesthesia was terrible - had the shakes for an hour while my body tried to recover. and the first nurse sitting there was a bitch as well. but when she left for the evening the replacement nurse was wonderful, talked to me and tried to distract me so that i wasn't focussed on feeling panicked. didn't know her name, but she lives in poco. and we discussed languages and the benefits of french immersion.

and many hours later i was finally allowed to leave, and since then i've sat in my room endlessly. strangely, the pain's worse today, which really is a bother, seeing as i actually wanted to try to go to class tomorrow. but if i'm feeling like this there's no way i'm leaving the bed. tried out that idea of pot as a painkiller, but that backfired terribly - couldn't concentrate on anything BUT the pain, because that was the one thing remaining constant, which might actually be why i'm in such agony today - too focussed on it last night, leg kept tensing up too much. still keeps tensing up, it's a conscious effort to attempt to relax it, and i'm not succeeding very well. this can't go on that long, though...

maybe all week'll be a write-off school-wise, but by next week i should be good. afterall, i done all of this once before, stiff sore leg, trying to rehabilitate it..

but this is the last time! do NOT want to do this ever again.



the gas man thinks i'm rude now. he just called to see if it would be alright if he came by early, but i told him that i'm the only one home and i can't open the door right now. so now dude won't get to finish work early today. doh!

Monday, February 16, 2004

notwist and themselves was good, even if i was too listless to do anything other than sit in a chair and enjoy it.

cjsf party was good fun, chatting with people, seeing people i haven't seen in awhile, and actually talking to colin for awhile. too bad running into him still always makes me feel vaguely crappy about meself (never his doing. not his fault he's far more successful in everything he does. and he's a super nice guy so you can't even dislike him for it.). but it was still nice to get to know him a little. just crappy timing, considering everything else i've been trying to figure out lately.

people's prom last night was great fun. dressed up all silly-like with little buns all over my head and a nice yellow flower mixed in to boot, new year's dress and ugly stockings. saw more people i knew than expected, had lovely chats with people i'd never met before and people i sorta knew but didn't know well. danced a little, people-watched more. if my grad dance had been like this, i probably would have gone to it.

spent time with my dad's mom today. really wish it were more convenient for me to live there. she needs someone there, and i like spending time with her. maybe when it's reasonable for me to be relying on busses only again, whenever that is.

ran into an old co-worker at the mall today. i think he's the funniest person i know, and he doesn't even have to try. i miss working with him - at least he made crappy jobs fun. gonna have to harrass him at his current job sometime.

surgery's tomorrow. gotta decide if i'm going back to prague or not by friday and can't figure out which idea's better but very unhappy about the prospect of not living with stefan if i don't go back. but you can't plan your life just to be near someone, as much as they mean to you. but i really wish you could. wish there were someone to talk to, but don't know who i want to need to should talk to.

if anyone has nothing better to do than try to cheer up a vaguely-frightened-rather-stressed person busy cleaning her room so i don't trip over stuff while i get used to crutches tomorrow, go for it: 604-727-4142. especially if i don't know who you are already. talking to strangers can be the greatest stress reliever - too busy getting to know them and no time to think about your troubles.
ich liebe dich.

fun time-wasting times...

Friday, February 13, 2004

next week one of my classes is cancelled completely, which means no school on monday or wednesday (and i normally have tuesdays off anyways).

rather than do something amazingly exciting on monday, i figured i'd take the doctor up on his offer to take away my ability to walk.

unfortunately i realised afterwards that that's the same day that there's an arts show that some of my photos will be in. my first time ever really exhibiting something, and i'm not going to be able to go.

unless i have one of the first appointments of the day. times haven't been set yet, but apparently i could have a time as early as 7:30am. hope hope hope hope hope hope hope that i get that one. that gives me time to have surgery, get over the anesthesia, figure out if i need to bring drugs or not, and catch a ride downtown. because sitting in a chair at a cafe's going to be able the same as sitting in a chair at home, right?

so everyone who reads this, think happy thoughts overnight for sarah to get the first timeslot of the day.

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

i like secret messages. {g}

yay, the no show is mine! yay, i'm going to see notwist! oops, i forgot to reply to emails today, but yes, i'd love to see the evaporators show as well.

for having absolutely no money to my name, i'm actually doing pretty well entertainment-wise these days. go me!

so that's the one good thing that came out of today. hours spent trying to make something work that DOES NOT WANT TO WORK and still not succeeding, after a week of fighting with it, not so good. still have other things to write, for school and for no profit whatsoever.

oh wait, one more good thing (maybe?), i have work. no clue how it'll go, but it'll involve sitting and doing stuff up on the computer, and talking on the phone. from the comfort of the very chair that i'm sitting in right now. OOOOOOOOH. how much money i'll earn, i don't know. but now i can consider myself a part of another evil, this time in the form of the Welcome Wagon gang! yippee.

oh, and one last good thing. very good thing, actually. biking around the poco trail and going by the colony farms (the psychopathic mental institution that no one here really knows about) with kenten, having grand discussions about things that you shouldn't talk about loudly in post offices if you're in a country that speaks your language. got exercise. got sun. wore out my knee for awhile. next time i'm voting we try to make it to minnekhada.
"In women, those who slept seven hours a night had a five-per-cent chance of dying, compared to 25 per cent if they slept 10 hours or more or 16 per cent if they slept four hours or less."

my mom clips strange articles out of the paper.

but then again, i'm highly amused that not sleeping the proper amountcould cause DEATH. didn't realise that sleep could be such a perilous event.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

all day long i felt terribly stressed, like i'd made a bad decision except that i didn't know what or how or what to do about it. couldn't concentrate in class, couldn't make meself do anything properly, had to go back into one building at school 3 times over because i kept forgetting what i wanted to do there.

fortunately it wore off as the day went on.

hung out at the poirier library chatting with a friend, which i haven't done since grade 12. the coffeeshop has changed completely - no atmosphere in there whatsoever anymore. we sat in the lobby hallway instead of feeling obliged to buy overpriced drinks, though.

and then i went to a wedding show. first time ever. it was work research. kinda. sorta. and you know what? it wasn't as terrible as i thought it would be. although the fun that was had with the fashion show (well, the guys in it, at least) was probably the whole reason. stole snackies. handed out info cards. briefly discussed our opinions on marriage before someone pointed out that we shouldn't be saying such things at a wedding shower. saw someone i went to high school with wearing one of the bride's corsages.* saw plenty of other people who looked disturbingly familiar. i don't think anyone recognised me, though. can't say i'm disappointed.

was offered the chance to be a model for the wedding dresses (& maybe even lingerie!) in the next wedding show. was all into it when i realised i might have had surgery by then (at least, i sincerely hope i have...) and prolly wouldn't be able to walk. i'm actually quite disappointmented.

ah well. them's the breaks.

may get to interview david suzuki, though. wouldn't that be nifty!

* jennifer lubik, according to my high school yearbook. no, i couldn't remember her name. yes, i pulled out that book just to find it out. no, it still doesn't seem that familiar. just always saw her face. but then again, the yearbooks were notorious for mislabelling people....

Monday, February 09, 2004

been busy scanning today.

sent this picture to a few people. and honestly, i like it. granted, it's sorta wall-arty, been done before, but hey, it looks nice! but no one else seems to like it as much. one person said that it looked like it should be on a cereal box. they'd eat the cereal because of the picture, but they wouldn't put that picture on their walls...


ah well!

i find it amusing that the cbc's taking saturdays this month to focus on some song poems by dvorak based on old czech ballads that i already know through a film called Kytice. if only because it lets me feel a little bit cool because i already know the story when the announcer tells us. and partly because i'm still so wrapped up in prague, what with the website and keeping in touch with people out there anyways.

oh the irony.

still. i think i'd have preferred it if they'd have decided to go brazilian or iranian or something.

actually, i do believe that i've never ever heard classical indian or middle eastern or anything music on the cbc before. i might be wrong, but i don't think i have. that's actually a bit of a shame.

oh well. it's sunny. i'm going out.

Thursday, February 05, 2004

THIS is why i've hardly slept the past couple days. this is why i've been thriving on english mints (they didn't have scotch mints at the grocery store) for the past day and a half. this is why i still haven't started my paper that's due tomorrow - haven't even watched the film i need to watch for it yet. sleep is looking unlikely once again.

still, although it's not entirely what i'd have done in some places, i figure it's finally up to scratch at least for linking purposes. trust me, it's a vast improvement on the old one.

this is also a shining example of how much i've learned over the past 3 days, hurrah and huzzah for me!

for the past night and a half, i keep smelling chammomile while i'm working at my desk. except that i haven't had chammomile tea once. and don't even have any other kinds of teas lying about. it's quite pleasant, really, but i don't know what it is.

so. good enough to lay to rest for awhile, i'm off to watch french women's avant-garde films. have to warm up my hand anyways - the one problem with where my computer is now is that it's right by a big window, which means that although there's a lovely view, my right hand slowly slowly freezes over time because of the loss of heat right there. but fortunately because of positioning it seems to protect the left hand from losing heat. such a martyr....
oooh.. pointless meaningless time-wasting fun..
(link courtesy of emily, who has a supernifty page layout, by the way!)

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

scotch mints, however. that would hit the spot right now.

or the superstrong mint mentos. or the pink grapefruit ones.

also:

today i'm wearing my stegosaurus tie. and my new year's dress. and my work pants. and one of the antique shirts. and pigtails. and i think it looks cool.

back to coding....
trying to satisfy feeling nibbly at this time of night, despite the fact that i'm living in a house that's notoriously useless when it comes to finding snackies that don't involve cooking anything from scratch (oh what i wouldn't give for some passionfruit mango yoghurt from prague with a bit of granola on top right now), i found a giant thai version of ramen noodles.

it came with pork, still moist, in a silver baggie.

for some reason i still deemed the whole thing worthy of eating.

the "pork" doesn't taste very good. neither does the rest of it.

what masochistic part of the mind convinces that, even though you're not much of a junk food junkie these days, maybe those noodles will taste good...?

Sunday, February 01, 2004

hee.. finding audio files you never knew you had can be a wonderful thing. last week i found some old soundtracks to 1950s educational films online, but it's only just now that i realised that i'd managed to download two of them: "where do babies come from" and "girls and menstruation".

oh what fun....
rabbit, rabbit!
this pisses me off. see who those photographs are creditted to up at the top? well, at least a couple of those images are mine. i took them. i was told i'd get credit for my work, but i don't see my name there at all.

way back when i started harassing that guy to get my negatives back, it took him months to finally get them - kept forgettng to look for them, forgetting to bring them into work... and when i finally got them 5 strips were missing. and i told him as much and he said he'd look for them but never found them. i was calling him from Prague at one point to try to get them back, and he finally said he'd found them, he'd leave them for a friend of mine to pick up, as i wasn't in vancouver. and it was only when i just got home this month that i got to see the strips, and i'm pretty certain i didn't take them, and more to the point, some of the photographs that i knew that i'd taken and that were on those missing strips, aren't there at all.

and suddenly i'm noticing that some of the pictures that i know i took are right there on the page, and could very well be from my missing negative strips. so i don't want to seem suspicious, but you can't blame me for thinking that he might have kept those strips because there were pictures he wanted to claim as his on there.

the only problem is that this is two years old now (nearly). so i don't know what to do about it, whether to kick up a fuss or just concede to losing them. except that i really want to see those photos i remember taking - i remembered them for a reason.

and if i'm emailing the festival people to try to ask them if i could work (not volunteer) with them this year, i don't know whether to mention anything or not.

goddammit...