Wednesday, December 22, 2004

"So far the employment rate after graduation has been 100%."
    -- New Media programme writeup, University of Art & Design, Helsinki.


s'it just me, or does that have a bit of a funny ring to it? i mean, they don't say how that 100% has been employed... or i suppose it could be chalked up to english not being their first language.

it's 1AM in prague and i'm sitting at a computer researching schools for masters studies. i've meant to be doing this for eons, never got around to it, and now that i'm actually officially finishing my BA for the next year, now that i'm in europe for only a few short weeks, now that i actually meant to meet up with people tonight just in case i do end up leaving tomorrow (unlikely, though -- never heard back from michal), now that looking into schools and looking to stay abroad for awhile (again) is really not an option, now i'm doing it.

in my defense, this is a very nice (fast!) computer, and i can actually sit here and indulge in being online rather than try to be as quick as possible because ondrej's not around, and as soon as you start looking at websites for art/architecture/design schools, the websites tend to be very aesthetically appealing, and i met an architecture student today who inspired me to finally start researching. in my mind, before he opened his mouth, he spoke french. l'inspiration!

and i really want to stay out here. again. who woulda seen that coming?

it took being dumped as a friend to make me realise it, too, ironically. fittingly? possibly. apparently i still haven't mastered befriending people who won't prove to be insane in the long run. maybe i just need to choose only the ones who don't bother hiding the fact that they've got screws loose -- that seems to've worked so far, at least i'm still friends with all of them.*

but yes. i liked being out here before. but once i was given the FYAD message, i realised that i just wanted to be out here anyway -- maybe it's just to get better friends than that. so i went to the art&design school here to get some info, explored the current exhibition, RedGreenBlue (mixing colours, soundscape stuff, yet not jackie's!), spent the day a-wandering and doing soundwalks/recordings, came home to nap, and started researching. oh, and being dumped gave me license to actually go shopping and spend money. so now i have a ring and a svetr. the only reason i didn't end up buying maly krtecek toys is because i was dragged away from the toystore by force.

it was a fun day.

THRILLING STUFF. maybe i should write a travellogue for publication. this here's rivetting material, i tell ya!

because yes, i'm still in prague. i knew i'd end up getting stuck here. but traband plays tomorrow night, and i keep running into people i thought i'd never see again and spending time with them, and somehow i just haven't made it to the train station to look into tickets to poland yet. i'm still going to go, though. just won't be spending as much time there as i originally planned. but that's alright -- it's better for me to find a place and stick to it for a bit instead of hopping around the place, like i would have, trying to see as much as i can but never spending enough time there to really get into it. sometimes it's better to work within limits. and strangely, even though this is my other home, i'm already exploring places here more than i ever did before.

and hey, it's cheaper to stay here, where bed and laundry and half my food is free!

i couldn't even tell you why i like it here, really. there's just something comfortable about it. maybe it's just the feeling of having another home, though, maybe it's not actually prague at all. it's just so strange, though, that nothing has changed here, really. and it's even stranger to think that i was away for a year.

before i left, though, shawn pointed out that the way i was saying goodbye to people made it seem like i was going to go die now. and it's true. i felt like i had to tell people certain Important Things, that i had to see everyone before i left, that i couldn't leave things unsorted and undone. it might be because i've gotten used to never knowing when i'm actually leaving somewhere/one/thing for good. it could be because the last time i was in europe it was only supposed to be for nine months, and when i came back, everything had changed (while staying same-old). maybe it's because i was supposed to have been back here months ago, too, but never came until now. or, like i said then, maybe it's the whole New Chapter Of Life thing.

i ran into mindy today -- had just been wondering if she was still around. she was surprised that i wasn't going to stay this time. "oh, come on, you know you want to!" and she's right. but! but! but this time i have to go home, and not for something crappy like knee surgery. i've got classes that i'm mighty excited about, and people that i miss**, so i'm definitely coming home this time. at least, for a little while longer! but it's nice to have plans. i need to have them more often.

* alright, fine, i've only been dumped as a friend three times before this, and one person went completely insane on all her friends, another one was never really a friend to begin with so maybe he shouldn't be on the list. still. it's a funny thing to deal with. though it's easy to get over when you've got people on your side, and they're being treated the same way. hurrah!
** not that i didn't miss people last time. but last time, i'd been away for a year and a half. i'd grown used to them not being around. this time, it's only a few weeks -- not enough time to stop missing their presence!

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