Monday, November 29, 2004

my cat has just been deemed certifiably insane. daniel, mom, and i have all agreed, so it must be true. granted, she's probably about 13 at this point, so it makes some sense, but really. i think she's taking this "old age senility" thing a little too far, exploiting it for more than it's worth.

course, when i'm old, i'll prolly play up the senility part as well. if you can get away with it, why not?

* * * * *

who made snow angels today? that's right, me and ivana! we ended up at mount baker. after dark, so we couldn't even actually see our craftsmanship when we were finished. but it was worth the wet clothes and snow down the back and soggy shoes (once the snow melted). we had a last-minute trip to seattle to try to buy a camera (for her). in the end, we didn't get it, and in fact, we smuggle one thing across the border. except for some bananas, but they'd already been smuggled south anyways. and, as always, the canadian guards were oh so much more pleasant than the 'merkin ones. didn't expect anything less. oh, and canadians bargain-shopping south of the border make friends super-quickly. but then, look at us. who wouldn't want to be our friend?

ivana and i need to create our own little world together. when we have our mini-trips, everything just starts to make sense, everything that was stress-worthy before becomes insignificant, and any and every random plan seems reasonable and feasible. granted, most people might think we're a little off, driving all the way down to seattle on a whim to (not) buy a camera, having no clue where we're going, relying on one person's vague memory of the city layout, and hoping to go . . . somewhere (to be decided by a coin-toss later) for a photo fieldtrip afterwards. but, then again, we once ended up in mexico when we were only supposed to visit san francisco for 3 days (and, after discussing it en route today, we're still impressed that jodi talked to us afterwards. oh, peer pressure!).

but we need to come up with a flag or a coat-of-arms first. though, come to think of it, i don't even know what the purpose of a coat-of-arms is. i suppose it looks good on letterhead, though.

and everyone who doesn't get why i'm excited that it's cold and hoping for snow should just find some freshly-snow-covered trees to drive/walk through, and go crunch through some fresh powder and breath the air, and just enjoy the simple, solemn beauty of snow. well, solemn, until you get a snowball down someone's back.

and now...
Things I Learned On Saturday:
- i like being on the ground. a lot. i need to do it more. in part, it's a security thing -- if i'm already on the ground, i can't fall and hurt my knee again. but i actually think it's part metaphorical as well: i've spent way too long pulling away from the real world (if you feel like your body's your achilles' heel [oh so punny!], makes sense, doesn't it?) that i actually need to reconnect with the ground. it's tangible and real.*
- although i tend to fall asleep lying on my stomach, i feel vulnerable lying on my front (especially keeping my face down) when i'm not trying to go to sleep. don't know why. will have to explore this.
- if i actually try and relax everything, i actually get full feeling back in my fingers (side-effect of a pinched nerve). it feels strange to feel normally there. i really like it.
- i may be coming up on an Important Life Moment. morgan popped into my world again. every time i run into her, it seems to coincide with some Eventful Moment. i really should meet up with her for coffee sometime before i leave.

actually, interruption:
you know those people that come across as cool or interesting or just nifty somehow, people you wish you could consider a friend, but they still seem just a little bit outside your realm (because they're in a different social world, or your taste/knowledge alters just enough to make conversations a little stilted at times, or just that you don't quite know how to relate to them)? but you still wish and hope and try to talk to them, even if it feels a little harder to do, sort of like a "friend crush"? or maybe it's just me. but either way, she was one of those people (for me) when i first met her. but every time i see her, we both chat and always mean to hook up sometime later (mean to = never does). she still sorta is a friend crush, i suppose, but more in the vein of, i'm conscious of thinking like that, but equally as conscious of the fact that it's completely unfounded and stupid to think that way because it's not the case at all. makes no sense? prolly not. so fine, back to the list!

- i like dancing. a lot. i really want to start learning it more. i want to not feel awkward anymore. i want to feel comfortable moving. and i don't know why i gave up on dance years ago. possibly because it was more ballet and jazz and more strictly regimented stuff, and the one thing i know about me is that i tend to dislike strict rules. unfortunately, i don't usually complete Desires To Learn unless i throw meself into them wholeheartedly and have Real Reasons** to learn them, so we'll see what comes of this. but i realised this watching a performance on friday, and cemented it after a lastminute choice to go to a drop-in class saturday morning. what to do...
- there's nothing wrong with my life, and wanting to keep learning right now. it's one thing to know this. it's another thing to believe it. but i think i'm closer to believing it.
- i need to have more unplanned, spur-of-the-moment plans. that's when i feel best.
- spiced carribean lamb = oh so tasty.
- sometimes when you're surrounded by strong, dominant personalities, it's just best (funnier) to lean back and watch the whole fiasco.
- Hummers really aren't that spacious. surprisingly. and i can't feel comfortable in one. mini-van still wins!
- the eagle ridge tim horten's has nowhere near the standard TH collection of Post-Midnight Interesting Characters. tragic.

* or it could really just be that i'm still scared of falling again. can't wait to get over that, though. i miss feeling invincible.
** often imposed, such as deadlines, contracted agreements, or losing face. just "wanting to" doesn't necessarily go so far. see "figuring out meself and my life" for an example.

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