Saturday, November 20, 2004

everything in the last post? forget it.

well, not everything. some of that stayed the same.

wednesday, realised that there had been a misunderstanding in what i would be paid for the photo job, contacted the person to clear it up before i finished drafting the (lawyer-approved!) contract. got no opportunity for discussion, just abuse and insult and was basically made to suck up to keep the job. which i did, with some bitterness, but figured i'd still do the job -- experience, portfolio-building, still figured i'd do the job for the sake of being good.

even so, i had my own personal crisis after it all happened, because of my own self-abuse. unfortunately it was daniel's birthday dinner that night, so i wasn't the happiest camper. also, that day, the doctor had called me in, and is now strongly suggesting i consider anti-depressants. i'm almost convinced now.

but fagan lent an ear (and advice) from the business side and wasn't put off by the tears of frustration that came out, and friends said the right things and forced me to start figuring meself out then and there, and everyone assured me that i wasn't insane and that i was in the right. which i knew. but it still didn't help much.

thursday, finally received a reply regarding the contract i'd sent, along with a complaint that i was adding things that weren't discussed before, despite the fact that things had changed since our initial discussion, and some things on her side that had been discussed (such as help for me and advanced payment) hadn't taken place either. and then told me MY misunderstanding made her wary of working with me and told me she wanted my assurance that i'd be kind and professional. after i'd sent her a very polite and professional -- even friendly -- email with the contract the first time. so that was just added insult. despite the fact that her issue was with a couple of dollars, i almost gave up on it out of principal, but i know that's what she wanted (so that she could prove i'm a bad person) so i clenched my teeth and left her a phonecall and resent an amended contract by email for approval and was as pleasant as possible (difficult, considering i felt like a shell of a person that day).

when i didn't hear back from her by midnight, i emailed her and told her that i assumed it had been rejected and best of luck with the festival. and it was a great relief. i didn't want to work for her anymore. i wasn't upset about the difference in what i'd be paid (even though it was a vast amount less), but because of how i was treated. i was being strung along, manipulated, and given absolutely no respect. and i don't need that. and this way, i made the last move, rather than giving her the satisfaction of me arriving at the festival to be told that my services wouldn't be needed, as i'm sure that the reason she didn't get back to me was because she was exploring her options to line up another photographer, but keeping me in limbo in case she couldn't cover it.

was still somewhat terrified that i'd get a phonecall from her around 8pm today, demanding to know where i was and why i wasn't there working for them (because she never even replied to the email acknowledging her "rejection"), but it never came. thank god.

when everything first happened, fagan tried to cheer me up by telling me a business joke:
"want to learn something about business?" the businessman asked his son.
"sure!" said the kid. so the dad led him outside to a stepladder.
"now climb up to the top," said dad. and the son did. "now jump into my arms!"
"but dad, i'm scared!" said the son.
"don't worry, i'll catch you," the father assured him.
so the son jumped, and the father quickly stepped back, letting the kid fall.
the end.

after dealing with business types, i wish that were just a really really bad joke.

so that experience kinda sucked. on the plus side, there was no production day today because the computers weren't working, so it was like a day-long bonding experience between editors. which was actually fun. also, saw a relatively bad sci-fi film with dwm. although the lead girl was beautiful, and i wish i could make my hair look as nifty as hers. also, have started emailing with stefan again, and i think things are good. he's still a dumbass, and says things that he intends as sensitive but are, in reality, the exact opposite, but i can handle it now.

so ultimately, it's a good thing the photo job fell through, considering the computer crisis. because now we'll be doing production tomorrow instead. and now i can go to other better events happening this weekend. and, because production was postponed, i'm delivery girl on monday, for which i'll get a tiny bit of extra money -- not near as much as i'd have gotten post-contract negotiations struggles, but at least i enjoy working for the peak much more than i would have enjoyed working for her.

so. i win, still? maybe. probably. i did everything right and legally and professionally. i did it with proper legal advice, from a few sources, too. i know she's going to badmouth me to lots of people -- she was already telling me stories about people she'd worked with in the past. but i don't care. i'd rather work with someone who's got the decency to discuss problems with me and treat me as an equal, rather than someone who treats me like a second-rate peon.

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