Wednesday, December 29, 2004

went hiking. crazy sandstone rock formations. snow. castles. puppies. czech lessons. loooooooooooooooooong busrides, but that's okay, we slept. we needed it.

i so want to stay here. but it just means i'll have to come back.

going south for new year's. should be quite fun, spending it at someone's chalet with a monstrous amount of people who are all friends from high school. i'm somewhat envious. i'm friends with three people from high school, now, but we don't have this giant social network, getting together in big groups all the time, doing yearly (or more) trips together. and michal was telling me that he does the same with his graduating class now that it's been 20 years -- they still all get together for new year's at someone's cabin.

oh, and new years is silvestr here.

breakfast's waiting. matt'll be upset that the rolls aren't warm anymore.

Sunday, December 26, 2004

i was just serenaded by a bunch of kids. for candy. but it's the first time someone's sung me any czech christmas carols. the little girl dressed all in pink who kept waving at me was the cutest.

i wanna join them and get sweets and fruit at doors now, too! trick'n'treating with songs is a much better boxing day ritual than finding the cheapest price. who wants to join me next year?

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Merry Christmas!

I deserve an award. An award for drinking from a glass tainted with a tiny fly inside, magically drinking most of the juice while keeping the fly far from my mouth. Because it only just fell onto the top of the juice, and it's maracuja juice and i'm not throwing the rest of that out because it's too damn tasty. but i didn't have anything to wipe him on, if i did fish him out.


anyways, it's christmas in canada right now. it's christmas here, too, but we celebrated on the eve, and it was actually really good fun. i'm glad i stayed here. it felt like a glorified, fanci-fied picnic, though: fancy dishes, candles, classical music, mulled wine, dressing up, more wine . . . while we ate fried chicken, potato salad, and pea soup. not to say that it wasn't tasty! i had no idea that chicken and potato salad could be so enormously filling.

jan's mother kept trying to make me eat more, and i realised i was taking itty bitty portions only because i'm used to caufield christmas dinner, where there's SO much food and SO many dishes and you want to save room in your stomach for everything. but that was really all we ate. oh, and homemade apple strudel and cookies.

best part, though, was trying to communicate with jan's mother. he speaks english fine, but she doesn't speak any english (fluent in german, though). so she would speak czech and he would translate between us, but! but! i realised that i had a pretty good grasp of what she was saying before jan translated. i still can't speak it much at all, but apparently i know a lot more than i thought i did. it made me happy. and i could understand most everything matt said in german as well. i don't know if that's something to be proud of on my part or something he should work on, though.

jan and i are planning to go hiking next week, so i'm gonna convince him to speak to me in czech half the time, see how it goes. and i'm excited, because it'll prolly mean catching the train south. yay! trains!

oh, and before dinner, we went to a church service (well, part of it) for the sole purpose of hearing the music. it was a tiny...well...not huge church, out in the outskirts of prague, in a largely-residential area, and yet they had a relatively complete orchestra and choir. i have no idea how large it was, the place was far too crowded for us to get in past the entrance, but their sound was pretty full. it was beautiful music, too. but the decor in the church was the best. the church itself isn't that old, from the 20s or 30s apparently, and the artwork inside all had this sketchy, morose, brutal look to it, little sculptures affixed to the walls, but not of your usual happy stuff. there was jesus on the cross, reaching out and looking so grief-stricken, there were giant hands with marks on the palms, there were a few traditional church-y things. but one wall was full of art depicting people in concentration camps, skeleton-like figures, barbed wire... nothing i've ever seen in a church before. made for an interesting time in there, when i got bored of trying to understand czech.

so that was my first czech christmas. how was yours?

Friday, December 24, 2004

well, after a discussion last night, i'm not as thrilled to see the carp-men anymore. it's just sad.

some day, i would like to see mount everest with my own two eyes. i saw many pictures of it last night, which was pretty amazing in and of itself.

also, what's the point of climbing mountains anyways? i found out that a bunch of the peaks in the himalayas are considered holy, so no one is allowed to climb them. which actually made a certain amount of sense, though i'd never thought about what the point of climbing mountains in the first place was. and just as i was thinking that even the desire to climb a mountain just because it's there and should be conquered might be more of a western-world thing, obnoxious american matt came in, saw the mountains, asked if tereza had climbed them and if she hadn't, why the hell not?

timing is fun.

even so, i'm looking forward to going hiking sometime next week. cuz why the hell not?

Thursday, December 23, 2004


it snowed today. nice, soft, fluffy flakes. not very large ones, but lots of them. i meant to go ice skating to celebrate this, but when we got there the lineup was far too long. so we went christmas shopping instead.

i'm staying here for christmas now. well, technically, i'm going just-outside of prague, to have a not-so-traditional dinner at a friend's family's place. traditional dinner here consists of (fried) carp and potato salad. which i'd actually rather enjoy, if only for the strangeness of it. even though the carp is apparently rather un-lovely. but we're going to be having potatoes, chicken soup, fried chicken . . . lots of chicken. but as long as matt bakes something, i'll be happy. he may be an ass (albeit an endearing one), but he's a great cook.

speaking of carp, though! i don't think i've ever described the carp-sellers before. (well, except to jodi, 5 minutes ago, but she can skip the rest of this, then.) alas, i have no digital camera this time round, so you'll just have to imagine it:

people buy their carp freshly-killed here. which means that at every square and most pedestrian-filled streets, there's at least one setup of a table and a vat or two filled to the top with carp (in water) with no room for them to even move. well, occasionally one flops over the surface of the water, but generally, they're in there, immobile. the carp-man's there with his waterproofs and a toque and a fishing net, waiting for someone to come choose their fish -- sort of like when you choose a lobster at the grocer's. after you've picked it, he'll fish it out, dump it onto the table, quickly kill it and chop of the unecessary bits, wrap it up, and give it to you (well, once you pay him, at least). and all that's left is some fish-skin, and a reddish pool of bloody water on the table and running onto the sidewalk.

it sounds gory, but it's not actually that bad. and actually, i enjoy seeing it, couldn't tell you why. possibly because i have a morbid, gothy fixation on death. but prolly not. prolly just because it's strange (to me).

so i'm a little sad that we won't get to go pick out a carp. i've seen parents with their kids, lifting them up so that the kid can help choose the next fish destined to die next. such a heartwarming experience.

but, instead, we shall have chicken. mmmmmmmmm.

oh, and a quick note that when you include an email addy when you send a text message (i think that's what's happening), i don't see an address, i just see many numbers, so i don't know who's writing to me. not that that's necessarily a problem, makes it fun to guess. but in case you're wondering why i've ignored you, i just don't know who you are. texts are good...

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

"So far the employment rate after graduation has been 100%."
    -- New Media programme writeup, University of Art & Design, Helsinki.

s'it just me, or does that have a bit of a funny ring to it? i mean, they don't say how that 100% has been employed... or i suppose it could be chalked up to english not being their first language.

it's 1AM in prague and i'm sitting at a computer researching schools for masters studies. i've meant to be doing this for eons, never got around to it, and now that i'm actually officially finishing my BA for the next year, now that i'm in europe for only a few short weeks, now that i actually meant to meet up with people tonight just in case i do end up leaving tomorrow (unlikely, though -- never heard back from michal), now that looking into schools and looking to stay abroad for awhile (again) is really not an option, now i'm doing it.

in my defense, this is a very nice (fast!) computer, and i can actually sit here and indulge in being online rather than try to be as quick as possible because ondrej's not around, and as soon as you start looking at websites for art/architecture/design schools, the websites tend to be very aesthetically appealing, and i met an architecture student today who inspired me to finally start researching. in my mind, before he opened his mouth, he spoke french. l'inspiration!

and i really want to stay out here. again. who woulda seen that coming?

it took being dumped as a friend to make me realise it, too, ironically. fittingly? possibly. apparently i still haven't mastered befriending people who won't prove to be insane in the long run. maybe i just need to choose only the ones who don't bother hiding the fact that they've got screws loose -- that seems to've worked so far, at least i'm still friends with all of them.*

but yes. i liked being out here before. but once i was given the FYAD message, i realised that i just wanted to be out here anyway -- maybe it's just to get better friends than that. so i went to the art&design school here to get some info, explored the current exhibition, RedGreenBlue (mixing colours, soundscape stuff, yet not jackie's!), spent the day a-wandering and doing soundwalks/recordings, came home to nap, and started researching. oh, and being dumped gave me license to actually go shopping and spend money. so now i have a ring and a svetr. the only reason i didn't end up buying maly krtecek toys is because i was dragged away from the toystore by force.

it was a fun day.

THRILLING STUFF. maybe i should write a travellogue for publication. this here's rivetting material, i tell ya!

because yes, i'm still in prague. i knew i'd end up getting stuck here. but traband plays tomorrow night, and i keep running into people i thought i'd never see again and spending time with them, and somehow i just haven't made it to the train station to look into tickets to poland yet. i'm still going to go, though. just won't be spending as much time there as i originally planned. but that's alright -- it's better for me to find a place and stick to it for a bit instead of hopping around the place, like i would have, trying to see as much as i can but never spending enough time there to really get into it. sometimes it's better to work within limits. and strangely, even though this is my other home, i'm already exploring places here more than i ever did before.

and hey, it's cheaper to stay here, where bed and laundry and half my food is free!

i couldn't even tell you why i like it here, really. there's just something comfortable about it. maybe it's just the feeling of having another home, though, maybe it's not actually prague at all. it's just so strange, though, that nothing has changed here, really. and it's even stranger to think that i was away for a year.

before i left, though, shawn pointed out that the way i was saying goodbye to people made it seem like i was going to go die now. and it's true. i felt like i had to tell people certain Important Things, that i had to see everyone before i left, that i couldn't leave things unsorted and undone. it might be because i've gotten used to never knowing when i'm actually leaving somewhere/one/thing for good. it could be because the last time i was in europe it was only supposed to be for nine months, and when i came back, everything had changed (while staying same-old). maybe it's because i was supposed to have been back here months ago, too, but never came until now. or, like i said then, maybe it's the whole New Chapter Of Life thing.

i ran into mindy today -- had just been wondering if she was still around. she was surprised that i wasn't going to stay this time. "oh, come on, you know you want to!" and she's right. but! but! but this time i have to go home, and not for something crappy like knee surgery. i've got classes that i'm mighty excited about, and people that i miss**, so i'm definitely coming home this time. at least, for a little while longer! but it's nice to have plans. i need to have them more often.

* alright, fine, i've only been dumped as a friend three times before this, and one person went completely insane on all her friends, another one was never really a friend to begin with so maybe he shouldn't be on the list. still. it's a funny thing to deal with. though it's easy to get over when you've got people on your side, and they're being treated the same way. hurrah!
** not that i didn't miss people last time. but last time, i'd been away for a year and a half. i'd grown used to them not being around. this time, it's only a few weeks -- not enough time to stop missing their presence!

Saturday, December 18, 2004

oh yes. and because i'm in the land of free received texts once more, here we go again:

send me messages here for no other reason than to amuse me. uberbrent was always so good at that. phone number in prague is 607 994 749.

london gatwick was dreadfully boring. it had its moments in the first hour or so. but ten hours later i couldn't wait to leave.

and the whole flight over was really odd. it didn't feel real. it didn't feel like i was going far away. it felt so commonplace, not a big deal at all. obviously i've been travelling too much.

right before i left, though, david asked me what my purpose was in coming out here. and i couldn't give him a reason any better than "to travel". and it started to bother me a little as i was flying over the atlantic. because i don't actually know what the point of being here is. other than to just be here. but maybe that's all that i need, i suppose.

well, today my purpose is to find me a pair of pants. and to see sisa. and poonam. and katka, and walk around the christmas markets with svarak.

these are Very Important Things To Do. it's true.

prague is very praguey. it feels very homey. it's really nice to be here. even if it's raining instead of snowing. it's not pouring, though.

yesterday was spent wandering the city, christmas shopping with posh acquaintances in fancy stores, meeting up with another acquaintance-now-friend (i set her up with an au-pair job with good friends of mine last year even though we'd only met each other once by chance on the tram. fortunately both her and i are not psychos.), finding out who's where and who's still friends with who and what the scoop is on the past year's soap operas out here. oh, and best of all, the one thing that was worrying me terribly about coming here, the one person i was somewhat anxious to see, they're proving to be uselessly selfish and impossible to get together with. this is a good thing for me, really. sad and unfortunate, but good.

it's so nice to be back. and hopefully my body's adjusted to the secondhand smoke out here, so i won't feel too ill to go out tonight. but while we were eating, sid kept looking out the window and repeating how much he loved this town. and even though we've got different reasons for liking it, there is something nice and cozy about it, once you've lived here awhile.

also, jet lag is being a bitch this time. usually i'm good at getting over it, but there's something about 3:30 AM that my body seems to love to wake up for. stupid body.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

first one computer died. well, part of it. a rather integral part of it. so that one's useless. then, in the process of getting the laptop going again, that died too. or, rather, it just decided to get stuck in the process of going. it pretends to be alive, but it's not right now. which makes it all the more frustrating.

and then i planned to do way too many things today. half of them just aren't happening. which is alright. all that's vitally important is that i'm packed by 3:30AM, which shouldn't be too hard. laundry's done, at least.

because i'm gone after that! i'm off to prague and poland and hamburg and london for three weeks or so. hopefully i don't die. i'm actually a little scared in going. i don't feel prepared at all, i feel like there are far too many loose ends scattered about at the moment. and yet, like i was telling shawn today, it kinda feels like a new chapter in life right now. couldn't tell you why. going to prague the first time didn't feel like a new chapter. there were a few new chapters that started this year, though, i think. those short chapters where a lot of things happen and the writing's all stylized and pretentious and everything's metaphorical because nothing's actually really said, the short chapters that make you read through a book and go "wow, this IS a good book, that's so succinct, so perfect!" even if the book is, in actuality, utter garbage. those chapters, you don't usually realise the significance of them until much later in the book. or, you get further on, and you realise that they were pretentious drivel. so i don't really know what this is right now -- nothing special or Moment Of Monumental Meaning -- and i prolly won't know for awhile.

course, if the plane crashes, won't this post be ironic.

so other than not having a computer at my fingertips and realising that i'm too dependent on technology and instant communication for my own good, there's been things happening. nothing huge. but things. parties. braiding of hair. disney marathons (mary poppins is so very good...). dancing at science world. reaffirming old acquaintances. finding out dirt about the new house being built for The Man I Hate. christmas was last weekend, too. bet you missed it!

and now i'm going to pack. and prolly head up to school again, because i can't print things i need to have to print and drop in the mail tonight and my life is so difficult and i can't wait to get on the plane only because then i can SLEEP.

i'm going to get so sick the second i step foot in prague. oh well. at least i'll get to have cough drops with czech on the wrappings. ooh, if i do go back up to school, must steal more fisherman's friends.....

Friday, December 10, 2004

i just something horrible and disgusting and revolting on the internet. in fact, it's so bad, i'm not even going to link it. instead, to erase the images from my brain, here are kittens.

actually, last night, as i drove home, a trio of black bears bounded across the road. i was shocked. i've never seen bears so close before, or so mobile, and definitely not here by my house. in the rockies from afar, yes, but not here.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

5.333 years of university (once you take out the semesters that i took off)
general, ever-changing interests
4 minors over the years
ken anderlini
lynn hissey
german expressionism (yay!)
cool carl
bald-headed dude doing his masters in Stuff
depression that led to studying abroad
czech republic
not knowing the rules of how many credits/semester
last-minute registrations into lit courses
milan kundera, how i detest thee
ladislav klima and nietzche
Marika The Instigator
knee surgery
open-ended plane ticket to europe
barbara (x2), who actually looked a little closer at my courses
linda, the most patient advisor ever
Major in Arts & Culture
Joint Major in English & Women's Studies
(probable) Minor in Communications
Liberal Arts Certificate

hurrah! well, it's not finished yet, it'll be another year or so. time enough to start exploring something new. means i have to do studio courses -- dance and sound art! means i have to learn old english. means i have to do directed studies courses. means i'll have to come back from europe in january. means everyone will be impressed and jealous of me and want to be my friend and pay me millions of monies.

sounds alright to me!

Monday, December 06, 2004

been utterly exhausted all weekend. no clue why.

drinking freshly-brewed ginger tea (as in, not from a pansy-ass teabag, as in, freshly-chopped ginger root steeped in hot water until the water's yellow and spicy, as in, THE REAL DEAL mofo!).

my mouth is starting to tingle from the ginger heat. it's making me sleepier, though, so hurrah.

gotta work triple-hard tomorrow to make up what i didn't get done today. hurrah.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

this is how i feel today.*

well, that, with a splash of blue sky, and a bit of dust floating past the computer screen, and pseudo-skiing down a snow-covered slope, and feeling my back stretched out more than its ever been, and chewing spice-rack gum, and letting hunger make me mean to the people who don't deserve it, and dreaming of finland and czech republic and norway, and being exhausted all day.

also, i'm not sure if i posted this link a year and a half ago. if i did, go play again, it's worth it. if i didn't, enjoy.

* if you have the desire/patience/bandwidth, here is another song for today. probably more suiting. but twice as long. i'm a considerate kinda person, thinking of your connection speed like that...

Tuesday, November 30, 2004


well, at least, there was on the hill.

know what the best thing about snowstorms is? well, not really, but kinda. it's the fact that the snow covers the windshield, and lets you get away with not paying for a parking ticket, because the ticket-checkers have no way of knowing whether you've actually bought the ticket or not.

but no, what's really best about snowstorms are the spontaneous snowball fights. especially when you manage to hit your target.

and driving after it's dark and seeing the snow come right at you whenever you go underneath a traffic light.

our Business Meeting tonight resulted in Business Plans. and we may now all officially claim any "holiday" as an actual business trip. one point for us!

much like going hiking at minnekhada today was a Valuable Experience, even if it's not quantifiably worthwhile. it was still much better than anything else i could have been doing this afternoon.

although, at the moment, sleeping would be much better than posting this. prolly more interesting, too.

some day this blog will revert back to being More Interesting, i swear.

Monday, November 29, 2004

my cat has just been deemed certifiably insane. daniel, mom, and i have all agreed, so it must be true. granted, she's probably about 13 at this point, so it makes some sense, but really. i think she's taking this "old age senility" thing a little too far, exploiting it for more than it's worth.

course, when i'm old, i'll prolly play up the senility part as well. if you can get away with it, why not?

* * * * *

who made snow angels today? that's right, me and ivana! we ended up at mount baker. after dark, so we couldn't even actually see our craftsmanship when we were finished. but it was worth the wet clothes and snow down the back and soggy shoes (once the snow melted). we had a last-minute trip to seattle to try to buy a camera (for her). in the end, we didn't get it, and in fact, we smuggle one thing across the border. except for some bananas, but they'd already been smuggled south anyways. and, as always, the canadian guards were oh so much more pleasant than the 'merkin ones. didn't expect anything less. oh, and canadians bargain-shopping south of the border make friends super-quickly. but then, look at us. who wouldn't want to be our friend?

ivana and i need to create our own little world together. when we have our mini-trips, everything just starts to make sense, everything that was stress-worthy before becomes insignificant, and any and every random plan seems reasonable and feasible. granted, most people might think we're a little off, driving all the way down to seattle on a whim to (not) buy a camera, having no clue where we're going, relying on one person's vague memory of the city layout, and hoping to go . . . somewhere (to be decided by a coin-toss later) for a photo fieldtrip afterwards. but, then again, we once ended up in mexico when we were only supposed to visit san francisco for 3 days (and, after discussing it en route today, we're still impressed that jodi talked to us afterwards. oh, peer pressure!).

but we need to come up with a flag or a coat-of-arms first. though, come to think of it, i don't even know what the purpose of a coat-of-arms is. i suppose it looks good on letterhead, though.

and everyone who doesn't get why i'm excited that it's cold and hoping for snow should just find some freshly-snow-covered trees to drive/walk through, and go crunch through some fresh powder and breath the air, and just enjoy the simple, solemn beauty of snow. well, solemn, until you get a snowball down someone's back.

and now...
Things I Learned On Saturday:
- i like being on the ground. a lot. i need to do it more. in part, it's a security thing -- if i'm already on the ground, i can't fall and hurt my knee again. but i actually think it's part metaphorical as well: i've spent way too long pulling away from the real world (if you feel like your body's your achilles' heel [oh so punny!], makes sense, doesn't it?) that i actually need to reconnect with the ground. it's tangible and real.*
- although i tend to fall asleep lying on my stomach, i feel vulnerable lying on my front (especially keeping my face down) when i'm not trying to go to sleep. don't know why. will have to explore this.
- if i actually try and relax everything, i actually get full feeling back in my fingers (side-effect of a pinched nerve). it feels strange to feel normally there. i really like it.
- i may be coming up on an Important Life Moment. morgan popped into my world again. every time i run into her, it seems to coincide with some Eventful Moment. i really should meet up with her for coffee sometime before i leave.

actually, interruption:
you know those people that come across as cool or interesting or just nifty somehow, people you wish you could consider a friend, but they still seem just a little bit outside your realm (because they're in a different social world, or your taste/knowledge alters just enough to make conversations a little stilted at times, or just that you don't quite know how to relate to them)? but you still wish and hope and try to talk to them, even if it feels a little harder to do, sort of like a "friend crush"? or maybe it's just me. but either way, she was one of those people (for me) when i first met her. but every time i see her, we both chat and always mean to hook up sometime later (mean to = never does). she still sorta is a friend crush, i suppose, but more in the vein of, i'm conscious of thinking like that, but equally as conscious of the fact that it's completely unfounded and stupid to think that way because it's not the case at all. makes no sense? prolly not. so fine, back to the list!

- i like dancing. a lot. i really want to start learning it more. i want to not feel awkward anymore. i want to feel comfortable moving. and i don't know why i gave up on dance years ago. possibly because it was more ballet and jazz and more strictly regimented stuff, and the one thing i know about me is that i tend to dislike strict rules. unfortunately, i don't usually complete Desires To Learn unless i throw meself into them wholeheartedly and have Real Reasons** to learn them, so we'll see what comes of this. but i realised this watching a performance on friday, and cemented it after a lastminute choice to go to a drop-in class saturday morning. what to do...
- there's nothing wrong with my life, and wanting to keep learning right now. it's one thing to know this. it's another thing to believe it. but i think i'm closer to believing it.
- i need to have more unplanned, spur-of-the-moment plans. that's when i feel best.
- spiced carribean lamb = oh so tasty.
- sometimes when you're surrounded by strong, dominant personalities, it's just best (funnier) to lean back and watch the whole fiasco.
- Hummers really aren't that spacious. surprisingly. and i can't feel comfortable in one. mini-van still wins!
- the eagle ridge tim horten's has nowhere near the standard TH collection of Post-Midnight Interesting Characters. tragic.

* or it could really just be that i'm still scared of falling again. can't wait to get over that, though. i miss feeling invincible.
** often imposed, such as deadlines, contracted agreements, or losing face. just "wanting to" doesn't necessarily go so far. see "figuring out meself and my life" for an example.

Saturday, November 27, 2004

's snowing! mixed with rain. but it's still the first snow this year!

Thursday, November 25, 2004


it's probably a good thing that i'm going away soon. even if i don't know where i'm going. even if i don't know what i'll do. even if i don't know where i'll sleep. even if nothing will be at all like i'm expecting, even when i'm going back to places i already know.

i'm sick of Here right now. and i'm sick of This. and i'm sick of Them and That too.

but at the same time i'm looking forward to That, and -- i was thinking about it the past few days -- i know some great people here that i'm glad to consider friends and it makes me wonder why i'm thinking of leaving if some of the best people i know are here.

but then again, doesn't mean that you can't meet people elsewhere.

i think i'm kinda sick of Me, too, right now. i kinda felt like Me was back a few days ago, but today it seems to've slipped away again. probably because i spent today trying to deal with difficult things. so maybe when i wake up tomorrow Me'll be back again. i hope so.

i'm in the mood where i just want to jump into a pool*, hold my breath, and float just beneath the surface for a long, long time.

* preferably a heated pool. if not heated, then i need a giant snowfall so that i can be wrapped up in layer upon layer upon layer, wearing a giant scarf and a toque, and lie on a hill and watch tiny snowflakes fall on my face and listen to the crunchy, muted silence that only comes with snow.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

today i saw the first new-model beetle car that's actually looked appealing to me. it was pale green, and i should have been annoyed (or at least ambivalent) about it, but i actually really liked it. know why? because it was scuffed, the paint was chipped, it had some dents, the back of it was smothered in stickers, and it looked used. it made me happy to see it.

i just never realised before that part of my hatred of the new beetles is that they're all too pristine, too perfect, too new.

old shabbiness is underrated.

today i was also told (via email) that i have a lot to learn about how to make things happen for me, and that a lack of reply to a voicemail requesting one means that a problem has been solved.

but anything coming from that person doesn't mean much to me now.

i did, however, have a fun radio show. i played the robots song, finally. and i played not-AC Newman. and i played Frog Eyes and Constantines and Bert&Ernie. i spent more time being distracted by whoever happened to be on the phone or in the room chatting than i did picking music. but shows-on-the-fly are always more fun. and, surprisingly, you usually end up playing all the songs you really wanted to play.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

everything in the last post? forget it.

well, not everything. some of that stayed the same.

wednesday, realised that there had been a misunderstanding in what i would be paid for the photo job, contacted the person to clear it up before i finished drafting the (lawyer-approved!) contract. got no opportunity for discussion, just abuse and insult and was basically made to suck up to keep the job. which i did, with some bitterness, but figured i'd still do the job -- experience, portfolio-building, still figured i'd do the job for the sake of being good.

even so, i had my own personal crisis after it all happened, because of my own self-abuse. unfortunately it was daniel's birthday dinner that night, so i wasn't the happiest camper. also, that day, the doctor had called me in, and is now strongly suggesting i consider anti-depressants. i'm almost convinced now.

but fagan lent an ear (and advice) from the business side and wasn't put off by the tears of frustration that came out, and friends said the right things and forced me to start figuring meself out then and there, and everyone assured me that i wasn't insane and that i was in the right. which i knew. but it still didn't help much.

thursday, finally received a reply regarding the contract i'd sent, along with a complaint that i was adding things that weren't discussed before, despite the fact that things had changed since our initial discussion, and some things on her side that had been discussed (such as help for me and advanced payment) hadn't taken place either. and then told me MY misunderstanding made her wary of working with me and told me she wanted my assurance that i'd be kind and professional. after i'd sent her a very polite and professional -- even friendly -- email with the contract the first time. so that was just added insult. despite the fact that her issue was with a couple of dollars, i almost gave up on it out of principal, but i know that's what she wanted (so that she could prove i'm a bad person) so i clenched my teeth and left her a phonecall and resent an amended contract by email for approval and was as pleasant as possible (difficult, considering i felt like a shell of a person that day).

when i didn't hear back from her by midnight, i emailed her and told her that i assumed it had been rejected and best of luck with the festival. and it was a great relief. i didn't want to work for her anymore. i wasn't upset about the difference in what i'd be paid (even though it was a vast amount less), but because of how i was treated. i was being strung along, manipulated, and given absolutely no respect. and i don't need that. and this way, i made the last move, rather than giving her the satisfaction of me arriving at the festival to be told that my services wouldn't be needed, as i'm sure that the reason she didn't get back to me was because she was exploring her options to line up another photographer, but keeping me in limbo in case she couldn't cover it.

was still somewhat terrified that i'd get a phonecall from her around 8pm today, demanding to know where i was and why i wasn't there working for them (because she never even replied to the email acknowledging her "rejection"), but it never came. thank god.

when everything first happened, fagan tried to cheer me up by telling me a business joke:
"want to learn something about business?" the businessman asked his son.
"sure!" said the kid. so the dad led him outside to a stepladder.
"now climb up to the top," said dad. and the son did. "now jump into my arms!"
"but dad, i'm scared!" said the son.
"don't worry, i'll catch you," the father assured him.
so the son jumped, and the father quickly stepped back, letting the kid fall.
the end.

after dealing with business types, i wish that were just a really really bad joke.

so that experience kinda sucked. on the plus side, there was no production day today because the computers weren't working, so it was like a day-long bonding experience between editors. which was actually fun. also, saw a relatively bad sci-fi film with dwm. although the lead girl was beautiful, and i wish i could make my hair look as nifty as hers. also, have started emailing with stefan again, and i think things are good. he's still a dumbass, and says things that he intends as sensitive but are, in reality, the exact opposite, but i can handle it now.

so ultimately, it's a good thing the photo job fell through, considering the computer crisis. because now we'll be doing production tomorrow instead. and now i can go to other better events happening this weekend. and, because production was postponed, i'm delivery girl on monday, for which i'll get a tiny bit of extra money -- not near as much as i'd have gotten post-contract negotiations struggles, but at least i enjoy working for the peak much more than i would have enjoyed working for her.

so. i win, still? maybe. probably. i did everything right and legally and professionally. i did it with proper legal advice, from a few sources, too. i know she's going to badmouth me to lots of people -- she was already telling me stories about people she'd worked with in the past. but i don't care. i'd rather work with someone who's got the decency to discuss problems with me and treat me as an equal, rather than someone who treats me like a second-rate peon.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

I WIN!!!

laptop is fixed (old news, but still good news)!

met someone with a magnetic quality to them, the sort where you keep catching yourself staring at them without realising it (until they catch you watching them), and it's not necessarily attraction in anything other than the magnetic sense, but once you realise it's happening it's fun to indulge and study their face/posture/being...until they catch you watching them again and start thinking you're creepy!

not buying a D70...yet...BUT going to be using a rented one all weekend long with the festival paying for it, which means that at the end of the weekend, i'll have used a good camera that i can trust, get to decide if it's worth getting my own right now, taken a bunch of pictures that i KNOW are good, earned some money, and will be able to put it into my back account, instead of onto my mastercard to pay back the cost of a new camera!

my faith in my ability as a photographer has returned...i think!

i get a car for another 10 days, just in time to scootch around all weekend doing the festival work!

i realised that i think i'm repaired from the stefan least, i've got urges to just want to chat with him without any negative side-effects!*

i got to see sunshine today! and a really pretty moon!

i got new sparklies (thank you ed)!

i...well, i had a not-win moment today that still may not be entirely resolved, but for the moment it ended with being given chocolates!

i got to discuss fascism and blackshirts while wrapped in a blanket draped over a furnace, making it even warmer! and my tutee's marks have gone up a goodly amount, so apparently i'm doing good!

my hair's still glittery!

i'm gonna go to sleep now!

points for me!!!!!

well, this one might be a temporary thing, but we'll see...

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

sam fixed my laptop!!!

i thought it was dead, but no, it's not. it's a happy day now. all i have to do now is decide whether to spend an arm and a leg and perhaps half a brain or so to purchase a nikon D70 because i'm sincerely doubting my camera's abilities for thiscoming weekend. maybe i can borrow someone's camera, maybe not. getting the digital SLR would be *great* for taking pictures everywhere and, stupid as it is, give me the confidence for this and future jobs.

but it's a lot of money. it won't clean me out, but if i'm going to europe for 3 weeks, it'll mean i'd be pretty close to having zero monies in my bank account by the time i'm back (assuming i don't win any spectacular bursaries or get a new student loan).

...unless i could figure out a way to make money with the camera while i go to europe. because if the laptop's working again, i could always bring that with...

okay! so who wants to buy a photo or two off me?

also, i'm wearing a turkish shawl. it's very soft and very warm. i feel so exotic with that and my princess beads'n'braids.

no, i haven't forgotten you yet, kenten. we should deal with that soon.

Friday, November 12, 2004

most people are celebrating diwali on the 12th. but ilam & co did it on the 11th. which meant lovely lovely indian food and cheesy indian music and beautiful slinky saris and massively huge sparklers.

and a business meeting. well, once the playing-with-hair got out of the way.

i need to get my own sari, though. they're so much fun to wear...

there is no more greater vancouver at the moment. the fog's rolled in, so it looks like we've got oceanfront property now. it's quite pretty, especially with the pools of light from the houses and lampposts drowning beneath the surface. come visit me sometime and we'll take the boat out for awhile.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

i was just on the phone with a german travel agent, trying to figure out costs for a flight from germany to vancouver (checking out EVERY OPTION for the cheapest flight). i got to speak a little bit of german, which is nice. he asked for my email address, though, so i tried to think of german words for the "as in" part. when i got to "a as in apfel" he started laughing and refused to stop. in fact, he told me to wait a moment when i tried to keep going.

i can make people 9 hours in The Future laugh! hurrah!

i wish the UK were 9 hours in The Future too. then they'd be open for business right now too. lousy brits...

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

i've had a week of romantic showers, now.

see, for the past long long long while, the bathroom light's been a little finicky. sometimes you flicked it on and it wouldn't turn on, so flickflickflickflickflick VOILA! light's on. faulty wiring or whathaveyou.

but the faulty wiring is now useless wiring, and no amount of flicking the switch will make the lights turn on.

perhaps we're just incapable of fixing the wiring ourselves. daniel claims he could fix it if he had a screwdriver, but he refuses to bet gelato on this assertion, so i have my doubts. perhaps we're just lazy. either way, the bathroom is now fully-decorated in candles of all sorts, and a giant box of matches, and whenever any of us have a shower, we just light all the candles up.

maybe i should be digging up the romantic rose shower gel someone gave my for my birthday and the atmosphere would be especially romantic.

today murali saw snow up close for the first time ever. we went up to whistler. we built a snowmanpenguin. we froze our fingers having a snowball fight. i built a marker out of stones. we nearly died hiking up to the snow in the first place. we saw ribbons of clouds floating between mountain peaks. we stopped at tim horton's on the way there and back so that he got the full roadtrip experience. we missed being caught by photo radar because he was driving home (fortunately). i introduced him to holding his breath going through tunnels and getting a wish on the other side.

but, really, the best part of the day was the snow. didn't see it fall. but played in it nonetheless.
i registered for classes for the spring just now. and it felt so good.

and last night ayanna and i witnessed a Terrible Crime In Progress. dead bodies and conspirators were involved. they'll be after us next, i tell you!

and now, murali awaits! (we're heading out on an Adventure somewhere today. i'm already late. it's okay, he usually is too. based on the one other time we went somewhere together.)

Thursday, November 04, 2004

i made a bet with agnes today. i told her there wasn't much point in betting against me, but she went for it anyways just to amuse me.

i saw my kidney specialist today. kidney, head, knee, some day there'll be a liver specialist in there too... so silly. at any rate, it was destined to be an exercise in futility from the start, but it was somewhat fun to go through the motions.

doctors are in funny positions. they're supposed to tell you what's wrong, and if there is something wrong, people will generally be upset. but the doctor's just someone that they see now and then -- all the more so if it's a specialist. generally, you're not that close to your doctor. so i can imagine that if a patient is starting to get upset or depressed about something they're being told by the doctor, they can either try to reach out to the person to calm them, or completely distance themselves. i'm not sure which one's the better solution. i know that my doctors have typically reached out. which i think i like. i'm not sure where the boundary between "supportive" and "slightly creepy" lies, though. but i digress. it was just something that i started thinking about today, while i was being reassured, despite the fact that i was feigning cynical good humour. (obviously i was failing at it.)

    "so! there's still something wrong! but all the extra tests we did since the biopsy still don't tell us what is wrong because everything else normal! but it might be an idea to start taking meds! of course, they might lower your blood pressure, but..."

    "oh, but doctor, i've been dizzy a lot lately, and i've been rather depressed of late as well!"

    "hmm... then i guess meds are out of the questions! well, there's nothing else to be done, come back and see me in a couple months!"

    "okay, doctor, sir!"

    the end.

you'll have to imagine it all in grandoise, over-the-top voices. it would be better if i wrote it in the Q&A-style of speaking that he has, because it's actually quite entertaining, but i can't do that justice in writing. but i was almost completely right. instead of a couple months, it'll be six months, and i didn't have to go see him, but if i'm getting bloodwork done (again) i'd rather know what's going on with it all.

it was surprisingly stressful. i knew exactly what would happen, but i still got to the semi-ready-to-cry feeling, something that i thought i'd managed to get under control lately. but i suppose it's expected if you're suddenly stressed out, or if you know what's going to happen but you're still hopinghopinghoping to hear something else instead.

idiopathic mesangial proliferative glomerulonephritis, mild. this is one of the few definite things anyone can tell me about my kidneys. translated, it means that my mesangial cells are mildly swollen (ritis) in general, AND WHY?

    id·i·o·path·ic adj.
      Of or relating to a disease having no known cause.

nobody knows! which should just be stamped all over my medical record at this point. chronic hep B? dunno why, sorry, can't do much about it...maybe you should just become paranoid about everything and separate yourself from the rest of humanity in case you infect them, even if that's not actually that likely... clicking head? no one knows why (and few believe me). pinched nerve? dunno why, you must be too skinny. can't do much about it! strange lump in a worrisome place? maybe it's your clitoris!* knee "popping out"? don't need surgery! just don't go skiing. or run. or jump. dizzy? you must be dehydrated...even though you've been drinking water constantly. just don't do much of anything until it stops. so am i supposed to be really concerned about any of this? well...i don't know. but have these tests done and we'll see you in a few more months!

i'm not a hypochondriac. you can't be a hypochondriac if you're actually right whenever there's a problem. i'm so sick of this, though. it's surprisingly stressful to know that there's stuff wrong with you and you don't know why and you don't know what you can do about it and you don't know how serious a concern it is and you don't know if you're a hazard to people around you or not because no one can give you a direct answer about anything but they all exagerrate because they think that it's better to be safe then sorry and don't think of what sort of mental effect that has on a person who's trying to continue feeling "normal"... it's fuckin great for the self-confidence and ability to be comfortable just being you, i can tell you that much.

so i only half-won our bet, so i owe agnes gelato, and she owes me gelato. we both win.

ah, it's good to be me...

* if you missed out on that story, just ask and i'll tell you. doctors can be fuckin stupid. STUPID.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

novel wordcount: still, sadly, 0. written other things, but not my novel. this will be rectified tomorrow, however -- laptop will be in tow, because i'll have a good couple hours to kill between meetings tomorrow morning.

mike was my bucket o'sunshine today.

he was the first person i saw this morning. he came in as i was going through mail, complained about the society, complained about the upcoming meeting, complained about the missing Board, complained about how much he hated the world, complained a little more, and the twirled around to stalk off -- but stopped quickly to tell me that i was wearing a lovely skirt.

when i ran into him at the radio station he complained about the world, told me my taste was lacking, challenged me for not liking country, told anyone listening to the radio that my upcoming show was going to be the Hour Of Hatred and set me up to be evil, made me laugh when i got on air and mocked my (lack of) professionality, and then quickly disappeared -- but not before he quickly told me that i was wearing a lovely skirt.

there was a brief conversation about how people don't compliment each other enough, and he said that he'll always tell people when they're dressed nicely "because i'm superficial and that's all that matter to me."

i think that i'm going to enjoy crossing paths with mike more often, as long as his love of country don't start to rub off on me.

also, i really shouldn't be allowed to have caffeine. it's so much fun to be drunk on it, though.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

i think i may have found my Continued-Ed-Turned-Therapy-Group today.

see, in one of the films i saw at the film fest (a swedish film called Four Shades of Brown), part of the plot revolved around this "cooking class." at least, that was what it was supposed to be. a group of 5 people got together regularly, but rather than learning to cook (or maybe they just did it offscreen), they would bring fancy food and a bottle of wine and sit in the community centre and discuss things. of course, inevitably, given the kind of film it was, there were some fucked up secrets that came out. but barring the admissions of pedophelia and whatnot, i really enjoyed the concept of a group that was supposed to have been a class that really just turned into a group therapy meeting, and i wished i could figure out what the code words would be to find a class like that in the Continuing Education catalogues.

and then today i went mask-making at a gallery downtown. it's something new, supplies are provided, and it's creating something. and, in a few weeks, there's a workshop on using them in performance. but i digress.

today was wet and rainy and miserable, and there were five of us in this sparse gallery (it's between shows at the moment), and we were learning to make masks and making molds of each others' faces, but we all just began to chat about things entirely unrelated to the masks, things that were usually things you might not mention to friends. but, like everyone knows, sometimes it's easier to talk to complete strangers about things that you feel strongly about. and that's what happened. even the dynamics of the group seemed similar to what my ideal group would be.

it was fun. we discussed music and culture and fears and confusions and plans and made masks. hopefully next week is the same.

i'm kind of glad that we've hit the rainy season. it's cozy being on this side of the window, seeing all the lights in the valley disappear because the rain's pounding down so hard. although it would be cozier to be asleep in bed right now...

Monday, November 01, 2004

rabbit rabbit!
Sloth is mean to children. someone gave me a Death Card -- i dare not lose it. a random masked man accosted me on the street -- apparently it was the moustache that appealed to him. Frida Kahlo and i discussed moustache-removal techniques. someone was a Sun-Ripe Raisins box, but it was the robots with flashing lights that impressed me most. ran into June, again. i always run into June. sometime, we might actually plan to run into each other and spend more than a few moments in passing together. got to see The Winks. danced to drums and dixieland bands. was blessed a few times over by flowers and glitter. someone gave me a cookie, "To fight corporate crime with cookies!" ayanna wouldn't touch it. i think it might have been a vegan cookie -- tasted good either way. got to ooh and aah over everyone's costumes, and to try to remember a few of them for next year.

so far, i've been (or tried to be) a French Distraction (costume incomplete), Sarah's Closet, a Princess (costume discarded because the dress was too nice to risk ruining last night), NOT a Reporter (UNDERCOVER!!! shhhhh!!!), a '50s Doll-Girl, and something militaristic (failed because I couldn't bear wearing the insignia). still have to come up with something for this afternoon. because going to carve pumpkins still needs a costume!

might end up going down to the park to play with fire. i'm not as good as the people last night, but hey, it's coquitlam, the kids'll think it's pretty nifty no matter what. with any luck, daniel will be there to watch me burst into flames . . . and laugh at me.

14.5 hours until NaNoWriMo . . . still no title . . .

Sunday, October 31, 2004


pockej, pockej?
co? pockej 'pockej, pockej'?
ne, cekam cekam!
pockej, pockej?

i was wondering when this film was going to make it out here -- i was surprised it wasn't at the film fest. it's weird. it's good. i wanted jonny to "borrow" the standups of those guys from the kino while he was in his klepto stage. stef saw the actor on the left on the tram one morning but was too cool to say hi. if i'd been there i would have said something. ah well.

so i'm going to go see this film and be simultaneously happily thrilled and sad. oh what fun...

weird week. generally good, largely due to the weird moods. unfortunately the hyper good moods come along with their polar opposite once i'm on my own again, which is part why i stayed at the peak late last night, even if i could have left an hour earlier. well, and i had to get stuff done at the same time. but still.

on the plus side, waiting that long meant i missed the really wet part of the night, and i got to see the clouds whipping across the sky on the walk home. and have the wind all around me. and now it's sunny and cold and windy and orange and hellow and red and leafy and perfect.

and next week will be busy busy busy and i'll get to go see a doctor who'll tell me that i should take meds, but i'll tell him how i've been dizzy fairly regularly of late and he'll say that i shouldn't take them then, and that he'll want me to get more bloodwork done and come see him in another couple months. a wonderful exercise in futility!

and i'll have my radio show to meself once again, and at a new time -- tuesdays @ 3 -- which means i get to stick around and visit with people and genuinely enjoy what i'm playing rather than stress that i'm not doing work on the paper like i have been all semester long.

and i'll get to register for courses. if i'm doing it this time. which i think i am. though i still haven't gotten a calendar of my own yet.

and i get to go buy a flash (because it's necessary) with the money i don't have. and a minidisc recorder (because it's not as necessary, but then i don't have to keep commandeering mr mulder's), again, with the money i don't have.

still need a costume. working on it. got to wear my favourite dress for the last couple days. and a tie. and i'll have to wear it more -- hallowe'en was a good enough excuse as any.

and NaNoWriMo starts on monday. i have a plan to make meself do it this year. still don't have a working title, though. might just cut up a newspaper and dada my way to a title. but considering i can write words and words and words and words here without any trouble, surely i can write a novel in a month!

* all c's sound like "ch" except in "co" ('tso'). translated, it's...along the lines of "what? what? what 'what'?" etc etc etc......ees FUNNY!

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

YAY for people who put things into perspective.
BOO for people who schedule rehearsals on hallowe'en weekend and don't let catherine come join sarah for the parade of lost souls.
YAY for thunder and lightening and hail-that-looks-like-snow-on-the-ground.
YAY for surprise mini high school reunion.
BOO for feeling ashamed of my life.
YAY for awesome sangria.
YAY for seeing my high-school twin sister for the first time in years.
YAY for amazing home-made indian food.
YAY for amazing home-made indian food leftovers.
YAY for chocolate chip pancakes and first official meeting of the "travel" club.
BOO for horrid cramps.
BOO for depression.
BOO for hating my world.
YAY for beautiful beautiful noise and friendly, beautiful Montrealians.
YAY for references to prague that only i got.
BOO for creepy, old german men who seemed nice at first.
YAY for friendly, inspiring Floridanians.
BOO for stupid rules that only hurt people who can't really take it.
BOO for continuously elusive norsk food.
YAY for random art show.
YAY for chatting with people i'd been meaning to arrange a date to "accidentally" bump into.
YAY for getting to know a new someone and meeting and old someone.
BOO for losing sleep unecessarily.
YAY for long naps on comfy couches in quiet rooms.
YAY for dreams about snow and snowball fights and old, rusted, razor-sharp-and-evil mouse traps with aged (2 syllables) white cheddar already on them.
BOO for dream!sfagan for insisting the traps be used to kill the rats.
YAY for real!sfagan for finding the dream funny instead of disturbing.
YAY for getting the cd-less french book from the radio station.
YAY for probably changing my radio timeslot -- and keeping my show name.
YAY for RC Cola, making me dreadfully strange and hyper.
YAY for streams of consciousness. even if it's a million streams at once.
BOO for achieving nearly nothing that i wanted to, again.
YAY for reading Le petit Nicolas.
BOO for finding out that plans have been hijacked.
YAY for making new plans in spite of hijackers.
YAY for (surprisingly) cheap sushi and funny(-looking) people.
BOO for feeling vaguely out of place.
BOO for long waits for busses.
YAY for seeing someone writing an epic novel on the bus -- probably about everyone around him, because he'd always glance up at people and then continue writing furiously. somehow, i liked seeing him write.
BOO for people disrespecting boundaries.
YAY for well-timed phonecalls from victoria.
BOO for frustration and anxiousness and unhappiness being amplified by people who don't even realise they're doing it. and for me doing it back.

BOO for today's me.
YAY for sleep.

Friday, October 22, 2004

i shared the bus stop today. just after i got there, another girl showed up, a sports bag and knapsack and safeway bag and sweater in tow as she shuffled quickly across the street, trying not to lose her slip-on shoes halfway across. when she made it to my side, she put on her sweater (under her jean jacket, over her tank top, despite the fact that it was honestly chilly this morning), and started to shuffle the contents of the bags until they all fit into two, rather than three.

i found her so absolutely, positively annoying. her mere existence there beside me had me tense, tapping my foot, gritting my teeth, trying so hard not to get up and push her into the street -- or at least to refrain from saying something snarky to her.

i don't know why. i don't know who she was. i've never seen her before. she wasn't exuding any attitude of any sort, she was minding her own business, her only fault was standing right in the way of my ability to see the bus coming, but she was catching the same bus i was, so it's unlikely i'd have missed the bus because neither of us looked expectant when it came by. i wasn't in a bad mood, and i certainly wasn't in a cranky mood when i ran into anyone else later on.

i've hated people because they kept drumming to the beat of bad music, or, worse, sung along with it. i've hated people for being able to hear them chew loudly when i'm trying to concentrate. i've hated people for perpetually sniffing, or for having an annoying laugh, or for snoring in hostels. i've hated people for missing unspoken (but obvious) pleas for listening or attention or hugs. but i've never hated someone just because, from the moment they entered my awareness.

fortunately the bus came a few minutes after, before my annoyance with her became too much to stand. hopefully she isn't at the busstop tomorrow morning.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

yesterday i did yoga for the First Time Ever. my body felt shimmery and fuzzy and good afterwards. but i expected to hurt like the dickens today.

guess what! no pain! hurrah! looking forward to yoga-ing again next week.

nearly got to speak french on monday. i was driving artists to and from the airport for the new forms fest, and i found out that two of them were from montreal when they opened their mouths to say hi. and then they said that they didn't expect a ride and were planning to rent a car instead. hopes went up, and were immediately dashed -- no chitchatting in french with them! looking forward to seeing their performance, though, looks really interesting. although after going through only a part of the ongoing installations earlier this week, i wonder how much i'll be able to comprehend. already have to go back to look at what i already saw, because i don't think i got half of it. and because i didn't get time to do the soundwalk. oooooh soundwalk!

oh, and by the way... snow!!! when i was in north van you could see snow on grouse (i think) mountain already. jodi and i still might try to do the grind anyways. if it gets to end with a giant snowball fight, then everyone wins!

oh, and still looking for hallowe'en costume suggestions. thus far, catherine and i have come up with pimps, dinosaurs, New Kids On The Block, or Something Cool. i'm rooting for a combination of them all right now. but with makeup. suggestions?

no more procrastination. off to take photos...

Monday, October 18, 2004

KitKat + Peanut Butter = STUPIDEST IDEA EVER

whoever came up with it should be shot.
i haven't tried the strawberry ones. i never will. hopefully that person can be rounded up and punished as well.

why are all the chocolate bars deciding to mix their flavours now? Oh Henrys with caramel and peanut butter, Aeros with caramel, KitKat with all these flavours... the reason all those bars have lasted is because they each covered a particular chocolate bar niche, and trying to smear each one all over the place is poor planning.

i do so miss Lion bars, though. rather than creating all these new ones, nestle should just start sending lions out here. everyone would be grateful.

Saturday, October 16, 2004

i only got to do a quarter of the No Show today, but i got to do it on my own (which meant playing only what i wanted) and DAMN if it weren't a great (albeit small) set!

and then i ran all the way to near-UBC and all the way back (a two-hour trip for people who don't know these things) to pick up five pictures.

and today was actually pretty good. for the first time ever, i left early and left final corrections with those remaining, though i felt justified, considering that the only reason i was still there that late at night was because i was waiting on someone else to finish an article for me. and not that i usually care sticking around, but i really didn't feel like sleeping over again.

and i found out that yes, i'm still getting reactions from chinese food. i had decided that it was all in my head, and that i wasn't really allergic to it, but...turns out i am. which is a shame. because chinese food is tasty. but at least i don't feel like a bitchy whiner for arguing against chinese food for past production nights.

it did taste good, though. at least i'll have the memory...

in other news that hasn't been listed here:
- was surprised with a surprise party last weekend. indian food. cheesecake. jericho beach. hurrah.
- began to befriend someone who initially annoyed the hell out of me. huzzah.
- spoke french. hurrah.
- made plans to gym. subsequently cancelled on them the first chance i got. huzzah.
- realised that i've forgotten how to move, and that i'm going to have to skip a meeting next week to learn how to do it again. hurrah.
- checked out the latest VAG exhibit. it made me think. so much so that i briefly felt compelled to reconsider my thoughts on walmart. heavy thinking indeed. huzzah.
- went back to the indian place from my birthday, because it was so good the first time round, where catherine and i commiserated and therapised and discussed and indulged in butter chicken. so good. so full afterwards. hurrah.
- decided that if i'm to stay in vancouver at any point in my life, that i'll need to open up a ?ajovna. i may already have business partners. perhaps. huzzah.
- i found more random connections to prague that i'd ever expect working on my stories this week. SIGNS??? or just coincidences??? hurrah.
- enjoyed a leisurely busride home on the last ones of the night, after burning my tongue with hot chocolate. huzzah.
- ended up spending 40 minutes on a free phonecall to austria, talking to the person that i love because they embody so many things that i detest. (male chauvinism has never been and never will be as amusing.) hurrah.

and now i'll sleep. because tomorrow is supposed to be a gym day. so i should probably be awake in time to get there, lest i cancel out on my gym buddy yet another time.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

if i could actually contribute something worthwhile, i'd take part in something like this. as it is, i can only zoom through it with an impressed awe. i wish i had talent. though it's still fun being an official appreciator of the arts as well.
what's the name of the feeling that's not sadness, not depression, but some degree of "down"ness, not sedate, but it's not a happy feeling per se, just a feeling where you appreciate things, enjoy the dark, find a sense of coziness among candles, twinkle lights, incense, classical music... it's a feeling that comes along with wintertime, with christmas, with sweaters and comfy socks...


whatever that feeling is, that's been today. even when it didn't quite seem to be the place for a feeling like that. it's pleasant. but it feels like something monumental and climactic should be coming out of all of it.

but it won't. because real life isn't a film or tv series.

on a different note, watching people's strategies during board games is quite fascinating. tells you a bit about their personality. that, or just that they don't like playing king's cribbage. still.

* i've hated it for years in the past. but this was fun! we ended before the game finished, and at that moment i had the least amount of cash, though a decent amount of property, but i guarantee that if the game had been played to the end, i would have won; barely staying afloat, but still getting by and succeeding in the end, that's what i do,

Sunday, October 10, 2004

it's john lennon's birthday. it's my name day. i might go have bubble tea. now celebrate!

societal norms and courtesies are such a bother.

it's gotten impressively dark in the last 20 minutes. dark enough to turn on the twinkle lights and light candles. perfect atmosphere for cleaning.

full of the eno love lately. don't know why. might just be the name itself -- it's rather a nice name: eno. eno eno eno. good thing his music is good too.

must force meself to the gym starting NOW. knee's been bugging me. i suppose that it's good that it's all fixed up, it shouldn't pop out on me anymore. still, though, since surgery it's ached more consistently than ever before. somehow, that seems backwards.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

no cheesecake for sarah. no surprise, though. plans exist only to be foiled.

saw i (heart) huckabees today. it was as i expected: lacking something. i can't quite put my finger on what it is, though. but watching the film felt as though you were watching it from just outside the door, peering in, not feeling entirely there. or like building a brick wall and building it up high and strong, but without any mortar. technically, it's there, it's made, it looks finished, it looks good and strong, but there's something a little missing.

so afterwards i dragged sharon along to see a german film. yeah, i said that yesterday was prolly my last film fest day. yeah, i lied. strange film. fun hearing german. psychotic main character. had a scene that actually made me leap out of my chair in surprise. felt more rounded than huckabees. won't say that it was a better film, but it had whatever substance huckabees was lacking. and the writer/star was there to field questions afterwards, hurrah. and then we listened to the misery show on citr on the ride home.

had a strange bombardment of energies this afternoon, though, at collective. last week's meeting was amazingly smooth, everything just flowed. this week's, you could just feel the clashes. i don't know if it's from people who were there, or just general attitudes, or what. i really didn't like it, though, just became anti-social for awhile afterwards. it passed. but not before i'd suppressed the urge to hurt a person or two.

so. who's up for swimming tomorrow?

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

for the first time in a loooooooong time (ever?) vancouver, WA, might be the more exciting vancouver. maybe.

i like living near an active volcano. suddenly the west coast seems so much more exotic.

i think i saw my last film fest film today. tragically. fortunately, it was a good one. a very good one. The Five Obstructions. ed's right, von trier is a bastard. oh film fest, it was fun while it lasted...unless i cop out of current plans and see something tomorrow.

for now, i'm tired. but first:

i don't care about birthdays. it's only a day. really. i don't expect anything special to happen on that day, i've had miserable birthdays before (though a couple of jodi's birthdays still take the cake), i don't have any plans specifically because it's my birthday, and i certainly don't expect anything out of the day.

and yet! and yet, i can't stop thinking about the fact that it is almost my birthday. the actual year doesn't matter, though it might to some, but i know that i'll still automatically want to answer "18" when someone asks me age.* if i don't hear from anyone out of the ordinary, i won't be disappointed (i hope), and it would certainly be a surprise to hear from anyone other than the people i'm bound to run into tomorrow.

but if someone mentions that date, "oh, that's my birthday!"
or when a free film happens then, "yay! free stuff on my birthday -- gift for me!"
or when i flip through someone's planner to the date, "oh, you're missing something birthday!"
or when i walk home through the wet leaves, "it's so lucky that it's always like this on my birthday!"
or when mount saint helens gets busier and busier, "oooh... right around my birthday... maybe it'll erupt on my birthday!"

so do you believe me when i say that my birthday really doesn't matter to me? because honestly, it doesn't. i don't know what it is that makes that date stand out in my head, and as i think about it and mention it in passing more and more, it annoys me, too. afterall, it's only a day, why should anyone else care?

although. if i do go see a film with friends tomorrow night, and if we do go somewhere afterwards for something to eat or drink, i will be very disappointed if cheesecake isn't involved. well, maybe i will be.

strange how dates just become "important" somehow, as much as you want them to be a regular day. i suppose it makes life a little bit more interesting and worth not-dying for, huh.

i could smell burning stuff in the air when i was outside yesterday. crisp air, with a hint of smokey wood and roasting pumpkin (it's still too early, but i swear that's what i smelled), and crunchy leaves beneath my feet. it made me glad that my birthday's now.**

* that or 22, i always have to think when people ask me. it's sad, really...
** well, technically, one minute from now...

Monday, October 04, 2004

i think today won for Best Film Fest Day. saw a lengthy swedish film that was sad, but not depressing -- a delicate balance, but a successful one. drove guest #1 all the way home and picked up guest #2 and headed back downtown to see a french film that was surprisingly good. strange filming style. emo and angsty but set to baroque music, and in paris. which made for a good film.

the VIFF has these preview ads that start with a premise for a film ("on a military submarine") that slowly evolves ("on a ukrainian fishing barge") until the sorts who like festivals ("a yak herder...") would actually be interested in the film ("...finds love"). the french film i saw would probably fit well into those ads, but it was still well done.

just makes me believe even more that i would thoroughly enjoy it if they showed "the pants i have owned" (another "fake" film from other ads).

i've discovered that i can relate to a certain someone even more than i'd guessed, and that i'm apparently the best person that they can talk to right now, when it comes to having someone tell them what they need to hear. and part of it's that i'm just repeating all the advice and realities that i, meself, need to start truly believing. i know that everything i'm passing on is true, i just wish that i could make it relate to my own perception of the world right now. or that i had someone in that role telling me what i needed to hear.

i also found out that i should have followed my gut instinct last night and dropped by for someone's party, if only because i coulda visited with one person who was there. ah well. sleep prevailed.

convoluted paragraphs? yessirree. eaten much today? not much more than a small breakfast. my dinner's burning, i'm off.

Saturday, October 02, 2004

i'm home!

considering what time it is, this is something special. see, it's production day on fridays, and usually, i'm working until midnight or so because, well, it's a lot of work. but! today! i was finished by 8pm! not only that, but this morning, i didn't even have a clue what was going to be in my section.

granted, i had 2 less pages than usual to lay out this time, but i don't think that makes that really made much of a difference. somehow, thinks were just working today. for the most part, at least.

the only unfortunate thing is that i told someone that they could have a ride home, so even though i'm home now, i agreed to head back up whenever production's finished just to give them a lift home. because i have a van for another day or so, and i know how frustrating it is to be stuck with the bus, and i'm a nice person, and because i said i'd do it way back when, before i knew i'd finish early. so very tired, though, i just want to sleep...

ah well.

Friday, October 01, 2004

been stressed beyond belief this week -- so much so that i forgot to show up at one of the few paying jobs i have right now. felt terrible about it, and now, next week, i'll have to skip out early for another job that got moved up in the night. not good. too much going on right now. craziness is spilling over.

still, other than not really having much of a section for next week, things seem good. i'm being paid for a photo job for the first time ever -- far less than the going rate for a professional photographer, but i don't feel comfortable charging that much for my services, not for a first-time gig. means i get to go flash-shopping finally, hurrah!

interviewed don mckellar today with a last-minute "junior writer" who ended up being the perfect person to bring along. her excitement about it all made me a lot more thrilled with the whole thing. helped that she was smart and interesting. said she was too terrified to do the interview alone, but in the end she carried most of it, so yay her! i felt so proud... and so jaded, considering how much i really didn't care (before her enthusiasm started to rub off on me). although the added perk was running into the star of don's film in the hallway, who turned out to be a sweet kid and definitely not the drama queen from the film.

don's film, by the way, was good. had a lot of energy. was fun to watch. but had a point where it became...not as captivating, somehow. i don't even know how to describe it, but i noticed the same thing watching macivor's film on tuesday, that there's something...less gritty...more saccharine...less open-ended...slightly disappointing, honestly, about the films. not to say that the films were bad. but...something that i was expecting, some depth of some sort, something's missing. or maybe it's just been too long since i've watched canadian films.

soooooooo tired soooooooo want to sleep soooooooo haven't gotten a good night's sleep at all this week soooooooo won't get one tonight soooooooo sorry that bodac's scheduled during collective meeting times soooooooo supposing that i'll just have to skip a meeting or two sometime because i realised on tuesday that the reason i've felt soooooooo antsy (in part) lately is that i was soooooooo looking forward to it starting up again soooooooo hungry soooooooo need to write an article soooooooo finished.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

i'm hoping i didn't jinx meself today. we'll see.

apparently i'm surrounded by little energy fairies. as nutty as the description sounded, i like it. i like the idea of being surrounded by little protection fairies. but shhh! it's a secret.

i've been going through training for vancouver rape relief, but after reaching the halfway point, i have a feeling i might stop going. i'm not sure that it's my thing, really, for various reasons. and, unfortunately, i skipped it last week, which makes it damn more difficult to go this week -- much like skipping tutorials. haven't decided whether to go tomorrow night or not. we'll see.

went to the gravel pits in coquitlam today. they're not near as creepy and magical as i remember. i was disappointed.

there's three people in town this week (or so) that i've interviewed in the past, and, for one reason or another, those interviews are marked as the top three important interviews in my memories -- usually for some sort of self-growth or something like that, or even just for one little comment they made that stuck with me. and, for that reason, i feel obliged to try to somehow meet them all again. one won't know who i am, so i'm hopefully just going to get an interview (it'd be a sort of full-circle for me, regardless of if they know it or not), the other two, i'd rather just have the chance to chat with them instead of interview. but we'll see.

we'll see we'll see we'll see we'll see.

Monday, September 27, 2004

i always find it surprising to find out that people remember me.

it's nice when they do, though.

Sunday, September 26, 2004

saw a swedish film today. i wanted to see it because the photo in the catalogue looked rather striking. and because it was in swedish. when we got to the theatre, i overheard at least a few people saying that they were there because of the picture. after the movie ended i met another couple people who said that they wanted to check it out because of the picture.

i don't think i regret seeing the film. i don't think it was all that great, though. much of the time was spent finding meself growing repulsed by what was going on (or insinuated). there really wasn't a plot to speak of. it was just trying to shock for the sake of shocking, but i didn't find much more to it.

strangely, it's the film that i saw the most people i knew at. my cousin popped up out of nowhere. half the SFSS was there. ed and trevor were there. i think it's pretty funny that, of all the films, it's that one that i saw everyone at. either i have similar taste to all of them (because they were all caught by the picture as well), or they were all just there for the porno part (ie: all of the film).

i'll vote for the latter for the fun of it. because governments, even student governments, are all about the cardinal sins. as is my family. which is why me AND colin AND daniel were there -- 3 out of 4 cousins is pretty telling (the other 3 don't live here).

ahhh, corruption.

also, the basement bathroom at the granville 7 theatre is the most pleasant-smelling bathroom i've ever been in. and driving at 100km/hr with the windows rolled down and yelling as loud as you can for the sake of yelling feels good. and downtown has become a great deal less interesting. but bringing daniel on a mini-tour of the downtown core, showing him where cool places used to be, made it a little bit better.

Friday, September 24, 2004

good god this sucks.

the sun's coming up (well, the coloured stripes are on the horizon at least), poco is wreathed in the early-morning fog that makes it look a lot chillier and crisper than it actually is (such a shame.. i've made the transition to getting excited over winter, y'see), and i've been sitting here for the past few hours watching the stars disappear and wishing i could sleep.

i can tell you that it's going to be a beautiful day, though.

i've had sleep-inducing tea, i've played soothing, ambient music, i've read boring books, i've tried lying down one more time umpteen times (maybe this time! no...), i've watched some tv (for all of two minutes, before i realised i really didn't care to do it at all), i've stretched, i've tossed and turned (even while walking - it's a sight to be seen!), and i'm still awake. have been since 2:30. which means i've had a grand total of just over 2 hours sleep. and today's the day that i have to get stuff done and be up and awake and alert until everything's finished late tonight.

brilliant timing. apparently my subconscious is all in a knot over something right now. every time i did lie down i had the strangest memories spring to mind, too. things i haven't thought about in awhile and things i'd rather not think about because i just get annoyed by them, but all things that have no leaning on anything happening right now -- all things from the far past.

i'd try to sleep one more time, but my alarm was set to catch the first bus, which goes in another half hour. and i just feel antsy right now anyways. shoulda slept over at school, at least i could have been productive while i wasn't sleeping then.

i did get to be awake for a random message out of nowhere from someone i was briefly acquainted with in norway, though.

the little things are always so much more exciting when it's 3am.

i think the horizon's officially red now. i'm going to go eat breakfast. if anyone wants to bring me caffeine today, i'm sure i'll appreciate it.
daniel hates sauce.


Wednesday, September 22, 2004

last night was spent watching over two hours worth of the russian version* of Tom & Jerry cartoons with kamila. except that the commie version's much better. the music was awesome. and the street signs were all written in russian script. it's nice to just happen to be in the right place at the right time for someone, even if it was accidental. like, say, when someone's had a giant fight with their best friend and feels a little sad and lonely, and when you just happen to have a collection of one of their favourite childhood cartoons. just as an example, i mean.

today nothing really went as planned. except that i got to see kaldaljos. and got to understand bits and pieces throughout the film. icelandic may be pretty different from any other languages i know, but it shares words with norsk and deutsch, so yay and hurrah and huzzah and all that. wasn't quite the most uplifting film i've ever seen, but the kid's acting was pretty impressive.

i miss playing "understand what's going on around me." on the walk to the busstop afterwards i passed two guys speaking czech. only heard a sentence, though, not enough to figure out what they were saying. looking forward to seeing other films at the festival, though, just to hear other languages again.

still waiting for the magical golden opportunity to leap out at me and smack me over the head and tell me what to do. i can't decide anything right now. i can hardly accomplish much these days. it's pathetic.

even so. for not feeling useful at all, i seem to be strikingly busy. i feel lazy, but people tell me i'm not at all. i don't get it. it's prolly just because "busy" doesn't necessarily reflect much in a bank account. too bad.

on the plus side of everything, i think i can see run chico run tomorrow night afterall. hurrah? unless i remember why i felt like i couldn't go. editors party party? perhaps.


* this time it's a creepy old-dirty-uncle-like wolf and a young, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed rabbit. oh, the pedophilia or other such dirtiness hidden inside it!

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

oh, by the way. i got you a postcard:

Dear [you],

Today we hit Lake Louise AND Lake Moiraine and left each one JUST as the first bus of Japanese tourists showed up, and actually got to see both without the hoards of tourists. It helped that we were up and about by 6:30AM. Also, bread with hummus and slices of smoked tuna makes for a surprisingly alright combination. I wouldn't pay money for it in a restaurant, but it ain't bad in a pinch.

Love, [me]
i'm back.

bet you didn't know i was gone. well, two people did. no one else, though.

2100km in 34 hours. ivana nearly drove off the road when she saw mt robson. it was her first time ever seeing any part of the rockies, you see. other than mike, the lumpy hitchiker, i think it was a worthwhile trip.

we got sunshine. we left the radio off for the first 7 hours of driving and talked nonstop instead until i started to lose my voice. we talked about europe. a lot. we talked about needing to live there. we had Deep Discussions. we talked about people we knew. we talked about past roadtrips. we made last-minute decisions which exits to take. we ended up in the rockies (her first time). we saw a deer. we saw snow. we saw glaciers. we had a romantic moment at the gate of honeymoon lake (the road was closed so we had to make do). we saw millions of stars. we slept hidden away in the woods. i had a dream that i won in a wrestling match against antonio banderas while muslims flew kites in synchronicity. i got to show her lake louise and lake moiraine. we saw pikas and chipmunks. we had someone actually keep pace with our driving. we had rainshowers in the sunshine. we made it home in time. we're gonna do it again sometime. hopefully.

but anyone and anyone who has ever told me that jasper and banff are about the same is a moron. the scenery on the way to banff is a million times better, and a lot more mountains. jasper's dull. and i'm not talking about the town. (although one person in jasper wished us a very pleasant stay in his town, and no one did that in banff, for whatever that's worth.)

Thursday, September 09, 2004

so here's the dilemma. got the prospect of an interview in the next few days at the something Institute of BC at the moment (they've already called me once). however, braids are in the process of being finished, and the plan is to have them done tomorrow. i don't know how casual it is there. the "institute" makes it sound vaguely stuffy, but maybe it's not, and they already know that i currently work at a uni paper, so they can't be expecting me to dress like a lawyer. the braids [would be] newly done, so they're still neat and not scraggly, and all the ends'll be chopped nicely (unlike last time).

so, if i get an interview, if the braids are tied back nicely, and i dress up nice and professional-like, black skirt, nice blouse, is that good enough? or do i really have to take them all out?

ultimately, i personally don't see much of a difference between having neat, pulled-back, slightly (though not shockingly) coloured hair and pulled-back, blonde hair that doesn't like to behave. but then again, my opinions are often not shared by the majority.

course, at this point, seeing as i've mentioned it to people, i won't get the interview. that's the way things work, right? so it's all good in the end.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

my turn for editor's voice this week. other than a detailed analysis of the dreams i've been having lately, i don't have any inspiring topics leaping out at me yet. i have time still, though.

at least i haven't been sawing off the arms of my friends in my dreams, though. i'm not that sick and twisted a person!
i find it ironic to feel slightly strange and out of place when i'm in the company of only other women when the feeling-out-of-place is because it's only women there.


also, dr oetker, i'm so glad i found you here...

also, i want to go to south america.

also, braids are returning. slowly.

also, i'm so unbelievably tense these days. i don't know why.

also, i need to visit grandma. she needs to live closer to make this easier to fit into my day.

also, i really, really need to start taking pictures again. i keep saying this, almost as if it were a mantra. and yet i keep not-heeding it.

also, i am surrounded by brilliant, driven, talented people. i want to join their club.

also, why do i keep finding reasons not to do what i want to do?

also, it's really true how nothin' matters ... in coconut grove.

hot damn, summer in the city.

(i wish.)

Sunday, September 05, 2004

jodi and i went on a scavenger hunt today. in america. it was exciting. we saw real american flags! and real american bikes! and real american cars! and real american cops! and real americans!

first we found the border. and then the post office. and already-hard-boiled eggs at the supermarket. and then we made the scavenger hunt official.

things found:
1. personal propaganda lawn signs
2. (strange, old) man praying before eating their meal
3. many many american flags
4. fire hydrant painted like Captain America
5. mailbox shaped like a giant carp
6. food for jodi
7. mt baker
8. four-legged wild animal (chipmunk)
9. ben&jerry's ice cream flavours we don't have here
10. The Other border crossing

alright, so aside from a couple (2) key items, the general guidelines for the scavenger hunt were "find strange things." but we succeeded! we won! and then we made up a story about a murderous pig who preferred nudity because clothes impaired his mind control powers, though his hot pink trousers, when worn under the light of the full moon, were boogie-inducing indeed (claimed mr johnson, the reporter who found his scoop: the pig was bacon!).

it's too bad that mt baker was suddenly hidden in fog when we began to near the top. it cuts off exploring pretty quickly, when you suddenly can't see 3 feet in front of you.

it's astounding how strong/different the accent is just south of the border, though. you'd think it would be a little more similar to ours, considering that it's just an imaginary line that separates surrey from blaine, but the two accents are hugely different.

oh well. maybe another mini-roadtrip tomorrow, we'll see. i still want to try to make it to phoenix sometime before i lose the car, but i don't know how likely it is. glad to've gotten to do something with jodi finally, though. no better time to catch up with old friends when you're stuck in speeding vehicles!

Saturday, September 04, 2004

guess who just got home after the first production night for the fall.

it's alright, i actually finished my stuff hours earlier. i was just enjoying being around the other people still up there. and, having a car for a few weeks now, couldn't miss an opportunity to give people rides home.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

i want a thunderstorm.

also, rabbit rabbit!
money is a terrible, terrible thing. money is the reason why i've been having Issues with someone lately. it doesn't help that said someone is eager to leap on conflict at the moment, which makes it worse. but if money never existed, neither would the conflict.

and not to be playing the "oh poor me!" card, but said someone is also being rather wrapped up in themselves, thinking that the world is just completely against them, and attacking me way too much when they have the opportunity. not that i take it personally, because i know they're not having the best of times either, but still. it gets frustrating. and when you're not doing well yourself, it's just not gonna help you at all.

luck was on my side today (tuesday). it was the last day of my dental coverage, and one of the dentists at my clinic happened to get a cancellation, and she happened to think that a couple other things should be worked on while she was at it, and she happened to cancel the patient booked after me so that she could do all this work while i was still covered, and, in the end, i just happened to have three teeth drilled up and fixed. my mouth hurts now that the freezing's gone, but it's all for the greater good.

after telling me that i should become a teacher, though, the dentist (not my usual one, but still nice) told me that, because she was going to take a little while with my teeth, i should watch something on TV. i said i was fine. she insisted that i should, and popped in a video of a beegees concert, putting on the headphones whether i wanted them or not. whenever i tried to tilt them back to keep listening to what she was saying to her assistant, she'd tell me to leave them on, i wasn't missing out on anything. so as i was having gigantic holes bored into my teeth, i got to listen to the easy, groovy tunes of the beegees. surprisingly, it wasn't the epitome of hell. i didn't realise that all those songs were beegee songs. but, more importantly, it was like the ultimate dentist experience: drilling, bright lights, freezing, easy-listening music forced upon you from the moment you enter, and a free toothbrush at the end of it.

the dentist also told me that she loved her job because, as she said, everyone she deals with is pretty well. because people who are really sick or really poor can't come to see her, so everyone she deals with is generally healthy and happy and pleasant to see. she doesn't like to be unable to help people, you see. she admitted that it sounded pretty bad, but still said that it was true. hey, she's honest at least.

and then, after winning $1 on a scratch'n'win, we went swimming at the lake with catherine's 17-year-old cousin-in-law, once-removed. and provided him with the ingredients for a great sexy adventure tale to tell his buddies back in nanaimo when he goes home -- provided he leaves out every sarcastic, mocking comment we threw out at him. and maybe it'd be better if he left his friends' imagination to fill in details. going out with girls seven years your senior is pretty cool if you're a guy, i guess.