Thursday, July 31, 2003

ooh. was going to go to bed. but this has to be shared.

someone got ahold of my email address through a job-search posting, i think. and just sent me this email:

Subject: Canadian in Oslo

Hello Sarah,

I am a 33 years old Canadian working in Oslo. I would
like to meet somone to have some fun time while my
stay here. This can be kept discreet. Thank you

David


do you think that by "discreet" he means that we can't have wild and crazy sex in Vigelund Park? because if so, then there's just no way. but if by "discreet" he just means that we have to wear brown paper bags with smiley-faces drawn on 'em over our heads while we do it...

s'a shame that everyone here's asleep now. almost choked meself holding back from laughing out loud... {g}
speaking of dreams. every time i stay in this house, i'm guaranteed to have strange dreams. or at least, i'm sure to remember them when i wake up. it's become the morning ritual at breakfast for the people i'm staying with to ask about the latest dreams. when i was here in january, they were all rather disturbing - intensely vivid images of people being shot (and watching the bullets pass through peoples' chests in exquisite detail in slow motion), people committing suicide - all to do with some sort of death but never seeming disturbing at the time. nor when i woke up. they seemed like they should have been disturbing, but they weren't.

this time, i haven't quite figured out what the theme is. one dream i was suddenly somewhere near mint manor so i went to visit and hung out with tavie and gina for awhile, took some crazily meandering freeway to get there, explored a crashed plane at the airport nearby, and a lot more, though i don't recall it anymore. another dream was nothing more than grocery shopping for a picnic with a couple from prague that i hardly even knew, and we were having a bit of trouble deciding on whether to get the lemon or the orange soda. a couple days ago someone that i used to work with (and who i should actually email, because i haven't emailed her once since i left) confessed her undying love for me but unfortunately she'd just been married the day before, so it was a shame she hadn't said anything before then.

maybe this time it's something about lifemates.* perhaps. or perhaps not.

but what's really got me curious is what the significance of the soda was...**

* you two have that "heterosexual lifemates" thing going, don't you? {g}
** yes, i know that "soda" is technically the 'merkin way of saying it, and i never actually do say soda, only pop, but for some reason in the dream it was "soda". strange but true!
alright. so this is "Horatius at the Bridge" from the Lays of Ancient Rome by Macauley. which i have never read and had never heard of before. but i got a message through email roulette which consisted only of the quoted bit, and i was curious if anyone else at all had ever heard of it before. i only found out what it was when the person emailed me back and sent me links. but apparently it seems to be rather popular anyways..?

so no points for nobody. but when we play ghettopoly and i get ma 'hood addicted to crack, you can all pay me $50. cuz we be in da ghetto, yo.

i'll have it out of my system soon, i promise.. {g}
anyone who loved me and wanted to get me a surprise present would get me this. and when we play, i wanna be the crack!!

Wednesday, July 30, 2003

chris and michelle are getting married!
chris and michelle are getting married!
chris and michelle are getting married!

maybe if celest feels like walking the day of the wedding (october?) she can be their flowergirl. aww... {g}

{insert respectful break to distance the really grand news from the stuff i was gonna post anyways, but figured i wouldn't bother with two separate entries}

answer to earlier trivia by tomorrow, i figure.

also, been getting strange but welcome messages from people i never expected to hear from this week, all good ones. one from a german person telling me they're looking forward to seeing me (when i was actually thinking of not going there at all, but i guess i have to now. that's not a bad thing, though!). one from someone back home i hadn't heard from in months. one from a random norwegian who saw something i posted in a paper looking for a job (it was a free posting) that included a number for SMSs just wishing me well and that they'd ask around if anyone needed an english-speaker, but who also, ironically, happens to be from trondheim, one of the cities that i liked the most and that i'd prolly enjoy working in. course the distance between Trondheim and a decent departure point (airport) from norway (oslo) is pretty far (and therefore costly to travel), but... hey, can't hurt to explore options now, can it.

modern technology's kinda fun. of course, also ironically, the past two days in germany have actually been quite nice, and really, now i'm thinking more about trying to stay here as well. TOO MANY OPTIONS! bah..

also, The Royal Tenenbaums is still one of the great movies to indulge in a melancholy mood. and it still makes me want to make my own films. just gotta get over that lazy rut first.. oh, and getting a camera of some sort would be handy as well.

and finally:
daniel (it's not photoshopped, it was a work accident..) says: ps, we put a lion in your room to surprise you when you get home. and when it pounces on you and starts chewing on your neck we'll all be like "SUPPLIES!!"

my family loves me.

but to reiterate:
chris and michelle are getting married!
chris and michelle are getting married!
chris and michelle are getting married!

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

english proves to be lacking once again. german has a name for when you get a song stuck in your head playing over and over again constantly. can't recall the word in german offhand, but translated into english it literally means "earthworm". whereas we just have to say that wehaveasongstuckinourheadsanditjustwontstopanditsdrivingusnuts.

yaaay english!
But meanwhile axe and lever
Have manfully been plied,
And now the bridge hangs tottering
Above the boiling tide.
"Come back, come back, Horatius!"
Loud cried the Fathers all;
"Back, Lartius! back, Herminius!
Back, ere the ruin fall!"


10 points to the first person who can tell me where that's from. keep in mind that just running a Google search isn't any fun at all.

Monday, July 28, 2003

sweet deal. not only does irf satisfy everyone's potential child-porn needs once, he even caters to requests. what fun!

for a very brief moment this morning, when the sun was out but there was a bit of a breeze, it felt like that perfect time during fall, when you have the cold crisp nights but the days are still rather warm, but just at that one moment in the morning when it's a mix between the warmth and the cold... it was lovely. can't wait to feel that some more. i don't think we have a name for it in english. but in russian that time of year's called "ruska" (sounds like "ROOSH-ka"). english is such an incomplete language.

Tuesday, July 22, 2003

alright. quick (boring) updates:
free trip to munich because olaf had business meetings there. also included free food, because the company paid. even for the litre steins. rah rah rah. munich was actually really nice. hot and muggy making for nifty thunderstorms. sat in parks listening to accordian players. spent a day in the deutsches museum. discovered that there was a mathematician named moron - the possibilities for entertainment are endless. found out that i really do have absolutely no money at the moment. bit of a bother. almost started busking when the rain began to pour down. still plan on doing it in the next big city i visit, though. was snubbed by artsy farts in the pinacoteka (sp?) moderne but enjoyed it nonetheless. met extremely friendly munich-inhabitants who offered any help i'd need if i decided to find a job there (unfortunately that's not the plan, not like i actually have one, but it was still nice of them). had stilted simplistic mostly-german conversations with people on the street. fun times.

accidentally ended up on the phone with my grandma the other day. (i thought that she was still in the okanagan, thought i'd catch my sister rather than my grandma.) only talked to her for a couple minutes but mentioned that i thought i would be staying out here longer now. she's the first and only person from home to immediately say, "well that's WONDERFUL dear! i think that's a great idea!" i needed to hear that from someone.

still planning on staying in europe. but as zhan put it, i just have to figure out which subroute to take. (GEEK! {g}) zee germans would love for me to stay as a nanny. if they were closer to a city, i prolly would. as it is though, they've offered me only the price of a plane ticket home (which is reasonable, i'm not complaining about that), but i need to earn more than that - pay off credit cards, hopefully fit one trip in to prague or finland or something. but too far away from a bit city here to get a job on top of nannying, and i think that the towns in this area are too small to do any English tutoring. seriously. and i'd still be going nuts not getting to know anyone my age. i think that the best idea is prolly to get the visa to the UK and work there, although i'm not sure how much i'd end up making after taxes and living expenses go in. and i really would feel guilty not staying with zee germans, if only because they're being so nice about putting me up for the meantime, even if i'm helping out here at the moment as well...i'd still feel bad (i think). and of course there's always the dream of going to norway to work, but i think that option's nothing more than a dream, so i should just drop it at this point. {g}

at the moment, all i know is that by august 15th i should be fishing out on the ocean, though. which means i'm not allowed to be worrying about things anymore. which means that by then. i'll have to have a plan figured out. a cunning plan. a plan so cunning that you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.

well, here's hoping, at least.
i saw a pirate! he was wearing an eye patch and missing one arm and everything! well, save the peg leg and the parrot on his shoulder. but he was bald, so that's gotta be worth something as well...

also:
Atheist
Threat rating: extremely low. You may think you can
subvert the government, but if you should try
you will be smited mightily because God likes
us best.
What threat to the Bush administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Sunday, July 20, 2003

blogger, stop acting up...
come on, norwegians! you know you want me to work for you! i'm smart, i'm talented, i'm a fast learner, i'm cute (well..not really, but we'll pretend), i can speak french too! i do have it on good authority that i'm a very likeable person, and surely that's good for something! doesn't that make you want to pay me just to exist? i'll be up there sometime next month, i can come say hi and you can give me a decent job, and then we'll all be happy, won't we?

and as for lodging, well.. if you put me up at your place, i'll gladly braid your hair and offer the occassional massage as well... no, not that kind of massage. try to be a little bit mature, now.

well whatever. a girl can hope.

feeling a little depressed looking at visa information. i'd still like to work in norway, but i've given up even trying for there at the moment. no, it's the UK info that's confusing me. some pages say 1-5 business days, other say 4-6 weeks. i say i don't want to give up my passport (my only real piece of ID at this point, what with wallet having been stolen) for that long, especially if i still plan on going to norway next month. strangely, the UK visa page also said that canadians can't au-pair there. curious.. but whatever. i just want someone to tell me that if i just go along with things as i have been, that everything will work out.

so many decisions to make, and i can't make any at all because i don't know which information to believe. goddammit, it's frustrating. but i'm choosing to believe the information that makes me happier. delusional, perhaps. what's your point?

Saturday, July 19, 2003

i really wish that:

- i hadn't been so lazy/ill this week and managed to contact consulates earlier. because all that talk about worrying about making a bad mistake.. well it didn't have to be a bad one except that now i might be fucking meself over by not doing anything at all.
- my nose would stop running.
- i could upload new photos. but i don't have my laptop or the cables to download photos. oh well.
- businesses didn't work on business hours. especially embassies.
- i could sit online and look things up (like visa requirements and all that) all day long without feeling guilty about it.
- i had a car and unlimited gas so that i could do about 14 things in a day that all involve travelling around.
- i had money.
- i could decide on a plane ticket to norway and just buy the damn thing already (but now this actually leans on when/if i apply for a visa from germany, because i'll have to submit my passport in with the rest, and can't change countries if i don't have a passport... good god this is frustrating.).
- i could have a maggie-style grilled cheese sandwich right now.

and yet absolutely none of those are going to work out. well, except maybe my nose running. that's gotta fix itself soon enough.. it's summer! there's no such thing as being sick in summer!
i've decided that i want to do one of those cleansing diet things. i've been treating my body absolutely terribly lately (in so many ways, too), and somehow need to make amends. yesterday i even ended up just sitting watching the tour de france on television eating chips rather than going for a bikeride meself. alright, that may not sound too bad, and watching the TdF actually makes for some really nice images of the french countryside and the more i see of it the more i'm playing with the idea of doing my own tour de france trip some summer (not to take part in the race, but i'd do it at my own pace.. it'd be fun!), but y'see, i tend to hate watching sports on television. i think it's one of the most pointless things to do, and would normally be outside doing the sport rather than watching it. but lately i've become lazy. and this must change.

although it'll prolly have to wait a week, as zee germans are headed south for a week and i'm going with, and you can never hold to any diet when you're travelling or staying as someone's guest. besides, i'm sick as a dog at this point and should prolly try to kick that before i start living on cabbage soup alone.

so anyone got any recommendations as to a good one? they were the cool thing to do a few years back, i know of at least 3 or 4 of them that people were trying, but i don't know which ones were good. so any advice is welcome!

Friday, July 18, 2003

i was about to call ed when i realised that he's gone to nanaimo for the day. doh. so much for that idea. hope he has fun, though. find many obscure records, ed!

there are a great many things that are simply the best combinations imaginable. or at least the most perfect/expected. for example:
strawberries and chocolate.
raspberries and cream.
late nights and good friends.
cheap phonecalls and (again) good friends.
(good) whiskey and cigarettes.
climbing rocks and 8 yr old boys.
camberwell and camberwell carrots.*
milk and cookies.
eccentricism and brits.
apples and cinnamon.
daniel and afros.
sarah and indecision.

there are plenty more. i'm just too tired to come up with any more at the moment. i'm sure i'll add more as time goes by.

tired, but not sleepy. worst place to be, i tell ya. well, especially when coupled with bored but chatty and nobody to talk to.

* see Withnail & I for the reference. no, see Withnail & I and then visit Camberwell, and then get the reference.

Thursday, July 17, 2003

speaking of chinese acrobats, that was actually one of the really nifty things about the themepark. in fact, it was potentially reason enough to have gone today. to see people who're flexible and strong and talented and oh so many things that i wish i could be but never was and never will be flitting about onstage and bending in ways that shouldn't necessarily be possible (but are damn cool) and doing remarkable things balancing on poles and ropes and balls and so many more things... good god it was amazing. watching it made my bad knee even weaker, just imagining how much stress was actually being placed on any joint in their bodies.

(these are the things that having a bum knee make you notice. or like realising that when you're hiking or climbing or whatever it might be, you realise that you judge the hike not by the prettiness or by the effort that you put into it or anything good like that, but by how likely it is that you'll die if your knee suddenly gave out on you and you couldn't help but fall and start tumbling down the hill/cliff. sad, i tell ya!)

oh, which also reminds me, there was a 3D pirate movie. which, alas, was dubbed into german, because that's just what they do out here. but just as i was watching it waiting to see if it was dubbed or not, wondering if i'd see any english-speaking actors in it, i realised that A) the song was in english (because they still might not dub songs sometimes, even if the rest of the movie's in german) and B) that it was eric idle singing it. old eric idle, but eric nonetheless! and who played the brave Captain Lucky? leslie nielson. and as is expected, much of that humour still came through without the words to go with it. and i've realised that i actually do know some german because i managed to pick things up here and there as well. yay, me. so that was of minor amusement. it was just a shame i had no one to smirk about it all with. but you can't have everything, now, can you.

so alright. themeparks aren't entirely miserable. i still don't think they're for me, though. unless someone else pays. and so long as i at least get a decent rollercoaster ride out of the deal.
i think that, for the first time ever, i've been having a headache purely due to barometric pressure. it's really incredibly annoying. all day long it just got worse and worse and it's not quite like any other headache i've ever had. fortunately the forcast is calling for thunderstorms overnight, but even if that doesn't happen, the weather's still changing so hopefully it'll be gone by tomorrow.

and speak of the devil, there's lightning in the distance. thank god for that...

in other news, i've never been to disneyland or disneyworld or anything else like it, and after today, i'm all the more determined never to do anything about that. was at an amusement park that was basically a mini-disneypark, and...no. i went because olaf wanted to do something nice for me and invite me along with his godson and nephew. not that i'm not grateful for the invite. and not that it didn't have its perks. but i can think of a number of other ways i'd prefer to spend my days. like swimming at the lake later on in the evening. that was definitely the highlight of the day. particularly getting to dunk the aformentioned brothers (godson and nephew) countless times and trying desperately to avoid being dunked meself. there are times when language barriers simply do not exist, and those tend to be wonderful.

apparently i can have knee surgery out in europe and it would still be covered, as long as it looks like i'm a full-time student. could get around this by not submitting the claim until i am a fulltime student once again. also, olaf insists that i could take courses for free because that's just the way that the german system works. i don't believe him, but i may as well look into it anyways. i still really have absolutely no clue what i'm doing.

well, in general, at least. for the moment, i'm going outside to watch the storm. goodbye, headache!

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

there is nothing, absolutely NOTHING, more annoying than flies buzzing around incessantly. especially when there's at least five of them flying around the room. especially when it's late at night. especially when you're trying to finish writing something whilst keeping it coherent enough to be understood. especially when someone was a nuisance and opened the door and let them all in here when they were all trapped safely out in the hallway before now.

rather hungry right now. but i think exhaustion will win tonight's fight. better luck next time, hunger...

[Disclaimer: the statements made in this post are not necessarily true in any way whatsoever while you read this. but for the moment, i swear to GOD that if i could, i'd banish every fly to kingdom come if i could. or worse. but too tired to think up any better phrase.]
this comment reminds me:

no, no jobs in sight yet. at the moment i'm thinking that perhaps i'll spend the rest of summer in sandefjord afterall, try to find a job but more just enjoy whatever time i've got with friends there, and then really try to get a job in the UK come september. if i can get one lined up before then that would be grand (and both comfortable and convenient), but i won't be completely lost if i don't.

i am trying, though.

spent all morning going through job postings online. half-heartedly looked for norwegian ones, even though the visa thing is pretty much nixxing that for me (although considering the number of random appearances of things norwegian since i left there, i really could pretend that they're all signs that i would be able to find a job when i go there and stay there awhile, but who knows. finding signs in everyday life are just a fun way of finding a way not to think about things too much.), didn't find a lot. actually, however, i've been thinking, what would be the possibility of maybe talking to a massage place about being employed there as a trainee, getting more money as i learn more, and then i'd be able to finally learn more massage techniques and actually work with them, which really, i think i'd like. i like giving people massages. it's relaxing. and it's nice to know that you can make someone else feel good. i just want to learn how to do it better. but i digress. though anyone think that could be a possibility? something to ask about when i get back up there...

but where was i? right. jobhunting. so, mostly looking at jobs in the UK. and although i found a few things that looked of some vague interest, all i really accomplished this morning was to make meself depressed, because i hate jobhunting. all i do is find postings with grandoise descriptions that just frighten me away, find things that look interesting but that i have no exprerience in whatsoever, which means that chances are i wouldn't be able to get the job to get experience to get other jobs like that in the future, and i realise that i keep noting crizappy (to me, not for everyone, before i start offending here..) office-type jobs that i know i'd be able to do but i also know i'd be bored to tears by and end up hating it. or at least not caring for it at all. and i'd like to get a job that i'd like. i'd like to find a job that lets me be meself, that doesn't end up with me subtly undermining the system in stupid ways like by not wearing the proper clothes. for cryin out loud, if i hate dress codes, why do i keep ending up in jobs that have them? sure, it's fun in a simplistic sort of way to be the one person who everyone likes because they do stand out in not following all the rules, but maybe it'd just be better to find a job that suits yourself, rather than go along with jobs that you know counter your own ideas, just to have some easy way to feel like you're accomplishing something by opposing theirs.

(i'm sorry, it's late, i'm prolly making no sense by now.)

instead i just come across jobs that could be awesome, but then get scared by the fact that i have no experience in that field, or by the big fancy words they use (like "personal achievement". "achievement" especially. it's a terrible word when used in the context of job descriptions. or "personal growth".)

i've also always hated job reviews as well. always feels like you're being judged, that you know that they're going to point out ever little thing you've done wrong regardless of motivations, and i've never ever felt any sort of good connotation with the phrase at all. which doesn't have to be the case, but it is in my mind.

i think i have issues with authority. just a little. and i betcha anything that my friend the communist isn't helping me to get over them in the least.
pathetically embarrassing confession of the meantime:
of all the disney musical cartoons that i've seen, at least the more recent ones from The Little Mermaid and onwards, if forced to pick a favourite love theme from them, i'd have to go with The Little Mermaid. and actually, i like that song anyways. better than any of the other love themes i can think of. Aladdin's was miserably easy-listening. Lion King's was too elton john, but in the bad sort of way (because some of his stuff is fun. can't help but have a little bit of a soft spot for someone with the gall to wear some of those outfits, now, can you?). Beauty and the Beast's was just...horrible, and again, terribly easy-listening when they re-recorded it for radio play. and those are all the ones i can come up with offhand. but Little Mermaid's.. it's really not so bad. and i've always been a sucker for songs that make use of whatever noises are around them. even though it was completely fabricated and drawn like that to fit the music rather than the other way around, but hey, it's disney, you can't ask for much more than that.*

these are the things you realise when you live with children and end up listening to kids' music more than you'd like.

this is also (another reason) why Emporer's New Groove is one of the best disney cartoons of recent times (if indeed the only truly bearable one). there is no love theme. and what songs are are sung by tom jones. and it would take a lot to mess his songs up (in a bad way, at least).

just realised that the commenting feature was acting up. which is why i didn't realise anyone left any comments for the past long while. sorry bout that. i wasn't trying to be rude..not that time, at least.. {g} all better now, though!

spent 4 hours chatting with jodi tonight. which is perfectly reasonable, seeing as i haven't spoken to her in at least two months, i don't think, and that's hardly a good way for a best friend to act now, is it. i so wish that phonecalls could be cheaper, though. it would be so much easier to leave people behind if you knew that you could talk to them as much as you pleased. and i know there's internet calling through icq or whathaveyou, but that's only good if you actually have the equipment for it, same with the other person, and that you're using a computer that you can install things on if need be...which is hard to do whilst travelling. mind you, if i get my laptop back out here, if i just find a mic, then that could be an option... who knows. not like i've ever looked into figuring any of that stuff out properly.

my godmother may think far less of me now, though, depending on if she overheard anything of what i was discussing with jodi. didn't realise that she was sitting outside the entire time until potentially far too late. i don't think i was talking too loud.. but this also reminds me that perhaps i should take my new pin off my bag. found it in london. couldn't resist it:

I FOUND JESUS..He was behind the sofa all along!

you know you're jealous.

* wait, do Pixar films count? although.. come to think of it they don't have love songs in them. well, the sarah maclaughlin one sorta counts i suppose, and it's not terrible, but.. not so memorable either, considering that i nearly forgot it. so nah, they don't count.

Monday, July 14, 2003


find your inner PIE @ stvlive.com
oops..

happy belated birthday tavie!!! hope it was a good one..
hurrah and huzzah, murphy's law is proven once again! everything is well, everyone is good, sarah worries needlessly because she's got nothing better to do, the sun is shining, sarah is hungry, so it's off to breakfast we go.

i think i'm worryingly chipper today, though...
i'm worried.

had an extremely strange and vivid dream last night that i figure is worthy of sharing. more because if i make a big deal about the dream, then i can be certain that there'll be no truth to it whatsoever. murphy's law, you know. alas, because it's a dream, it'll be all scattered, but no one's making you read this now, are they. {g}

it all took place in some mansion that you'd find in the english countryside. well, in and around. at some point there was a group of us standing somewhere outside on the grounds, when there was some fantastical electric storm in the distance that started zooming towards us. first just lightning balls but then spirits or ghosts of some sort. they were all orange-y fire-y shapes but you could see the details shadowed within them. we all ducked for cover and the first batch passed over, but when the second bunch screamed overhead it was as though something sucked all the air out as it went by - made my ears pop and chest get tight. so figured it might be best to leave before the next ones came (you could see them in the distance). started running and ran into the sister and niece of one of my friends (although they themselves weren't anywhere in it) and the three of us dashed back through the woods to the estate. while we were there, the spirits were still coming about, and at first we all did our best to keep them out of rooms and such (not out of fear, though. just because it felt wrong.), but pretty soon we just gave in and let them come. and they didn't do any harm, just talked to us (or at least to me, we'd all separated at that point), and i remember there being some fascinating conversation, although don't recall it at all. do recall suddenly realising that i'd yanked a molar out and just to be certain, took out what seemed to be my entire top dental plate and sure enough, there was a tooth missing, although the other teeth all looked terribly cavity-ridden and disgusting. i was just annoyed that now i was going to have to go through the bother of trying to see a dentist while i was out in europe now, although, i told meself, i'd managed to deal with doctors just fine while i was in prague, so it couldn't be all that bad.

and then i woke up. extremely abruptly. one of those times when you wake up and realise you're already sitting up because you feel like something's happening. but it was only 4am-ish and i'd only slept for a few hours at that point.

and it's the fact that i woke up like that that scares me at the moment, because i somehow feel like there's something important in that dream. and i'm hoping like hell that it's not the losing-teeth imagery. i'd completely forgotten about it until this morning. was putting tea tree oil on heike's sunburn and she mentioned that it's good for your mouth sometimes, and suddenly i remembered dreaming about losing teeth. and then remembered that the fallback symbolism of that is someone you know dying. and there's one important person that i can't get ahold of at the moment.

and now i'm worried.
somewhat settled in germany at the moment. in the rhineland. extremely small town, but staying with friends so it's all good. mostly.

spent the weekend being cool in the pool. picking up more german. saw moby dick references on german kids' shows (i swear to god i'm being haunted). saw an ironic flag watching Tour de France coverage. got my replacement mastercard (finally) and found out that my limit's a LOT higher than expected, which is actually quite welcome (though bad). talked to a number of people i haven't talked to in awhile, thanks to supercheap phonecalling from germany (although i'll still end up spending a fortune, with the amount of time i'm spending on the phone).

but most importantly (well sorta not really but somewhat), i found out that i'm stuck here. i don't have a plane ticket home. and on one hand, i guess i was sorta subconsciously letting things go so that it would work out this way because i guess i really do want to stay out here a little longer, but i really honestly thought i was going to be able to find another flight home before my ticket expired. except that i didn't. and so i'll have to buy a new ticket to get home. but i don't have money to do that right now, and i don't want to be spending that sort of money if i don't have it at the moment, which is why i don't want to just throw it on a credit card, and i owe enough people money at this point that i'd rather not borrow any more. and really, in a roundabout way, it's a little thrilling to think that i'll have to forge my own way now and figure stuff out. terribly frightening, but kinda neat.

unfortunately, and thoughts of getting work in germany have been shot by realising exactly how screwed i'd be if i were jobhunting and didn't know the language here. which isn't so unfortunate because i never really had grand intentions of staying here to work. what's ACTUALLY terribly unfortunate is that after looking into work visas, it'd be DAMN difficult to get one for norway, which is where i'd love love LOVE to work. make a decent amount of money, learn the language, although i'd be fine in english out there, that's absolutely certain. but i'm not european, and therefore it's hard to get a visa. there's always the option of being an au-pair, but in all honesty, i really don't know how long i could handle looking after kids for. mind you, i also realised yesterday that if you were looking after kids as a job rather than staying with family friends who have children and helping out there, it'd be quite different because living and work'd be separate, you don't have to feel somehow obliged to be helping out at all hours of the day like i do at the moment. but still, the thought of me looking after children is rather frightening. i'll admit it, i'm selfish, i like to do things for meself, i like to be able to sit and read or do whatever else when i want to... i prolly shouldn't be in charge of children at the moment. not for such a long period of time.

but who knows, if i found something paying under the counter in norway, i might go for it anyways, because dammit, i'd get to frolic around norway some more, and it'd be dandy!

however, as things stand at the moment, i'm resigning meself to potentially ending up in england by september and finding a job there. i think. at least, it's easier to get a work visa there than anywhere else out here (yay commonwealth!), and even though i wouldn't get to learn another language, at least i could pick up an accent, right?

whatever.

still haven't told SFU that i'm not going to be back for next semester. i'm thinking that the exchange office will be a titch annoyed with me. but what can i do? i don't have a ticket home!

(course, another option might be to get a ticket, but it'd be a return one, go home for a month or so, accomplish things, and then come back out here. except that it would make more sense to return for the spring semester and stay there for that, i think. seems that way at the moment. but maybe i'd do that instead - still end up out here to work and save money and blow it on interrail passes and visiting people in finland and prague and england and norway and germany and anywhere else i can think of. what fun! i already knew i'd never end up being rich...)

and rather than make this entry longer, next topic goes in a different post. tra la!

Monday, July 07, 2003

you know how random things sometimes become themes in your life, and not even you can say why that is?

at the moment, it's whales. and whaling. and i have no idea why. traded someone my book for their copy of Moby Dick, and ever since then whales and fish have come up almost incessantly. random stranger taught me how to fish. ended up liking it. ended up spending a fair amount of time in the headquarters for the largest whaling company at least in scandinavia, if not worldwide (of course, they have the giant jawbones of a blue whale in the town centre - kinda nifty, actually..). got stuck out at sea when the ocean swallowed the anchor and we fought to get it back (you know that melville would have written chapters of metaphors from that one happenstance, too). ended up in another whaling community, here in england, by complete chance (more whale jawbones erected above the town, of course). and even drove past a house today with a bush shaped into a whale (seriously). and let's not mention the few random appearances of cthuhlu (alright, that's not quite whaling, but creatures/daemons of the sea... that works, right?).

any guesses as to what it all means? because i'm dreadfully curious at this point...
drooled throughout camden town (oh to be rich just for just one afternoon..), was shocked going to harrod's right after (my god the richness!), finished the tate modern, learned about shiatsu, then caught the bus to yorkshire.

i like kate. i like visiting her. people like her (and her parents, for that matter - they truly do embody the eccentric english countryside couple) give me hope for my future, because they prove that there's no need to grow up anytime soon. and now that i've seen more of her artwork, i am oh so much more impressed and awed. we made felted fabric, explored york, munched our way along the waterfront (mmmfresh seafood and ice cream) and went fossil-hunting by the cliffs in whitby, saw the kilburn white horse, and generally wasted time.

i wish i had the talent to be an artist, though. kate and her brother make it appear so much simpler than it probably is. but i suppose you can't expect anything less from the offspring of such eccentric parents. {g}

Friday, July 04, 2003

what does it say about a person when, between the choice of seeing DJ Spooky or seeing a Henrik Ibsen play, they choose the latter? when they give up seeing something that'd prolly be nice and distracting and nifty, for something that's bound to be at least a little dark and depressing (tho potentially still nifty)?

who knows.

still, got to see Brand last night. last minute. the ticketseller gave me a deal i couldn't refuse. and of course, interesting ideas. and norwegian flags - i'd forgotten Ibsen was norwegian... but i did like the show a lot. the only thing that grated was that, at the end, when all the actors were bowing, most people got applause, the leading lady got a little louder applause, and ralph fiennes got a standing ovation and whoops and cheers. not that he wasn't good, he was, but it's not as though the other actors weren't as good. particularly the leading actress. she was awesome. and i was happy that everyone clapped a little more for her, but ralph fiennes gets it because he's famous. people have a strange way of putting pointless values on people.

but like i said, good way to spend an evening.

met a south african dentist and the two of us had a busride discussion on how to live life. went to the national gallery but wasn't quite in the mood to examine pictures alone, so went up to various guards to ask them what their favourite pictures were and why. one chose raphael's crucifixion scene (i'm sure there's many, but i didn't note the title). my favourite guard hadn't been posted in that room for long, so he went around and debated the pros and cons of each picture with me. and then we talked artists getting jobs. and jazz. and places in england. and a bunch more. he was an older fellow, prolly in his 50s. liked him a lot. sat at trafalgar square and borrowed a pen from someone named mick, ended up chatting with him awhile. he'd been discharged from the army 14 hours ago and wasn't sad in the least, after 19 years of service. was just bumming around because he didn't really have a place to stay for a bit. went to the gulf in both the gulf war and the recent kafuffle, said that this past time was a great deal more frightening. told me stories about how much more fun trafalgar square was when you were still allowed to swim in the fountains. interesting fellow. took a photo of ed from london, who seemed rather amused by it all. made the mistake of visiting record shops near oxford street. heard thunder.

good times.

i'm sorry, this is rather travel-logue-ey, isn't it. haven't had any great revelations in the past couple days, though. i'm sure i'll write something more exciting as soon as it happens...

oh, but i hear tell that there are absolutely no return flights to canada before my plane ticket expires. hmmm...what to do...

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

chris is right. i'm extremely flitty. i can't commit to anything whatsoever right now, i can't make plans worth a damn, and i even change my mind when it's a plane ticket to the other side of the world. i hate this about me. i just have no clue how to change it, because i don't know what i should be deciding upon in the first place.

hate hate hate it.
the blogger posting layout's changed again. peculiar.

fluau.

meteorological phenomena.

quit yankin my chain.

s'an oversized hat. s'funny.

don't mind me.

so i be in london now. in ing-gull-land. "england swings" has been stuck in my head all day long. so strange being in an english-speaking country. it's been so long. and you know what? i actually don't feel too comfortable understanding the conversations going on around me. not at all. when peoples' cell phones ring and they answer them speaking english, it's grating. i want them to speak any language i don't understand. or at least don't know as well as english.

i think i'm in a bit of a Mood today.

still, it's fun hearing english accents everywhere. staying with a friend's brother, who turns out to be this extremely cool individual. we stayed up late discussing a lot of music and his extremely artsy friends and working as a dj and all this. he looks exactly like kate, too. it's strange. but i was feeling a little worried about imposing on someone i don't know, but i think it's all cool.

managed to catch a ride to london city from the stansted airport from a random stranger i met in the airport as well, which was actually surprisingly entertaining. especially because i kept having minor shocks when the car turned into the wrong lane. or at least, it did in my head. i can suddenly understand how the aussies were really perturbed by that for awhile when they came to canada, because i never thought it would be such a huge deal. but i have to really think hard when i cross roads, because i do automatically look the wrong way. every time.

it's fun. {g}

looking up courses at sfu and finding very few that i need being offered next semester. this could be problematic... but i'll figure that out in germany, i suppose. i hope. at least it's cheap to call canada from there.

anyways. in england. must go do stuff.