Tuesday, July 15, 2003

this comment reminds me:

no, no jobs in sight yet. at the moment i'm thinking that perhaps i'll spend the rest of summer in sandefjord afterall, try to find a job but more just enjoy whatever time i've got with friends there, and then really try to get a job in the UK come september. if i can get one lined up before then that would be grand (and both comfortable and convenient), but i won't be completely lost if i don't.

i am trying, though.

spent all morning going through job postings online. half-heartedly looked for norwegian ones, even though the visa thing is pretty much nixxing that for me (although considering the number of random appearances of things norwegian since i left there, i really could pretend that they're all signs that i would be able to find a job when i go there and stay there awhile, but who knows. finding signs in everyday life are just a fun way of finding a way not to think about things too much.), didn't find a lot. actually, however, i've been thinking, what would be the possibility of maybe talking to a massage place about being employed there as a trainee, getting more money as i learn more, and then i'd be able to finally learn more massage techniques and actually work with them, which really, i think i'd like. i like giving people massages. it's relaxing. and it's nice to know that you can make someone else feel good. i just want to learn how to do it better. but i digress. though anyone think that could be a possibility? something to ask about when i get back up there...

but where was i? right. jobhunting. so, mostly looking at jobs in the UK. and although i found a few things that looked of some vague interest, all i really accomplished this morning was to make meself depressed, because i hate jobhunting. all i do is find postings with grandoise descriptions that just frighten me away, find things that look interesting but that i have no exprerience in whatsoever, which means that chances are i wouldn't be able to get the job to get experience to get other jobs like that in the future, and i realise that i keep noting crizappy (to me, not for everyone, before i start offending here..) office-type jobs that i know i'd be able to do but i also know i'd be bored to tears by and end up hating it. or at least not caring for it at all. and i'd like to get a job that i'd like. i'd like to find a job that lets me be meself, that doesn't end up with me subtly undermining the system in stupid ways like by not wearing the proper clothes. for cryin out loud, if i hate dress codes, why do i keep ending up in jobs that have them? sure, it's fun in a simplistic sort of way to be the one person who everyone likes because they do stand out in not following all the rules, but maybe it'd just be better to find a job that suits yourself, rather than go along with jobs that you know counter your own ideas, just to have some easy way to feel like you're accomplishing something by opposing theirs.

(i'm sorry, it's late, i'm prolly making no sense by now.)

instead i just come across jobs that could be awesome, but then get scared by the fact that i have no experience in that field, or by the big fancy words they use (like "personal achievement". "achievement" especially. it's a terrible word when used in the context of job descriptions. or "personal growth".)

i've also always hated job reviews as well. always feels like you're being judged, that you know that they're going to point out ever little thing you've done wrong regardless of motivations, and i've never ever felt any sort of good connotation with the phrase at all. which doesn't have to be the case, but it is in my mind.

i think i have issues with authority. just a little. and i betcha anything that my friend the communist isn't helping me to get over them in the least.

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