Friday, March 21, 2003

have had to give into taking advil regularly. oh well, sometimes it has to be done.

saw a bunch of people off to poland at the train station last night. first time it's been me wishing people a good trip. usually it's people coming to say goodbye to me or greet me when i arrive back home. so strange. fun, though. got to sound czech while i walked around in my new not-quite-fuck-me boots. what fun.

i also have no roommates this weekend. this is good, in my books. may go hiking outside prague tomorrow. may have to go alone because anyone who didn't take off this weekend is most likely a med student stuck studying all the day long. poor me.

braving the czech medical system today. really didn't want to while i was away, but i figure staving off blindness is better than putting up with a recurring eye infection for another few months. i'm such a wimp, i know. so strange though, paying for it, getting invoices, faxing it off so that i can be reimbursed the money... i'm going to the canadian medical clinic (i don't know why there's a canadian one here, so don't ask me) and while i was on the phone, i asked if i'd need my Care Card with me. she told me that yes, i can pay with credit card if i wanted to. so i guess i don't need it. so bizarre. and all of that will hopefully cost under $100! which my father, in his wonderful way, told me that he'd submit asap once i fax him the invoice, and rather than put money into my account to reimburse me, that maybe i should just deduct it from that time four months ago when he transferred a little extra money into my account by accident, that time that i'd sorta forgotten about, that time that added enough money to not feel like i had to worry about money issues, though told him to withdraw the money if he had to, but he didn't, so i assumed it had been a gift of a sort to cover some of my computer troubles and living expenses when nothing more was spoken of the matter.

but apparently it wasn't. so i figured i'd at least get the money back if i go to the doctor's, but nope.

needless to say, i'm a little miffed. just don't know how to write back and suggest to him that i hope he was joking, because that's not really fair to call on something that was thought to be squared up months ago. and also, because if i'm not being reimbursed, then i think i have to start worrying about money. which would have been nice to know about before i'd bought a bunch of things in the past month.

and then there's this war thing. of course i'm pissed off. of course the people i've spoken to out here feel the same way. there was a vigil and march last night, although in all honesty, what on earth is standing outside the US embassy in prague really going to accomplish? i wish it would do something, anything, but i honestly don't think it would. been spending the past few hours following links to sites and stories trying to find some news articles that are a little informative. been reading through the cnn website for the laugh, looking at how things are worded, how things are portrayed, it's downright hilarious. and depressing. when i first started learning about the world wars in school, the idea that the nazis had a "minister of propaganda" named such amused me to no end, because i couldn't understand how you could be so blunt and forthright about it and still accomplish the job. but apparently you can be completely obvious about it and still get away with it. well, enough to still be considered "reputable news" by enough to stay in business.

also been reading this blog, written from baghdad, although i appear to be the last person to've come across it. still, started (it seems) back in september, what i find really fascinating/odd/sad is that reading posts from last year and now, life still seems to have been roughly the same. i know that this war didn't just start this week, regardless how it's painted in the news, that it's been going on for years, but it's still strange to come across it so obviously like it is in a blog written day by day.

i'm not making a lot of sense. i'm sure i'm sorry. body's in revolt at the moment, thinking processes are bound to be affected.

anyways, despite that ramble, i'm not actually wanting to say much. there's many other people out there who can say what i'm thinking far more eloquently. (if i was smart, i'd throw in a link or two, but the internet being as fickle as it is today, it's too damn frustrating to look up some of the articles i was reading earlier, especially considering that i was using text-based 'net which doesn't save a history, and i'd have to try to follow links one by one to find them again.) i'm not sure if it's a blessing or a curse that i'm somewhat sheltered from news about town without radios or english newspapers surrounding me, that i have to look it all up meself. i'm leaning towards blessing, i think. just don't know if it's because then i find the information told in a way that i deem "better", or because i can pass time in some sort of ignorance when i'm not sitting in front of a computer or bringing up the topic when i want to.

i do feel somewhat guilty that i'm more worried about it possibly because i'm a little worried about being closer to where all the excitement's taking place. because i'm so far away from some of the people i care about. because i'm scared to be having to fly home in a few months. someone suggested (or maybe it was me, and then elaborated upon by others) hitch-hiking north up to and through scandinavia and then hiking across the north pole to get back home, because i'd certainly be safe then. certainly would be a lot of fun. certainly almost sounds like a better option than taking a planeride during a war when methods of attack and warfare are vastly different than they ever have. i just feel so guilty sounding so selfish. there's people who are being actually affected by everything, not just hearing about it from afar (and have been for years) and here i am selfishly wishing that everything would have at least held off until i went back to canada (because sadly, i realised that awhile back, i'd already gone from hoping that things wouldn't come to this to hoping that things wouldn't come to this before i go home).

somebody slap me.

don't worry, i hate how i sound in this post, it hate it sounding like what everyone else already knows, i hate sounding selfish and spoilt and just a general snot. i hate not being able to word things any better. so i'll just have to post a lot after this to move it all down quickly enough.

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