Tuesday, April 30, 2002

enough putting things off. i'm excited about doing the film exchange! unfortunately i had plans of taking my pictures today, but due to falling prey to number of other errands at the last minute (only one of which was fixing my lens, for i am an idiot and confused my camera with a bag that could be dropped on the floor in a moment of anger and extreme frustration, another reason for me never to have children) i didn't get much done. tomorrow will be a busy day.

at any rate. trevor is the one putting together my photo gallery (and i'm sure he'll do a fine job - can't wait to see what he comes up with), and i have the fun of working with helena's photos. ooh so exciting!

i really like this. someone was telling me how the idea really didn't sound that thrilling, taking pictures and exchanging film and seeing what happens, but i've become such a slacker in my photography. and when i do take pictures, there's not near as much thought put into it these days because i don't have to show them to anyone if i don't want to. but while this is for fun, it's also for show, so the shots you take merit a bit more thought. i'm glad rannie came up with this idea - it's exactly what i need at the moment.
a few assorted images from films recently developed - i won't post them all today. all that are posted are pictures i like, not necessarily the "best" ones. alas, i'm also bickering with my scanner at the moment, so they don't look quite like they ought to. still, life goes on.


from the fair in seattle. concert pics are coming up another day.


this is not john, and therefore not susie's boyfriend. though he certainly looked like him at the time. his actual name escapes me, however, which must be an insult in some way, so i hope that he can forgive me.


seen at the side of the road in surrey. and really, it's only expected. {g}


one minute he was praying at the corner of the road, the next moment he had disappeared. my personal belief is that he was abducted by aliens, but that's just one girl's opinion.
word o'the day: conversating - v. to be in the middle of having a conversation.

because i'm too lazy to write this out, i copy it from an email instead:

"catherine and i went to buntzen lake today and she brought along a beginners' spanish book. took us about 35 minutes to get through the first chapter (all of 3 pages) reading it out loud in spanish first and then translating each sentence. it's really exciting. it's about a young, sexy archeologist who lives above a bar that plays music, though he's not a fan of the noise. he just got out of jail three months ago and didn't want to have any more "black days" (those reckless archeological bad boys), but some mysterious person has dropped off newspapers that speak of a mausoleum that's been discovered (the most beautiful and sacred one in toledo!) along with this mysterious key, and he knows that he's the best archeologist in the country and is the only one who can decipher what the key says. yes, candido says, only i can save the world. orat least, can read the keys. chair-gripping stuff, i tell ya."

today i also got a courtesy cell phone. just like a courtesy car, except smaller. and i got a new camera lens to replace my jammed one - one that's almost four times as strong. altogether, $400 well spent. and to top it all off, i have tan lines. such an exciting life.

i have to post the people i'm working with for the photo exchange, and as soon as i have enough online, i swear i'll do this.

things to do, places to go, people to see...

Monday, April 29, 2002

yesterday was the day to jump around, today is a day of firsts:

first time buying a tea-set. a real one, not doll toys. it's a disgusting shade of brown/green/yellow with tacky moldings. i adore it. and for only $1!
first time buying a combo at 7-11. it's because of the skater punks outside that i really considered it. thank you skater punks.
first time buying a hot dog at 7-11.
first time using open condiments at 7-11. only because it's the one in coquitlam. if i was downtown i'd never trust 'em.
first time calling chris in phoenix.

truly a day to remember.
dance, domo, dance!

found through amy.

Sunday, April 28, 2002

on the way home yesterday i heard part of a cbc news segment about paxil. tried to find a reference but everything that comes up is old news so i'm not sure why it was being brought up. maybe another lawsuit being filed. at any rate, not having ever taken anti-depressants meself and therefore never really looking into them before, i only just found out that paxil is addictive and quite difficult to stop taking due to some terrible-sounding withdrawal symptoms. and not only that, but anti-depressants have also been linked to breast cancer. and this concerns me, because i know so many people who do take paxil. i'm not a fan of drugs in the first place (which is why the anti-inflammatories i should have finished by now are still practically untouched), but anti-depressants in particular scare me. i'm sure many people will disagree with me about their usefulness, and i know that my lot in life is probably quite different from some so it's perfectly fair to say that i have no idea what it can be like, but i find it difficult to trust a drug to make things better. especially after some of the things i've read. and if i could link to some of the articles we read in the Culture of Advertising course last summer, i would, because it's immensely disturbing to see how popular anti-depressants became through the media and advertising alone. i understand that social anxiety and depression may be terrible, but they existed long before we started prescribing a pill for every little thing and even before we had a name for every tiny little thing and somehow life went on. i could go on into a lecture-style rant, but no one wants to read that, so i'll let it lie. i'm just worried for the people i know who depend on anti-depressants. i know they make their lives a lot easier and i'm glad for that, but... i still don't like it.
i like the way i look today. this isn't a narcissistic comment, you'll understand in a minute. i'm wearing a blue cord skirt (bleached so that it looks worn), a green tank top, my vancouver police dept shirt and a black bandana. i look comfortable (and i am). with that in mind...

i drove down to blaine, south of the border, today. i was working in richmond, it was a nice day, figured it would be worth the trip (and it was). on the way down i even managed to hit the quick line through the border crossing, and thus began the usual exchange:

Dude: where are you from/going?
Me: coquitlam/blaine.
Dude: why?
Me: (wearing a grin) well actually... to take pictures and to buy ice cream...
Dude: ice cream?
Me: yeah, we don't get all the ben & jerry's flavours and i figured i'd pick some up for my friend's birthday.
Dude: (noticing my shirt) what do you do for a living?
Me: student.
Dude: where'd you get the shirt?
Me: oh damn.. i shouldn't have worn this today. helped-out-a-grade-one-teacher-a-few-years-back-her-husband-is-a-cop-all-her-smocks-were-old-cop-shirts-and-she-gave-me-one-at-the-end-of-the-year. (still being smile-y)
Dude: uh huh. well you can't wear that down here.
Me: oh. alright, i'll take it off before i get out of the van.
Dude: no. you can't wear it down here. pull over right there and take it off right now.
Me: ... alright then. (thinking, what a prick, sliding the shirt off my shoulders)
Dude: (annoyed that i didn't pull over to slip off my shirt) fine, have a good day. (grumblegrumblegrrrrr)

because if i were to wear a Vancouver police department shirt, untucked, overtop a skirt and tank top and wearing a bandana and wandering around with a camera on my shoulder, people would take me seriously? even if i was a cop, i'd be out of my jurisdiction anyways. good lord. how dare i disrespect [canadian] authority by galavanting about in official clothing - in america no less!

it made me appreciate canada that much more when i came home. again, skipped the lineup completely, pulled up, leaning over fishing through my bag for my wallet to get id.

Dude: where're ya from?
Me: coquitlam.
Dude: ah. just went for a day trip then?
Me: yep!
Dude: bringing anything back?
Me: two books. [neglecting to mention the ice cream under the seat, but what's the fun in declaring everything you bring back anyways? still fishing for my id]
Dude: you looking for id?
Me: oh! yeah..
Dude: bah. don't worry about it. lemme just fix your license plate right here....
Me: [proceeds to ask a bunch of questions about the information that they do have on the screen, why he needs to adjust my license, what they use it for, if they know when i leave/return, how they find out, etc etc etc - there was still no one behind me]
Dude: [humours me and answers every single question and goes on to explain more than i asked about, all with a grin.]
Me: neato. well thanks!
Dude: and thank you! have a lovely afternoon, miss!

(i swear, that's how he said everything. he was like the kindly sheriff from the prairies.)

canada makes me laugh. and some people just take everything way too seriously. of course, i've had great conversations with the US guards as well, i've just had bad luck with the ones i get of late. they're all grumpy and bitter and sadly in need of a power trip. maybe they only have decaf in the states these days.

* y'see, the reasons i usually have for crossing the border tend to be completely inane, and honestly, it's more fun telling the truth just to see what sort of look you get. {g}
for those who care and, more importantly, for those who do not, jodi is doing well. she's been to london. she's not yet been to france. i don't know if she's seen your underpants. she has, however, seen such marvels as the highlands and The Castle Used In Monty Python's Holy Grail in scotland, has been taught a dance to andy williams music, has met many aussies, kiwis, and canucks, has had her sweater taken by drunken aussies entranced by her jodi-licious allure, has met her maude-esque* soon-to-be cousin-in-law, and has had a riotous time by the sounds of it. oh, and she's stolen books from the hostels because deep down inside she is evil. tomorrow she high-tails it to barcelona. lord only knows what trouble she'll get to there.

* neato. found what looks to be the book in a text file when i looked for a H&M link. if you want something to read...
today is a day to jump around for absolutely no reason and pretend that you're four and to shake things that make noise. the jumping is especially fulfilling if you've got noisy things in your pocket (like, say, a bottle of medicine that you don't really want to take).

you know that laugh you get for absolutely no reason, but as you're laughing you know that things are absolutely dandy? it comes out of your chest, and well, for me, ends up being a heartfelt giggle, and it doesn't last too long but it feels so good while it does. and afterwards everything is still grand.

haven't laughed like that for awhile. but it felt so good. and it was the romanian gas station dude that really set it off. because he just stood there while i did all the work. because i think it's silly to wait around for them just because the sign says "full serve". and i always do it meself anyways. so instead he came over and leaned against the van and asked me what the hurry was. and tried to talk me into going to the movie theatre nearby if i was running so late. "but i'm going to see a foreign film!" says i, though i think i may have been too perky for him to pick up what i was saying. that, and the hair might have been distracting.

i had ten pigtail/bobble/whatever thingies in my hair. it started with two in the front and i ended up doing my whole head. that, coupled with the rainbow brite hoodie, made for a great many exclamations throughout the day.

but as i drove away i was laughing, sparked by mr romanian dude. and even when the person i was supposed to meet didn't show, life was still good. met someone who said that he'll teach me czech. it seems that czech films are wonderful places to meet czech people. who knew? through a strange twist of events i ended up sitting beside him during the second film, and afterwards he mentioned how he'd noticed me coming in, which might have been something to mention except for the fact that i know most everyone was noticing me from my hair alone. still. what an observant fellow!

and then today i was quite the dork, seeing the doctor again. and even though it's a drop-in clinic with rotating doctors, i have the dumb luck of getting the same doctor every time. who just so happens to remind me of michael york, both in looks and the accent and sweetness*. i had every reason to believe that i should see a doctor and i fully expected (and dreaded having) to leave with antibiotics again, but even so i was already feeling like a goof. turns out it was nothing - at least nothing that i needed medicine for. one of those "drink lots of water and you'll be fine" deals. he asked me if i was searching for one shot that would cure everything, and commented that by now i've come in for nearly the full spectrum of the anatomy. of course, he said this with his patented dry doctor humour and a sweet grin, and he makes it feel like he's an old friend rather than a doctor, which is why i don't complain quite so much about seeing him every time, but it's still vaguely embarassing when you're in so often. i said that i really didn't plan to come in so often, and he said that no, it wasn't a problem! at least i'm coming in for something different each time, rather than the same thing over and over, though i must be a walking miracle, judging by my chart. i didn't tell him the many many many things that were in my older medical charts that he's never seen. oh if only i hadn't given up going to doctors whenever my head clicked...**

still. if i see him one more time in the next two months, that'll be too soon. the fact that he knows me by sight, the fact that when he first tells me exactly what kind of scarring surgery could be done to fix what's bothering me*** and i know that it's a teasing jab at me due to previous visits... it's nice that i can feel comfortable around a doctor, but i'm wondering if he's thinking that i'm making excuses to come in or if i'm a complete hypochondriac (but if it's real, then i can't be!) or who knows what else. i don't think it would be quite so bad if i happened to see different doctors some days.

even so, having a doctor that reminds you of michael york can be damn amusing at times. at least it makes having to go to the doctor so often a little bit more entertaining.

* because in my mind, michael york is a very sweet man. anyone who's met him can correct me if i'm wrong, but the one person i know who has met the guy said that he was quite nice and friendly. so go on, prove me wrong.
** though it's peculiar that i actually have an ailment that i'm proud of having. but considering that i know it's not my mind and the fact that no doctors could tell me what was making my head click (though i had a neurosurgeon kindly tell me that i should work hard and be a good student while i still tried to find someone who could tell me what it was), i think it's something to flaunt. i am a medical mystery. gaze in awe and wonder at my being. or don't.
*** last week i found out that it's a pinched nerve (more reasons being skinny sucks - you hit your elbow, and the outside of your arm feels cold and asleep for three weeks straight because the nerve has no protection. it's still not better, but i've gotten used to the feeling). his way of telling me what could be done was to first mention that they could slice open my elbow, fish around in there and straighten everything out, and then sew it up with big nasty scars remaining, much like how he suggested dealing with the bump in my neck (which is apparently a scarred lymph node), again emphasizing the scars. and then he said that i could take anti-inflammatories, which are the drugs i don't feel like taking. i couldn't tell if he was out-and-out mocking me, or just making the alternatives sound better, though i'm certain that it was meant at least partially to tease. but just for the record, i'm all for avoiding surgery at all costs. there's reasons behind his mockery though, unfortunately, trust me.

Thursday, April 25, 2002

my plan to skip work today and enjoy the sun backfired. the day started out gloriously, but by 10:30 had become quite hazy, and the clouds never disappeared. so much for sitting on the beach and reading the day away. on the upside, i will have completed my communications minor by the end of the summer thanks to god lucie the undergrad advisor, half of my room is now so incredibly organised, i played with essential oils, i found a new hairstyle, and i chatted for nearly an hour with morgan, the one who ends up intimidating me half the time simply because she's such a cool person. she's going to prague during the summer, so she's going to scope it out. oh, and midnight swimming at spani will commence may 1st. on the downside, i have lost my cell phone while it was set to forward to the home number, so i have no easy way of finding it. i manage to do this once a year. i've lost phones in toronto, in alberta, tucked in my rollerblades (which i later found a week after buying a replacement phone), and now....somewhere in the house. lord knows where. on the plus side, if i don't find it in a few days, at least i won't have to buy a new handset. my current alarm clock will just have to revert back to a phone.

could i be any more exciting today?
amber's going to have a baby. amber was my "twin" in high school. we both have the same birthday, but though we knew each other from grade nine onwards, somehow we never noticed the birthday thing until grade twelve. that year i got a card from her with a drawing that was nothing more than squiggly lines hidden inside. on the outside there was a poem about smiles, and inside she'd introduced "bob", a happy face, and that was my gift. it sounds supremely cheesy, and anyone who knows me would be shocked to know how much i liked it. i felt terrible when i didn't even have anything to give her in return. since she met her current SO, curt, i haven't spoken to her much - her life has gravitated a few hours away from where i am. the two of them bought a house in abbotsford awhile back, which was strange and bizarre because with that she began to tie herself down (at least, by my way of thinking). her being pregnant was completely unexpected for a number of reasons, but now that she is, apparently she's planning on going through with it. which is good i suppose, but again, strange and bizarre. she's my age. exactly. and she's going to be a mom.

i know it's not that unusual and i mean absolutely no offense, but i'd really rather not hear about anyone else that i know (especially if they're my age or younger) having a baby. there's just too many of them at once.
hey! i saw y tu mamá también yesterday too! and i agree - it's a very good movie. celia told me that it's like Bill & Ted but with something underneath it all, which works completely. and i didn't expect to see him again (he was in amores perros as well). and again, fun soundtrack (cafe tacuba & plastilina mosh!) - i got a brief satisfaction pegging the señor coconut song. {g} overall, though, the film brought back the same feelings i felt when we were there last year - the beauty, the laid-back attitude and the fun of exploring, but at the same time there's a vague, sad, depressing feeling lurking around the edges. i want to go to mexico all the more.
i need people...

[not in a talkative mood. i'm sure i'll make up for it later.]

Tuesday, April 23, 2002

sarah's father should be away on a business trip from may 17th until the 22nd.

if everyone reads that, maybe everyone will believe it, and maybe, just maybe, it will happen. good things will happen if this is the case. trust me, you want him to go out of town then. it won't mean a trip to mexico, but it'll be something.

sarah's father should be away on a business trip from may 17th until the 22nd.

come on everybody, clap your hands! harder!
there is something beautifully calming about a song with only two chords, gently plucked on an acoustic guitar.

particularly when the wind blows raucously outside. i fear for the tree by the rock. that much waving cannot be good for its back.

catherine and i chased the sun today. when we thought we'd caught it, the bastard hid behind a cloud. fortunately it wasn't a big one.

as the sun disappeared, the wind got stronger.

alas, this will not culminate in a thunderstorm, as there are no clouds anymore.

tomorrow the inkpens shall accompany me to see a crazy spanish flick. olé.

too many ideas and possibilities. too overwhelming.

instead i'll listen to calming two-chorded songs. perhaps i'll do my taxes while i'm at it.
i remember registering for piano workshops and festivals. when you wrote all your information you had to include how long your piece was. and i never ever had a clue how long any of the pieces i played were. when jean wrote down how long some of the songs were, i was surprised - i'd be sitting up onstage performing for ten minutes or more sometimes by the higher levels. but it never felt like any time. not in that the time went by like that, but rather that while i was sitting at the piano, time just didn't matter. almost every class i take in school, we have to do a presentation. usually about twenty minutes, which seems so very long, but in the end everyone goes overtime, but the exact length is always stressed. when i'm playing songs on the radio, i tend to be relatively aware of exactly how long - the timers on the players and the clock on the wall make it a little hard to miss sometimes. i never used to think about the fact that it took me nearly an hour and a half to go to richmond to work, but now that i'm trying to decide what to do this summer it's impossible to forget. every time i ice my knee, i hear the doctor's voice in my head telling me "twenty minutes and no more" because then some other system kicks in to start the tissue swelling to combat the cold, and i'm always paying attention to the time while it's on. which is silly, because no matter what sort of inner chronometre my body might have, it certainly doesn't run to the second by any means. it's us who made specific time values important, the world still revolved before then.

i think that's why i've liked this semester.* time hasn't meant money. time happened, but it didn't matter. it was like playing at music festivals again - i knew it would end, i knew there were things to be done, but it really didn't matter all that much while it happened. chatting with the girl from NMW while we were dropping off flyers, she spent the past 6 months in jamaica and costa rica and was commenting on how that was one of the most shocking things in coming home - how time here is valuable, something that you don't have enough of. while down there, there was enough time for everything. i have one song playing in winamp at the moment that's 18 minutes long. wouldn't notice its length at all if i hadn't been surprised at how long it took to download it. i think this is another reason i have to start playing piano more. to escape time just a little more. i'm so good at it already, but practice makes perfect.**

* oh, and another reason i'm not looking forward to working this summer while i take classes: got my marks back, and i have never done this well in all my time at SFU. this truly was my best semester ever. relatively stress-free (despite some RL bothers and the demented sexualities course) probably because i could take the time to enjoy it, relaxing, fun, interesting, and amazingly friendly. this is why i still have no plans to graduate in the near future. the academic universe is too nice to me.
** i'm not really one for finishing ideas today. such a shame.
because he turned out to be a theme the past few days, unintentionally and only noticed in hind-sight:




muchas gracias to cumming's attractions for the images.
"Everyone on my MSN list is either from school or family, so it is kind of relieving to know that all of my online interaction isn't with complete strangers." -- found on a random journal

i find it sad the number of people who are almost paranoid of making friends with "strangers" and the near-stigma attached to having relationships with people online, even just friendship. when i was telling someone how i met celia they replied that they couldn't even consider meeting someone from online in person, and saying with a hint of pride that they've never made friends with people online.

why is that something so many people assume to be a sensible thing? why do people think that meeting someone you've only written with online is going to be this strangely bizarre experience? not to say that it isn't ever a strange meeting, but i don't see why people go into it expecting it to be odd, and often end up surprised at how comfortable it felt. you already knew them, where does the surprise come from?

i don't like the fact that i tend to gloss over how i knew people i've met when i go travelling, because to say that they're people i knew through the 'net would make me look like i had a few screws loose. or being looked at strangely when i mention something about someone i "know-but-don't-know" on the other side of the continent. i don't understand why the 'net tends to be looked down as a means of making friends, as though people met through the 'net merit more suspicion. granted, you can't head off to a movie whenever you feel like it with a 'net friend (although shing and i talked about seeing Office Space "together" when it was in theatres because no one here wanted to see it with me - at least we were in the same time zone, so it was a reasonable idea! {g}). when i was talking with zhan the other day, we suddenly realised that neither of us really knew what the other one looked like. which really had no leaning on anything, it was just an observation. chris had a severly skewed image of what i looked like before i told him (though i think that's more a reflection of his fantasies than anything else, really {g}). i don't understand why such emphasis is placed onto physical tangibility in a friendship for so many people. it's not as though the idea of considering a collection of words as the embodiment of a friend is somewhat new - pen pals have been around forever. but i suppose the difference is that in letters, you tend to have met the person in real life first. but so what? even if i don't know what they look like, i'm certain that i have much more in common with some faceless people on the 'net than i've had with past "good" friends.

i don't know where i'm going with this. it's just a venting, i suppose, as always. but really. for people who may not be the most chatty in person or who just don't like going out too often, well i'm at least glad that i can still meet new people online. there's no other way i'd have learned all about living in costa rica from someone down there, or found out that teenage boys in egypt are just the same as they are here (not that there was too much doubt in my mind, but still), and i wouldn't have ever known some of the people i now consider to be friends, even good friends. so i never get to see some of them in person. so what?

and in a related note, that whole idea of "internet addiction". i thought the article was just being facetious, but then i found an actual study about "communication addiction". fortunately, they go on to question the validity of naming anything an addiction when "...it is probably false and misleading to define a behavior as addiction based on symptomatology from non-comparable behaviors." exactly. "[t]he Internet is not a bad place to spend time. While it is no utopia, there are real people, sharing real feelings." i'm tempted to quote the whole paragraph, but i won't. go read it yourself if you're curious.

course, the majority of the few people who read this are probably on my side in this case, and the people who should hear this never will. "aye," says jesus, "there's the rub!" ah well! {g}
glad to be of service. {g}

Monday, April 22, 2002

coming across this
reminds me. matt, the fellow i met outside safeway the other day. the reason i went up to him and started talking to him was because he had a Buckaroo Banzai patch on the sleeve of his shirt.

that is all.

Sunday, April 21, 2002

would you feel content knowing that the people are already prepared for your death? at least newspapers won't be caught off-guard when ronald reagan passes away - a ronald reagan tribute is written and ready! but hold off reading it all until he's really dead. give yourself a little bit of a surprise.

link via metafilter
Sponsor An Idiot For Just 80 Cents A Day. scroll up, scroll down. they make me laugh. just a group of friends from ON, they're not always comedy gold, there's observations i could do without, but they certainly do have their moments.
because i haven't done a survey this month, email, scribble, or elsewhere:

current clothes: brown cords, peak t-shirt, black bandana
current mood: content
current annoyance: money/school/work/time, which are all the same in this case
thing you ought to be doing:neatening the archive binders i brought home
current desktop picture: i will survive.
current favorite artist: dave mckean, but only because that's one of the few names that pops to mind. that, and his book's sitting on the shelf beside me.
current favorite group: you make me laugh. {g} of montreal, but only for starters.
current book:american gods
current cd tape in player: buck 65 mixtape
current dvd video in player: fellini's 8 1/2
current color of toenails: nekkid
current worry: time/sanity/school/work. see earlier answer.
what's the story behind your blog name? it's a reference to monty python, but whither is also the first email handle i chose, and i've become rather attached to it. randomly picked it out of the dictionary, but i liked the word - the way it sounds and the way it looks. its link to monty python was pure happenstance.
name five of your favourite pig-out foods: salad, fruit, perogies, pretzels, homemade meusli
name one thing you're grateful for today: being able to take things for granted
describe your dream wedding: hah! if it did happen, it'd be an elopement.
name three teachers you liked in high school: ms terakita, mr zeimer, mr beebe
do you have a favourite quote? what is it? probably. but a random one:
"life in a box is better than no life at all. i expect. you could lie there thinking - well, at least i'm not dead!" - rosencrantz & guildenstern are dead
name one tv character you'd most want to be: um.
do you have any weird sleep habits? not that i know of
what do you plan to do this summer? school, work, make films, drive to mexico. if my life was ideal.
favourite song right now: too many. but we'll go with rachmaninov's 3rd piano concerto, cuz that's always a good default.
write a line from any song.
"spins a web, any size. catches theives, just like flies. look out! here comes the spiderman!"
typical sleep wear: pj pants and tank top
what's in your bag? clipboard, papers, camera, walkman, money, food stash, keys, phone, cds, pens, american gods
what's in your wallet? cards, receipts, coupons, coins, some american money, random notes-to-self
how much money do you currently have in your wallet? $2.37 US, $6.42 Canadian
what's the weirdest/funniest nickname you've ever been called? ...
three favourite cartoon characters:johnny bravo, dexter, basil the great mouse detective
magazines you read on a regular basis: headlines on the national enquirer at safeway
if you could change 3 things about yourself, what would you change?
- my knee would be fine
- i'd have A Plan
- i'd be an artist in my own right (film/photography/music, one or more of the above would be nice)
five suggestions, plus one, out of what i have here at work:

of montreal - penelope my, what a strange day with a swede
bonzo dog band - hello mabel
amon tobin - people like frank
fantastic plastic machine - love is psychedelic
os mutantes - bat macumba
bonzo dog band - humanoid boogie trouser press

sometimes it's so hard to choose.
take a roll of film, exchange it with a stranger, get another film in return, and then create a gallery out of their images! it's last minute, but i only found out about it just now. registration ends today, but you can find out more information here.
"if you hit me again, i'll kill you," he said, pressing the gun to my head. didn't concern me too much. someone who looks and sounds like peter lorre at his most pathetic doesn't inspire too much fear.

he pulled the gun away from the back of my head and we drove on. he stayed perched on the edge of the back seat, his breath tickling the back of my neck. finally it got to be too much. i reached behind me to pull up the headrest, and accidentally brushed his cheek.

i heard the noise of the gun, but didn't feel a thing. there hadn't even been time to worry. i watched jodi's reaction, his friend telling him off, his apologies for "the accident". "so this is what it feels like to die," i thought, closing my eyes.

took near an hour to fall back to sleep after that.

Saturday, April 20, 2002

i've been watching the worst 80s movie on tv (flipping between that and interview with a vampire, elsewise IwaV wouldn't have interested me for so very long - all 20 minutes worth!). no clue what it is, but it has almost every single teen star of 80s sitcoms in it. and matthew perry when he was but a child. it's terrible, yet that alone has kept me watching it for this long. that, and the fashions. the 80s were so cool...
could someone please tell me what this person was searching for? {bg}
working at the head office isn't necessarily so bad afterall. i can handle it for awhile.

moments of today, good and bad:

woke up, sun shining in the window (i don't do blinds) and toothpick curled up beside me. no clue when or how she came into my room, because she wasn't there when i went to sleep. mystery kitty.

shiraz always makes me happy.

visited chris. just chatting about whatever. he's not doing so well. his hearing's a week monday, but his bronchitis is pretty bad, what with having to sleep outside the past few nights. the days have been beautiful, but the nights are still cold. he didn't get a lot of money today, so he's probably outside again right now. i thought about inviting him home for the night, but unfortunately i don't think my family would take kindly to it. still. hope he does alright. i actually gave him my cell number. at least that way, depending what happens with the hearing, he can still keep in touch if/when he gets off the streets. and for once i'm definately expecting a phone call in two weeks now that i've given out my number.

driving 98 km/hr along the highway rather than speeding along in the fast lane like usual. realised that you can't watch the cars weave along the road when you're in the fast lane. it was nice and relaxing.

dominique asked me if i was going to both kith shows this time around. i feel special that he remembered that i liked 'em at all. on top of that, more people than i ever expected said hi to me. a lot more. and yet i'll be going in tomorrow simply because then i can work without having to deal with other people. yes, i'm a freak.

met matt (yet another one). he was busking outside safeway on commercial. told him i didn't have any money, but if he wanted something to eat i'd get him something while i was in there. he was craving an aero. told him that if i was gonna get him something, it would have to be healthy. in the end we settled on an apple and an aero. and less than a dollar later he was telling me about his art (sculpting plastics - remodelling useless vcrs and telephones into bizarre creations). he's got a ticket to toronto to go back to his family, but it's another week away. he's got a place to stay until then, and he's certainly better off than some people out there, so i'm not entirely sure why he was busking. forgot to ask. he's got a couple songs up at mp3.com from a few years back when he had access to a computer that he's pretty proud of - at one point he hit number 4 on their hiphop charts or so he says. if the music's any good i'll link it when i listen to it. {g}

my arm's still tingling. i'm stopping at the doctor's before i go to work tomorrow.

while i was talking to matt, genevieve walked around the corner. she was my best friend from the end of grade six to mid-grade 10. and then we went our separate ways. she was with her current SO, TJ. it was this close to revolting watching them interact, it was so lovey dovey. gen always spoke a little slower than most people, with a bit more precision. i'm not sure why, i don't remember her parents speaking the same way. she still talks like that. she exclaimed over seeing me, she told me how she was doing, and she went on. i don't think her and i could still be friends, even if we tried. it's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just an observation.

carmen asked me if i've decided to try anorexia, that i looked skinnier than i used to, my cheeks were thinner. she always has been blunt. though if people other than me are noticing that i'm getting skinnier, this could be a problem. hm.

my mom came home and gave me a hug. as per usual, i just sat there. i'll give most anyone else a hug, but not my mother. i need to grow up. the reason she hugged me was because a woman came into purdy's today and told her that she needed to buy something to cheer her up - her daughter had just passed away due to cancer.

still didn't see anyone i planned to see today. but met more people. i think i have a need to keep up novelty in terms of the people i meet. and yet i always want to stay in contact with everyone i meet. at least, all the new people. although part of me was wondering what the likelihood of running into matt again would be, when i saw gen i had absolutely no desire to see her ever again. honestly, i'm surprised she recognised me. i've passed her on the street a few times with nary a second glance. i'm a little disappointed she saw me today. sometimes i'd just rather blend into the crowd.

i promise i'll stop writing boring old rundowns on my day soon. i should be up for divine inspiration before too much longer.

i should proofread my posts. and re: last night's, it was about a few people. some who read this, some who don't. don't take it personally, this here's a venting spot, unfortunately.

Friday, April 19, 2002

there are some people who get way too defensive without good reason to. there are also people who should learn that some of us aren't mindreaders, and who shouldn't be annoyed when we don't get it. and most importantly, there are people who should not take our confusion as not caring, becoming defensive rather than explaining.

i noticed that my left arm has been feeling rather weak lately. i don't know why this is, because i've never noticed it before. today it's taken to feeling fuzzy and shaky. if i was in full-on hypochondriatic mode, i'd link it to the lump in the back of my neck, but only because it's not on the right side as well. but i don't want to see a doctor again right now. maybe i'll worry about it on the weekend.

imagination can be a curse.
i haven't seen one person that i have purposely tried to see in the past couple of days. i did end up visiting my grandma (who told me that i'm an strange/adventurous/brave/interesting/daring girl at random points during the conversation). and i ran into matt who actually looked scruffy (who is the guy i pegged as having a mighty attitude when i first crossed paths with him, and now is the perfect someone to bounce lame procrastinating emails with during paper season). and i saw chili for the first time since august. but chili gets another few paragraphs cuz he's special.

he hangs out at a starbucks i used to visit ivana at. worked at a construction site across the way, lived in a trailer right nearby, he made friends with the starbucks crew (and most everyone else) and just stuck around. originally he was going to take off to brazil this year for carnaval, but he says that now that it's getting to be so nice out here he thinks he'll stick around awhile longer and keep doing the construction thing. when i saw him today he told me that he's gotten rid of his trailer because he realised that he wasn't feeling human anymore. so he got rid of his home and immediately felt a million times better. he's bumming around with friends, but i wouldn't be surprised if he just stays over at the houses he's building at the moment. he's not one who needs creature comforts whatsoever, and i admire him for that. but right after getting rid of the trailer, he got a pager, though when he gave me the number, he had to check the pager to find out what it was. not too much into the technology thing. {g} still, he figures that if the 80s are coming back in style, he'll jump right in. he's already got the love of (good) 80s rap and post-disco music going. all he needs is the cocaine habit, and he'll be set!

at any rate. despite his ability to do without most things, he's a huge music-lover. at the moment he's going through a love of rap, having only recently discovered that there does exist "good rap". when i was leaving he asked for a ride back to the construction site (SO far away... {g}) in exchange for a mixtape of Buck 65. ended up getting a couple tapes from him, but he brought out the LP to show me as well. it just amuses me that he has no home, yet he has a record collection. wonder if he even has a record player. but back to mixtapes, i promised to make him one in return, which should be interesting. i've never made a mixtape for anyone that involves much planning, but making a tape for chili'll require it. Buck 65 is playing here next week, and i may end up going - what i'm listening to now sounds promising. chili's going to the show with T, a fellow he met who walks his dog (Brother) early every morning in the park. chili says that they had deep philosophical conversations when he saw them, and gave him a tape of Buck 65 one day, not even sure if T would like it - didn't seem his type. but it got the T stamp of approval, and they decided that if Buck 65 ever came to town, they'd go together. chili's thrilled.

such a strange guy. he's travelled all over, he actually can live without much of what many of us wouldn't even consider to be optional, he's perfectly fine not having a set plan in life and just taking things as they come, and he's one of the friendliest people i have ever met. when we were outside the construction site, everyone who walked by said hi to him, and as i was leaving a group of kids who were on their way to play street hockey nearby came over to see how chili was doing. i'm not surprised everyone knows him, not in the least. glad i know him, though. hope i run into him again, though i suppose i'll have to if i'm making him a tape.

Thursday, April 18, 2002

i may not have won at pool. i may not be a great pool player whatsoever. but i like playing it. and sinking one ball that included the use of an extra ball and two rebounds to make the shot briefly proved my awesomeness.

and then steve cleaned the table and laughed at me, as he promised to do if he ended up winning.

i left my daffodil at Ms T's. damn.
i'm tired. mentally.
i had a dream involving sushi, apples, carnival slides, skytrains, grey vancouver weather, assorted people i know from harbour centre, japanese movies, and with all that fantasy, i was still aware of my knee being fragile.

and then i woke up with a huge craving for sushi with apples. it looked good in the dream!

Wednesday, April 17, 2002

back to seattle today. came back with more clothes. what's wrong with me? when did i start buying clothes? it's not my fault the store was having a closing-out sale and everything was cheap. but onto more important things: there's too much music going on in seattle. i can't keep going down, and yet...

Of Montreal was great. as were their tourmates, Mushroom Coast. {g} glad that OM played 'sing you a love you song' and 'penelope'. they've booted quasi out of the fickle spotlight o'love. well, the one of many. the crowd was so small though! when it came time to cheer and convince the band to play an encore, suddenly the pressure was on for me to keep cheering as well. usually i just wait because the rest of the crowd is loud enough without my help, but tonight i had to take part. oh, hardship. got given a flower by kevin sorbo during the shadow song, which maybe i should have given back after the show but it slipped my mind while i was talking to him. ah well. and for the first time in years i bought concert swag. the tour cd, which i even got signed (not something i usually do, though now when i sell this one, which i won't, someone'll see it in the store and briefly thing "ooh! signed! must have!" before realising that it's just scribbles on a page as i have done before). alas, i missed getting a couple signatures, and i wasn't in quite a chatty mood so i didn't say too much to the people i did speak to, but life goes on. i got the artist's doodles which is grand. and ed gave me a 7" of the Minders (the openers) after the show. (thanks, ed!) so much stuff!

i want to learn the drums. decided this while watching quasi, but andy's playing only adds to it, though he's got more of the blase/blind thing going rather than intensity. i started to wonder why the drummer was the one keeping my interest during the show tonight - i'm usually a bass girl. but then he went and played the bass for a few songs, and everything made sense again. i'm still a bassplayer girl. the drumming's an added bonus.

less than a month until i get to see the Kids for meself!

on an unrelated note, regarding my spinning out the other night. i feel much better - found one of the rear tires completely FLAT the next day, punctured by a nail. which means that spinning out was either due to puncturing the tire right then, or the tire had already started to deflate somewhat on the drive home. still, it means that it's the tire not me that made the car skid out. huzzah.

i really don't want to work on friday.

Tuesday, April 16, 2002

woulda posted this earlier, but blogger's a bitch.

prague should be interesting. judging by the czech films i have seen (and liked), everyone there is insane. maybe i won't stick out there too much. the movies we saw last night were forgotten light (the page's down right now, i'll link it later) and loners. i liked both of them, but loners definately wins between the two of them. FL was a nice, straightforward story about a priest trying to save his church from being shut down, getting help from the townsfolk including a charming old jewish craftsman. and when i say "charming" i mean "blunt, abrasive and amusing". and then there was a side-story about the unrequited love the priest has for a married woman dying of cancer. it was sweet. it was good. it felt like a long and pleasant foreign film, though. whereas loners bounced between a few stories, lots of sharper cuts and different angles, more "cool" i suppose, but i liked it. and it was more colourful which always catches my eye.* and it had a little more blatant and warped sense of humour. but i'm glad i saw both films.

i know how to say hello in czech now, forgot the other words i picked up last night. s'weird hearing vague french influences in their language as well (not just when the older generation was speaking french, but in everyday language). i may not be quite as lost out there. but it's a big maybe.

and then i went home and learned that energetic
mexican films
speak the language way to fast for me to understand anything. cafe tacuba's on the soundtrack - rah rah rah. i'm thinking of changing the "road trip to san francisco" into "road trip to mexico". been wanting to go back since last time - to the real mexico, not the tourist facade. but back to the movie. i want to believe that the dogs are all dummies, but... ai yi yi. it's so terrible. good film, though. i've come to realise that i like the stories broken up and somewhat scattered. maybe
i should try reading pynchon again.

maybe.

* that's why i dragged jodi and julie to see Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss years back. because i saw one ad and it looked "colourful". didn't really know what the movie was about, but that was why we went. cuz it was colourful. and they should thank me for it. {g}
hurrah and huzzah, when i graduate i'll have another few words at the end of my name! i'm now an arts & culture minor as well. though i may change that to a plain fine arts minor, which'd mean fewer theory and more studio courses. yaaaaay studio.

Monday, April 15, 2002

tonight was fun. lost another life, i think. that makes two so far this year! (all the knee trouble counts as one - fell again yesterday. something snapped again. it hurts all over again. i'm getting used to the routine.) driving home along marine after seeing some good ol' czech films with ed and i learned that i do keep my cool in times of stress. which isn't something new, but still nice to know.

against me:
- wet roads
- old tires
- sorta speeding, though not badly. 80 km/h. the vancouver end of marine drive has too many bends to go really fast.

what should have happened:
hydroplaning, hitting the median, hitting cars coming in the other direction, hurting my leg (again) and more, cops.

in my favour:
- losing control at an intersection = missing the median by a hair
- a break in traffic behind me avoiding sliding into people beside me
- a wide enough break in on-coming traffic to be out of the way in time
- no cops in sight

what did happen:
hydroplaning, spinning out, doing my first donut (a full 540 degrees even!), ending up on the other side of the road, perfectly fine. in the left-turn lane to boot, getting me back on track quickly enough. and mentally, realising i could handle it fine, though i pulled over for a minute but only because i felt like i was supposed to, not because i needed to.

though the whole time i was thinking that i should be doing some real damage to meself. but at the same time realising that i'd be fine. although time slowing down briefly was kinda fun.

rebecca's right. our family does, in general, tend to be pretty lucky.
she reminds me. yesterday i met some people from holland (hollandais?) who were out having fun during their business trip. they work for a company that manufactures cords, like rope and whatnot. apparently bulletproof vests are made with heavy-duty cord, not some sort of metal like i thought. interesting. makes sense.

and then we all rode the funk train. james brown and aaron-the-Pure-Evil-dude-from-Titus taught us how.
that sweatshirt i couldn't pass up? voila, except that mine has different image with all the gang and sparkles. it was on the clearance rack, how could i refuse?

i want. creepiness abounds. but they didn't have smalls of either. damn.

Which Rainbow Brite kid are you?
gotta love the weather. yesterday it was insanely windy, but still nice and warm when i was walking around after midnight. today it's snowing. craziness.

Sunday, April 14, 2002

time to get from port moody to seattle: 3 hours 17 minutes
time to get from seattle to coquitlam: 2 hours 9 minutes*
expected bands: mountain goats; sarah dougher; quasi
surprise bands: dear john letters - playing beside the sky church, no one asked for tickets when i entered the lounge... ::shrugs::
number of comments on buckwheat shirt: 6.
bought: ticket to quasi; 75 cents worth of parking at a metre, paid in canadian coin - HAH!; one sweatshirt that couldn't be passed up; dinner.
scammed: free lot-parking during the day; free museum entrance; free almond handcream; free safety pin; free clothes-hanger; free earplugs; free lesson in funk (provided i was this tall).
worth it?: hell yeah. tuesday will be great fun.

* not my best return time. but considering monsoon-like rain, kee-razy wind, and an actual lineup at the border coming home, it's only to be expected.

Friday, April 12, 2002

zhan has a blog now. and not only that, he has good news! welcome back to the world of academia and kudos on the scholarship!
i have a job again. i'm not sure if i made a mistake with this or not. working at the head office of ritchie's. again. but it's for clay, and it's doing archives, which is a job i created for meself years back anyways so really, i'm being paid to do my own thing. plus it's a job i can do by meself which means not having to be there during business hours. even so. having brian flaunt the fact that he's paid $15 an hour to sit around and play computer games and occassionally help someone print something wasn't appreciated. bastard.

helping out with newmusicwest makes me regret agreeing to work. volunteering is so much more fun. yes, NMW is the horribly corporate and evil side of the music world, but y'know what? it's actually fun seeing things from their perspective for once. points of interest:

- i'm helping a guy named johnny. johnny hatch. i adore his name. he should be a cartoon character. he's got way too much in his mind and it's overwhelming listening to him go on, but he's friendly. i like him.
- maude saw my camera today which landed me the job of aiding the photographer during the festival. awesomesauce.
- working in the same room as david hawkes is strange. i'm too used to hearing his voice come out of a radio. so ed, is DH a bastard too? {g}
- managed to minorly insult dave g (formally of the matthew good band) while i was on the phone with him yesterday. whoops. it was an accident. {g}
- got to leave an annoying message on jordy birch's answering machine. i get my thrills where i can.

that's about it, really. oh, and dropping off registration applications at a few schools today, [the girl whose name i forget] and i went to some private school out towards UBC (the superduper-rich part of vancouver). the place was the mansion of high schools. the front entrance to the school was carpetted. there was a room with antique-ish oak chairs set up - some study hall? the student artwork that was displayed was the height of pretension. a lot of it was about death. there were signs posted announcing that friday was Casual Day. the cars parked along the road were all students'. all new models, all shiny, more than a couple mustangs and lord knows what else. as we left she and i wondered whether we'd missed out by going to public high schools or if we were better off for it. we decided on the latter. geez louise.

my companion for the Seattle trip on saturday has bailed. i don't hold it against her. i think maybe i'll just take the trip on my own. i'm not keen on driving back alone latelatelate at night, but i haven't gone on a trip alone in ages. we'll see.

Thursday, April 11, 2002

chris is 34. he's got two boys. he has 16 siblings. he's of first nations descent, but he was the only child who looked white. he was born in a supremely small town in northern ontario. their house had three floors - in summer they'd live on the first floor, in winter the top one, because the snow was too deep to get out further down. they had an escape hatch built into the roof for the really bad winters. his grandfather, the only family member he got along with, passed away about ten years ago. his grandfather taught him to hunt as a child, and he'd hunt today if he had to find food but given the choice he'd rather not kill any animals. one day he decided to leave with his best friend (everyone assumed they had eloped) and ended up hiking all the way to newfoundland. he decided to come out west and hiked all the way out to vancouver. last year his friend passed away, and he's just getting over losing her now. he used to have a home in port moody, though when he was divorced his wife kept the house, being the one who would be raising the children. he can't work due to an accident working in demolition, but CPP (?) and Workers' Comp are arguing about who owes him money. he's going to court in a few weeks to have it settled, though whatever he gets still won't be a lot. he was told he'd never walk again, but he's managed to do that. but he doesn't have the strength to do physical work anymore. he loves to cook and is apparently wonderful at it, but he's got bronchitis, so he'll never be able to do it as a job. chris says that there's nothing quite as good as beaver meat with mushrooms, pineapple, teriyaki, and lord knows what else. he lives on the street these days. he's only been out there for two years, though it was hard for him to start accepting money from people. he started to by accident. it was raining miserably, and he was sitting in a doorway at night, singing to keep himself company, and someone stopped by, told him he had a beautiful voice, and gave him $20. it's how he gets money now, just singing. or if he's not singing, he just wishes people a good day. he doesn't want to bring up his own personal situation, because it's no one else's business. he's struck a deal with the 7-11 because of that. they keep him around because customers don't mind him, and chris keeps the junkies away from the store. he's harrassed by the cops, but the 7-11 managers have stuck up for him a few times, and the downtown ambassadors (another security patrol group, sorta) say hi to him as they go by. he doesn't do any hard drugs, just some pot and alcohol every now and then. he'd rather be "high on life", and make sure that he has money for days that aren't so good. he's allowed to smoke pot legally however, due to having dealt with stomach cancer a few years back. he has a doctor's note that he revels in shoving in the cops' faces when they bother him. he's desperately lonely, but he doesn't let himself get to know people too often. he says there's no real community of buskers, everyone's just out for themselves, which suits him fine. he says that sitting with another person kills any chance you have of getting money from people. unless you're with a girl, because then people figure that the two buskers'd appreciate the chance to get a room together. just before i left someone gave him $20. the guy had his girlfriend with him, so chris and i agreed that he was trying to show off. in general, though, he says that as soon as you start to get to know someone well, the leave or they pass away. chris may be living on the streets, but unlike most people out there he actually looks his age. maybe it's because he hasn't been out there too long. maybe it's because he's decided that being alive every day is good enough for him.

i'll post a picture of him when i get 'em developed.

[i know i have no reason to trust him. but when he told me all this, he had no reason to lie to me. i'd given him money, he knew i wouldn't give him more. he just wanted to talk to someone. besides - the little things that happened while i was with him (like the way certain people treated him) all matched up with his stories. and really, does it matter if it's not all true? he's a friendly guy. he was just happy to have someone keep him company for awhile. and his exuberance in his stories just started rubbing off on me.]

Wednesday, April 10, 2002

and i am finished! and when i went to hand in my paper the prof and i talked about the disorientation of being completely finished with nothing to be doing. she encouraged me to go break laws.

like i said, lectures weren't great, but i adore bev. she's my hero. well, one of them at least.
just a comment. the almost-finished-the-paper-hyperness is kicking in bigtime at the moment. but i feel like i know so many people right now! sharon, bishop, matthew, june, brian, geoff, rebecca, kinzi, several people from tutorials whose names i don't know...

of course, i should be writing rather than chatting, but dammit i'm having a grand ol' time pretending to be loved. {g}
"...it's like your legs are rolling about in butter!"

i'm not even going to put that into context. {g}
just got a voicemail from catherine (who lives one street away from me). she called only to read me a line from her social psychology textbook:

Proximity (geographical closeness) is perhaps the most powerful prediction of a friendship.

aww... {g} crazy inkpen girls...
this friday at the blinding light:

RENÉ VIÉNET’S SITUATIONIST CLASSIC CAN DIALECTICS BREAK BRICKS?
“Imagine a kung fu flick in which the martial artists spout Situationist aphorisms about conquering alienation while decadent bureaucrats ply the ironies of a stalled revolution. This is what you’ll encounter in René Viénet’s outrageous refashioning of a Chinese fisticuff film. An influential Situationist, Viénet stripped the soundtrack from a run-of-the-mill Hong Kong export and lathered on his own devastating dialogue…A brilliant, acerbic and riotous critique of the failure of socialism in which the martial artists counter ideological blows with theoretical thrusts from Debord, Reich and others…Viénet’s target is also the mechanism of cinema and how it serves ideology.” –PFA “…its humor comes not so much from its satire of an absurd film genre as from its undermining of the spectacle-spectator relation at the heart of an absurd society. In both its social-critical content and its self-critical form, it presents a striking contrast to the reformist whining and militant ranting that constitute most supposedly radical media. By turning the persuasive power of the medium against itself (characters criticize the plot, their own role in it, and the function of spectacles in general), it constantly counteracts the viewers’ tendency to identify with the cinematic action, reminding them that the real adventure — or lack of it — is in their own lives.” -Ken Knabb (1973 video 90min)
*****
intriguing, no?
people who use the phrase "later gator" in emails make me happy.
possibly seeing Royal Tenenbaums tonight makes me happy.
free cookies make me happy.
paper still not written doesn't make me happy.

which one doesn't belong?
hurrah and huzzah! could i even suggest, holla?

it's the little things, marv...

i am so bored.

nothing wrong with being cryptic when there isn't even anything you're being cryptic about. least that's what i've been told.
reminder to self:
czech film fest is this month at the cinematheque. buttoners. return of the idiot. little otik (again?). must call morgan. anyone else interested in seeing crazy east-european films?
two more things to do when i have the time:
- steal a brick from the vancouver public library patio-esque lobby area.
- steal a piece of portuguese sidewalk. this entails being in portugal, but it'll happen.

because my life is full of important happenings.
hmm.

quasi, mountain goats, sarah dougher at the sky church on saturday, may or may not have to pay. $12 US if i do.

of montreal at the crocodile cafe on tuesday, $7 US.

are two trips south of the border worth it, assuming i get the van meaning free gas? are the bands worth the money? does it really matter if i'm just looking to travel anyways? does finding out about both shows early enough to still go mean that it's a sign?

hmm.

Tuesday, April 09, 2002

i'm sure i'm sorry.


Which Oyster Boy Character Are You?



Which Futurama Character Are You?


posted for tavie, really..


find your queer as folk personality!


Take the What Johnny the Homicidal Maniac character are you? quiz!

(okay, so i got squee first time round and went back and changed one answer, but so what.)


Find out which LifeSaver you are.





how could i not post it?
my hands and arms are so very tired. but i've re-braided a third of the braids rather than write my final that's due tomorrow. but now the braids are all leaning towards my forehead. all the little braids reaching forwards look like some flat gilded scarab sitting atop my head with its antennae and legs.

1 bishop makes me smile. i wonder if i have his email address.
2 a film is being discussed about the langley school music project. why?
3 moby's new video and song, as much as i like the guy, leave a great deal to be desired.
4 my old orthodontist's office is so friendly. went to get elastics for my hair and not only were they free but i was given two packs and then told to wait because she may as well give me one more while she was at it. i loved having braces, if only because i got to keep coming to visit dr taylor and her clan.
5 and you will know us by the trail of dead is the "new thing" on one of the crap radio stations. ::sigh::
6 there is no six.
7 i'd really like to know if i can get tickets to quasi/mountain goats/sarah dougher. still in love with quasi. seems this is a long-term relationship afterall.
8 i love this song and panurge is continuously growing on me, but that one un-tuned guitar string in the beginning drives me nuts.
9 "free pictures of elijah wood naked nude totally free" conjures up some damn amusing images of happy elijah frolicking through the woods. or is it just me? alas, sorry i couldn't help whoever was searching for that.

seems a good place to stop.

which "monty python and the holy grail" character are you?
this quiz was made by colleen



hee. {g} quiz found through barb.
happy birthday steve!

when i was at the concert on friday night, the drummer of the first band reminded me of mike schank if mike was really really happy rather than just...there... and had straight hair instead of curly hair. really, there wasn't a whole lot of semblance between the two of them now that i think of it, but he reminded me of mike. maybe it was because he was just there. and that was all. but it made me think of you by proxy.

exciting, no? but hope you have a great day. {g}
length-wise, i should be wrapping up the essay right now. content-wise, there's still so much more i could discuss. too much, shouldn't have done both films. ah well. live and learn. now if only i could master the art of academic speech and actually write something that sounded refined.

jodi has bad timing, coming online twenty minutes before my paper's due. guess i'll be late in handing it in. such a shame.
it might be unkind to post this, but how can i not. poor emily (of the Celia & Emily Duo fame)! she ends up face to face with mr elijah wood himself at the music store and her companion is busy telling "Frodo" loudly how much she loved his movie and generally embarrassing the hell out of em (and probably him as well). and when she thought she'd gotten away, she ends up behind him in line. so the poor girl just runs outside. wish i'd been there - partially to see her face, partially to see his (though just reading the anecdote i felt terrible for both em and elijah), and partially because i'd love to meet him while he's filming out here. because that's just the kind of sad person i am.

still. imagining em's reactions is pretty funny. in a laughing-WITH-her sort of way, i swear. {g}
still not got a lot done. but amidst procrastination, i'm reminded to say, i hope R2's doing alright... animals shouldn't have to worry about cancer. they don't do anything to deserve it like us humans do.

Monday, April 08, 2002

purveyors of frustration when i should be writing a paper:
- blogspot being down, immediately cutting off a bunch of my procrastinational options.
- absolutely NO emails. none. nada. not even spam.
- a severe lack of inspiration.

i only need another three pages, yet i can't write a thing. i just want to go to bed. maybe the prof'd grant me an extension. but then i just have to work on it longer. i take back what i said about being sad when this semester's over. i can't wait.
go planet!
having certain people who are just always there is comforting. like james at the computer lab on the hill. dunno why, he's just here every time i am. he reminds me of a teddy bear. not sure if it's in the way he looks, or in his pleasantness every time i see him. i'm going to be sad when this semester ends, if only because i won't habitually run into the same people anymore.

(currently: six pages, nowhere near refined, though i may almost have a definite thesis/introduction worked out. library closes in two and a half hours. does persistance to finish or hunger win?)
two pages of ten written. due in 21 hours. in the classic art of bullshit, the paper can still go in any direction i need it to. i really need to decide what the hell i'm writing. might make it easier. all these notes about both Memento and Fight Club, all these ideas about both, no idea how to bring the both of them together without it feeling like a superficial pairing, done only to use both films in my argument (which is what it would be, really). all this, and so few resources specifically about neo-noir, which is just frustrating. someone needs to write a definitive article on neo-noir, not just using the term flippantly without properly defining it. it strikes me that "neo-noir" is a lot like that grand old "postmodern" word. if you just use it with enough surety and (false) authority no one will question you because they don't understand it in the first place.

memory loss = fragility of sanity = postmodern condition of society?
revenge as an assertion of masculinity = violence redefining an emasculated society = attempt to empower the masculine once again? does it come at the cost of feminist viewpoints? does that matter?
Memento = Fight Club = essay?

too many ideas, all leading me away from a cmns essay into something else entirely. if i stopped listening to music with a heavy beat, it might help as well.

epitonic's blackbox is great to use at the school lab, though.

Sunday, April 07, 2002

because zhan is evil and encouraging me to procrastinate at the moment, a few links to play with:

Dictionaraoke, where the dictionaries sing your favourite hits! and hey, they have a version of cage's "4:33".
plinko.net. email roulette. obituary haikus. this place is grand.
a straight person's guide to gay etiquette, because "you may number among [your friends] such diverse persons as Elvis fans, left-handed persons, people who believe that New Criticism will rise again, golfers, patent medicine salesmen, and, yes, gays and lesbians." i think i remember enjoying the writer's fic way back when, which is another reason to link it.

back to film noir.
jodi updated from london! and she used the word "wee". the crazy english people are getting to her already. it was only to be expected.
exactly. unfortunately i knew a couple of the idiots at the show last night which made it all the more annoying (they were never people i'd liked at school). still, once i'd gotten in front of them, things were better.

Saturday, April 06, 2002

so tonight was interesting. the new pornographers show ended like a cheesy 80s movie. bras and panties were left hanging from the microphones. everyone crowded onstage and danced their hearts out. Big Hamm sprayed the crowd with beer (though not me, thankfully). some guy took a flying leap off the stage, and everyone politely moved out of his way. and the credits rolled while the rest of the crowd kept dancing as the scene faded to black.

i won't mention the guy who reminded me of bastard!scott (ex-co-worker) because him and his music just pissed me off. see? no mention at all!
i smell popcorn.

which reminds me. the past couple days have been absolutely gorgeous, hence a burn-turned-to-tan, a minor case of sunstroke on wednesday, and an overall feeling of happiness. it's also meant that it's warm enough to drive around with the window down. both days, as i drove past main and twelvth (due to a need to waste two mornings in a row sitting at the beach rather than in front of computer screens), it smelled suspiciously like popcorn. this might not be strange, except for the fact that there are no stores in that area which would exude popcorniness, let alone any strong foody smells. quite odd. maybe the firehall was having a party.

crazy firefighters.

has anyone else ever seen firefighter olympics? at least, that's what i think it was. when i stayed out in camrose a couple summers back sev and i went awandering one day and saw all the firefighters outside divided in two facing each other, each with a hose of their own, and they were both spraying a barrel hanging from a cable above the parking lot, trying to push it to one end of the cable. sorta like an inverted version of tug-of-war. they looked like they were having fun. sev and i watched for a couple minutes, but both teams were too good (or too bad) - the barrel wasn't moving much. that, and we were overwhelmed with the need for slurpees. strangest thing, though. all i could think of was "what a waste of water!" maybe they don't have water rationing in alberta.

crazy albertans.

off to steal popcorn.
strange discovery: i have no clue as to the gender of the writers of a few pages i read. it doesn't make a difference. but it does. but it doesn't. does it?

annoying discovery: friends with different priorities who don't share my neuroses (which means they won't act on 'em either).

boring discovery: i need a nap.
congratulations to sean who's going off to nicaragua to teach music! two years.. it'll be awesome. {g}
the american astronaut makes so much more sense now. and i want to see it again all the more. my god.

the billy nayer show would be like king missile if KM rocked harder. and all of their songs were complete nonsense and inspired by dreams. and sang with intense passion rather than just whimsically telling the story. and was made up of drums, bass, and either a ukelele or an autoharp. in short, BNS is... well, they're insane. but i love 'em. cory mcabee has mastered the art of run-on poetry. the audience waited more than once for him to do his little bow before cheering, just because we couldn't be absolutely certain that the song was done. but anyone who can sing a song about wishing to be the captain of a cow in a sea of grass even half as honest and heart-felt as cory deserves to be admired.

they're making their way around north america, american astronaut's playing scattered around the world (and in san francisco may 17 & 18! yet more temptation for a road trip...), just go see 'em for yourself. go read their lyrics. just... go.

i've also decided that seeing rob dayton wandering around before a show is usually a pretty good indicator of the potential strangeness of the show. or goodness, because it seems that Canned Hamm is opening for the New Pornographers tonight.

oh, i'm a happy blue monkey today. the red and yellow monkeys died, according to Billy Nayer Show. so i'm stuck being blue.

Thursday, April 04, 2002

the evil class is finished. forever. i am so glad that i have one more class tomorrow, because to end the semester with tonight would have been terrible. it's the last night i have to come home in an awful mood. thank god.

one (of the two) good moments in class: the prof telling us (quite unprofessionally, i might add) that she had been told that the Women's Studies department won't need her back to teach the course again. she asked us to write letters for her if we thought that this was unfair. riiiiight... oh what a shame, she won't be back. excuse me while i dance around in glee.

and the other good moment: the last group was doing their presentation on pornography and joanna was hoping to use a powerpoint slide show but at the last minute they couldn't get the computer setup to work. so gillian ran off to get help while someone else took over, comparing female-made porn and male-made porn. in the middle of showing the clip of Bad Wives 2 (the man-made porn), gillian returned with help in tow: brian, my friend the computer geek! he got the computer working soon enough as the clip finished and there was a bit more nonchalant discussion about the differences between the two porn clips, but as he left the room afterwards the expression on his face was priceless. it had laura and i laughing for awhile afterwards (the only two sitting by the door, and she saw the look he shot me on his way out). {g}
it's old news that time is the invention of the devil. timing, however, is a completely different kettle of fish. though today i'm not a huge fan of that either. timing made me miss a couple of great photo ops. timing made me miss a skytrain by seconds. then again, timing also let me hear the neatest kraftwerk cover, done by a romanian string quartet. gonna have to look them up. but timing's to blame for appearing to ignore some people at harbour centre. i swear, i have every intention to come by and say hi, it's just that whenever i do they're in the midst of something, so it ends up looking like i'm only dropping by to talk to one person in particular. which isn't the case at all. ah well. i'll just have to hope that mr pretention* can forgive me for not saying a word to him lately.

i find meself avoiding gendered pronouns a lot. it's a good thing i'm not french or spanish. don't know where it comes from but i've been doing it for at least a few years. maybe it's dad's lawyerisms in me again: being as general as possible, as open to interpretation as possible, but with a set escape route if necessary. or maybe i'm just being weird.

* it's a term of endearment. or something. if he gives himself the name first, i have every right to use it. which is not a good excuse and easily arguable in other situations, but it's not other situations. i'm tired. can you tell?
today is a very strange day. my sense of time is completely nonexistent. i could blame it on the shock of going from a few hours in the sunshine to sitting in this drab olive-green room staring at a screen, except that it was already confused before i left the house this morning. it feels like saturday, as well. which would really be quite nice. i have an interview tomorrow (for volunteering, nothing for actual money) that i am worried i will miss, this week already feeling rather off in general. i'm also hungry and thirsty and fidgety, but i'm sorry, this is all rather dull, isn't it.

so i'll leave you with the words of a sign daniel and i pass each morning. we're not sure if it's an illness, a delicacy, an affliction, some new kind of hardware, or what. but it doesn't stop us from yelling it at each other every time we drive by:

GOLF NUTS

almost rivals the army surplus store with the gorilla standing outside with only HO written on the billboard. don't get it. don't understand it. don't really care. golf nuts is better. do you suffer from golf nuts? we can help....
and while i'm on this test binge..


Which "Natural Wonder" are you?


i feel so in touch with nature now. sitting here in a computer lab, listening to mozart on a discman, hearing the phone ring in the next room, keeping the time on my cell phone... nature's child, that's me!

i just don't want to write papers, but that should be obvious to anyone at this point.
what's your real star sign?
(found through jess)
Libra
Your conscious will is directed towards developing as full an understanding of the world around you as is possible. You are a friendly person, for you recognise that you are not going to learn much about the world without engaging with other people and listening to their points of view. You will seek a variety of friends, so that you experience a wide range of opinions which will further your attempts to formulate a theory about how the world ticks. You value the concept of etiquette, realising that it has been developed to make society run smoothly, and you prefer to avoid departures from behaviour which appears to be acceptable. You may therefore prefer not to assert yourself too strongly, and if you do so, it is likely to be in defence of your idea-system, rather than for more personal reasons. You may think that you should rise above the realities of everyday human experience, and behave as though everything were all right in the world.

ha. hahaha. {g} hey, i like being a libra. dunno about the entire description, but don't anybody tell me i ain't a libra! {g}

(yes, that was the actual result, i'm not just being stubborn. next most likely was aquarius.)
so tavie, you have fans rabidly searching the 'net for images of you now! i wish i could be that cool... {g}
spent the morning at the beach and i have the slight burn on my arm to prove it! yes, this is a good thing.

when i got on the skytrain, a fellow zoomed in the doors and found a seat. he was only wearing one roller skate (more control, he said later), and proceeded to take it off and replace it with his shoe. a very nice skate too, actually. looked well-loved. we all sat there in the train waiting for it to go, silently wondering why it wasn't going anywhere. a few minutes later a clump of transit people (they were out in droves! makes you wonder where they all come from, considering that most days you don't even see one of them) scurried in, quickly marched from one end of the car to the other looking for someone or something. we all just looked at each other (and i prayed that they didn't check tickets, having already been busted once earlier). one of the transit guys came back in, saw the guy who had skated in and asked him if he'd been on wheels. he nodded and pulled the skate out of his bag to show him.

"it's because of you that we held the train!" said the transit dude accusingly, before turning around and leaving the car. he said something into his walky talky and finally the skytrain left the station. and we all laughed. rollerskate!dude was more surprised at having been spoken to like that than actually feeling sorry, which really didn't matter because absolutely no one on in the car cared in the least. we were all too busy mocking the transit people.

silly transit people, busy having power trips. they're already scamming us out of more money than they deserve, shouldn't that be enough for them?

Wednesday, April 03, 2002

saw The Filth & The Fury today. oh, the accents! really interesting though, at least for me who doesn't know much about the Sex Pistols but always wanted to know more. johnny rotten is one of those people who i don't really know a lot about, but really like anyways. he seems pretty smart, but coupled with one of the bluntest, crassest ways of saying what he has to say that i've come across. first saw him on some history of rock documentary years back, his description of the band was so simple it made me love him from that day onwards.

"i couldn't sing, and sid vicious couldn't play a note, and together we all just made this horrible noise...."

plus, the guy has great hair.
i am torn. 10% of our grade, we have the option of writing what we deserve as a participation mark and why, or writing a 2-page paper about anything relating to the class and/or music industry. i really have no clue what to write about and may just write a review of the moldy peaches just because. or, i could write "reflections on our 321 tutorial OR the only music theorists might agree on". on the first page, "[silence]", and then another blank page behind it. or maybe i could write about john cage for that matter.

i want to do something pretensious and hand it in for marks. i'm just wary of doing it, for fear that i really will lose marks. damn the academic mentality....

Tuesday, April 02, 2002

"i want you to hit me as hard as you can."

guess what's playing in the background. i still don't have a definate paper topic for the film noir course, as the prof foolishly encouraged me to deal with both Fight Club and Memento. i've still got a week.

the best thing about having my hair in braids? when my head's wet, feeling each braid drip drip drip separately. it was an interesting day with alia. no American Pie 2, thank god. lotsa chatting. in her typical dramatic way she announced that she'd let jesus into her heart. apparently she had an epiphany a few weeks ago which actually brought her to tears, and now she's gung ho on christianity. which isn't necessarily bad. but a comment about her belief that people are all born heterosexual and that it's due to influences that people become gay. this led to a quick introduction to kinsey and a swift ballasting of literal readings and multiple translations of the bible. despite this we ended up watching Hedwig which she loved completely and was tickled pink when i gave her a copy of the movie to keep. knew those extra copies'd come in useful! she was curious about things, though, and mentioned how she was still forming opinions so i'm sure there's still hope yet.

the other interesting conversation came about when she mentioned asking someone out. i asked her what she would ask him out to do. "oh yeah, you're from that generation!" and then i got a rundown on the rules and meanings of the dating world in high school today. at least, how it is when you're fourteen. i had no clue that different phrases had such different meanings! "asking out" means officially becoming a couple, whereas asking someone on a date just means getting together to see if there's potential. and asking someone to hang out usually means only friends. i had no idea. apparently eight years makes all the difference. either that or i have lived in a cave all my life.

jodi's on a plane at the moment. she's probably not even left the continent yet. but then she'll be galavanting about london, probably with sharon. i fear for the country.
quasi is my love o'the day. people are playing baseball at the park. s'sunny and windy. today is a good day.

last night i caught part of a short film on CBC. kept watching it because i recognized one of the actors in it (the doofus from Breaker High, ryan gosling's buddy), but when the credits started rolling i saw that it was co-written by geoff berner, a bitter accordian-playing vancouverite. this really only means something to people who don't read my page, however, so just smile and nod.

i have found someone willing, nay, thrilled to braid my hair for me. on the one hand, i feel a vague sense of guilt because she's going to do all this work for which i will give her nothing more than my friendship. and maybe a sandwich. on the other hand, she wants to be a beautician when she grows up and really does want to do it (because her friends care too much about their looks and don't trust her), so maybe i shouldn't worry about taking advantage of that fact.

she's quite funny. she somehow thinks that i'm some sort of epitome of cool. but i'm not, and would never try to be. but she is one of the Cool Kids. at the Good Friday service she'd crimped her hair and was wearing green eye liner. i told her she looked remarkably 80s. she took it as a great compliment. i guess she's moved beyond the neo-hippie stage. she'd spent 40 minutes trying to style her hair that morning, but couldn't achieve what she wanted and resorted to this instead. when i was her age i'd never have spoken to her, half out of shyness, half out of distaste. but she's actually sincere in her fashionable superficiality which makes it endearing rather than annoying. and she actually is quite smart. so it's all good in the end.

my only complaint is that alia's taste in movies leaves a bit to be desired. i'm going to have to find something to appeal to her tastes elsewise we'll end up watching American Pie 2 which simply cannot happen. alas, i think she'd get bored of Memento, and if her parents found out i watched Fight Club with her they'd probably ban me from speaking to her ever again. but we'd still make faces at each other across the room during sermons, i'm sure. oh no, i'll have to procrastinate some more. what a tragedy.

Monday, April 01, 2002

You're the lego Space Man!
Strap on your helmet! You're the lego space man! You love technology, and look forward to the future. You're brave, active, and strangely attracted to shiny objects.

Take the "What Lego character are you?" test! by ctbx


i am shocked and appalled at how many videos jodi just returned to me. for someone trying to cut down on things in general, it's embarrassing! mind you, they're all good movies, but still. terrible, terrible. however, i am also the proud new owner of Psycho Beach Party, which is mighty thrilling indeed.