Sunday, March 31, 2002

i just spoiled the KitH show for meself. and i'm a million times more excited about it now. still have another month and a half to wait, but i'm sure i'll manage.

don't have a lot to say these days. spending time with jodi. found out that the friend of mine planning on getting married this summer is seriously reconsidering it. this is a good thing. saw free music last night, which was all pretty good. got to hear the happy summer Panurge song live. got to see surprise movies between bands. one was absolutely adorable, juxtaposing the lives of a girl living here in the lower mainland and a girl living in gao. the one up here had a hamster named brittney. when she asked her aunty if life would be different for them if they still lived in gao, she told us that her aunty said that they'd still be catholic. it was really really cute. in a good way.

today i realised that i consider downtown vancouver to be an extension of my own back yard. i was working on something in the computer lab, and realised that i'd left a book that i needed in the car, which is parked about a fifteen minute commute away. but i didn't think anything of getting up and zipping off to commercial drive to retrieve it, leaving my things guarding my computer back at the lab. it didn't feel any different than going up to my room to fetch something when i'm at home. except that downtown's a lot bigger and busier. and i'm far more likely to run into people i know here.

s'kinda amusing, really. at least it is to me.

today jodi and i give celia (and hopefully em, if she comes) the chair we made them months ago. it's made up of a kids chair decked out with images and phrases clipped from magazines and lacquered on. it's got everything from bono to callum to the kids to mr dressup to mr T to penguins wearing sweaters to sushi to don mckellar on it. when we'd finished the chair, phillip (one of them german people who was living with us back in december) commented that if it was his, he'd keep it, even if it was made for a friend. i know he just wanted it for himself. but i don't blame him. it's COOL.

oh, and then we have a copy of The Lawrenceville Stories to give 'em. jodi found the book at the salvation army. it's not quite the same as seeing good ol' Gravel Ass himself, but then it's associations that make anything funny in the first place.

does anyone really care about these things? didn't think so. meh.

Friday, March 29, 2002

remember that crazy alarm in the computer labs that seems to get mentioned fairly regularly these day? well, i'm in a different lab, and the alarm's gone off twice in the past hour, just outside the door. i like this lab though. people just get up and shut the doors to get rid of the noise. everyone still looks around wondering whether we're all going to burn to a crisp, but they're a lot more blase about it here. if there ever is a fire, we're all going to die. {g}

excitement! gonna go see a movie at the blinding light on saturday (instead of tonight)! gonna get to see celia (and maybe more)! might get to see june! but best of all, it's a musical! (trust me, follow the link, you'll wanna see the movie too.) tavie, dunno what the music's like, can't listen to it here, but i'd suggest you check it out for your cd.
hm. decisions decisions... which LotR DVD is the one for me?

although just an observation: "because of explicit footage"?
that... i'm not going there. but news articles shouldn't be encouraging these things. unless they're meaning to make people snicker. in that case i'm all for it.
for those who don't know, SFU is at the top of a big big hill that i intend on biking up at least once this summer. i suppose i have a death wish. if you want free parking anywhere near the school and you don't/can't hike up the slopes from the park near the top, your best bet is to park at the bottom of the hill and bus or hitch-hike your way to the top. i've never hitch-hiked, and quite frankly the people who flag down cars when the bus is turning that minute forcing the bus to wait for them to get into the car and go before the bus can get to the stop piss me off, although i have a bus pass, so i guess i'm not worried about saving a bit of money, but today someone else flagged a van down and everyone ended up flocking to her. i jumped on the bandwagon at the last minute, getting the last (front) seat.

it was quite possibly the most uncomfortable ride ever. no one said anything. i suppose when it's just one passenger you can start smalltalking, but when it's a carload full of people, none of whom know each other, where do you start? i debated singing some terrible car-songs, but somehow i didn't think that would make me too popular. so instead we all listened to someone on the CBC talk about why she chose her religion, looking out the window.

human interaction is a funny thing. i'm not really in the mood to take part today, though.
You are Spaceman Spiff!
Zounds! You are the intrepid Spaceman Spiff, the engaging explorer ensconsed in an unending universe of exotic and evil extraterrestrials! You're brave, but you should give that dictionary a rest.
Take the What Calvin are You? Quiz!

Thursday, March 28, 2002

on the way home from class the clouds were flickering orange. figured it was a fire of some sort, but i couldn't be certain, and being in a bad mood because of my class tonight i figured i'd indulge my curiousity and find out what was up. ended up exploring an area on the edge of east vancouver that i'd never been to before, following a windy road to lord-knows-where. turns out it was the best road, because when it ended i had a view into the harbour and was prolly the closest i'd get to seeing the flames. it was just some smokestack of sorts burning off a lot of ...something, nothing too thrilling, but i got out of the car to listen to the flames for awhile. i really like the sound of a fire burning madly. just that heavy rushing roar of sound, going on and on. if there were any noises nearby, they were completely drowned out. i stood there for awhile until i was too cold to stay outside any longer, just watching the flames dancing atop the chimney and listening to the noise.

made me feel a little better. i'm sure the people living right there must hate the noise and the light, but i'd love to be there all night long tonight. it's the same fascination as watching snow fall from the window or watching the clouds during a thunderstorm. i can't explain it, but for a little while there you can leave reality behind and just immerse yourself in the sights and sounds, and you know you're never going to have the chance to see it again.
today i almost believed that dinosaurs still roamed the earth.

on the skytrain trip downtown, the route goes by an industrial area, lotsa big buildings, lotsa graffiti, and right by the skytrain line there's a stretch of mainly dirt/gravel/whatever. nothing there. (along terminal street before Main station, for those who'd know and/or care.)

there was an excavator just there in the middle of one of the stretches of nothingness, no other equipment around him, no construction site around him, but it reached down to pick up this enormous egg-shaped rock, lifted it, dropped it, went to lift it again. i have no clue who would be working there, i don't know what the purpose was of him moving the rock, because i certainly couldn't see one, there were no cars nearby where the operator could have even parked, so i don't know what the deal was.

so instead i imagined the excavator had come to life. it looked like a dinosaur with it's big jaws and whatnot. a very lonely dinosaur. but far more interesting than thinking of some construction worker all alone at 8:30 in the morning.

Wednesday, March 27, 2002

one paper finished. another, i learned today, is due in two weeks, not one. and that there is no final for one class when i thought that there was. there's another little assignment i'd forgotten about, but that's of no worry. tonight i will sleep, and my dreams will not consist of me dreaming about having a miserable night's sleep, or of the idiot professor. though the latter did cause me to wake up fully prepared to face the day, with a good dose of anger to fuel me.

but onto more exciting things. today in the music class, the prof got sidetracked because she was trying to explain what samplers* were for an example, and proceeded to quote Pride and Prejudice, and was so proud that she'd managed to quote the book that she commented on it, before mumbling on about how no one but her cared. i cared, but i didn't say anything out loud. she went on to tell us about a book called "Subversive Samplers" about the subversive messages bitter women would embroider into those godforsaken things during victorian days. and then she got back to the point, but the whole trip took a few minutes there.

i have to admit, i don't care much for her lectures. they're rambly and they just cover the readings much of the time. but i adore the prof. she told us how she sad she was that she had missed going out for beers with the class after the last movie was shown. this is also the one who has the most bizarre (but wonderful) fashion sense. her "normalest" day was her wearing jeans and a jean shirt, with a gigantic red fabric rose pinned on her chest. she's a little like le poupée in some ways.

and that's really all i've got at the moment. too many days spent typing on computers makes sarah a dull girl. and possibly radioactive after prolonged exposure. though i have yet to properly test this.

* as in, the things you embroider when you live in the victorian era and are unable to do anything else with your time.

Monday, March 25, 2002

i may be a dork. but i'm a happy, grinning dork. who should have worked much harder on her paper today.

i have also been christened the mistress of procrastination, a title which i will accept with pride.

but mostly i'm just a happy dork.
to up the ante of exciting posts today:

i have just stabbed myself quite deeply by fishing around for a campino in my bag and instead coming across an upturned clicky pencil. no blood has actually escaped, though i do have a wonderful red stripe under my skin at the base of my baby finger.

i'll never be a hand model.

i must now go contemplate the sadness. or maybe i'll just go watch the sunset. you'll never know which.
i have three quarters of a paper written, but resting on my personal opinion alone, which i know is biased and entirely possible wrong, though probably not, i would argue quite convincingly that it's shite. no rush, it's due on tuesday. what i have discovered today is how to use the school computers for music. i can't listen to anything through streaming media, but i can download songs to play them off the computer. any recommendations to new music would be greatly appreciated, as much of what i'm finding on mp3.com leaves a great deal to be desired, and encourages far too much timewasting on my part.

i think i'd rather just go dancing.
hey. the voice/writer of such amazing songs as "Yummy Yummy Yummy" (Ohio Express) is the same guy who wrote the jingles for coke's "can't beat the real thing!", "just for the taste of it!" diet coke, and mounds' "sometimes you feel like a nut", amongst others. well isn't that special.
"Today there is hardly a gainfully employed [individual] who could not, in principle, find an opportunity to publish somewhere or other comments on his work, grievances, documentary reports, or that sort of thing. Thus, the distinction between author and public is about to lose its basic character. The difference becomes merely functional...At any moment the reader is ready to turn into a writer."
-- Walter Benjamin, first published in 1936.

i'd be curious to know what he'd think of the world today. has the distinction between author and public been lost? i would say no, but it's certainly not defined as it once was....
walking down the aisle in the computer lab and seeing 90% of people writing emails or playing on the 'net rather than using Word makes me feel better.
rabbit fun.
catherine assures me i'm not being a complete dolt. coming from her, i'm not too sure how much i can believe that, but the sentiment is appreciated.

i really want to put my hair into little braids. it's been long enough for pigtails, which is pretty damn exciting if i do say so meself, but i can't braid it meself and i don't have jasmin around to do it for me. i also want to braid someone else's hair, just because it's really quite relaxing -- taking a few hours to watch movies and braid. i love it. this is why jasmin should move back here. she had the perfect hair for it.

april. april will be so much fun. N O T H I N G that i'll have to do, meaning lotsa stuff that i just want to do. and spani will be full of water for midnight patronage. and i will become a pinhole camera connoisseur. and i will finally finish the astroturf project. and i will do some more painting. and everything that's been promised to be mailed will actually go. just one week away....

it's a good thing that i'm not at home at the moment, however, because a loooong time back i was trying to remember one of the stupidest DOS games we had on the old computer (meaning one of my favourites), and i just found a page that has it to download. and i found out that it was made by the same guys who made another game i liked. yay shareware. but fortunately i'm at a school computer in the depressing computer lab, which means i couldn't download them if i tried. which is why i'm posting ALL about it instead, because i don't want to write my paper yet.

actually, i do. i feel good about it again (thank you jodi). and my next paper. and i'm such a pro at getting these things done quickly that i could feasibly be finished both by wednesday, which would give me time to spend with jodi! which is all i'm working for at the moment. well, that, and the joy of being able to enjoy the sunshine.

Sunday, March 24, 2002

my mind has a nasty habit of falling half a step behind the action at the worst of times. i think it's a purposeful act on the part of my subconscious. because if it didn't do that, then i'd have no missed opportunities to dwell upon for the rest of the day, thereby allowing me to procrastinate in the worst of ways. some day i'll have to sit me down and ask me just why i appear to hate me so badly.

or i'll just waste another three hours talking with jodi on the phone about nothing of huge importance (with many apalling references to john travolta dancing), because i dare not see her in person, lest i get her sick a week before she leaves. i don't know what i'll do without her. i don't deserve a friend with such good taste and such patience.

i'll be holding auditions a week tuesday for replacement jodis. come prepared with an argument to convince me to watch one of buffy, smallville, or another unspecified show "that's GOOD!!", a detailed list of the best order to sneak into which movies when at tinstletown, a list of things to do on a sunny day downtown, and your reaction to my ranting on about anything inane for no good reason. we'll get back to you.

and don't tell jodi. wouldn't want her to think she's being replaced. it'll just be our little secret.
"I'm into promoting ugliness." -- damon albarn, USA Today article.

good spokesperson there. {g}

alright, he's talking about the gorillaz, but even so. do cartoons ever strike you as ugly? good-looking, yes, but i've never seen a cartoon character that popped "ugly" into my head...
apparently in order to feel sure and good about meself, i just have to avoid morgan. which is a shame, because i really like her. so i guess that won't happen. time to start climbing up onto the pedastals to join 'em! damn them film types.

so now we're thinking cartoon rock/pop and the dissolution of the artist. whatever the hell that means. the question is, can i make it applicable and, more importantly, fun.

i do want to be in school, i do i do.
last night i learned that i don't want to know the actual political beliefs of people who make me laugh. which is funny when the person in question makes his humour out of the news (and therefore politics), so you would think that if i didn't agree with him, i wouldn't find him funny to begin with. i dunno. i saw jon stewart on larry king live, and of course they were talking global politics, and there were moments when i was cringing inside. ah well. he'll still make me laugh. maybe not quite as much anymore, though.

Saturday, March 23, 2002

unique. special. different. one-of-a-kind.

"he's not like the other boys...."

he's wiggedy wack, yo.

shiggidy shiggidy shwah!

and crazy. like a fox!
number one on the list for sexy echinodermata! rock on.
i shouldn't talk to june. she messes things all up. should i write about Memento or Fight Club?
methinks i may fall back on bubblegum music afterall. i didn't plan to, i just remembered the records they marketted on cereal boxes,


(yes, that's an actual playable record, just have to cut it out) and then it screamed to me to use it for communications. you don't understand. i can't argue with these devils inside me. you don't know what they're capable of.

memento & memory & the film noir (now there's something original! but if i can pull in oliver sacks, i will be a happy camper - knew there was a reason i read his books years back), and bubblegum music as a cultural production. maybe paper-writing will still be fun.
just a quick alteration. needed to see some different eyes up here, and i couldn't waste time to do a proper revamp. so m.c.escher will have to suffice.

Friday, March 22, 2002

congratulations jess, that's awesome news. {g}

how many times do you think i can watch Memento without going insane? already saw it awhile back, but in a split-second decision today i decided that i'm going to write all about it for my film noir paper (paper proposals shouldn't be mandatory - they just don't work for everyone), so i picked it up and i'm dubbing it tomorrow. and then it starts playing on repeat until i can analyse it in my sleep. exciting times!

i went to my old store, though, hoping to visit people i used to work with, but there were two new people working. i'm disappointed. i have no clue who does work there now (i haven't been by since december), but i'm sad that i didn't know the people there. not because i'm suddenly feeling lonely, but just because i was really looking forward to seeing travis or nancy....

hang on. nancy has my soul coughing cd! i need to get that back. hope she still works there....

but back to more interesting things. or maybe i don't have any. well if i remember anything, you'll be the first to know.

oh, and i caught meself becoming way to defensive today. i will not grow up to become my mother. though i know why i was doing it, but still. no excuse.

off to get tea.

Thursday, March 21, 2002

favourite song of the hour: white stripes - we're going to be friends.

it's got another 17 minutes before a new song takes its place.

Wednesday, March 20, 2002

an open letter to my "therapist" prof:

dear [prof],

thank you for your answer regarding my extension. unfortunately, because i actually have classes on thursday i'll be forced to lose a minimum of ten percent, my priorities being misguided enough to choose class over actively seeking you out downtown because you refuse to have an office or a mailbox on campus. but thank you for your consideration. while i did point out the many reasons unrelated to paper difficulties as to why i was requesting an extension, yes final papers can indeed be stressful.

oh! and as for your suggestion: Quick fix? Everything feels better 20 minutes after you slip into a hot bath!

i'm sure it does. personally, i find that knowing that i can take the time to rest and/or nap when i'm sick to be far more helpful, rather than feel the need to push meself to keep going in order to finish in time. does wonders both for stress and your health, i find. as it stands i don't believe i have twenty minutes to spare, but thank you for the suggestion. of course, having re-injured my knee (as i mentioned to you), it would only make it feel worse anyways.

i can understand why people pay you for your help! i feel so much better having heard from you...

sincerely, sarah.

hate her hate her hate her hate her hate her
...and i don't believe in platonic love but i'm jealous of plato - what a bore.
-- momus, "a complete history of sexual jealousy [part seventeen...to twenty four]"*

* y'know, that momus song about sex. unlike the other ones. the line just jumps out at me every time i hear it. which seems to be a lot lately.
i nearly got my wishes. the email came, but with the news i didn't want to hear. however, the money's being reimbursed (though that isn't the entire issue, but it's a start). and while i didn't get the phone call i wanted, i did get a couple others that brightened my day somewhat. saw andy richter's new show by complete chance (only found out about it this afternoon for that matter, but didn't realise it was tonight). and even though they said it would be rain by now, the snow is still falling hard.

and even though the paper due tomorrow evening still hasn't been started because of too much else on my mind, i'm gonna sleep now. i'm sick, dammit!

i wish winter didn't have to end tomorrow.
Worldwide Pinhole Photography Day is in 39 days. time to build a camera!
one phone call, one email, or a large sum of money returned to me could make today alright. unfortunately the third one is the most plausible of the trio, so i don't have a lot of hope at this point.

Tuesday, March 19, 2002

a story that i didn't write.
before going to school today i stopped at safeway to get some cough drops, and when it came time to pay i dropped the cough drops and a bag of yoghurt-covered raisins on the counter. the cashier rang 'em all through, and when it came time for me to give her money she paused and turned to me.

"y'know, if your throat's bothering you at all, you really don't want to be eating the yoghurt raisins right now - it'll make your throat a million times worse in the end."

if i opened my mouth at that point i'd have had another coughing fit (i'd already had to tear into the cough drops the second i got them off the shelf before paying 'em to calm my throat down enough to breath), so i just smiled at her curiously.

"instead, when you get home today, go make yourself some tea with lemon, honey, and a pinch of cayenne. the cayenne'll burn away the bacteria in your throat and you'll feel so much better."

and then she went on to tell me which vitamins i should be chugging until i'm better, and after she gave me my change, her voice dropped and she told me that if i had to buy any, come see her because she did this herbal & vitamin thing on the side and could sell me vitamins at far below-cost (by safeway standards at least).

who'da thunk it? genuine, friendly, unsolicited, useful advice from a cashier at safeway! even if it does mean that i won't be able to enjoy my raisins until i'm better. i'm sure life could be worse.
i don't know when i was put on so many porn spam lists, but it's really getting quite annoying. too many messages every hour, all selling the same thing. course, maybe if they were a little more inventive about it, it might be a tad more interesting.

or not.
britney underground: a collection of defaced britney posters, not not for the purpose of defacing britney (again).

also, for you lucky bastards with your digital cameras, image idiots, an online photo exhibition of amateur digital photographers. if anyone's stuck on what to get me for a "happy march" gift, a digital camera'd do just fine, y'know...

both links c/o harrumph
mind over matter. that's all there is to it.

if i cough, it won't make things better, it'll just make me want to cough again and again. at which point i'll just end up choking meself to death, and wouldn't that be a pretty sight. i am also sitting in a computer lab at school, and no one wants to work in a room where someone is hacking up a lung, because that's just gross.

so all i have to remember is that despite this undying urge, i don't have to cough. plain and simple.

screw class. i'm going home to bed as soon as i get my paper back...four hours from now... gah.

(and it's a veritable snowstorm outside - snow's even sticking on the roads downtown! vancouver, how i love thee.. no one ever expects snow, and even when they do, no one can handle it. maybe class'll be cancelled tomorrow. maybe.)
apparently scribble isn't going to be free for much longer. wonder if that means that old entries will be deleted if you're not gonna pay for something you can get elsewhere for free. time to go backup entries, i suppose. i was gonna post this in scribble and then link it, but doesn't seem to be much point if it's disappearing. oh no, more words here. quel horreur!

it's snowing, btw. the weather this year is wonderful.

anyways. had some crazy dreams this morning - really colourful ones. the first was just plain disturbing - dark blues, greens and greys, people i knew in high school (not people i liked, but not people i hated either) that were all severely mentally disturbed and generally fucked up. some disturbing faked deaths involving water, rain, gothic decor, coffins, and a lot of anguish by some. would make for an awesome movie set, i tell ya. what concerns me is my mind's ability to create characters who hated me so. some part of my mind isn't happy with me.

segued into another dream involving that great olympic event, cutting through yards without getting caught. (i don't know why, but it was the olympics. or maybe they were just going on at whistler at the same time. i don't know.) but tavie was there coaching the other person there (who may have been clint) as the three of us dashed through a yard to get to my house. a very elaborate yard at that - garden mazes, a grassy slope just right to slide down with trees fencing it so that you could grab branches to swing back on course... very cool. seemed very familiar though, although i can't think of where i've seen that house before. but i knew the maze like the back of my hand.

anyways. the last dream was the best. i was Black Orchid (i'm rarely someone else in my dreams, so this is new already), over in a place that's supposed to be afghanistan or pakistan or somewhere similar. and there's a war going on just over the ridge, and i'd just escaped from them - had a moment where i was cornered and shot at until i had a chance to get away (BO's impervious to bullets), but when i reached the other camp of people they considered me evil as well, so i snuck through the marketplace looking for rags or whatnot to disguise meself in. found one, then found a shawl-like thing, and finally came across a wedding dress which was best, because it covered the most of me (yes, it was my wedding dress). i don't know why but for some reason i was stuck where i was, and i managed to find a few people who were willing to hide me, but they were moving out soon (y'know, war..). for some reason there was a chance for my escape if a message could be gotten to someone. remember in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, that red & blue getup the rebel fellow wore? imagine a number of people dressed up like that, all riding white horses, riding relay-style, including some fancy dancy riding tricks and leaping from one horse to another every now and then. they went from the dry, sandy setting to snowy mountaintops. but despite the amazing visuals, the message didn't get anywhere in time, so i was still stuck in hiding.

and then my cat started kneading my leg and woke me up. so i don't know what would have happened. doh.

Monday, March 18, 2002

we just had the first family dinner we've had in a long time. catherine was invited as well. her parents are gone, and everyone loves free food and escape from sex-crazed siblings & their boyfriends. after dinner she flaunted the fact that our family is more dysfunctional than hers is.

really, it wasn't all too bad, though. i made a big deal about complaining about the pointlessness of celebrating today. there was a minor argument about the music playing (because i didn't want to listen to irish music, whatever the reason might be). david sat there a full minute before asking bitterly how long he'd have to sit there. i pointed out to him that there was lamb hidden in the stew - he's on a strictly no-vegetables diet, and i will be thoroughly amused when he comes down with scurvy. so he found a piece, scarfed it down, and then left without a word to return to the resident troll in our basement (i don't know why he's always around our house, really. half the time he's watching tv by himself or playing computer games alone. but whatever). there was a disturbing conversation that had catherine and i in stitches about who had seen my dad's "thingy" last, and how mom had seen daniel playing with it, and how it was so much better than daniel's "thingy". daniel was even more inane than usual, and he and i bounced off each other until i was getting non-stop coughing fits from laughing. mom remembered how she was going to call rebecca in victoria and put her on the speakerphone so that she could feel like she was a part of this heartwarming experience. ("mmmm! good lambchops!" "we're eating nanaimo bars now, rebecca!") alas, she wasn't home. her loss, i'm sure.

so all in all, it wasn't a bad dinner at all! but if we're being given an award for dysfunctionality, i'll gladly accept it. so long as there's monetary value to it, at least.



Very cute, very pink, and very feminine. That's you.

Find your inner rubber ducky.


yeah. right.
"she should just get a shirt that says 'WELCOME' and lie down in front of the door!"

i love catherine so. and she says they refill the outdoor pool next month, apparently, so illegal post-midnight swims will start up soon. huzzah!
tavie's story of city life nearly made me choke when laughing turned into a coughing fit. i wanna explore new york. {g}

thermometer says...98.9 farenheit!

still feel pretty terrible, but glad the fever's mostly gone. it must have been around 106 degrees or so at one point yesterday - by the time i got around to measuring it had gone down to 102. i'm just disappointed that my body can handle fevers well enough to bring 'em down by itself. whenever daniel gets a fever he ends up delerious (which made for some freaky babysitting moments for me when i found out that a high fever could cause brain damage). i'm just curious what it's like to be delerious - whether you're aware of it at the time or not. and i'm curious whether your delusions stem from your subconscious like dreams do. rebecca figured that they reflect whatever's going on in your world at the time, but then she remembered that daniel's gone on about cheese when he's delerious, so who knows.

being officially bed-ridden and unable to do anything has definately started to get boring. typing is a challenge at the moment, though, amidst the fuzziness and dizziness. can't keep focussed on anything for more than a few minutes. i need to go back to bed.

really, this has all been rather fun. but i'd like to join the rest of the world again...

Saturday, March 16, 2002

sick as a dog. which is an odd phrase. but i don't think i've been this sick in a long time. and i've lost my voice for the third time today, which should be bad, but it's just fun. anyone know what the sense is of a self-defense mechanism making you feel intensely sensitive to every tiny little thing (so much so that wearing jeans or using a towel hurts like the dickens) when you have the flu? on the plus side, i got to leave RB early today. and i like the way i look when i'm nice and pale like this. health be damned, it's fun to look dead! too bad my hair's not black at the moment.

oh yeah. and it's snowing!!

and now back to sleep.

i am such a party animal.

Friday, March 15, 2002

if you're not listed in the phone book and decide to call my cell and i don't answer, please leave a message. even if it's a wrong number. it's so annoying getting calls from numbers that aren't listed, because then you never have any clue who it was who called. and it seems that those are all the callers i'm getting lately.

had a customer today who i'd dealt with at the last sale, who, last time around, asked me to save a hat for him this time. i remembered him this morning, but didn't see him around, and thought it was a crying shame when all the hats were gone and i still hadn't seen him. didn't bother to save one for him, why should i? he came in this afternoon, having bought ...something... though i was talking to his brother first before Dude noticed me, and as soon as he did he remembered me. i told him i was dreadful sorry i didn't have any hats for him, and he seemed vaguely disappointed. told me he'd never be able to trust me again. i pointed out that the fact that he was blond and blue-eyed weren't reason enough for me to've trusted him to return to the salesite three months later. but when i was scuffing around getting the invoices printed, i found one hat that'd been tucked away. brought it out to him when i brought everything else, and he was on his cellphone at the time, but as soon as he saw the hat in my hand he got all excited and hung up on his friend just to exclaim that i'd brought him a hat.

i didn't know they were that treasured a commodity. but i liked him.

the afternoon dead-tired-hungry-want-to-just-SIT-for-two-minutes giddiness during the busy rushes is great fun. didn't have one customer that annoyed me or creeped me out in the least. had a few even shake my hand in gratitude when i did something little for them, which was nice, but then i had to run off to wash my hands as soon as they were gone (everyone had black hands from the dirt and grime. ewwwww..).

worst sale i've ever worked at in terms of computer crashes (10 of them throughout the day at least), but lotsa fun. lisa's officially on the list of Cool Kids. she was awhile back, but definately after chatting with her most of the day. she gets to timewarp back to the 80s because she's an extra in something called "That Was Then" (which would be all the TWT signs i've seen around downtown i suppose), and she's already been through wardrobe, dressed as a punky misfit with ripped jeans and whatnot (matches her piercings i suppose). this isn't why she's cool, this is just an amusing aside. you can't define why a person's cool, contrary to the opinion of some at times. she just is.

one more day. and then music.

Thursday, March 14, 2002

one day down. leaving class early because i just can't handle sitting there any longer. i got to class last because i was busy chatting with people, which meant that i was delegated to sitting in the corner on the table there, which suited me just fine, because that's the only place i actually felt like sitting - huddled in a corner.

i still hate stu. i still hate lynne. i still hate margaret. julie, the person who's taken over, is very solemn, but i think like her. (though i'm certain that margaret prolly went and tattled on me for sending a brief email asking someone to cover my show tomorrow when there was a lull time and i didn't even take a lunch break and even stayed late to help. because i'm such a crappy worker. though am i allowed to find it incredibly rude of her to just stick her nose right in front of the screen and ask me what i'm doing even if she didn't know? and not even listen when i told her? but mostly the first part?) i don't like michelle too much, but i never did anyways when i knew her at head office. she's just got a brash personality that annoys me. i didn't realise that she doesn't work at head office anymore. why? because she had a kid. and when she went back afterwards she still wanted to take a few days off a week and just work extra-long days instead, because she's a mother. and of course this was disapproved of, but the kicker was that the fellow who's basically in charge of the company, russ (oooooh i could tell you so many things about russ), when she went to suggest this to him, turned down the idea flat and started commenting about how in the future they were going to start hiring "women who aren't of a child-bearing age" because it screwed the company over too often. of course, michelle was indignant and pointed out that he really probably should not be saying these things, and as shocked as i was hearing this (but, of course, in another area and not a part of the conversation), was completely unsurprised.

and yet i'm working there again. but only two more days. so that i can walk in and hear margaret make snarky comments about me when she thinks i'm not around. and have lynne be all patronising towards me.

except that there are things i like about working the sales. i like meeting all the people coming to register. i met an older guy with five names from PEI, who told me all about the place and how it's a wonderful place to visit, and then talked about how you end up with five names in the first place (by being catholic). i was complimented on my ability to pronounce some bizarre french, polish, and iranian names, which is always just plain fun anyways (saying foreign names). i got to hear some nifty accents. i met the sweetest old man who kept assuring me that nothing i was asking him was a problem (none of it should have been, but he was being adorable about it) and who told me about moving to canada from iran (he came to U of Manitoba and just ended up loving the country too much to leave it). i got to chat with craig about how his poor son hasn't had any more bizarre medical emergencies since i last saw him. i got a pseudo-hug from darren the one time he walked by while i was helping customers (and the only time i saw him that day). i heard "Sarah-fina!" being called out before i even saw sebby come in, and the fact that he has a nickname for me at all is nice.* i had both dave and rod ask me sincerely how i was doing.

there's people i hate there with a passion, but i refuse to do anything to them to give them reason to hate me (unfortunately for me). i hate the place. i felt dizzy and ill half the day, and i'm certain that it's from dust and fumes there. but there are things i like about it.

even so. finding meself almost in tears when i was explaining to val why i actually wanted to be sitting in the corner today makes me realise that the bad stuff is outweighing the good. which can't happen because then the terrorists win.

oh, and far too many things are happening this friday, and i think that, saddest of all, i'm going to be too exhausted to do anything and will just go home and collapse in bed - still haven't caught up on sleep from monday's paper, and i have to be AT work at 6am tomorrow.

2 days. that's it. and, even though i'm leaving early both days, hopefully i'll get to hang out with the yard crew some. because they're all the ones that i do like.

* not to mention the fact that i like it, if only because it sounds like "seraphina" and it's one of the few nicknames i've ever been called that actually has a nice sound to the word...

Wednesday, March 13, 2002

grumblegrumblegrrgrr...

just talked to julie, who's doing the sale this time around. and hey, i'm not even going to be doing the nice job that i did with kim, no i've been demoted to the counter. which also means standing all day long, which may or may not be an issue with my knee (i honestly don't know if it'll be a problem or not). kim'd be pleased to know that while she couldn't ever get extra help from head office when she was there, as soon as she's gone julie gets more people than she'd ever need.

and i lost the job i did like. i'm not gonna have a happy week.
beautiful redesign. nice and happy and yellow. very spring, even though spring out here means that it's still raining. whee! {g}

i'm annoyed. why? because i got my paper finished, i handed it in, even after printing it with the wrong title (ie: the stupid silly one that i wrote for kicks in the midst of paper-induced lunacy, but marilyn's wonderful so all was well), i made it through class, we went for sushi when we should have been working on a presentation, i had a grand ol' time taking the skytrain home with some of the class, hearing julie mock teenyboppers when i'd never expect that sort of voice to come out of her, i was in a great mood!

and then i got home and found out that RB's having a sale on thursday, and i've been booked for wednesday to friday. i have papers to write. i have classes to go to. i have a ton of things that i'd rather do instead. but the money would be nice so i'll go and work it, even though i've bitched about this place more than enough and i know that i really shouldn't agree to work it since even the thought puts me in a terrible mood, because i HATEHATEHATE the people there. before, it was alright because kim was there, but she's gone now.

last time i'm working the sale. honest. and i'm gonna be a pain anyways and be picky about hours, because goddammit i'm a student, and there's NO way RB is taking precedence over school. no, not even over the crappy class. grrrr.

Tuesday, March 12, 2002

people keep mentioning how they're behind in emails. me, i'm doing terribly with them, because rather than give in and procrastinate and write them, i've been avoiding sending emails unless it's for a specific paper-related reason. so in other words, i'm feeling quite ego-centric right now, thank you kindly. but seeing other people apologise is making me feel even guiltier (i tend to subscribe to the idea that if you don't mention it, they won't notice it), here's a public acknowledgement to some of the people i should have emailed weeks ago, but haven't. doh. i'm sorry...
so the essay has been posted over at scribble as it is right now. it's still not finished, but if anyone had nothing better to do than to go read it and tell me how terrible it is, i would greatly appreciate it. tell me if it makes sense, whether ecofeminism or graphic novels are your area of knowledge or not. or don't. whatever works. but it can't hurt to ask now, can it. {g}

this particularly includes rebecca, because i don't know if she's checking her email or not, and i hope i haven't missed her for the day yet. rebecca, Help! Me!

Monday, March 11, 2002

go look at this site with the sound turned on. yes, you can make your own colour-mix of M&M's but so what. no, go there to play the M&M's (if you're bright you'll figure it out). y'know what bothers me about it? the fact that it's almost two octaves. but not quite. it doesn't feel complete and it drives me nuts.

(one) feel-good moment of the day: playing piano for the hawthorne centre service (it's a care-home), sight-reading it all, having pastor greg sound impressed and surprised when i told him i wasn't doing it by the guitar chords (i just have a good memory/ear for music - it's as much a curse as a blessing when you're trying to learn a new piece that you've heard before), finding new chord changes for one hymn that i know by heart that spiced it up just a tad, and learning that "Onward Christian Soldiers" was written by none other than Sullivan from the Gilbert & Sullivan duo. you can totally hear it in the song (i'd never heard the song before, which was why i was playing it). and then pastor greg proceeded to give me a nice history lesson about that song and patriotism combined, which resulted in me making him laugh. simple pleasure, but it made me feel good. i like pastor greg. i miss going to church, if only to listen to him every week. really, he's an awesome pastor. and if he was wearing a little green hat, he'd look just like robin hood. {g}

now we can all sing along! thank you arris. {g}

seven pages written. have a number of paragraphs that just need expanding. and then i need throw some quotes in. so all in all, i'm pretty much finished now. so i'm debating going to sleep to continue this in the morning. if i sleep until 6 or so...? gives me another 6 hours to work on it tomorrow before training. or i can just write some more instead of posting here.

i've gotten tea, food, danced around to wake up, gone outside in the rain, flipped through books and pages that have nothing to do with what i'm working on... if only i were one of those people who could work on something without searching for a distraction. but along that line of thought, i had a full three emails to distract me all day, and those only came within the past two hours. it was horribly painful trying to work without outside distraction!

so i'll write another two pages worth and then go sleep some. fun times!
evil-capozzi-park-guy (actually, his name's james, so maybe i should call him that) has left me, so i'm all alone now. it was nice having company. must write this paper tonight. five pages, so i'm not doing too badly, it's bringing it all together that's gonna cause the problem. and tying it into a present environmental situation, which i don't think will happen. which is a problem. and yet i don't care. not good at all. ah well. dude left me the leftover pizza too - very nice of him. and y'know what the best thing was? we ended up asking each other how old the other one was at the exact same time (after he made a comment about someone being our age - we were in unison), and he was just as old as a figured he was! so i'm over this age thing again. at least until i find another person who's twenty years different than what i expect them to be.

and now back to donna haraway and Black Orchid.

...and of course...
that is... yeah.
i talk about wanting to be a grad student. and yet reading this, imagining that i don't know who i am, or even knowing me, i sound like such a ditz. egads.
yay. roped evil capozzi-park-guy into ordering pizza with me. which at least means that i get dinner tonight. ::boogies down::

i have spent far too much money on food this week. but it's all been tasty, so i shouldn't complain. ::boogies down some more::

oh yeah. three pages done. ::more boogie-ing::

i bet if i wasn't busy posting, i'd have even more work done by now!::boogies down one last time::

i like putting in footnotes. they make a paper look so much more knowledgable, so much more academinc. so far, i have one in there. that's alright. i still have time.

as always, i am the reigning queen of academic bullshit. and yet i want to be a grad student. i only want to keep learning, nothing more than that. but how do you become a grad student, though, if you don't feel smart enough to become one in the first place, as much as you might want to learn?

yay moby.

(it's been a few weeks since i linked to him, the time was nigh... is that how you spell that?)

i want pizza. (yeah, we're into the really exciting procrastinational posts now!!)

two pages down, ~10 to go. can i use everything i've written? as yet, i do not know.

the good thing about my paper-writing style is that i just sit down and do it at once. makes in-class essays a cinch, because that's how i'd write them anyways. the sucky thing is i know i'm going to forget to include things. and get confused. and conflagrate things to the extreme, just to take up space and feel too happy when the space is filled to keep writing, point made or no. thank god i'm using a computer and can edit it all afterwards.

Capozzi Park played last week. another show i was hoping to catch. but i missed it. thank you dude-who-was-the-only-one-who-would-remind-me for sitting next to me at the computer lab. he doesn't know JwaB though. i'd take him to the show but, doh!
something of interest (a link)

and... you'd post it too...

JONES
You are Jones Soda - unqiue, independant, and coming in quite a few flavors. Let's face it, your labels kick ass.

oh neil, i love you and dave and your work is wonderful (especially after looking at the dave mckean site - good lord), i just... gah.

a vaguely pertinent quote found doing research:

All we ever wanted was to be on that mailing list.
--Ron Silliman, What
trying to write the paper still, hence the entry now. there's still six hours before the library closes! i'm so predictable...

happy belated international women's day to everyone. i'm a little late, but so what. that's what i spent half of friday doing - the radio station was doing some special programming, and i had volunteered to help out. ended up sitting outside in the cold for two hours (because that's where the presentations were being held) but as cold as it was, i loved it. i missed my chance to post about it while it was happening, but the past few days, weather-wise, have been great. cold and dry, a little cloudy, and when it did snow, it wasn't the blitzkreig snow-turning-to-rain that we usually get, it was just little snow flurries here and there. it was grand. so even though i was glad to warm up some when i was told that i was beginning to look unhealthily cold, i didn't mind being out there one bit - it was invigorating. and i got hot chocolate. and it was fun being wrapped up in the ugliest green blanket you ever did see. i can't wait for next winter in a place with real winters!

it was a good day, though. people wished me a "happy int'l women's day!" in the hallways. heard some great stories and essays. i got a chocolate vulva. dark chocolate, no less! mmmmm chocolate vulva. i ran into a ton of people i hadn't seen in awhile. i suddenly realised how many people i do know up at school, which was actually quite thrilling. hey, i've been living in libraries and computer labs the past week. give me a break.

yesterday i was lucky enough to have a three hour bitch session with the sex class presentation group. felt soooooo good complaining about class with other people. we were supposed to be coming up with our topic, but instead we just vented. we debated doing a presentation on what a sexuality course could be. we really seriously considered it, because the prof isn't marking it, it's our classmates who are grading us (heaven forbid our prof actually do work!), except that there are a couple of students on her side, and we couldn't do a proper presentation and teach things about any one subject if we're just running through suggestions for an ideal class. we we're still undecided. but feeling better, at least!

ran into even more people i know, including one person i was introduced to a few weeks ago, who i've never seen before then, and have no classes with, and yet since i met him i keep running into him at least once a week. he's writing a paper on the marketting of illegal drugs serruptitiously through television ads (the one example he mentioned that i remember was ecstacy and Pop Tarts). sounds intriguing. and the good pauls have now officially made up for the one asshole paul.

and that's about it. hasn't been a thrilling week. i'm prolly sleeping over tonight to write this essay, when at the moment i'm not entirely sure that i can write it. and it doesn't look like i'll be finished in time to see Jerk With A Bomb tonight, which makes me sad. i thought their show was later on this month, but apparently i'm mistaken. they'll do another show soon...right?

and yes, it's the great domo! i've seen too many pictures of him lately, thanks to daniel. freak.

and now back to Black Orchid. whee.

Sunday, March 10, 2002

i need help. if anyone has any advice or insight or opinions into how ecofeminism shines through in gaiman's Black Orchid, i would absolutely love to hear it. i think i'm too tired to do this right now, but i only have until tomorrow night to write all twelve pages.

i may revert to writing about Bladerunner afterall. i just really don't feel like sitting down to watch a movie right now. i'd much rather write caitlin's paper, all about vampires.

good choice coming up to school though - sushi with caitlin, snow, meeting the infamous clint and talking all about sharon (susie left her early to come home - damn john!).

back to the paper. or trying to start it. and if you can help, PLEASE DO!!!

Saturday, March 09, 2002

i could stay here and sit in on another communications presentation. or i could go home, keep doing research, and/or sleep.

i think sleep is going to win this one. i do so love feeling productive, though.
i'm actually doing homework. sorta. kinda. not really, but work nonetheless! hence my nonexistence online lately. i'm know you're all crying. until i get the time to write, however, an image, c/o michelle, especially for jess and daniel, or anyone else for that matter.


tee hee. {g}

Friday, March 08, 2002

what are the odds? in the past five years, the alarm in the computer lab has only gone off once, and i was sitting right below it. and it's just gone off again (and again i have no clue why) and coincidentally, i'm sitting right below it. again. my ears hurt.

and no one knows what to do. {g}

What Flavour Are You? I am Chocolate Flavoured.I am Chocolate Flavoured.

I am sweet and a little bit naughty. I am one of the few clinically proven aphrodisiacs. Sometimes I can seem a little hard, but show warmth and I soon melt. What Flavour Are You?

it was tied with peanut butter: I am one of the most blendable flavours; I go with sweet, I go with sour, I go with bland, I go with anything. I am practical and good company, but have something of a tendency to hang around when I'm not wanted, unaware that my presence is not welcome.

yeah, the combination works. not that most reading this would know anyways. {g}

and:

Which "Saved By The Bell" Character Are You?

um....yay?

haven't posted properly in days, and the first thing i post are quizzes. sad, sad, sad.

Wednesday, March 06, 2002

two points before going to bed:

1a) moldy peaches are awesome live. possibly insane, and i will probably have scary dreams about clowns and mimes, but these things i can handle.

1b) daniel johnston (sp) who opened was terrific. didn't have a clue what to expect, the only opening act i have ever seen where people begged him to play another couple songs before leaving. which he did. and they, too, were terrific. bloody rainbows abound.

1c) i like this random stranger thing.

2. a plea to anyone in the vancouver area! i met a woman outside the safeway on commercial tonight who's trying to find a kennel for her dog. she's got a bus ticket to montreal which expires in 20 days, and once she's out there she's got a job waiting for her (a friend of hers is opening a cafe/bar and she's also getting to do the artwork for the place) but she's not leaving without her dog. it's a medium-sized dog, absolutely adorable, all wrapped up in a sleeping bag to stay away from the cold, but she hasn't had any luck yet (though she might have gotten a real offer today). so, if you happen to have a kennel or know where to get one, if you could donate it to her, i'm sure she'd really appreciate it. like i said, broadway and commercial, that's where she'll be, or email me and i could try to get it to her.

now. sleep. volunteering at spartacus begins tomorrow. pages left to write for my paper due monday: 12.

Tuesday, March 05, 2002

that (the last part) is one of the things i didn't get around to mentioning. so now that i have 8 minutes left of my break during class, i'm in the mood to write. i'm a moron.

drag show: so great. the first half was people from the Out On Campus collective performing (mostly drag kings), the second hour they'd gone and invited professional (?) drag queens to put on a show. and it was marvelous in every way. highlights - "Girls" by the Beat-me Boys, the jamiroquai performer (wow), the one drag queen who looked like hedwig half the time (was that really that kylie minogue song? i didn't realise.) and the head drag queen (sort of like a queen bee, i suppose) going on and on about the dj. oh, and the spoken word girl with the purple wig. oh my. really liked her stuff.

free communications lectures that i didn't have to attend, which made them all the better: all about how advertising is rooted in consumption, which is killing our world and us. depressing, but in a good way. lots of new perspectives brought up, amidst other things i'd heard many times before, but still good. i'm not taking any courses specifically about advertising and consumption (well, the music course, but that's not exactly the same), so it was nice dabbling in that again. and with the number of times world affairs, utopias, dystopias, and the end of the world was mentioned, it almost felt like my utopias class again. no, i'll never stop mentioning that class, because it was one of the best classes ever. i have fodder for wistful academic-sounding rambles, but i'm holding back for fear of sounding like a snob, because that's just how things go when all you have is text. maybe i'll film it and you'll see how lame i really am. {g}

painting a poster: yes, that was indeed a part of my good few days. met someone hanging out at the radio station and had a great conversation with him, waxed philosophical, and i got to paint crawling all over the ground with the big bottles of school paints, which i haven't done in years. and after all of that, my poster excluded the date for which it was advertising. ah well. emily's resourceful.

random conversations with strangers (and not-so-strangers): another paul on the good list. who remembered me from when we met last, which was for 2 minutes, and asked if i'd written the article in the paper, which is a compliment right there. he actually knew the country-style performer and said he was glad i'd mentioned him. as if i wouldn't... {g} alison, who works at the YWCA who sat in on the second lecture because she was hoping to make a speech at conventions in a few months on a similar subject, if it's accepted, who may be at this friday's lecture. and more, but i'm running out of time.

that's all i've got at the moment. oh, and kinda.. i need to buy a laptop. the university i'm going to has 12 computers for the whole campus. 12. i'm not sure how i'll get around this, but i'll figure something out. i have time. {g}

break's over!
goddammit, not only do i not have any blank paper with me tonight, but i forgot the graphic novel i was supposed to bring to show my prof if i am to write about it for the paper, and i left all my notes for this class on my floor, which would be nice to have for this analysis i'm writing up right now. i'm just having a grand ol' time today.

remembered that i wanted to eventually get my own copy of this book the other day. which oddly cannot be found on amazon.com. wonder if it's the title.
check it out, everyone's dolled themselves up for spring! matt has a new layout too, which sadly, i couldn't see until now (yaaaaay text-based 'net). but now i can and all is good and although i don't have any idea who that is in the picture, i love the image. very styling indeed.

having just realised that i have at least one major paper due next week, if not more, and having not even started researching the topic, you'd think i'd be working on that right now. or at least writing up the analysis that is due tonight. but here i sit, wasting my time away. bah. i'm off to europe in a few months, screw the present!

it also appears that i'm certainly not going for innovative entries today. i'm sure i'm sorry.

which one of the trading spaces cast are you?


i post this only for jodi and rebecca.
have a look at michelle's new layout. simply lovely. and it appears that this computer does have the Papyrus font - thrills. {g}
yay, sarah is back! and she comes bearing gifts, no less!
now the good news:

come september, i'll be at school in prague for a year! visitors will be welcome, i'm sure. i'd have loved to go to sweden, but there was no way i could have afforded it, so the czech republic it is!

knew about it on saturday, but it didn't feel real (or exciting) until today, now that i have the forms and all in my hands. now i'm excited. yay! {g}
i find it quite distracting having someone looking up tickling porn sites right beside me. distracting in a creepy sort of way. dude, i'm all for your getting off on your own, but you're in a public place and people are walking by you constantly. i don't want to see it, i'm sure a lot of people walking by don't want to see it, shouldn't you be using your personal computer for that?
a new favourite poem by miss phillips:

Love
Salieri

interpret that, motherfucka!*

* in this instance, "motherfucka" refers to absolutely no one in particular. except possibly daniel. but only because it will make him laugh. it just had to be written, so don't worry, i'm not talking to you. this time.
theme: everything that follows involves the radio somehow.

society both frightens and saddens me. a washington station was holding a contest to give away N*sync tickets this morning, and to get the tickets the 16 year old was going to eat poo on a cracker. (i was channel surfing, got curious when i heard a huge fuss on one station which is why i heard it.) she was at the station with her friend and her mother, and just as she was going to eat it, her friend grabbed it away from her, ran down the hall and flushed it away. (hence the hubbub.) there's two hosts on the show, a guy and a girl, and the guy was really pissed off about it, saying that she shouldn't get the tickets because of the other two, while the girl was congratulating them for having done that. this went on for nearly 10 minutes, taking callers, they never thought to go to a song or anything. what was sick was how angry the guy was, livid that the girl didn't eat it. is that really what we've gotten to? i mean, there are just as many sick contests up here, so i'm not pointing a finger at anyone in particular, there are tv shows devoted to watching people at their worst that are way too popular, but.. i don't know. i was glad that the female host was standing up for the mom and the friend, and i understand that the contestant agreed to do this, but to have come to a point where she would do something like that for N*Sync tickets? good lord. i hardly think that N*Sync would be thrilled to know that their fans would demean themselves to see 'em. it was despicable, absolutely, positively. don't know what the final verdict was, don't want to.

as i was driving beside a matte black old ford truck* i heard someone announce that the star wars trailer'll be on tv between X-Files and Malcolm in the Middle this week. two and a half minutes long, too. though i'm sure any other SW geeks would already know this. {g}

one last thing, another moment of distaste unfortunately. there's one station that was playing beautiful tango music this morning, and i thought i'd just call and thank 'em, ask what one piece was called. and when the dj answered the phone, i was told that he was very busy and was completely brushed off by him. well that's gratitude for ya. i'm annoyed. completely ruined the music for me.

great start to a day - disgust and insult in less than an hour. happy monday to you too.

* subtle way of sticking it in, don't you think? there's so few matte cars though, i had to!

Monday, March 04, 2002


What time period are you a Beatle from?
You are a Sgt. Pepper Beatle - People often question the meaning of your songs and what the heck you were on when you wrote them. But really, who cares? Because all you need is love!


What Beatles' song are you?
You are the song "Strawberry Fields Forever." A song written about a house near where John grew up, you sound very drug inspired. Lines in you also suggest this. You have an a really great introduction that Paul shows us how it was played in one of the Anthology videos. And just because some crazy lady sang you at the Come Together concert for John doesn't mean that you are not good. It's just that lady's version of you sucks. Haha. You rock.

links c/o my identical cousin (who is so very me-five-years-ago).

emailing didn't happen. sewing did. the exciting this is that i have been both shamed and surprised, having just gotten an email from shing, the next great filmmaker in hollywood! sadly, i owe her an email from months back, and, even worse, i have a package that should have been mailed over a year ago sitting on the floor. doh! however, her site is looking mighty adequatulent these days. and i love the fact that R2 is gonna be a movie star. {g} email is forthcoming, i swear! would you believe me if i said that i had just been thinking of handwriting a letter these past couple weeks, because i didn't seem to be getting around to emailing at all? because it's true, as lame-ass as it sounds. {g}

to bed, to sleep, shame and all...
i think that serge gainsbourg's "ford mustang" had a direct influence on the bulbous buffont radio free vestibule sketch. just a hunch.

COE-caaa COE-laaaa!

another thought: are there "Official Pages" for dead composers? as in beethoven and mozart and the like.
could there be?

(i know i could search and find out, but it's far more fun to simply contemplate these things. reality is so often a let-down.)
i'm just putting everything off - school, writeups, cleaning, everything. well, i'm trying to answer emails at the moment, when lag isn't terrible, but i think i'm using lag as an excuse to take long breaks. apparently i'm stressed right now, though i don't really feel it. yes, i avoid things when i'm stressed, but that's not why i'm noticing it, because i can be a Lazy Ass without stress. no, i've just noticed i'm getting the little itchy bumpies on my arms that i get sometimes when i'm mentally stressed out. because yes, i actually can have allergic reactions to stress. stress and penicillin, those are my achilles' heels. i'm also noticing pesky habits becoming routine, which isn't a good thing. i thought stress would end when i handed in my papers on thursday, but apparently not.

a sudden desperate need of money may have something to do with it.

on an unrelated note, but something that was just crossing my mind, i was noticing the past few days how cynicism, selfishness and ill-wishing can creep into a conversation without anything specifically being said. completely confused? i was rethinking a few conversations i had and head, and suddenly realised little turns of phrase that had been used, which on the surface seemed fine, but when you looked at the wording or the timing, were actually pretty snarky comments, though i'm pretty certain that the person saying them didn't intend them or realise that they were saying 'em like that (i'm including meself in a few of 'em) - it's remarkable how subtle a few of them were. and, well, i'd give examples, but i don't want to incriminate anyone, so you'll just have to take my word for it. just makes you wonder if people realise they're wording things as they are.

i'm really being too analytical these days.
i haven't spoken to my dad since his surgery. i've been busy getting papers done at school and just didn't have the time to go to the hospital, and i never got around to figuring out how to call him, only knowing his cell number, except that he's in a hospital, so he can't have it with him. i suppose i am just making excuses, but it wasn't purposeful by any means. at least, i don't think it was.

daniel and i went to go visit him yesterday, though. well, i decided that we were going to and he came along. after finding the information desk, we found out that he'd been discharged - in fact, he'd left earlier that afternoon. neither of us had known, and we were both a little surprised, having been told by my dad and by doctors that he'd be there for a week or so.

we headed back out, and thought about going to richmond, but neither of us wanted to drive all the way out there. so instead we went to SFU (which proved to be nearly pointless) and then home. what neither of us mentioned was the fact that if we went out to richmond, we'd be guaranteed to meet lisa, her being his caretaker at the moment, and while i don't know about daniel, i'd rather just see my dad without her there, at least for the while.

guess i should phone him this afternoon.

Sunday, March 03, 2002

ohmyohmy! the past two days have been crazybusy, but really really really good, so i promise i'll update soon. just a quick note to those i haven't emailed, however, it's a-coming, just haven't had decent online time for a bit. i'm not trying to rude or lazy, honest.

i do want to devote meself to communications, though. or not just that, but cultural theory and media analysis and the like, which fits into any number of schools of thought anyways. it is communications..

Friday, March 01, 2002

i could write up an article at the moment, but i think i'll go to bed instead and do it tomorrow morning in doctors and dentist waiting rooms.

papers done. classes done. play over. very good, actually, but i spent the whole time watching it and thinking, "that's my family, and that's my mother!" it was about three sisters reunited sort of suddenly, and dealing with their mother who, if she's not acting crazy, she's angry or manipulative, very victimizing all around. and i know my plight isn't nearly that bad, but at the same time, watching it... it was weird. but good. really good. Independence, if you're curious.

after the show, marcel marçeau hit me up for spare change again. i saw him a couple nights ago at the skytrain. he has a story about wanting to go to the sunshine coast, which i asked him about and apparently he has a court date now. whether there's an inkling of truth in that or not, i gave him some money this time. why? because he looks like marcel marçeau. i should probably mention that i actually have no idea what marcel marçeau actually looks like, i just have an idea, and it's this guy, if he wasn't dressed like a gutterpunk. he looks like he's permanently wearing eyeliner and lipstick. really, it's quite impressive. he could probably make a killing being a mime. i'll be curious what his story is next time, though, although he did remember me when i actually asked him questions, which would seem surprising considering how many people he must ask for change each day.

really, the play was great, i just don't want to write anything official about it right now. seeing M marçeau wasn't the highlight of the night. it was just a nice happenstance. {g}
i don't know how to end this essay without making it sound like a condone portraying queer characters in film noir as evil or impotent. i'm just stating the facts as they lie, but.. but.. it's those women's studies courses doing it to me. i'm becoming hyper-aware of how most everything is phrased.

when i had the "interview" for volunteering at the bookstore* on tuesday, they presented me with a couple of hypothetical situations, one of which was that someone accuses me of saying something racist/sexist/homophobic/whatever, and what do i do? i try to make sure i don't say anything that can be taken badly (unless it's sharon), but after being asked that, as well as sitting through week after week of the E class where everything is being analysed, i'm going to be painfully aware of anything said. and yet i will wear that li'l rascals shirt with buckwheat on it. why? because it's the most comfortable shirt i have ever worn. i'll just try to make sure i'm wearing something over it as well.

one lousy conclusion, and i can go out into the sunshine. yet here i sit, complaining instead of writing.

* a non-profit place, leftist/socialist/anarchistic leanings, lots of books and topics that you wouldn't see in chapters. i understand why they ask the questions they did, it's still strange.
a story from mark, which made me laugh. mark who, by the way, is one of the few people i know to actually put two spaces after a period before the next sentence (which blogger disappears when you post it, but he did!), like we were all taught in elementary school. good for you mark - gold star for you!

++++

A physics professor had taken his class on a field trip to Africa. Sadly, though, it wasn't long before the professor and his star pupil were seperated from the group and lost in the Savannah. As they were walking around, they soon spotted on the horizon, a lion. Now, this lion was starving. This lion hadn't eaten in weeks. And two lost tourists was too great an opportunity to pass up. So, the lion started charging towards the physics professor and the physics student. The two leapt into action.

The professor took a long, hard look at the charging lion and whipped out his notepad. The physics professor grabbed a pencil and started jotting down some equations. The professor then took a few steps to his left and, using the power of trigonometry, was able to determine his distance to the lion. After doing this a few more times, the professor determined the lion's velocity. This saddened the professor, for he had calculated that the lion was running faster than he ever could. Things looked grim for him and his student.

While this was going on, the physics student leapt into action as well. The student kicked off his hiking boots, ditched his backpack, and began lacing up his track shoes. As the student was getting into a sprinter's starting position, the professor walked up to him.

"What are you doing?" asked the professor. "I have calculated the lion's velocity to be far greater than we could ever achieve. There is no possible way that we can outrun that lion."

The student looked up at his professor. "I don't have to outrun the lion," the student said. "I just have to outrun YOU."

Who do you think got away from the lion? The physics professor.

And the moral of this story is, never underestimate your physics professor.

++++

{g} i do so miss grade 12 physics with beebe. he made it so much fun.

mark's treat is in the mail, as soon as i know his mailing address.
wait a tick! for some reason i thought my class was at 12:30. but it's not. it's at 1:30. which means that after an hour of semi-productive work, i still have two hours left! oh how exciting.

because i know you care. {g}
i spoke too soon, this referral tops the other one. why i'm listed first, however, i do not know.

my fellow stalker dude is printing something as we speak. this is just weird. he's not in a single one of my classes, yet our schedules are similar enough that i see him most every day. craziness.

paper time! ::breaks it down, Hammer-style::
instead of finishing up my papers, i'm finding exquisite corpses. i'm once again inspired to learn how to be an artist.

go, you creative people! (you know who you are.) go make beautiful things!
What is real? 415 564 1347.