Thursday, February 28, 2002

great site referral. {g}

is it wrong that mr heavyfoot was the first thing that sprang to mind, for any number of reasons?
halfway through class tonight i realised that today is my mother's birthday. doh. i have impeccable timing. on the plus side, things seem fine now that i'm home again. and at least i remembered today, even if it was too late to go find anything for her. i'll do that saturday.

(and no, she doesn't read this, if you couldn't tell. {g})

papers. sleep. school. advisor. hand in papers. radio. play. write article. sleep. dentist. physio. WS group. lecture downtown. maybe drag show. sleep. sweet, sweet sleep.
tell me a story.

treats will be awarded.
(must move that post down from the top position...)

david wisdom came to class last night. and no, he didn't strike me as an ass. {g} he talked for awhile about canadian music, what he thought it was, if it was, answered questions, it was interesting. very strange hearing his voice while actually seeing him, especially hearing his voice without speakers. but i enjoyed it. afterwards i waved my geek flag high as i went and told him how i've appreciated his show over the years - he seemed happy to hear that people listened to it at all.* i was going to ask him a few more questions, but i'd waited to speak to him last, and he looked like he was making to leave and brady was hovering, ready to escort him out of the building, so i settled on simply looking like a dork. sometimes you just realise that you may as well, because you don't have much to lose anyways.

i'm learning life lessons from sharon, i think. {g}

oh, and according to a volunteer application i dropped off last night, i can bake cookies. what else was i supposed to write in "other attributes"? you'll notice, however, that i didn't say that i would bake cookies. HAH!

* this reminds me, i never got around to emailing him about that Radiosonic with The Millionaire years back. should do that. or if anyone knows what i'm talking about and maybe has a copy taped, email me and i'll love you forever.
oh, and it turns out i'm not meant to be messenger, because my mom did know. she just wanted to tell me in private and not mention it in front of daniel. because in her mind, despite the fact that my dad wasn't going to have someone to take care of him, what he's doing is wrong and evil and daniel shouldn't know that this is proper and correct. so instead i was led to believe that no one else knew. and daniel still found out anyways, because i don't see any reason why i shouldn't tell him. all of her value on what shouldn't be known is going to drive me mad some day.

oh, and the fact that i know lisa's name, and the fact that i know it because i asked what it was is inherent proof that i don't care about my mother, because why would i ask about her to my dad and not ask my mom other simple questions? of course, my reasons for wanting a name for a person (so that you're not just referring to them as "my friend from the states" which is completely dehumanizing, and because "lisa" is a lot easier to say than "my friend from the states", not to mention that whatever might be "right", this is what is, so there's no point in pretending it's not) was never asked. because it doesn't matter. i'm seen as taking my dad's side, and that's that.

of course, walking away when things were getting too inane probably didn't help. and again, the fact that i was actually going to be late for a doctor's appointment if i didn't leave then won't have any leaning on the situation either.

anthony's completely wrong. it's not "arguing like a girl." girls may very well be good at twisting reality, but it's not a female thing any more than it's a mimic-your-role-model thing. girls just learn to use it in arguments. daniel's not bad at it, except that we never have real arguments in the first place.

"that made absolutely no sense - TELL ME MORE!"

it's not an art until you have your own kids and learn to talk around their understandings. anthony's talking about "arguing like a mom." either that, or going senile, i'm not sure which. and i feel bad for saying that, but for crying out loud, i don't know how to have a normal conversation with her! it's all meta-conversation! any discussion ends up talking about how i'm saying what i'm saying and what it means, not what is actually being said! it's almost as bad as reading The English Patient, i swear.

my family is insane. just like everyone else's.
there's a television set up outside one of the stores downstairs (the downtown campus is above a mall of sorts), i think more for the entertainment of the guys working there than for anything else (it's a fitness/health store). just went by, and there's a cluster of six men in their 50s or older, i'd guess, all standing around and commenting to one another about what's happening onscreen.

they're watching Coronation Street.

alas, a photograph wouldn't do the moment justice. {g}

Wednesday, February 27, 2002

five unrelated comments:

1. {bg}
2. i could have been entered in a radio contest to go to england, if i'd been thinking straight. but it's a crap radio station that isn't mine that plays crap music, so really it's not my place to take advantage of situations. (again with that false altuism!)
3. the doctors should be finishing up on my dad at this very moment. i might go visit him tomorrow before class.
4. i really like the feeling of typing madly, as well as the sound. i just wish that ideas would come as quickly about homework as they can about naught.
5. i'll stop listing everything soon. i think it's just the easiest way to think during paper season.

Tuesday, February 26, 2002

five songs plus one:
manu chao - que hora son mi corazón/me gustas tú
magnetic fields - jeremy
piñataland - tunnel of tears
piero umiliani - samba mah na*
anubian lights - smoke and mirrors
ladybug transistor - oceans in the hall

* swedish porn gameshow music! reminiscent of a muppets sketch, which is so very wrong when you know where the music's from...
shiraz has no clue, but he's my favourite person i saw today.

completely out of the blue, he told me that he thinks i really underestimate myself, and that i'm a lot better than i seem to think i am. it was exact thing i needed to hear. very appreciated coming from someone who shouldn't know these things about me. and the perfect thing a person needs to hear right before going into a midterm. {g}

the runner up is julie (who wasn't wearing a hat!) for describing exactly how she'd perform her interpretive dance of our midterm, right down to the pink leotard with longjohns beneath 'em.

we were all a little giddy by midterm time.
big smile!

found lee's page c/o amy. and then lee got my teeth story too. after that, nothing was the same again.
1000 words really isn't all that much. just realised that a minute ago. should write up essays single-spaced more often - it's more of a surprise when you space it out. and more of a relief. {g}
one more thing to add onto the good list! jodi will get annoyed with my being happy over these sorts of things soon enough, but i'm gonna mention it anyways: previously-intimidating-in-her-smartness-girl-from-cmns just came up and said hi, and i didn't even realise she was in the computer lab.

trust me, it's a really good thing.
(and now for some reshuffling. i'm re-posting this second, even though it's in the forefront of my mind, simply because it is in the forefront, and i don't want to drown it out with the other thoughts that just occurred to me. shush, you.)

(they're long. i'm sure i'm sorry. you don't have to read 'em all. there's nothing really exciting in any of it.)


"don't kill the fish. ickyickyicky!"*

despite the fact that i'm tired, despite the fact that i just found a cavity (i think) and have to go see my dentist friday morning (although i don't have any aversion to him, he's a nice man with pictures drawn by his kids posted up on the walls everywhere and it's all rather adorable really), despite what i just remembered [see soon-to-be-posted previous post], despite the fact that i have a midterm in five hours, today is a very good day.

it's beautifully sunny outside. i managed to get a fair amount of work done at the library this morning. i borrowed some more dvd's of old films i haven't seen yet. i'm still happy that i've finally seen Dr Caligari. i found free parking. i found free shoes on the sidewalk that not only fit me perfectly, they also match clothes that i don't have shoes for yet. i found that damn cavity before it actually started to hurt, which means that it's prolly not going to be too bad to fix. i got an email from her graciousness. i have five hours to write one paper, and it'll still be finished early.

yeah, so it's not fitfully exciting, but amid all of this, i completely forgot all that was bothering and distracting me from work yesterday. and that's pretty good, don't you think?

* i may have quoted it wrongly. doesn't matter. it's still funny. and it's not out of context, because it was never really in context in the first place. don't believe me? your loss!
what was bothering me (and still does, though i'm not letting it get to me again):

my dad's going in for hip-replacement surgery on tuesday, which i think is one of the things that was making last week feel strange - thinking about what's gonna happen. it's not that i fear that something will go wrong, i'm sure everything'll be fine. what was going to be strange is the fact that my dad would be completely helpless, and needs to have someone there to help him all the time. problem is, our family's pretty busy (at least in the sense that rarely is someone home at all times of the day), and the person most likely to do the caring would be my mother, but there's that whole "getting divorced" thing going on. not that they were getting along before, but my mom is far too stubborn to bend over and help him now that she sees herself as maligned by my father, whereas she prolly would have done the bare minimum before the divorce began. so i was simultaneously curious and dreading the whole situation, i think, because i couldn't see how it would work out.

and then on saturday morning my dad told me that he was getting a room in a place in richmond for after the surgery, because he had to be somewhere without stairs and with someone who could take care of him all the time, so his "friend from the states" is coming up to do the job. his girlfriend (if that's what she's to be called) is coming up. taking time out of her busy job as a well-off lawyer to take care of my dad. i could tell he was nervous about it, and i'm sure i would be too. our house is chock-full of stairs, but i thought he was going to boot david out of his room so that at least he'd be on the main floor. but no, he'll be staying in a hotel in richmond instead, which in and of itself doesn't sound that bad. the thing is, richmond, which is where the vancouver airport is, is actually a 40 minute drive away from coquitlam, where we live. it's where he works, and he says that it was the cheapest room he could find, but it's still 40 minutes away, which is why it sounded odd even before he mentioned lisa coming up. so there's that. and then i found out that he was going to go stay out there starting sunday night, which is why i drove him to the office on sunday morning, so that we can have two vehicles at home while he's gone. so. he's got someone to look after him, which is good. it's lisa, which is strange. it's in richmond, the placement of which has a number of interesting connotations in it as well. i'm such an english student sometimes.

as we drove to richmond on sunday, i found out that this was all lisa's idea, her coming up to look after him. that she was paying for everything, because she's really well-off. that she has a golden lab, though i forget its name. that she has a big fancy old-school house down in minneapolis. that she was actually arriving in an hour or so at the airport. i had thought that she was going to come after his surgery, because he still has to stay in the hospital for at least a week until the doctors can see that he can walk.

a bit about lisa. unless he told rebecca, i think i'm the only person he's mentioned her name to. which only happened because i asked what it was. he hasn't talked about her too much, which is really strange, because we know he's got this other woman in his life, but she's never mentioned, we don't hear about how his trips went when he goes off to visit her, and i suppose up until recently she wasn't allowed to have existed (even though some of us knew that she did anyways). so i think the fact that i've just asked a few questions about her explains why i was actually hearing about a bunch of this, because i think my dad takes it as a sign that i'm not holding it against him. i don't know whether that assumption is true or not, though.

my dad, after mentioning what time her plane was coming in, asked if i'd like to come and meet her. i said i couldn't, because i had to get to school to do homework, which was mostly true. i didn't think wasting time waiting for a plane was constructive procrastination. and i thought it would feel strange meeting her when she only expects to see my dad there. and i don't know what i think about her. i realised that i had all these ideas of what she looks and acts like in my head, and i didn't know if i was ready to have them proven or disproven, or if i even wanted that at all. i don't feel angry at her in any way, because there's nothing that's necessarily her fault here, but instead i just don't feel at all. quite strange. later, i asked daniel if he would have taken the chance to meet her. he said no, right away. i asked why, and he said that he didn't feel like going out of his way to meet people who he doesn't really care about (i'm paraphrasing a little). he sounds like i feel, i think.

anyway. so that was that. my dad suggested i come out and visit him after the surgery, maybe have dinner with them (apparently she's also a gourmet cook as a hobby). he wants me to meet her, obviously. i want to know if she wants to meet us. it's never been mentioned, and i'm sure it would be just a strange on her side of things, so i want to know. but i took off and proceeded to not accomplish anything up at school. didn't feel good about the whole thing, but i didn't feel bad either. meh.

when i got home, i found out that my dad hadn't told anyone else about him staying out in richmond. which also means that no one else knew about lisa staying with him. which suddenly throws everything sideways. i don't know if my dad hoped that i'd tell everyone else or what. i told my mom that he's staying in a hotel. i told daniel that lisa's staying with him. i'm not telling my mom that, because i don't want to be the messenger, and i don't think my dad intended me to be one, i just don't think he's realizing that he still is a part of this family at the moment and as such, should be mentioning some of these things. but i'm really not happy that no one else knows. suddenly any feelings of alright-ness are out the window once more.

not cool.

and yet somehow, i completely forgot until i got off the skytrain. crazy day.
he will do so well in the land of academia. so, so well.

Monday, February 25, 2002

i've apparently begun to associate smells with pop culture. i just realised that the smell of my healing green tea makes me think of the fellowship of the ring.

sun's beginning to set. words of paper written? 24. ::sigh::

the guys doing their radio show right now are playing random "purely canadian" tracks. the Canadian beer ad song is playing. i've decided to just laugh. the hockey game's on (4-2), they can be forgiven. {g}


meanwhile, for something that has nothing to do with the olympics, david has found something frightening. seems it's the next "all your base". part the first, and part the second.


(okay, they might be bordering on damn annoying. we just scored (now, 5-2), they played that song again, but they're still making me laugh, so it's okay.)

Saturday, February 23, 2002

an addendum to my previous entry:
although we still arrived right on time for the ferry departure, by which time the ferry people tend not to let foot passengers onboard, my sister and elisa got onto the 11am ferry. i've never gotten someone to the ferry late yet. i'm so awesome.

and as an aside, although i knew Destroyer was wonderful long ago, listening to an actual cd for the first time, i am in love.
daily astronomy pic! it's linked at the side, but seeing saturn rising is pretty nifty.

today i learned:
1. big puddles on the road can be deceivingly deep.
2. after going through especially deep puddles, cars can stall.
3. after stalling, it takes awhile for water to drain, before said cars will start anew.
4. apparently i'm the do-er in my family.*
5. my family doesn't believe in storing a jerry can in the car for emergencies.
6. little jerry cans cost $14.
7. you can make the nozzles of little jerry cans bend. whee!
8. the smell of gasoline lasts far too long.
9. my family subscribes to the idea of only one person doing the dirty work. because it would be silly to get more than one person dirty, of course.
10. my family can bite me.
11. writing "PLEASE DON'T HIT ME FOO" in large letters on the rear window of the car may or may not affect the willingness of drivers zooming down the road to change to another lane.
12. cheering for a car, much like clapping for a fairy, can keep it alive.
13. even when the car runs iffy at best, i can still make it from the edge of surrey to the ferry terminal in 22 minutes. whoo.

* in this case, "my family" is my sister and her friend. but there's little difference, i assure you.

Friday, February 22, 2002

japan is getting yet another english teacher! congratulations mark! i bet it was the star trek pin that did it for ya. {g}
it would be really nice if people could just walk around with their ages posted on their sleeves. and i know age means nothing and i have a million complaints about fixations about ages in the first place, but this week has been filled with finding out that people are either a lot older or a lot younger than i thought they were, and it's just strange. some were just mildly surprising, but finding out that someone from my utopias class is in his 50s.. i pegged him for mid-30s, tops. never his 50s. of course he's still hector, but still! you think you know a person, and then BAM! they're 20 years more than you thought they were!

what a crazy world.
and when TAVIE! The Musical comes to town, i'll be the first one in line for tickets. and then i'll get autographs after the show and sell them for exorbitant amounts on eBay because as we all know, that's where the real money is made.

but if you're in need of costume designing or whatnot, lemme know. {g}
hah!

i am reminded of conversations had at the video store last year on S-E-X-E disney characters. robin hood and maid marion won hands down, but yes, i think basil definately gets second place.

i have a few vincent price movies sitting downstairs. they're there because it's vincent price - i couldn't tell you what the titles are offhand. maybe i'll finally watch 'em this weekend. he was a much better Mystery! host than diana rigg, though. he scared me when i was little.

vincent price scared me, the opening credits by edward gorey scared me, and now i'm in love with the both of them. my how things change....

yeah, sorry, not much to talk about today.
1. ticketmaster is evil.
2. row 9 tickets. not bad.
3. still have to talk to ...people... about interviews for the hell of it.
4. natasha is awesome.
5. $7 service charges.
6. ticketmaster is eeeeeeeeeevil.

Thursday, February 21, 2002

the Blenz across the street from school posts the daily horoscopes by the pickup counter for whatever drink you buy, which is the only reason i noticed my horoscope for the day. very very suiting. but i couldn't find it online to link to. however, most every other horoscope i glanced at said something along the same lines. if you're curious, here's the most metaphorical one (and therefore the best, of course).

very strange when astrology can actually put its finger on things so well.

in other news, i nearly tripped a blind man while i was sitting on the street corner in the sunshine. but he was a smart one. when he returned from wherever he was going in the first place, he remembered about me and took the corner wide. when he asked me what time it was, we briefly agreed over the evilness of watches.*

"[Time] is the bane of one's existence," he said.

a very smart one.

oh, and jones sodacap advice of the day: "Climb a tree."

despite these perks, something is still wrong at the moment, though i can't figure out what it is, or if it's me or the rest of the world. if it's me, i have absolutely nothing to blame it on.

ah well.

* haven't had a watch since i was 11. refuse to have one. i use my cell as a clock if i have to, but in general, everybody together now, Time Is Evil! isn't this great? my blog's all about group work.

Tuesday, February 19, 2002

jodi's not posting. so saturday.

thanks to someone at the show on friday, i heard about an art show opening on saturday night - dust on the road, a part of the moving ideas project. never been to an art opening before, and anywhere where it's free and they give you food and drinks gets my thumbs up! it was made up of a collection of pieces from along the show's travels. it originates in india, SAHMAT, but they make political art, dealing with the conditions of life in the present indian state. apparently they have a lot of trouble in india for doing this - one of the speakers mentioned how for the past 4 days, the organisation had been evicted from their offices and were pretty much homeless because of some of their messages. the show's toured all over N America (if not beyond), but vancouver is it's last stop, so we also had the most complete collection. some interesting artwork there, not just about india, but about political and social repression in general - images from the WTO protests, work about the native plights in canada, riots in prague, repression of japanese people during and post-WW2, a lot of things. because it was the opening, there was a special presentation of a dancer from calcutta, chapal bhaduri. he's one of the last female-impersonater bengalese jatra dancers left (women being allowed to dance for themselves in the 70s) who makes his living travelling about in his country performing the sitala saga (sitala is the goddess of disease? jodi?). it was his first time out of his country, and even though he didn't speak a word of english throughout the performance, it didn't get boring. it was entrancing in its own way. he performed the tale, and there were some people in the audience who could understand the language, so there were moments that looked funny, and when they laughed, you could feel better knowing that yes, it was a funny moment! haha!

at the end, he sat down and disrobed down to his pants alone, including taking off his makeup, which a bit of a reality shock, because you'd forgotten that he was a man within minutes of his performance beginning. apparently (or so the fellow in front of me was explaining) it's an important part of the performance as well, to break down the illusions afterwards, that the performers don't continue to take the illusions of being a god with them. afterwards, jodi said that it was like hedwig crossed with indian music videos. {g}

thinking about it though, if there was a sort of disrobing after a play or a movie or any sort of performance here in our culture, would there still be as big of a gap between actors and the rest of us in N American culture? because we don't really have that sort of disrobing - actors have a front that, even if you know it isn't real, stays up. and film's probably the worst for this, because the movie ends, the credits roll, there is no acknowledgement that what you just saw wasn't real.

this is what i think about when i should be studying for midterms.

Monday, February 18, 2002

found object o'the moment!

i didn't post this to the scribble entry. kristi, catherine's friend, came along with us on friday night. extremely friendly, down-to-earth girl, very pretty, you can't help but like her as soon as you meet her. and the reason i mention her looks is because wherever she goes, she has people falling head over heels in love with her with no encouragement on her part. and friday was no exception. we were all chatting amongst ourselves for the most part, and there was another group of friends sitting beside us at the end of the table. the sugar refinery being as packed as it was, they were facing us rather than the stage, just taking whatever seat they could get. we talked to them a little, and kristi bummed a clove cigarette off the guy, but that was about it. i had a pen and paper with me, taking notes when i felt like it, and towards the end of the night he asked if he could use my pen, and started writing something furtively on the piece of paper. after he'd taken it a few times, i asked him if we were going to get to see what he was writing, but he didn't say much to answer. after he'd left with his friends, we saw his paper rolled up on the edge of the table, and of course we had to see what he'd been up to. unrolled it, and there, wrapped around another clove cigarette, was a love poem written just for kristi, and an email address written hopefully at the bottom. awww! {g} and really, of all the love poems you can find in the world, this one wasn't that bad. you just had to feel bad for him though, because here he'd poured his heart out into the thing. it was so sweet..

anyways, the people he was with must have noticed what he was doing, because they too borrowed my pen at one point and had their own attempt at creativity. and while we left kristi's poem for her, i present to you, The Other Poem. if you can tell me what it's really all about, or if it's yours, lemme know. and kudos. {g}

...and friday night. excitment. and strange link choices are only due to what was available, if i was able to find anything at all. as though it really matters.
went swimming for the first time since summer. first time in years that i paid for it. but it was the wave pool, so i suppose on a certain level it was worth it. or at least, having snuck into the pool so often during the summer, having to pay this one time isn't that big a deal. {g}

there was this one child in the wave pool though. if you've seen Rushmore, do you remember that kid who is just there throughout the movie, light brown hair and huge eyes, who does nothing but stare? if he had been blonde and hadn't aged over the past few years, that would have been this kid. and the entire time i was watching him, he just stared at everyone with these big, huge eyes. he was adorable, but it was also mildly disconcerting watching him watching everyone else.

and then there was the Cool Guy helping kids how to fall backwards from the diving board to make lovely splashes with their backs. he was supposed to be teaching them to dive backwards, but.....no. but you could see the thought that went into each of his dives, as he tried to decide which dive would impress the girl sitting at the side of the pool, which dive he hadn't done yet, and he did each one miserably. he came that close to breaking his toes on the board when he did a pike dive.

and there was the Sad Lifeguard. he just looked wistfully out across the swimmers, not saying a word, lost in his own world. catherine and i figured that he'd just been dumped for being sad and depressive and wistful. poor fella.

i'd forgotten how much fun it is going to a pool during open hours. still, can't wait until summer to jump the fence and do laps every night. night-swimming under the stars - so much fun.
do yourself a favour and find the palace brothers' "no more workhouse blues". recorded during a thunderstorm, and it's eerily beautiful.

and thank you beth for recommending Piñataland. tuba, fiddle, accordian, it's wonderful. almost like veggietales went and lost the god and started singing about strange, sad, subjects. it's only because of the tuba, i know. i may have to actually spend money on recorded music afterall.

Sunday, February 17, 2002

i may have nightmares now. {g}

very cool otherwise. wish i could draw.
there's an attempt at a review on thursday night, if you're interested. i'll write friday up tomorrow. and jodi needs to post about tonight, because she had the perfect analogy for it that i dare not use meself. it's just too perfect. poor you, unable to know what's going on in my sad little life!
surprising people seen in the past few days:

thursday - reg harkema, as jodi already commented.

friday - pretty certain i saw evil!paul poking his head into the room, before his group deciding against going to the show when they saw how full the room was. what a shame.

saturday - mr artist dude i spoke to in the library lineup a month ago in passing, who remembered me as well, playing with his daughter at the art show opening. she was adorable.

Saturday, February 16, 2002

"ma-kin' love!! .... sweet sweet love!! ... sweet love makin'!! ... ma-kin' LOVE!! .... DO IT!!!"

yes, that will definately be Something Good's first cover song.

what would have been smart: remembering to bring a camera, film, and a flash to the show i intended to take pictures at.

ah well.

i'll write things up later. too tired. good night.
tour dates tentatively announced, and it looks like "canada" is a lot bigger this time! how exciting.
neato site o'the moment:
jen came across the blog of this fella, who's working security at the olympics.
If _I_ were God, I would force everyone to take a minimal amount of science, statistics, and logic courses so that no one in _my_ universe was STUPID enough to believe in creationism, new age crap, perpetual motion machines, UFO's making crop circles, ESP, astrology, or any such nonsense. To make up for the inflexible science requirements, I would otherwise be an extraordinarily cool god who threw lots of really great parties and was generally lenient about the whole heaven/hell thing.

-- somebody in Usenet news
kim, the one person at my old job that i did like, has found a new job. she'll be gone by next week. needless to say, she's on cloud nine. and even though it means that at next sale, i won't get to see her and work for her (i have no idea who's taking over), i'm really really happy for her.

all the people i really loved at Ritchie Bros are almost all out of there now. and y'know what? that's a good thing. a really good thing.

Friday, February 15, 2002

i smell like a smoker. should have thought ahead and brought another shirt if i was planning on sleeping over at school. but i didn't. but having home reasonably nearby (and someone with nothing better to do than drop things off for me) makes it all better.

good times last night. finally saw heard jerk with a bomb* live, and they sounded dandy. couldn't tell you what it looked like because, well, i was too tired to stand. and p:ano was just lovely. nice and calming and oh so sweet. left partway through the microphones because a) i was tired and b) they (he) weren't (wasn't) impressing me too much. (though i might give them a second chance. comparisons to basquiat? i am intrigued.) at any rate. best fun was sitting around chatting with people anyways.

and as much as i do like the smell of cigarette smoke (i'm not being entirely facetious - there is one brand i like, i just have no clue which one it is), i really hope david gets up here with a shirt soon. off to do readings.

(hey! what a surprise, my stalker/stalkee is sitting across from me here in the lab. really should find out what his name is, because our paths cross so regularly, at least it'd be nice to have a name to go with the face.)

* why don't these guys have a proper webpage? or if they do, why can i never find it?
hey, it's more from couplandesque.





must see trainspotting again. and velvet goldmine. and i feel like a trip to seattle for some teriyaki this weekend. and a photo field trip at the same time certainly couldn't hurt.
Uncle Saddam was on and i missed it! doh. it'll be on again... won't it?

this is awesome. thanks you guys!

Thursday, February 14, 2002

yet another paper proposal.

do i write about this, which i've been wanting to look into since reading an article in the Vancouver Sun about it at least a year ago, throwing in aspects of brain sex (my complaints were how it's presented, not that it may be true), sexual identity vs sexual preference, and then as much bullshit as i need to fill up the extra pages (hah)?

or do i write about something along the lines of this, looking at the semblance we have to courtship (or cheap thrills {g}) in western-geek-society and its related issues, how things are different, what it suggests for future relations, and then a little bit more bullshit to boot. (it's what i'm good at, what can i say?).

except that the second one i obviously have to think through some more. but wouldn't it be exciting if all the stuff i learned about evolution and autism could end up proving to be useful through some strange twise of fate?
hey! it's the evil test that got my class up in arms last week! so here's your chance. go do the test and find out if you have a male or a female brain. and then look at how it's scored, and score it as though you're a member of the opposite sex. see any problems?
Coincidence Design, a company giving You* the opportunity to trick fate and set things up so that girl you've been secretly in love with will coincidentally fall in love with you.

s'good for a laugh.

what's funny (creepy?) is that there was an article in the vancouver sun over the weekend talking about, and now i see the link making its rounds on blogs. for a fraud, it's getting some serious coverage. could it mean that people might really be interested in this if it were real? i know some places are posting it out of surprise and disgust, but they don't support it with anything pointing out that it's not real. is it that easy to believe that it's real? is that a surprise that it seems to be?

* provided that you're male, heterosexual, and american, but who isn't these days?

I am the nature-loving Jesus. There seems to be nothing that will stop me from protecting the earth and my furry friends. I may also have a hidden passion for sweater knitting.

i like this quiz.
{g}

lord knows why...

then you'd be over here rather than Mint Manor, and you'd be reading about the illicit exploits of those crazy east-coasters with mild envy but great amusement while i....

wanna trade? sure! {g}

i'm not sure whether physiotherapists are strange people with neat gadgets, or whether they're sadistic bastards.

i have to say, i'm amazed at how much better my knee feels, and i love it, though i'm getting a little tired of going there every other day. because, you know, i'm so important in this world and i have so many other things that i should be doing instead... (actually, it's great for getting readings done!) when i started going, i just expected them to play around with my knee some and give me exercises. i didn't expect them to wheel in a machine with the intention of sending electrical currents through my knee. it freaked me out a little, because as we all know, electricity is bad, sticking knives in electric sockets is bad, and they want me to let them send electricity through my knee??? but no, it's actually kinda fun, seeing how high i can stand the voltage (not very high at all - i blame it on being skinny, not wimpiness). afterwards they brought another machine! this one uses ultrasound waves to get through the joint. again, strange but fun. and then there were exercises as well, and all was fine and dandy.

today the doctor brought in a new machine and gave me glasses to wear. why? because now they're sending lasers through the joint! i mean, i'm sure they have their reasons, but you have to admit, it's all quite strange and bizarre. what bothered me was the fact that she had to play around with my kneecap for awhile, and i am not a fan of that feeling, regardless of if it hurts or not. i had patella-femur syndrome or something like that when i was a preteen (i'll find a link when i'm not using text-based net), which is just basically, one of the muscles holding your kneecap in place is weaker than the other, so the joints rub together some, and it just ain't pleasant. ever felt your kneecap feel like it popped around backwards and back into place when you stood up? not fun. it's reasonably common in preteen girls though, i suppose it's got something to do with growth spurts. but anyways. since then, i've never liked feeling my kneecap move, as you might imagine. so at the moment, i have this general feeling of disgust and grossness, and i have to figure out if it's because the doctor was pushing my kneecap all around, or if it's a side-effect of the laser, because apparently unlike the other treatments, the laser ends up affecting your whole body and not staying localised. today was the trial run, and if i feel sick or dizzy, we don't use it again.

so. are they actually trying to help me, or do they get some perverse pleasure out of all this?

i am also the queen of rambling and run-on sentences. thank you.

Wednesday, February 13, 2002

one last Issue for the night. i know i'm posting a lot of words. some of you will like that, the rest of you can bite me. (really, i do love you.. {g})

long story short. wanted to go to a show without paying, said i'd review it for a pass, spoke to the organizer (who coincidentally is my TA, which is a good thing in this case) about getting on a list, but because the show's so small, there is no list. so instead, he gave me $7 to cover the cost so that i could see at least one show and review it. which, he explained, he'd get back in the end, and it all worked out, but i felt so bad taking his money! it's one thing to have your name put on a list, where you're just not contributing to the funds, but to actually take money from someone's pocket, even though they assure you that it's not a problem and that they'll still get the money back... not a fan.

don't like time, don't like money. the two things that largely define western life. i should be its spokesperson.

need milk, need sleep. sweet dreams.
actually, i now have arguments with my last post. but my mind's not working well enough to put it into words, so another time perhaps. anyone else have opinions on the subject?

so. dead. tired. and i even got nine hours sleep! and crazy dreams to boot! i woke up just before discovering what my dream costume would be - all i could see was that it had white. obviously not even my subconscience knows what i want, so it's got to pretend that i just don't want to know these things by making me wake up before proving it's lack of knowledge.
and in a change of mood, online celebrity geeks amuse me so.

i think it's because you can't even pretend that they're not the same as us. funny how the 'net has the potential of alienating us all the more from Those People by giving people a place to come together and gush/complain/discuss/whatever which only results in pretending to know more about them, but just equates a random fan mag. at the same time, the 'net breaks down any sort of hierarchies that are there by given those celebrities the chance to post their own random thoughts and prove just how normal they really are, which isn't what tends to come across through interviews, articles, whathaveyou. not, of course, that i have ever had any doubt that they're not just like anyone else, but it's just funny when it's proven by reading their pages when so much celebrity-ism seems to be about making them seem like über-humans that somehow deserve to appear more important than the average joe.
when i was picked up from the skytrain tonight, i ended up asking my dad how much money grandma c has. not because i want some, and if i did, i wouldn't ask her anyways. my grandad passed away....six years ago maybe? i don't really know. i know it was a sunny day. but before he did, he'd had a stroke or two long before that, so for the seven(?) years before that, all my grandma's time was spent looking after grandad, because he couldn't do it himself anymore. so any money she has now, she deserves to use treating herself, i think. but her memory's been going off lately, and it's just gotten worse as time goes by. my dad has finally spoken to some people who know about these things, and was told that it sounds like grandma's developing dementia.* (she called the police the other week, because she thought that someone had stolen the blender. that's not the only thing, it's just an example.) which of course isn't unheard of in older people, however it really probably would be best for her to go live in a community where there'll be people watching out for her, which i'm not sure she'd be a fan of. my dad was saying that probably by next spring at the latest, we should find a place for her.

a few months back, the idea was suggested that i move into the basement at grandma's house, which has its ups and downs. so i reminded my dad of this after, and he said that even that would probably help out a lot, just because one of the main causes of dementia is apparently just being alone with no one to talk to (or so he told me). grandma also mentioned to me awhile back when i just dropped by to visit her that she really didn't want to leave her home and go live somewhere else, and i don't blame her, especially if it's been her home since my dad was a kid. so he said that if i wanted to move in there, it would probably be a great idea. the thing is, if i'm going to be going off to europe in the fall for an entire year, grandma would end up having to move anyways, which just seems silly, as well as vaguely unfair. silly for me, because i'd be going there for five months then leaving, and to make the move for such a short period of time, having to move things around, having to leave the convenience of friends less than a block away, probably still coming out here at least once every week anyways because of that and physio and daniel, it just seems pointless. on grandma's side, it seems rather unfair to do that, just because she'll have company for a short time, and have to move anyways when i leave. sorta like taunting the donkey with the carrot that he'd never get anyways.

this makes me sound so selfish, doesn't it. i'm sorry. i'm trying to word it as best as i can.

on the plus side, grandma's house is in a pretty good spot transit-wise, close enough to metrotown to walk but not to hear all the traffic, it's a nice place, i'd get the basement suite, and i think i'd really like living out there. it's just what i'd be leaving behind if i did. because i grew up in a house with six people, and i've grown accustomed to having someone around my age around the place. whenever i housesit, as much as i like being alone, i do end up getting pretty lonely and closed up without anyone around to annoy me.

before, as good an idea as it sounded (me moving into grandma's), what stopped me was:
a) the worry that "moving in with grandma" would become "taking care of grandma", having to actually be there a lot of the time, which i just generally don't do too well, and the concern that she'd forget that i was there and hear me shuffling around downstairs late at night and assume it's a burgler. granted, i don't know how exactly her memory is and what things she forgets, but i don't think that'd be good for her stress levels. or mine.
b) i really am partial to my room now that i painted it some and have all these plans to do more painting.
c) daniel. i'd be worried about leaving him here to be babied all the time, for fear that he turns out like david if he doesn't have me to goof off with (because really, there's no one else he acts the same way with here). but more than that, i really like having him around - he's one of the few people who will usually cheer me up, and he really is cool, though i use that word tentatively... {g} but if i could take him with me as a pet when i move out, things would be grand.
d) inkpen relief half a block away, when i'm dead bored, or when there's a need to escape.

and i think my point is slowly turning in on itself here. the point is, grandma either needs someone to live with her, or she needs to move somewhere where she'll have a close community. and if i wasn't planning on going to europe, despite the reasons not to move there, i think i'd go. because it would be Not Living Here, it would still be free, it would mean grandma!spoiling, and it would mean that grandma would have company, even if it isn't tea and meals every day and sitting and chatting a few hours every day. it would still be something, which is better than her being alone all the time. it would mean that i wouldn't be going away anytime soon, but living there would make that alright, i think. maybe? i don't know. but suddenly i'm sort of hoping that i'm not accepted to go away afterall. not that i don't want to go, because i do. i really really do. but at the same time, i know that there's good things about sticking around right now, and that i'd probably have just as much fun over here.

just not the same kind of fun. and i wouldn't end up having the Life Altering Experience (TM) of going someplace new and the opportunity to start meself from scratch, which is one of the things i do want to do. i just wish i could move in with grandma, go away, and come back and move back there, rather than have her have to leave when i do. i think. no, i have no idea what i want. i want things to Just Happen like they always do in my life. i want there to be two of me so i don't miss out on one thing for the sake of another. one me to go off exploring the world, the other to stay with grandma, let her stay where she wants and keep her place an option for me for when me2 gets back.

alright, so i'm thinking about meself probably more than i'm thinking about grandma. i still don't know what to do.

* i'm not sure if my dad has mentioned this to mom. my mom's very protective of her mother-in-law, i think because she feels some sort of affinity to her in the way she sees grandma being treated by our family and the way my mother is treated by our family. now i think this is an issue of my mom's, and that there is hardly an inch of truth in that idea and that it's my mom's classic way of playing the victim, but at the moment that's neither here nor there. the point is, i'll expect my mom to take great offense at the idea that grandma has dementia, because it's come up before, and that's exactly what happened. at any rate.
i frustrate meself oh so much. and i reserve the right to be cryptic because i don't feel like talking about it right now. just had to say..
excitement! thrills!

february 26th (i think) we're having david wisdom as a guest lecturer for the music class! i've listened to him for, well, a long time (cbc child, it just happened that way) so this is nice and exciting for me. what was sad was the number of people who, when the prof went on to announce who he was and when Radio On was on, went and wrote it down in their books that they might happen to remember to listen to it before he comes to our class. i mean, it's good that they intend to listen, but it's sad that they don't know who he is already. ah well.

so i bounced up and down in my seat quietly all by meself. but not too obviously. just a little.

i also had a discussion with another student about whether or not brian williams was really cryogenically frozen, and just brought out to host the olympics whenever they're on. i don't watch sports, so i wouldn't know these things, but he seemed pretty certain that this was the case.
oh, to live in new york... {g}

i should get ready to go to school. find out if joanna's going to get pierced today, and decide if i should get my eyebrow done. meant to do it for a christmas gift to meself, but never got around to it. now, i'd still like to get it. and anyone who's gotten anything pierced (probably excluding earlobes) knows, it's damn addictive. but suddenly realising how little money i have yesterday is making me hesitate before buying lunch, let alone another metal implant. sure, a lot of the lost money was spent on physio, which i'm going to get back when my dad submits the receipts to the health plan, and he owes me another $600 on top of that, and i have a thousand dollar cheque in my wallet at the moment, but even so. i need to get a job. i'm just enjoying being a fulltime student, too. i don't think i've ever been so caught up in all my classes before, and i don't think that it's only because of having to write proposals - i have the proposals done as well as piles of books on each subject, and pages of notes... it's exciting in a mundane sort of way. i know i'm relying far too much on loans, though, and that's not a good thing. but dammit, i've never been a slacker work-wise before in my life, i'm granted a semester or two now, aren't i?

(i bet i'd have a very different view of the situation if i didn't have The Slacker Who Thought He Was An Artist And Somehow Gets Away With It living downstairs. ::shrugs::)

so depending on the price, i may have an eyebrow piercing before the end of the week. and she will make endless comments about how gross that is. she just has no sense of taste.

next week, "should sarah give up on growing her hair out and just chop it all short again, or go back to erin in hopes he can do something bearable with it & somehow learn how to style my own hair?" what fun!
i'm with tavie on this one. fuck the oscars.

nic, whatever happened to the blogger oscars?
because the choice of topics amused me in class last night, i present the G index of one of my academic books:

Galileo
Gallistel, C.R.
Gert, Bernard
Giraffes
God
Gogh, Vincent van
Gorillas
Grasshoppers
Griffin, Donald R.

everything out of context has humour. that's why Free Association can be the best car game.

Tuesday, February 12, 2002

it's eels gone vaguely funky with a bit of they might be giants mixed in.

i'm having far too much fun with moog cookbook. what can i say, i'm a sucker for cheese.
the inimitable ed has been added to the links! ed has the fun job of going through stacks of new music for cjsf week in and week out, when he's not doing his own radio shows around the town. many of bands that he talks about i've never heard of, though that doesn't mean that they're unheard of, it just means i was a sheltered child who didn't really think that radio existed beyond the cbc until i was twelve. and sad country music tapes of my dad. and the fact that i have had a number of people coming to my page looking for "david wisdom" makes me happy, for i have been raised a cbc geek. but enough about me. go visit ed.
i have decided. the Fun Class has been officially demoted. henceforth, it shall be known as the E class. the E can stand for either the Easy Class (because it's far less taxing than any other course i'm taking this semester), or the Evil Class, depending on how classes go that night. this week it could be wonderful again, but after last week i'm very wary of getting excited over it in advance.

instead, the class which 'til now has been the Scary Class has officially become the Fun Class. last week, things officially shifted so that i feel completely at ease in there, and this week we were all in groups to present different philosophical ecofeminisms (ours was with an animal rights ethic), completely informally, without any more group planning than the 45 minutes we had in class at the beginning to discuss what we'd found out for ourselves on the topic. each group was only expected to be talking for about 15, 20 minutes. instead, the four groups took up all three remaining hours of class. and it wasn't boring, or difficult to keep up with, and it wasn't until i caught a glimpse of someone's watch at nine that i realised how much time had passed. it was interesting, people made sarcastic comments while critiquing articles (if a class is comfortable for everyone to be making snarky comments and having them understood properly, it's a good thing), and i felt like i completely understood things for the first time (feeling a little lost in marilyn's classes is normal - everyone in that class has mentioned it outside class at some point {g}). and best of all, it was fun. even though we had 18 people in the class, everyone was participating in the discussions, it didn't feel as though anyone was dominating, and it felt a lot like the utopias class did last semester. not quite the same, but pretty similar.

maybe it's a women's studies thing. at least, a women's studies course where everyone's open to discussion. but despite the fact that it was a class all about different philosophical positions, most of which were relatively foreign to me, and despite feeling pretty terrible today health-wise, that class alone made today a very good day.

this of course is not to say that i didn't have fun with mark. i felt a little bad that i had to do some research today despite my promise to do things with him, but everything turned out alright. however let it be known that the vancouver art gallery is closed on mondays and tuesday, so don't try going. why, i don't know. it was frustrating for us, because we'd gotten our hopes up over checking out the cyborg exhibit. i can just go see it some other time, but mark's going back to alberta tomorrow, and hey, it'd have been fun to go through it with him. ah well. life goes on. we had a good time regardless. evil art gallery...

Monday, February 11, 2002

tonight daniel, wearing a black army coat and my black fedora, became Black Humphrey Bogart. he proclaimed this to me, and started walking funny to prove this fact. later, as he flipped through my calendar of movies, he came to the maltese falcon and read it out for me.

D: "...with black humphrey bogart as detective sam spade, fighting aliens and saving the world..."
S: "it doesn't say that."
D: "no, but it should. i know there's a movie with black humphrey bogart out there somewhere!"

the things i wouldn't know without him...
and because it happens so rarely in my life, an entire day done and i'm still in my pj's.

score!
i'm sure i'm sorry, but there's a monkees quiz! rock on.




...and i just like the caption...
oh, and just some brief updates. fixed up the archives (or rather, just changed them), huzzah! and i've added a few people to the links lately without mentioning it (including some that i thought i had linked before but apparently didn't - doh!). there's beth, djin, jen pardilla, rynn, another sarah, serra, and sean. so go visit them if you don't already.

[UPDATE] i forgot to mention that the wunderduo of kat and james are on the list o' links as well. memory like a sieve, i tell you!

and now i have to learn all about philosophical ecofeminism with an animal rights slant tonight so that i can go see this or this (again.. really, it's better with each viewing!) with mark tomorrow.
i could be envious, but i'm not really. i'm just happy reading about how much fun y'all had.

that sounds so completely altruistic and revolting, doesn't it. alright, so i'm a little jealous. and not only the great JCM to join in the fun, but good sir Trask as well! damn you east-coasters, having all the fun... {g}
a few random links:

HowStuffWorks - the first page that comes up when you search "stuff" on google. especially....

this google!

and lastly, zhan pointed me towards a canadian journal directory. more pages to read, should i ever run out... i like that it has an listing for honourary canadians as well. {g}

(sorry for the messed coding in that last bit. just noticed it, and it's all better now.)
from the Salon interview with oliver sacks (linked below as well):

S: I'm wondering if being monotonous in some things allows you more freedom in others.

OS: ...I think you are right. Some of these invariant things are basically so I can take off impulsively, which I do all the while... I find myself thinking for some reason about T.S. Eliot saying that poets should dress like bank clerks — a certain external unremarkableness so that one can have more freedom inside.


the biggest argument i always heard about uniforms in school was that it would stifle personal creativity, and stop an individual from being themselves. i don't know if i agree with that idea or not. i automatically shy away from any suggestion of conforming (not that i don't do it meself, but encouraging it frightens me). i'd be curious as to whether there actually are tests done looking at that, though. i mean, i suppose that there must be, i just have never read them.

and i'm supposed to be learning about an animal rights slant of philosophical ecofeminism right now. but autism, psychology and evolution are so much more interesting!
need to read oliver sacks' An Anthropologist on Mars again. as well as j.g. ballard's Empire of the Sun. and wells' Time Machine.
wow. the Guardian asks if human evolution is finally over. according to some, we've reached a point where due to the technology that surrounds us, we don't have to change any more. others argue that we're still changing, adapting to living with technology. personally, i'm in the latter camp - we're going to grow more and more accustomed to city life and tolerate the pollution here but at the same time grow all the more sensitive to nature. at least, here in the first world. third world evolution would probably move quite differently from ours. i don't think that you could ever say that evolution has or will have stopped at all. we'll keep adapting to the settings around us, even if it means that we all become susceptible to the environment but can survive through technology while we all develop autism because we're too caught up in technology. we'll all have soft skin and never be able to traipse through the woods barefoot like natives (which was one of my dreams when i was little - went around barefoot whenever i could from march onwards just to toughen my feet up, pretended i was a native princess when we went hiking at Golden Ears park... good times...), and i'm starting to talk in a spiral, so i'll stop for now. but go read the articles. interesting stuff. what's your opinion?

(link found through jish.nu)

Sunday, February 10, 2002

Some people were born to die...
    -- The Great Kanaka (from Psycho Beach Party)
procrastination aid! the white stripes have a game that's nice and addictive in a pong sort of way.

Saturday, February 09, 2002

more work that i've been putting off! pictures from Something About Reptiles a few weeks ago are posted here, if you're curious. lovely picture of catherine at the bottom.

and apparently my scribble's messed up on some other computers like my template here was for awhile. after finally fixing the problem on this page, i think i know what's wrong on scribble, but i'm not fixing that at the moment. if you have to scroll down a ways to reach the entry, i'm sure i'm sorry. it's still there though, and that's good enough for me at the moment.
selected quotes:

    "you are like peanut butter...smooth and sticky and a taste that sticks with me for days...and if i feed you to my cat my cat goes *tsck* *tsck* *tsck* all day long...unless you are cruchy peanut butter, then you are like gravel in my porridge, but in a good way..."
    -- part of an extension of a particularly cheesy line on tv by two tired and hungry girls. you have to read it with a really bad french/italian/spanish/english accent hybrid. or say it out loud. it's all the more fun.

    "eddie cochrane was pure rock'n'roll. other rock'n'roll musicians were other types of rock'n'roll [...] but eddie cochrane was pure rock'n'roll."
    -- random radio show heard on the way to physio this morning.

    "i have seen hell, and it is a barrel sander! [...] oh my god i felt so butch [using it]!!"
    -- marvellous mark, host of luscious lola's lounge radio show, talking about moving homes and fixing up the new place.

    "...so all you at stanley park, take a coffee break for two and a half minutes, and you guys can fly around the park and hide behind trees and be your own secret agent men!!"
    -- marvellous mark again, introducing Secret Agent Man, the request for "a bubbly mel torme song" for the parks & rec folk at stanley park. i think i'll have to try to catch this show again. {g}
closed the quiz, so if you're curious about what the right answers were and why, they're up on my scribble. decided against posting them all here.

was driving downtown with Joanna The Aussie Girl today, and we were waiting for a green light at main and first, which for anyone who doesn't know vancouver, is squeegie central. there's always at least a couple of people awaiting the chance to clean your car for a coins or two. no idea how much they'd be likely to make in a day, but it must be a reasonable amount for them to keep it up every day. there never appear to be too many people actually give them money, though. meself, if i have change handy, i'll give it to them, but i didn't today. today's squeegie man was coming down the row of cars, and as he came towards us i shook my head that i didn't have any money. he kept coming towards the car, i shook my head again, and he leaned forward with a grin and drew a big happy face out of the soap right on the driver's side with the squeegie. couldn't help but laugh at that. {g} he cleaned the whole window and the lights, even though i said i had no money, and then he just walked away, didn't even ask silently for money. just gave us another happy little wave from the sidewalk as the light turned green.
speaking of ghosts, i have a question for everyone. not last night, but wednesday night, did anyone have dreams themed with death that they recall?

i've been having really vivid dreams again, which is always a lot of fun. no ducks yet. but the one i had thursday morning was absolutely insane. just a lot of death and dying all around, a really dark and morbid dream (and therefore, a lot of fun. i can count the number of nightmares i've ever had on one hand - i very rarely get weirded out by my own dreams). and i just thought it was odd and strange, but then all throughout yesterday people in my classes and people that i ran into would mention having crazy dreams last night, and every single person mentioned death in it. mine involved people being shot, bishop's had dead animals everywhere, laura's had an old friend of hers dying, catherine just had an overwhelming feeling of morbidity hanging over hers.... and so on.

but now i'm curious. did anyone else have crazy death dreams last night?

Friday, February 08, 2002

a very happy birthday to the brilliant and amazing matt!
Ok, ok, 2 obscure reasons for why my next album is going to be called '18'.
Reason one will be very obvious to anyone who has ever lived in Israel.
Reason two will be very obvious to anyone who have ever paid attention to conspiracy theories regarding our governments involvement with extra-terrestrials.
And I feel like I've said too much already...


even if he's a little obsessed about his geekiness, i love moby. actually, that's exactly why i like him.

Thursday, February 07, 2002

The Fun Class somehow wasn't all that fun tonight. for a number of reasons, but the large one being a huge debate that grew out of discussing brain sex - basically that there are differences wired into male and female brains due to hormones, making us process things differently and more in tune to certain things... it's nothing that i hadn't heard before, and it does make sense. the problem was that we were given a very biased and hardly academic article, which put a very bad taste in many peoples' mouths from the get-go, followed by a mini-test that was trying to prove that point, but went and had completely different scoring systems for males and females taking the test. we ended up watching a segment from a 20/20 documentary on the studies being done, which of course was worded terribly all the way through. for example, a proof of the fact that from birth the two sexes are processing differently is that an infant boy tries to break his way through a clear barrier between him and his parent, while a girl "just cries." and it was like that all the way through.

after watching the film, people who were annoyed already were thoroughly pissed off. their issues were with the fact that studies showing that women are more intuitive, and therefore probably a better parent, being more in tune with a child's needs, while men are better at spacial visualisation, which is of course the main reason that there are far more men architects and engineers than there are women. the complaints were more in how the results were being portrayed and used, how they were only being used as proof of "a woman's place" and whatnot. they were going as far as to say that studies like this simply shouldn't be done, because of how the results will be used. basically, a lot of fears were being put forth on the antifeminist uses of anything stating that certain characteristics are innate to men and women.

during all this, i was pretty much quiet, thinking about how it was far more a communications argument than one about the research itself. but when people started saying how this research shouldn't be done, that's when i started feeling very perturbed. i'm not nearly as political and as much of an activist (as though i am one at all) as some people in that class, and i can understand their rationale for making a comment like that, but at the same time, this is scientific research into explaining who and how we are! how can you just willingly put on blinkers to what is a part of human being, because you don't want to see the results used for ill? i just.. i don't know. one person there mentioned how a study done awhile back at U of T (i think) had gone to "prove" that blacks were truly inferior to other races. (i vaguely recall this in the news). of course, as the results were released, people started inquiries into who was sponsoring the research, and it turned out to have connections to the KKK. but at the same time, those results had already made their way into the general public, real or not. that was a number of peoples' issues - that you don't know who's sponsoring the research, and that the results will make their way into the public, but depending on how they're put forth, for people without an academic and critical background who just see a newsbit on some television show basically saying that yes, there are differences, men are better at some things than women are, it could come across as justification for women not being mechanics or whatnot. i can see the danger there, but i don't know if that itself is reason for a halt in science, even if there are more important things to study at the moment. i don't know. if one person was in charge and that person was Jen from my class, i'm sure the world would run in perfect order, but as it stands, that just ain't happening.

in terms of brain chemistry, none of this was new to me. i suppose i learned it in psych classes over the years and just general knowledge. why we've ended up this way, i don't know, whether it's evolution or always having been this way. it's nowhere near as general as both the article and the video clip were making it seem, though. so statistically, women tend to have better verbal skills than men because they have some more links in certain parts of their brain. doesn't mean that i can present things coherently most of the time (look how garbled this is!). doesn't mean that much of it isn't due to social conditioning, perhaps. my issue is not with the research. it's with how the results are presented, which is the same problem as what the other people had with it. i just don't think that freezing research would do anyone any good in the long run, though. i'd like to think that we live in a world where we're moving beyond the stereotyped gender roles, and a study saying that women are more emotional than men won't revert that trend, but rather just throw a different light onto it.

but everyone knows i'm an idealist.

the mess tonight had a large part to do with how things were presented, though. things could have run so much smoother. still, made for some interesting discussions, i suppose.
i just remembered the one stranger that i didn't manage to take a picture of. the one who quite possibly would have bitten my head off if i'd even tried to. sitting at the library computer looking up some books, a big guy, both in size and presence, sat down at the internet computer beside me. to get access to the 'net, you have to type in your library card number and part of your phone number, nothing exciting. but as he sat down he flamboyantly (i'm not sure how it was flamboyant, exactly, but there's no other word for it - he wanted everyone to notice) took a large piece of scrap paper, covered the computer screen with it, and typed in his card number. he briefly pulled up the edge so he could sneak a peek at what he'd typed, then logged in. from then on, checking email or whatever he was doing, he'd hold that paper over the keyboard as he typed in his password, peering beneath it as he did, because i guess he can't type without watching the keys. the only other person there was me, and i wasn't paying any attention to what was on the screen. i was far too busy keeping my eye on him. geez louise - talk about paranoid!

(alright, i shouldn't scoff at him, maybe he's some super secret government spy who's typing in super secret passwords so he can access super secret webpages with super secret commands for him to carry out. i wouldn't know these things. maybe super secret spies do wear big puffy coats and thick thick glasses with thick plastic rims, and scowl at the world through half-lidded eyes, just daring someone to ask them a question and escape with their life. i'm just not privy to these sorts of details in my world. still. i was torn between laughing at the silliness of a guy covering the screen lest anyone figure out his library card number, or fearing for my life should he notice i was paying even the slightest bit of attention to him.)

(wow. maybe 30 seconds altogether, and it gets two big paragraphs of explanation. sad, really.)
if you don't want to see anymore quizzes, avert your eyes. i came across a few that i liked the results of... i should be writing up a paper proposal... you do the math. at least i'm not posting the font one, although that one amused me.



could i interview someone i don't know much about? namely, hayden. i'm not sure. it's not as though i have problems talking with strangers...

...speaking of which. (honest, this interruption wasn't planned {g}) can't wait to get my film developed. somehow it's become the Random Interesting Stranger camera with this roll, which is a good thing, but it's just amusing that it has this unspoken theme to it. yesterday i saw a guy doing a whole song and dance routine at the street corner, waving his arms a little, and i finally figured out that he was going through a prayer ritual. the freaky thing was that when i glanced away for one second after i took the picture, he disappeared. maybe it was a "take me away from here" prayer. and then today i was working at the computers beside an older fellow who just had a screen of letters and number in front of him, holding a mini-chess board. he was playing a game through a chess club online, but it looked so odd, sitting there cradling this itty bitty board, studying what looked like garbled nonsense on a screen. when i asked if i could take his picture, he was nice and friendly about it, laughed and said that "I guess I am an odd bird, aren't I." he's in my good books now. {g} but anyways...

so yes. the question is, how many good questions could i come up with? i'd just fear asking the exact same questions that are asked over and over again... though i don't think we did badly with don... ended up taking up more time than we should have, yes (but that was half his fault for sleeping in that day). asked some silly questions that i sorta regret now, yes (and i'll take full responsibility for that, jodi had nothing to do with it). but overall it was good...wasn't it? hmm...
stripes should work now. they just disappear if you resize the window too small, because rather than being made by an image, they're just table cells. not quite what i wanted, but both me and Computer Dude here have no idea how to constrain by both percentages and pixels. he told me to start using an editor rather than doing it in notepad/blogger/whatever, but really, that ruins a lot of the fun of it right there! and the frustration's completely taken away because things just work, and who wants an easy life like that?

lotsa good music coming up. next week especially. terribly frustrating that i shouldn't be spending the money. time to ask for tickets in return for reviews. shouldn't pick up local listings when i'm poor.

Wednesday, February 06, 2002

i have the thumbs-up to do a pop culture ecofeminist analysis if i want to. after rereading black orchid, it would be a great subject to choose. or bladerunner. marilyn even mentioned it before i did, and she's a SF geek herself and suggested a look at the environment dystopia presented amongst other things, and lord knows i know my dystopias at this point (thank you lynne)! and then during a conversation i overheard later that night, LotR crossed my mind. i don't know. it would be terribly fun to write, i'm sure... we'll have to see. it may be a possibility though.

bonding with other people in your classes, and even better, your tutorials, is a wonderful thing. three of us made a pact to make our tutorial start talking, right after each one of us admitted to being too unsure of our own grasp on the subject (or in this case, the readings) to ever put forth strong opinions in class. theories intimidate me. i never feel like i truly understand them, and feel far better leaving other people to discuss topics throwing in names and theoretical standpoints, unless i'm absolutely certain that i either understand it, or know the most on the topic. and even then, thanks to my dad's influence, i usually cover my ass through language anyways. it's the lawyer side of him. or i'm worried that i'm fixating on the wrong points in an article, and that it's really about something else entirely and either stupidity or personal bias is tainting my understanding. that's what i loved about the utopias course - theories came up, but they were hardly the focus of everything. we just discussed current events and the books we were reading, and i don't think i've ever participated more in any other class. and then this week i end up being the one to speak for our group in the Women & the Environment class about how a liberal political ecofeminist would view the issue of population control. because i'm so good at explaining ideas that i don't entirely trust in the first place... thankfully other people took over, though i don't know if it was quickly enough or not. but next week, it's entirely possible that we'll get the class talking. whether it's about what the real point was or not is another matter entirely.
such a dork. such, such, such a dork.


I'm a shy, sensitive punk rocker, the most artistic of them all. I'm Kurt Cobain.
i think that it's a prerequisite for a doctor's receptionist to be a mind-reader. or at least have an incredible ability in perception. it would make sense, i suppose, just in them being able to tell the doctor what's wrong when you can't. my old doctor's receptionist always knew who i was when i walked in the door which always surprised me, considering how many people she sees every day. but what got me was that she recognised my voice on the phone. i hardly ever called my doctor, yet she knew it was me. i liked her. i miss her.

i just called the physio place, trying to change my appointment tomorrow. didn't mention who was calling, didn't say what appointment i already had, but the receptionist knew who i was anyways. don't know how, and even if they had call display, our phones are set up so all it says is "private" (we like to keep our secrets). i bet half of medical receptionists could moonlight as psychics.
ade's post reminded me: i have always wanted a pair of hand-knit socks. when jasmin was here for a year, she got a pair of gaudy ones from a relative of hers for christmas, and went on about how she gets a pair of socks every year and how it gets so boring... so she let me wear them around the house that day. great for sliding around the house, awesome for shocking the cats. it was quite sad when i had to give them back. i'd love to have a relative who gave me knit socks every year. maybe i should just learn to knit and then that'll be my default gift for people, and then they can all complain about my gifts year after year. i'd feel so special then.

Tuesday, February 05, 2002

my cat is so stubborn. i'm sitting in a reasonably pointy position (meaning i'm all knees and elbows and no lap), yet she still insists on sitting on me. at the moment she's trying to be comfortable balancing on my arm and pretending to be so comfortable that she can sleep there. course, she ruins it by adjusting position every 20 seconds. but she won't admit defeat and move elsewhere, she'll keep this up until i boot her off. she reminds me of meself sometimes...

matt asks:

What do people think? I think Rushmore is superior to Bottle Rocket, but I'm torn over whether it's better than Tenenbaums. Opinions?

when i saw Rushmore, i didn't know what to think. but the more i saw it, the more i loved the movie, and it's still the same way. every time i watch it i love it more. i'm not entirely sure why that is, but it's true. with Tenenbaums, it's the same thing. this time going in to see it the first time i was certain i'd like it, but in leaving i had my picky complaints about the film. but every time i saw it again, i loved it more, and at this point, i'm really not sure which one i like more. if i had to choose, i think i would say Tenenbaums. everyone keeps saying how Rushmore is better, but i love the characters in Tenenbaums far more, i think. and i'm not even sure if Rushmore wins out story-wise anymore either. at least, i think it's a tie. i'm not sure. i'll wait 'till everyone else raises their hand, then i'll decide. in the end, it depends on whether i'm feeling like one of the crowd or An Individual at that moment. but my vote is for a tie. it just depends on how melancholy you're feeling at the moment.

all that could have been written far better. ah well.

and goose's review is so terribly impressive. i am in awe of people who have a talent for words (meaning most everyone else reading this). it amazes me that i've made it so far in Arts at university with the way that i write. the pretension of academic writing always eludes me.

one last comment. so many people have chosen jodi as my lesbian lover on my sad plea for attention!

that is all.
bah. i give up. i can't see anything wrong with the coding (at least not for the stripes), i don't know why they're not showing up. perhaps i'll get it tomorrow.
tip of the day:

when catching the skytrain, look for the darker parts on the edge of the platform - that's where the doors of the train end up. oddly, i'd never caught onto that before. just memorized roughly where the train stopped each time. but i learned this from three skateboarder kids on my way home.

"that's how i scam seats from the businessmen during rush hour."

good on ya.
someone is using david still against me now. shoulda expected it, of course, especially when i sent the first message.

why are my template stripes not showing up? is it just this computer, or do you not see stripes either? hmm...
a mentally handicapped woman cheered me on as i almost missed my stop at the skytrain. the doors weren't going to close on me, but it was nice to have the encouragement.

there are SWAT teams surrounding one entrance of the vancouver public library. this would be a concern, except for the fact that they're filming another movie here. "ecks vs. sever" or something like that. tried to look up about it, seemed to get pages pointing towards gameboy games, i think. didn't look too hard. one summary mentioned antonio banderas and lucy liu, but i didn't see them out in the filming. watched one take, after they'd gone and sprayed everywhere to look like it had just been raining. bet they didn't think they'd have to do that in vancouver. {g} strange seeing people decked out in bulletproof vests with machine guns hanging around their neck. especially when they're casually chatting with a guy in a ballcap drinking coffee.

but for now i have to put together a paper proposal that should have been done two weeks ago. after finding articles talking about ecofeminism in pop culture (such as gaiman/mckean's Black Orchid or Bladerunner) i would like nothing better than to do my own ecofeminist analysis of something. neal stephenson or something like that, perhaps? however, i don't know if i'd be able to get away with it. i should talk to my prof, which wouldn't be a big deal except that i've been staying away from her in shame for having not done anything about this yet. ah well. i suppose it's time to swallow any pride i pretend to have and talk to her. it's not like i'm doing much else today.

now if only i had something interesting to write.

Monday, February 04, 2002

this is what i spent my evening on, instead of working on the papers that i should be dealing with. i don't know how much i like it, may go back to the old one soon, or at least alter some things on this, we'll see. someone put the idea of an eye into my head, so this is how it ended up. ngh. now it's a question of whether laziness outweighs disappointment, i suppose. place your bets now!
an old picture that was used as a tester when i started dying photos. at the time, i figured it was a crappy photo i'd never use. now, i'm sad that i don't have the negatives for it anymore! stupid kevin..


they were so cute once... {g}
is there no one giving away free keychains that are actually worth having these days? my car key's been missing for a few months now. don't care so much about the key, but it was on my Kingman, AB keychain, whose entire existence made me laugh. the town (i don't even recall if it is officially a town - could be a village) has something like three avenues, six streets, and one post office as the only source of income in the actual town itself (though it's surrounded by farms). the Grand Krista Tour of Kingman took us about a half hour, and she say something about nearly every home there. if i can't find the keychain again, i should at least find something silly to replace it. though i'm quite sad it's gone - s'not like i'll be able to find another one of those.

Sunday, February 03, 2002

it's somewhat sunny today... so does that mean more winter or not? never could remember the groundhog deal. although i remember traipsing through the field when i was in elementary school still looking for a groundhog one year. i think the teachers really needed a break and figured that they'd just throw us outside for a good half hour that way. needless to say, no one saw any groundhogs. i don't think they even live around here (though correct me if i'm wrong).

didn't go to the blinding light, didn't start sewing, didn't do much that i planned on doing yesterday. instead, got to see brotherhood of the wolf* thanks to ed, finally saw the doctor** after putting it off for so long, and made enchiladas*** with catherine. excitement! but tonight is quartetto gelato with jodi, amy, and Irma's Anonymous Friend Who Is Taking Her Place. i'm just curious what they did show at the blinding light. my guess is that it was slackers, but who knows.

* disappointing movie, really.. at least i'd been warned that it wasn't the greatest, but even so. too long, too predictable. the french was nice, though, which reminds me, i still have jésus de montréal sitting somewhere around here.
** what i thought was a muscle knot from limping is actually a severely strained muscle. it wasn't a good idea to walk back up the hill afterwards, but i didn't have a choice. still, couldn't walk period after i got home. but now i get physio, which i've never had before, so there's a minor thrill in that.
*** and they were actually good! cheezy black bean tomatoey goodness. we're awesome.
need to be someone else for awhile? well, now you are david still.
favourite movie line of the week:
"'aye,' says jesus, 'there's the rub!'" -- guy, TotF

Friday, February 01, 2002

done. printed. half an hour before the movie ends. to go, or to stay here? maybe i'll go play in the snow. i'm just asking for a broken leg here, aren't i. {g}
they need little cameras to take in peoples' reactions they have to parcels that they receive in the mail. just something little to take a quick shot of what went across their face. because when you mail things, you have no clue if it's really appreciated or not. and really, that's most of the fun of giving a gift - getting to see what the sucker gift-getter thinks as they open it. ah well. guess it's always better to live life with a bit of mystery, isn't it.

i could finish this paper right now, and yet here i sit posting and procrastinating... what is wrong with me?
"it's the little things, marv."

i love how just one little line is enough to make me want to laugh. it's not even smile-worthy out of context! and yet, so much is there beneath it...

ow, i should not have moved my leg like that. right. paper.

....
everyone looks so dour here in the computer lab. it's so sad. no one wants to be here. i just exchanged the most pathetic smile with another guy sitting nearby. there really should be windows here.



    voila. the reason it took so long was that the first time i took the test, i ended up as cabbagehead, which i refuse to accept. there must have been a mistake.

    but i can handle being the bad doctor. coasting on charm? you betcha.
can't forget... known about it since november! wanna come along, drop me a line. tomorrow at the blinding light:

#1:DAVID YONGE PRESENTS I'M GONNA STEAL YOUR MOVIE!
David Yonge has a conceptually cinematic idea and we at The Blinding Light are going to help out. As we all know, Hollywood films tend to premiere on Fridays. Yonge's plan is to covertly videotape the afternoon screening of a Hollywood Film Premiere and screen it here at the Blinding Light the evening of its official premiere the same day (THIS evening) for FREE (membership required). Is he looking for trouble? You bet he is. In fact, he is going to let everyone know that he is doing this - including the Hollywood cinemas! Raising vital questions about authorship, copyright and Hollywood dollar value, expect a second generation copy of what will be yet another mediocre film churned out of a genuinely blandified entertainment industry. DISCOVER what Dolby Digital Sound feels like once processed through the microphone on David's camera! OBSERVE the wonders of videotaped film! SEE a few heads in the original audience block your view! And walk out knowing you've avoided the box office suckerpunch!

#2: DAVID YONGE PRESENTS THE RETURN OF SMELL-O-VISION PLUS VERY SPECIAL MUSICAL GUESTS
Ever wonder what it would be like to smell the scene which your favourite actor inhabits? Neither have we, but David Yonge has. This is his own spinoff of the highly unsuccessful Hollywood attempt to lure people back into the theatres during the Golden Age slump when some films were designed to synchronize the emission of scents with key scenes. This attempt to add realism typically left audiences gagging and running for the exits. Tonight, Yonge will use past and present popular films, as well as a fan, hotplate and aerosol cans to create smells that will leave you breathless, but hopefully more from laughter then gagging. Included are clips from Cast Away, Backdraft, and The Wizard of Oz, with a grand finale by KISS. Also expect bizarre commercials and outtakes! NOTE: The last show was packed to the rafters so arrive early if you want a seat. This is a tour launch so expect nothing less than over-the-top! WE GUARANTEE THE BEST IN SCENTERTAINMENT!

so what opens on friday, anyways? not sure about the second one, but still. it's going to be cheezy, it's going to be silly, how can i pass something like that up?