Thursday, January 31, 2002

[warning: complaints to follow]

welll, it's foggy and rainy now. reflects my mind perfectly. i am not in a paper-writing mood whatsoever at the moment. especially when i have to leave the house by 8 tomorrow. i could do another cram session, work in the library from 10:30 to 1:30 and just do it then.. 5 pages ain't a lot, and it's been....well, a semester since i've done that. {g}

for now, however, to get it out of my system:

rain sucks courses downtown suck all TAs suck* missing referral letters suck barking dogs that don't let up suck pointless papers that need no creativity suck knees that don't work properly suck sprained ankles suck incessant infections suck knowing nothing sucks time, as always, sucks** bus stops at the bottom of a hill suck pompous teenage drivers suck procrastination sucks

i didn't even have a bad day. i don't know why i'm in a bad mood right now. must be the paper. suddenly realised that it's a regular occurence for my mind to feel as if it were made of cotton every single time i have something of vague importance due. what a great survival mechanism. trust my mind to do all it can to sabotage itself.

* well, all TAs except for greig, who is still the greatest TA in the world. i'd be hard-pressed to take him off that list. i really should answer his email... after paper!
** what did i say about my own personal utopia? no time? you betcha. time is a terrible terrible invention. damn those swiss!
i had no idea that "sharon & susan" came from the parent trap. hm. i have no clue if that's coincidence or what. how bizarre.
daniel bogan has a nifty idea. remember those exercises you did in school, where you write a sentence or the next part of the story without knowing what came before? he's got everyone making a comic strip having just the panel before to go by. interesting results.
i am not a happy camper. the referrals for the exchange were supposed to be in on friday. the international office still hasn't gotten one of mine, and i even spoke to lynne about it on the weekend and she promised it would be in on monday.

lynne.... what are you doing....
guess what!!!

it's snowing!
huh. i've had the United Devices cancer-curing program running on my computer for awhile by now, but i just noticed that it's suddenly switched to analysing the anthrax toxin. didn't even notice, although i must say it's a very pretty-looking molecule judging by the artist's rendition of it. gotta love the rainbow spirals. i could get indignant, because dammit, i didn't sign up to figure out the anthrax toxin, i did it to find a cure for cancer! but they prolly sent out an email explaining their shift that i deleted without even reading in the first place. s'too much trouble battling telnet lag to scroll through emails that aren't particular to me. i've prolly already lost my true Chance of a Lifetime because i was too quick on the delete button.

i should be writing a paper right now, which i'm seriously avoiding, in case you couldn't tell. i don't want to think about Mildred Pierce anymore. if you have the chance to see the movie, don't. it's alright, but it's nothing spectacular. go watch...i dunno. go see the Gold Rush. that's a movie i feel like watching again, though i'll have to go dig through the local libraries to get it, i'm sure.
god is laughing at me right now.

i did hurt my knee again on sunday, just not enough to stop me from walking. it still seemed like a good enough reason to skip a class that i was dreading, especially if i didn't feel like doing the work for it. (what a great work ethic! and this is why the world should be clamouring to hire me!)

at any rate. after saying a last goodbye to sharon before school yesterday, on my way to mail a postcard which i already told the person had been mailed last week, i stepped over a snowbank and my knee gave out on me, popping again and twisting terribly. it's the pop that worries me. it's disgusting enough when joints pop by themselves, but accompanied by pain it's just not too cool. especially after having one doctor tell me that rather than it being bones hitting each other or whatever i thought it was before (i don't know) that it could also be the sound of a tendon breaking. very not cool. so i'm back to wearing the brace, although i don't think it's making much of a difference. i did something different to it yesterday, i think. hurts way too much, though. doctors trips on friday, hurrah! i hope they decide to do an MRI. i doubt they will, especially with cutbacks these days, but hey, i've never had one before, it could be exciting. so long as it's not involving needles and sticking weird things inside of me, i'm game. and at this point, i don't know what muscles and tendons i've wounded.

but yeah. karma's getting back at me. serves me right for making such a lame excuse to avoid class, i suppose, but i wanted to enjoy the snow, so it's worth it. walking to the busstop this afternoon is going to be so much fun today.

Wednesday, January 30, 2002

hi ed!

have a good show this morning! play some os mutantes. {g}
really bored? i just posted a nice long rant about everyone's favourite pop culture critic, Theodore Adorno on my scribble. why? because i'm too much of a dork to actually mention things in class, and instead resort to rambling diatribes written when i should be doing some real homework or sleeping. i am such a proper student.
sharon left for europe today. she's the one in the dark blue in the pictures below. she's been sitting on a plane for five hours by now, and still has another five to go. she's going with her twin, susie, who's a wonderful person herself, though when she has a boyfriend she pretty much disappears from sight, so i haven't really spoken to her in about a year now. quite sad, really.

at any rate. sharon's gone for the next few months, which means one less person to have letting herself into our house at all hours of the day, leaving random messages on my cell, setting up weird songs on her voicemail, offering bizarre suggestions for stuff to do, being The Creative One, and generally embarrassing anyone with her in public situations. i'm gonna miss her.

apparently a friend of hers gave her a collection of antique postcards from paris, along with some very old-looking french stamps, and asked her to mail them from france while she's there. he doesn't care who they're sent to or if they actually reach anyone, he just wants to confuse some poor postal worker, making them wonder how long the postcards had been floating around in the system. "concept art," rebecca calls it.

i hope she has fun there, though. italy, france, england, and scotland. it's not like she'll have a hard time making friends. keeping them could be another matter entirely, the way she acts. {g}
told you it wouldn't be long. prove how well you know me. half are easy, half are stupid, and then there's some you prolly won't get. huzzah!
it's only a matter of time before i play the friend test game, i know. i already did terribly answering tavie's. however i was just looking at the test page. aside from making a test for everyone else to answer, it also suggests making an anonymous survey, to find out what your friends really think of you. do they really need to spread the paranoia that you're not loved? and even if you were worried enough to make a survey, are people really going to ballast you if they don't think highly of you in the first place? prolly not...

still. i know steve isn't the only one to worry that you're not really liked amongst new friends. to encourage that kind of worry, though, is absolutely terrible, i think.

evil online test-making people..
sarah says,

hey you know, everyone should blog 5 songs that they recommend other people download. because hey. i love audiogalaxy.

i've gotten so much new music in the past two days... gotta make up for what i lost reformatting!

so a list of recommends:

1) stereo total - ma radio (and if you find a full version, tell me where to get it!)
2) momus - i am a kitten
3) king missile - cheesecake truck or gay not gay
4) simple minds - death by chocolate
5) moog cookbook - smells like teen spirit (that's how it's labelled, at least)

Tuesday, January 29, 2002

I'm Marla!
oh my.

nic, that's hilarious (read: terrifying). should i ask how you found it? {g}
the collective unconscious project
a collection of dreams put together for you to experience yourself. almost like having a dream yourself, but not.

well now how happy is that? got cheer bear and bedtime bear, but there's no way i'm bedtime bear. so cheer bear goes up. when us kids got things with the 'bears on them i always got cheer bear. rebecca got sunshine bear, david got bedtime bear and daniel got good luck bear. i always assumed that cheer bear was therefore my favourite, but i don't know if maybe i just attached meself to him because i couldn't not like something that was linked to me!
a moment or two that could have taken place this past weekend. they didn't, but they certainly could have.

note the grabby arm, which is still by far one of the best christmas presents given in this house this year.
i think i've decided to skip class today. not entirely sure why, but somehow i think i'll get a lot more done if i don't bother with school tonight. i hurt my knee and ankle all over again yesterday, that's it. couldn't walk on it enough to make it to class. sounds plausible, and it's mostly true anyways. i really should go see the doctor again soon.

because you care, i know.

what with the blue sky and sunshine today, coupled with all the snow everywhere, it feels like we're suddenly in switzerland. so pretty.

Monday, January 28, 2002

Because nothing says 'hottie' like a squid fighting a dinosaur.

and so long until my next birthday, too. doh!
i haven't made up my mind whether the artwork here is wonderfully weird or wonderfully disturbing. it's certainly worth a gander, though. especially these few (sorry, i couldn't pick just one):

A Piece on Brad Pitt
Bea Arthur & the Dinosaurs
and for the SW:TPM fans: Fluttermaul
found object of the day (being friday):

what do you think his name is? i'm not entirely sure. guesses anyone?

of course, if you know who this is, or even better, you are this fine fellow, let me know, for i have a piece of your soul. you left it on a desk. you really should be more careful with these things!
"Look at [my hair]! It's ginger! I shall have to hide until it's grown out!" He spread his arms out passionately. "Despair!" he yelled. "Anguish! Horror!"

thus spoke the wizard Howl.

i think we may be officially snowed in. i love vancouver snow - no one knows how to deal with it, so you just have to enjoy it instead. {g}

the shame is that there's no one else awake for a proper snowball fight or sledding at the moment. maybe i'll go make a snowman.

Sunday, January 27, 2002

oh my.

Some school projects really pay off! When Gordon Korman wrote his first book as a school assignment, he was only thirteen. A year later he completed [his next]...[he] says he hopes to make writing his 'real career." Gordon has recently completed two more novels...He is presently a student at a secondary school in Thornhill, Ontario.

those are some of my favourite kids books. bruno and boots rocked my world. cathy was a hero of sorts. and he wrote them when he wasn't even in high school yet?? they may be relatively simple, but even so! i didn't know that.

i'm going to be in the corner feeling inadequate now.
this is nifty. it's like reading a rebus, except it's a movie. kinda, sorta, not really. but you do still have to take part to keep things going!

Saturday, January 26, 2002

handed in my exchange application and fixed my computer. that was my day, nicely rounded off with the first official sledding outing of the season. and now, before opening email and getting stuck working on whatever awaits, i'm going to sleep. tomorrow, maybe.

and my computer works again. i'm so glad.

i just like how they're both squished in together.

cuckoo cuckoos... if they hadn't invented the clock, i'd still be in bed! dreaming!

"it's time. it's time. oh! it's time to hate the swiss!"

(i mean no offense to any swiss people reading this, or any people of swiss descent. it's all in the sake of [bad] humour. i like the swiss! some of my best friends are swiss! my mother was born there!)

Friday, January 25, 2002

this link makes me laugh. especially where i'm ranked. mwahaha.
used to be #1. but now jodi is. which is even funnier. {g}
telnet is such an exciting program. you send an email, and you just hope to god that you didn't just make an ass out of yourself, or that you didn't just ruin the one chance you had in making a good impression. and y'know what the really exciting thing is? when you get one back in return. from the Greatest TA In The World, or from random people overseas, or the best one, a nonsensical one from someone you talk to every day.

don't get nearly enough of the last one these days.

finished a presentation today, will hand in an application tomorrow, the kink in my neck has almost disappeared (i know it was just stress doing it), and i may even be able to sleep in on saturday! twenty two is such a thrilling age.
greig is the greatest TA in the world. really, honestly.
peter gzowski passed away today. that was quick. i just found out he was ill this afternoon. wow.
ninjas are mammals.

found this page earlier thanks to arris, but it deserves a second post, becaues it's been updated! hurrah!
for those people wanting to mutilate themselves and either can't or shouldn't and even those who would:

piercing mildred

i don't entirely know how it all works yet, i'd actually heard about it before (seeing the page reminded me all about it), and it has absolutely nothing to do with what i was searching for. still. enjoy!
fight club analysis. deep. critical. questioning. plausible? discuss.

thank you nic. yes, i'm following links that i avoided before. used to think it was fun, but i hate psychoanalysis these days.
if childbirth occurred differently (ie: vomitted up our children, or separated like amoebas or something), do you think that there would be half as much sexually-driven theorising about development? would lacan still think that the child believes himself to be the penis that the mother lacks and therefore desires?

or would mouths just become that much more erotic?
i hate people who just overwhelm you with their talk. they're just so much more self-assured, and you don't feel like you're contributing a thing, and when you don't get a chance to say your part, they keep going and mention the same things you're thinking of, but then they get the credit for them because they spoke first.

i like laura, but it's incredibly frustrating working with her.

Thursday, January 24, 2002

presentation. mildred pierce. film noir. melodrama. end of WW2. strong woman taking over man's roles. refusing to be a woman. wanting to be a man. brought down by the femme fatale, veda, her daughter, tilting the usual oedipal style, instead is it an electra complex? except that the EC is in veda, not mildred.

the novel vs the movie. vastly different. mildred nowhere near as strong. or was she just bullheaded in the book? initial complaints about the novel were that all the characters were too unlikeable, which mildred was. but was toning her down making her more likable, or just the way a woman "should be"? she doesn't prove herself. she relies on monty for their money. she isn't nearly as sexual. no one dies. she admits to caring for veda more than ray (kay in the film). bert is far less pathetic. mildred doesn't defend herself against in-law's opinions of her. she accepts any job because she needs the money, she doesn't have her high standards. etc etc etc... mildred is a lot weaker. does this make her more compromised? more easily accepted? which version of mildred is the worse depiction - the standalone sexy bitch, or the weaker but more-likeable mother whose mistake is to care for veda too much? what changes between the novel set during the depression and the film during the war?

the movie and psychology. difficult terrain. electra complex and narcissism in veda. depression and guilt in working mothers during war & post-war era. into a character analysis of veda? veda vs mildred? how are they defined, and what do they encourage as "ideal" attributes of women?

video clips? overheads? interpretive dance? que piensas?

only worth 10%. i'm going to bed now.
people of the day:

kim from english courses, whose boyfriend pointed me out to her, who i wouldn't have recognized in the halls, i still feel bad, going insane on philosophy courses, hoping to move back to coquitlam, doing well, should invite her out sometime (as if i have a happening social life), looks good but tired.
vanessa who helped sell me on prague, told me where to go for fun, managed to ask if i wanted to know where to find "illegal substances" in prague as well, because she knew how to get them, if i wanted to know eyebrow right, reminds me that i was going to get one.
jodi (the other one) making a movie with a group for PDP, holding an andrew lloyd webber cd.
locations dude out by my busstop, working on a set filming a nokia ad, told me more about working with the crew, generally friendly, very tall, nice crochet-ed hat, fit in well with all the other crazy hats people were wearing on the set.
business dude who offered to pass my email addy onto friends who work in the film industry, another friendly fellow, who i sorta left suddenly when i saw...
eleana who just finished her practicum, showed me the research projects her students did, is doing her 13 weeks of student teaching starting in march, minorly stressed.

just more people i either haven't seen in awhile or who might be good people to have met. must remember to send out emails tomorrow.
it's snowing beautifully right now. the thing is, i'm downtown and it's even sticking a little here. the bus started fishtailing on its way down here today. so what i need is for someone at home or near my home to call my cell and let me know if i should be taking the bus home tonight, or taking the bus up to school to sleep over there, should the roads be really bad out my way.

the fun of sleeping over at school and playing in the snow all night long is making me lean towards going to school, but i forgot one glove in the van this morning, so the potential for a rollicking snowball fight has been greatly diminished unless i decide that frostbite isn't really that big a deal.

(okay, it's really not that cold out here whatsoever, but cold hands are still cold hands, and something i would rather do without!)

to do before friday:
- write a letter of interest for the exchange
- talk to the women's studies and fine arts depts about credit transfers
- photocopy my passport
- get some photobooth pictures
- write up a budget for the exchange
- mail my friggin' loan application
- look up scholarships for the exchange
- present on Mildred Pierce thursday afternoon
- email marilyn about a paper topic for the environment class (because someone else had the bright idea to do whaling too! doh.)
- email pega
- answer emails from a great many people (again..i was doing so well there..)
- go sledding whoo!

i hope my referral letters have made their way to the international department. i think i'll be going to prague. i'd love to go to sweden, but it's so much more expensive out there. whereas prague is dirt cheap. except clothing, apparently, but that's not a big deal. and hey! 25 cent beers! (although i've finally had one person tell me about the place without saying that. hurrah!) but easy school, easy to miss school, means lotsa travel time. and photography. i'm going to waste so much money on film, i already know it. assuming, of course, that all goes as planned and i get accepted. but here's hoping.

oh, and if anyone knows where i could find a cheap laptop, let me know. all i need is a word program and a modem, doesn't have to be grand, but i do need a computer of some sort to take with me - the campus apparently has only 22 computers - and i don't want to lug my PC over there. well, just not the monitor, really. oh, and does anyone know what electrical plugs are like over there?

must look up mildred pierce now.
notebook #009
Twenty-Four Successive Thoughts, 5:42 PM, Yesterday
colin's indochine images

now i'm wondering if i shouldn't be doing a field school instead. but then again, i'm the one who'd much rather travel alone anyways. right? maybe i'll just never graduate and keep doing courses forever. and suggestions as to what my next major should be? can't do general studies again, still trying to decide whether to turn the english or communications minors into majors. maybe i'll do both, and go to east anglia for the english courses. money's not that important.

(oh and that's colin my cousin, if you were wondering.)

Wednesday, January 23, 2002

sadly, i can't post my favourite joke of the moment, because reading it would do it absolutely no justice.

and i am not echinodermata!! hah! i am chordata!!

like i said, i miss science. even if i never took biology.
because apparently he had a good sense of humour...

hitler: My dog has no nose!
boy: Then how does he smell?
hitler: Awful!

moody has the best teachers. apparently daniel's biology class was half spent quoting The Holy Grail (mostly Ni and Icki Icki K'Pang) before the teacher actually bothered to explain it to the three quarters of the class who had no idea what was going on. why didn't i go there?
daniel has a snazzy graphic calculator, far fancier than i ever had. which i don't think he needs.

daniel: ah, but between us who's better at math?
me: i am.
daniel: hm. but!

i miss math class. algebra pre-graphs especially. maybe i'll become a science major next. and then i'll be the one with a snazzy graphic calculator.

i'm sorry, i have nothing much to say today. oh, except that sharing food with people sitting around you in lecture (whether you really know them or not) as though you're in kindergarten again is a lot of fun. "i'll give you some raisins for some almonds.." "only if i get a campino as well.." "i can give you a vicks coughdrop.."

we just need some better food.

Tuesday, January 22, 2002

multiple image time. why?


and even though it looks like a clothing ad...

...and on a similar theme...

...and i won't post this one, but you should still look at it anyways...

...and finally...

the end.

it's all chris' fault for asking me to find him a thom image rather than do it himself.
another reason to enjoy courses at the downtown campus.

when i walked into the classroom tonight, right across from the doorway on the board, written in huge letters, was an ad for a "GAY PORN NIGHT!!!" gave the address and a phone number, said it was commemorating a new season of Queer as Folk. of course, it inspired a number of discussions about the show quite quickly.

maybe it's the women studies courses i love so much, rather than where they're at. i can't think of too many courses where pretty much everyone would be talking about the show like that. {g}
(Everyone knows the Wilson brothers are brothers. What my story presupposes is...maybe they have sex.)

she has made me laugh harder than i have in a long time. or at least than i have so far this week.

I am Richie Tenenbaum. Who might you be?
thom is putin. the proof is there...

Putin was born on October 1, Thom Yorke was born on October 7. It can be concluded that due to the strange way that Europeans write their numbers (this is based on my mother's handwriting) that the "7" was mistaken for a "1" or vice versa.

i'm amazed no one caught on sooner.
ecofeminism and whaling. i'm off.
lou reed's "walk on the wild side" is the most peculiar song. i've always loved it, long before i even knew who sang it, but for some reason my ears can never quite peg the key it's in until the singing starts. somehow that bass just eludes me. i think it's just the perfect pitch/volume to be almost out of my hearing range, but that doesn't make too much sense either. i don't know what it is. maybe it's the pitch frequency or something - i don't know the science of sound. it's almost embarrassing though, being on of those people who tends to have a good ear for music. but only almost. if it really did, then i'd be a snob, and we couldn't have that.
i can cross my legs finally! briefly, and not really with a cat lying in my lap, but this is an achievement. before you know it i'll be back on the mountains, facing some other unknown death. yeehaw.
some people have a lot of time on their hands. it is for them that i am thankful.

Lord of the Rings done lego-style.

yes chris, it's another LotR link. just for *you*! {g}
this test makes me laugh. and so i post the entire code this time. thank you beth.

I don't quite get it. I am smarter, fitter, and bolder than my potbellied brother ever could hope to be, yet he gets all the fame, fortune, and glory, not to mention Peach's heart. If only I was the first player in Super Mario Bros... things could have been different. Maybe I can make a comeback, now that I finally have my own game.. but probably not. After all, I'm just Luigi.

What Super Mario Bros character are you?
one more from plastic, quotes from plastic.
guess what, it's Manuary - Men's History Month in a vallejo, california high school. "As the author Sam McManis asks, 'why don't schools ever mention Rosa Park's husband?'. Bigeyes answers this question in a submission queue comment. 'Because he isn't the one who refused to sit in the back of the bus, dumbass.'"
it's hailing. hard. {g}
hey! i was curious what came up if you searched for my name in blogger (this page doesn't come up. i think that's a good thing.) and i came across an old kith ng map (apparently updated in '99, which is actually older than you first think. that's 3 years now!) that i'd forgotten existed. but it does, and i was just looking at all the names, remembering all the people who used to post and all the people that may very well still post, my ng access is just still buggered up and with the advent of blogs and whatnot i can still keep up on peoples' lives without newsgroups so i'm not too worried about getting it working again....

ANYWAYS. scrolling through the names, and i noticed one that leapt out at me, because i'd just got an email through a school email list from him. now what were the odds of that happening? that he goes to my school, that he happened to be on the same mailing list, that he happened to be the one to send out the meeting announcement, that i just happened to find that page today while the name would still ring familiar...

truly, there is beauty in the banal.

so who wants to write my paper proposal for me?
why yes, i am supposed to be working on homework right now! why else would i be busy here?
added a couple new links i've just remembered to add. amy who's a good read (and i like the link colour {g}), and rabbit blog which i've actually meant to add for a long time because it always makes me laugh, but i've just gotten around to it now. this also means that there are a number of other people i'm forgetting to add. eventually i'll get around to putting links into some sort of order. people i know vs people i think are cool vs fun stuff to play with... but not today. so apologies to those i'm forgetting.

in other news!

colour footage of chaplin behind-the-scenes on The Great Dictator has been found. nifty. favourite line from the article:

"[Hitler] had a good sense of humour."

(link via plastic)
and because i have a faster computer, a couple of tests for the fun of it...

Mu$ic Biz Whore Quiz: if i do it as a girl, i'm PJ Harvey. as a guy, i'm Thom Yorke. whoo.
Office Space Character Quiz: i'm peter gibbons. i hate the working corporate world. quel surprise.

...and something freakishly cool. i think i've played with it before, but i just found it again now. it's quite odd how watching the little man flail about and bounce around almost disturbs me - bodies shouldn't move like that. but it's not real. but still. weird. but cool.
(link snatched from amy)
yesterday's date looks awfully funny. January 20, 2002. neato.

Monday, January 21, 2002

re: the last post that daniel kindly added.

no, i don't have a gun. but i want one.

reasons why i would want to join the US army:
- flying around in helicopters with no doors closed
- dangling my feet out of said helicopters
- having a gun. not to kill with, but to have.
- visiting new and unusual places (before blowing the crap out of them :P)
- having food ready for eating, including SALAD!
- not having to worry about clothes
- lotsa gadgetry
- having the excuse to shave my head
- having the uncanny ability to shoot and hit more than to be hit by others' fire

reasons why i wouldn't want to join the army:
- everything else

therefore, i would like to be in a war movie at some point. however, i'm neither a guy nor demi moore, so this poses a problem. well, i'm not an actor either, but that can always be dealt with. i'll be Cannon Fodder #7 in the credits, but really that wouldn't be near as much fun, because i wouldn't get to show my true depth as an actor and shed tears when my fellow ranger dies. oh, tragedy.

i don't mean to belittle any soldiers and whatnot, and i'm sure they have their own very good reasons for doing what they do, but after watching Black Hawk Down, i just can't see how anyone would think that war is a necessary thing. save the end, it wasn't a Rah Rah Americah movie like i was sorta expecting, but just showing the carnage and futility of it all, on both sides, really, although we saw it from the american POV, and are therefore a little more sympathetic towards them. but half those "americans" were UK actors marauding as US recruits anyways. (didn't expect to see ewan bremner at all. need to see more of his films, i think.) and That Dude (who isn't canadian afterall! who knew?) who pops up in things all the time (usually to die) was there as well. strangeness.

but overall. interesting movie. except for the last bit which just screamed patriotism and made me want to puke, it seemed to be about showing the pointlessness of it all. there were moments where they were discussing just that (the few "character development" scenes between the carnage), and while they didn't end with people saying that "hell, we shouldn't be here!", they didn't dismiss the idea in the least, either. and the other impressive thing was that it really was an ensemble act. that's what i'd heard, but the ads seemed to make the movie all about hartnett's character, which it wasn't. but the oddest thing was how even on "The Good Guys" side, everyone became relatively the same. usually the enemy becomes a faceless mob, but while there were certain people who did stand out slightly, overall the americans became as faceless as well. i don't know if that was intended or if i'm just not the right type of audience for war movies, but it was intriguing. made the whole affair seem that much more senseless (until hartnett's soliloquy at the end).

so that's my review. oh yeah, and it is a little bloody (enough so that i actually noticed it) so if these things bother you, you may want to skip out. but a good movie, if you could take out the soliloquy at the end. otherwise, very Ridley-Scott-ish movie.

oh, and orlando bloom..first sad. tee hee. {g} and listening to him and ewan mcgregor (i actually have to specify here!) together, you had to smirk at the accents just a tad. silly europeans, thinking they could fool us...

but back to that gun, which i swear had nothing to do with the fact that i saw a war movie today (nor does that link a couple posts back - pure coincidence!). daniel has a bb gun which i've been having fun playing with for the past couple weeks. i just found out today that i'm a better shot with my left hand. got the plant twice, and knocked off a legoman from across the room. i'm awesome. and i need my own one now. bb guns are fun. don't have any desire to kill anything, just want to shoot at random (inanimate) targets.

i don't think i've made a very good 'girl'. quel shame. i do still like dressup though, even if i couldn't use makeup to save my soul, and that must be worth something, isn't it?
Sarah has no gun!
and now for something completely different, Army Men Porn.

(link stolen from madorangefools)
i thought i liked spinach, but i'm not so sure about cooked. ending up with a huge mouthful of it prolly doesn't help, does it.
one more, then articles.

i don't think i'm going to get any money through bursaries, which is a real tragedy. you know why? because some part of me always wants to make things look good. and in this case, despite the fact that i'm desperate for money, i didn't make my personal budget near as realistically as it would be, for fear of looking frivolous. i gave meself $50 for entertainment, and $20 for clothes, and didn't even write anything down for medical or dental, because i know i have that covered by my dad. but what's wrong with me? i'm looking for money, i should be making meself look as desperate as possible! in the additional notes, at least i mentioned going away for the fall, but i didn't mention that i was getting no money from family, that i'd lost my job and now due to a skiing accident i was putting job-hunting on hold, that i'm taking a full courseload of upper division credits anyways... there was so much more i could have written, but i didn't.

i'm so good at downplaying things. it's my way of going melodramatic. unless of course you're related to me or jodi, in which case everything is an absolute tragedy because it makes things so much more fun that way. but this is for free money! i am an idiot.

ah well. it was good practice for next time around. right? for now i just have to learn that being on a budget really does mean being on a budget, rather than still seeing movies and eating out and seeing concerts. time to talk to the paper for free tickets again. and hey, at least i'm still under budget clothing-wise! cuz i'm so cool....
i'm in a list mood.

to do today:
- read film noir articles
- read the rest of mildred pierce
- watch mildred pierce
- figure out a presentation idea on MP
- read ecofeminism texts
- figure out paper topic
- write a 2 page proposal on said topic for tomorrow
- email the int'l students i have contacts for
- figure out a reasonable budget
- write about why i want to do an exchange
- eat something healthy
- fix my computer (which hasn't been on in a week. it will blow up, i'm certain of it. and taking all my music with it!)

what i will do:
- read some film noir articles
- get distracted by readings for sex class and read those instead when i don't need to.
- put on the clothes i got yesterday and try to figure out when i will wear them.
- figure out how to alter the things that do need to be altered, and find inspiration to pull out the astro-turf projects and piles of fabric i have waiting. (note: this does not mean i will actually do anything with them. just look at it and play with ideas.)
- see black hawk down because i am a sucker.
- break down and buy popcorn because jodi has taught me that spending extra money at movie theatres is alright (though i doubt she realises this). but it's cheap.
- watch mildred pierce even though i didn't finish the book. blasphemy.
- go to Death by Chocolate and have me a Split Decision (banana split with severe pretension, but oh so good).
- stare blankly at university webpages rather than extract information from them.
- panic about my ecofeminism paper, still not thinking up a topic.
- wonder why i didn't drop that course when i had the chance.
- post stupid pointless entries here.

s'gonna be a helluva day!

Sunday, January 20, 2002

i'm never entirely sure whether to be awed by the brightness outside when it's snowing, or to be disturbed by the crazy rose glow the sky gets from the streetlights reflecting off the snow (i'm assuming that's what makes it rosy..). although from the window in daniel's room, it looks sorta like the end of the world. as though there was some volcano spewing lava behind the house across the way.

crazy pink sky.

what an awful entry.
guess what!

it's snowing!

s'gotta be at least 5 centimetres so far. (don't scoff you easterners, this is vancouver. it's exciting.) doesn't look like it's about to stop, either. of course, it's just when i should be studying and figuring out presentations, but i haven't been sledding once this year. not a hard decision there. {g}
congratulations tara! that's awesome news. {g}
1 vintage off-white blouse w/ lacey collar & glass buttons
1 black stretchy blouse
1 purple patterned collared shirt (altered from a dress)
1 knee-length black lace skirt
1 below-ankle black skirt w/ trim
1 black hat

total spent: $7

rock on.

Saturday, January 19, 2002

Something About Reptiles was wonderful. turkish music. they brought a suitcase full of coloured, sequined costumes for people to put on. found a wonderful red frilly skirt that couldn't be resisted. lotsa lotsa lotsa fun.

i'm envious of people who just get up and dance. although lately i'm envious of everyone who can do anything. it's been two weeks and i haven't run once. can't wait until my knee is better.

now i'm totally in the mood for eastern europe, though. {g}
tavie found a collection of secret LotR journals! aragorn's is still the best one, had me laughing so hard when i found it, but the others are amusing as well.

amusing. i use that word far too often. someone has to buy me a thesaurus.

and then they can give me, oh, $12,000 to make it through the next year with ample travel money as well.

right. picking courses.
came up here to figure out course transfers and whatnot and get my student loan application finished.

left my clipboard with all the forms and schedules and addresses and things to mail at home, and the bus service between here and my house is a bitch. especially considering i really shouldn't be walking near as much as i have been in the first place.

instead, i have almost the complete loan application finished (i need to dig up financial info tonight. whee!), i have sent a few emails to profs and TAs i need info from, i have eaten a slice of banana bread, i have listened to my velvet underground cd three times over, and i have been thinking that free money would be a wonderful thing at the moment.

and now i'll go to the international office to figure out courses. good times.

of course, the timing of another tour couldn't be better. yay! kids! live! again!

ouch. i just burnt a part of my mouth that i didn't know i had. at least, i've never burnt it before. ow. you'd think that by drinking hot tea every other day, your mouth would become a little immune to these things. alas, it is not so!

onto course-picking.

Friday, January 18, 2002

i had big intentions of finding an image to post that would make her smile. so i went to the google image search and tried to find some nice cheekbone-diminutive spike picture. this came up as picture number three, under the filename of "hotcakes.jpg":

i thought this one far outdid any other one i'd find tonight. and look at the indecency! sitting there naked amidst all that syrup.. shocking!
a recent episode of a silly teen show that i will watch if it's on and i happen to be channel surfing, if only because the dude with the spikey hair (who's character's name is Merton Dingle...i love him all the more) amuses me:

evil aliens are disguised as a boyband to attract teenage girls to send back to their planet in some transporter thing. spikey-hair-dude's sister becomes their first victim, so he dresses in drag (and does a nice job of it too) to rescue her before she disappears for good, battling the evil alien ringleader while the werewolf dude lives out his dream of being in a boyband, dance-fighting the rest of the band.

how can i not enjoy this show?

(i knew it, it is a canadian production. not that that's a huge surprise. what other country would come up with something so stupid yet still entertaining?)
playing on the radio today, there was this annoying high-pitched whine that kept going almost the entire time. apparently it's the heater, but i felt entirely numb afterwards. i can still hear it and it's been hours now. gah. course, spending the past while re-writing my resume (which means, of course, that i'll now go upstairs and trip over the disk i had it saved on) probably hasn't helped much either.

but onto more interesting things.

on wednesday, i had class down at harbour centre, which always has catered food for the professional folks down there, which means that if you're not intimidated by signs saying "This Food Is Not For You" you can get some free food. sandwiches, fruit, veggies, desserts, drinks.. it's really quite a catch if you're lucky. at any rate, amongst my loot i got me a Jones root beer, which i haven't had in ages. i didn't realise that Jones had started putting fortunes underneath their bottlecaps, but i got this one:

A certain someone will appear who could enhance your life.

not that i'm putting value into these things, but i just found it in my bag as i was digging out my cell phone, and it's just amusing considering what my day was like.

...befriended people at the clubs day setups, including the quiz club (although i disappointed meself only getting 3 of the 10 sample questions they had), the english stuffed dog society (where they were just telling the stupidest jokes and trying to start a club war by shooting elastic bands towards the table across the way), and the film society table. different people there today.

...talked to lynne, my utopias prof from last semester. i miss her. her dog died over the christmas break. don't know how old it was, but i know she'd had it for a long while. i miss that whole class. it really was one of my best ones ever. and i get my paper back next week. whoo! {g}

...just had a fun class in film noir, chatting with most everyone. i know, it's not that big a deal, but i'm actually having courses with people i've known from other courses for the first time ever! it's exciting! it's fun! it's not perfect strangers every single time! just smile and nod.

...ended up talking to irma and reminding meself that i intend to get involved at the Peak this semester again. irma, who it turns out actually partially grew up in czechoslovakia, and has travelled through a lot of europe. i knew she was from there, i didn't know specifics, but she helped sell me on Charles U, although she said that sweden was "a little less exciting, a little calmer, a little less of a social life, but absolutely positively gorgeous, a great social system....good place to get a job. don't get a job in czechoslovakia, go find work in sweden." so now i'm thinking maybe going to prague, and then with all the money i save by not going to the pricey places, going travelling to the more expensive places, and then once i finish U going and getting a work visa for england or sweden. i don't know - it's not entirely based on what she told me, because....

...i ended up having a conversation with colin, that perfect cousin of mine. he'd gone to prague with a field school a couple years back, and he had a lot of good things to say about the city and the university, as well as mentioning how cheap it really is. which is all well and good. but i actually had a conversation with family. it was really quite nice talking to him. he still is entirely too good for me, but he's not someone i can hold it against either, and he made up for it some by complimenting me on having written for the Peak a few times (he actually even remembered the Don article! shock! amazement!). when i interrupted him, he had been doing readings for a computer course of his, all about the artistic placement and creation of objects and the psychology and whatnot that goes into it. their first project is to take a badly-designed object and explain why it is and how it could be better. the book looked interesting, though. who would have thought that computer design could have been so psychological and artistic?

...after parting ways with colin, i ended up looking books up at the library standing right next to mahina, a girl i went to school with in junior high. i wouldn't have recognized her (or rather, she'd just have looked terribly familiar for no good reason) except that she was checking her email, and i happened to see the address on top, and there can't be too many people named "mahina" around. she's finished a biology degree before getting a fine arts degree, she thinks. she suddenly realised her need of arts courses while she was on an exchange to france, so she's just finishing one degree because she's put so much into it already. of all the people i expected to see again after junior high, she really was on the bottom of the list.

...random chatting with people at the radio station - always fun. sitting around for an hour after my show chatting about naught with ed because i was just too exhausted to go catch a bus to go home. i'm sure staying up there was far more enjoyable than sitting on an ice-cold bus anyways. (and being up this late is really going to make me feel better tomorrow, but i was writing a resume, i'm excused. and that word looks as though it's been terribly misspelled, though i can't think of how it should be written.)

so while Jones Soda certainly had nothing to do with it, i've had a tremendously chatty week, and most of it has been people who are relative strangers or people i don't really know. best people to talk to sometimes. there are times when i just love my life.

mahina didn't recognise me, which is no huge surprise, but both colin and my aunt (when i saw her on monday) didn't recognise me at first either. i'm not sure whether to take it as an insult or a compliment for my amazing powers of disguise. i'll go for the latter.

when i was little i always wanted to be a spy or a private eye. getting to stay hidden, stay undercover, couldn't think of anything more fun and exciting (at least in some ways). when i got older i wished i could be an actor just for the fun of wearing the costumes and sitting through hours of makeup. now, i still want to wear the costumes, but i want to make them too. i suppose the next step is to actually learn how to use makeup, but i'll leave that for another year. i have enough on my plate as it is.

Thursday, January 17, 2002

now i want to be a neurobiologist. or is it a neurotheologist?

"Let's keep an open mind and realize maybe there is no God; maybe there might be."

which only makes me think of:

"Everybody knows that Custer died at Little Big Horn. What my book presupposes is that maybe he didn't."

(quoting gaffs are entirely my fault, i'm doing it from memory. i really do have to see that movie again soon.)
rather than going to bed, i ended up stumbling over a thread on homoeroticism in LotR. this is what you get for being curious about what else is listed when people come across your own page. at any rate, mostly it consisted of people disagreeing that no, homosexual over-/under-tones aren't there, get over it. and without posting my own rant about things, i'll just mention one thing.

in the sex class tonight, i suddenly realised that i was in a very odd situation. we were talking about victorian times, and attitudes towards sex, and how romantic friendships between women were encouraged, because women weren't sexual anyways, so what harm could it do? when we were in smaller groups, this came up amongst us and when i made the comment that i'm sure not all romantic friendships were actually sexual, as one of the other people was suggesting. i'm not arguing that a great many (possibly even most) were, but i do think that people can be very very close and not be sexual about it. which fits into what a great many people were arguing, and in terms of this universe, i agree. i can see where people would see slash, i just don't agree with it in this case. still, suddenly realising in class that i was in an academic setting where everyone was thinking of everything in terms of sex and sexuality was quite interesting. (again, my memory for words outside of 5 or 6 which i reuse constantly appears to be lacking, i apologise)

and so now, of course, i'm torn between thinking that there really is no reason why you can't imbue situations with a sexual side, because i know that at least over here we live in a relatively sexually repressive society, but at the same time, to see things where none necessarily exist seems silly. but is there really nothing there, or is it just there at a different level?

or should i just go to bed, rather than sit here blogging aimlessly, interspersing every other sentence with licking leftover salad dressing off my fork?

i don't particularly want to go to school tomorrow, even if we are watching the Maltese Falcon. i've been doing so much school stuff this week, i'm ready to drop. i can't wait for saturday. then i can sleep in. i think...?
when i have a band i will call it "lord knows who". perhaps our first album will be "something about an abortion". perhaps not.

i am going to be seeing a group called "something about reptiles" friday night, however, based on their band name alone. and the goofy-looking green posters with clipart images of T rex. can't you go wrong with clipart.
oh, and thank you sarah, that was exactly it. i was just too lazy meself to find it out when i posted. according to the vancouver sun today, the script was absolutely hilarious, and i would assume that it was the director saying that he couldn't stop laughing all the way through. of course, it must be true, and guaranteed to be a hit. i mean, cheesy comedy filmed in vancouver? scenes in a church? the director's thumbs up? how could you expect anything less than gold?

(i'm not really that cynical about it, and chances are, due to the jason lee factor, i will see it eventually. but articles advertising a movie that hasn't even finished filming yet annoy me.)
oh yes. so it's been narrowed down to Uni of East Anglia in England, Charles Uni in the Czech Republic, or Uppsala in Sweden.

the czech republic is apparently nice and cheap, and absolutely beautiful if i am to believe the pictures, full of history, and probably the closest to "downtown europe."

east anglia is in england, surrounded with english accents. i also have a full choice of courses there, considering that everything is taught in english. reasonably priced, although i will have to forego buying music for a long while, and still reasonably close to the rest of europe. and a month long easter break during which i could take off.

sweden is pricey, but beautiful. very clean. sounds like it would be a lot of fun, and a couple hours from stockholm, from which i could still reach copenhagen and the rest of the world. seems like the most exotic place of them all, because i feel as though i know the least about it. or perhaps it's just because sweden makes me think of exotic swedish creatures. and the fact that i was told that if i went to new york, there is a flight to sweden that also stops through iceland on its way. iceland, to me, is another one of those places that i don't entirely believe exists, and won't until i've been there. and the opportunity to go to a school called "uppsala" is not one that comes often.

i could go, and then still travel around afterwards. i could go to sweden and then move to britain afterwards and get a work visa there. or i could go to spain and teach english. the down side to going to a non-english country is that i don't have nearly as much choice in the courses i take. maybe i'll just settle for england, even though everybody does it, making it just not cool anymore. but then my heart aches because to choose one place means to decide against prague or uppsala. must decide by friday.

anyone have an opinion, biased or not? where would you go? why? or do you just want me to stop going on about it now?

(btw, the length of the comments about each place and their order listed in no way reflect the actual preferance given to each. rambles are simply like an avalanche - they grow exponentially as time passes. what a great metaphor. gave you shivers, didn't it?)
while tavie already answered this, i feel the need to link the image. why, you ask? does it really matter?

didn't think so.

voila. the question is, is the appeal due to hormones or amusement genes? i just don't know. i think one only contributes to the other, though.

garbled enough? i didn't get a ton of sleep last night, and all day long was spent figuring out how to make my way to europe in the fall. i'm sure i'm sorry.

i really am having fun living out my preteen years a little later than most. but considering i didn't even lose my last tooth until grade eight, i think i'm still reasonably on schedule. either that, or i'm in denial, but who wants to admit to baby moses syndrome?
and now, the soon-to-be-routine "wednesdays are awesome" post.

why? sex class!!! {g} which is just oh so so SO much fun, i am so glad i'm taking this course. but that aside. i was speaking with....the person i took the bus home with last week, whose name has entirely eluded me, and i don't even know what got us onto the topic, but knitting was mentioned, and i commented on how i always wanted a long Dr Who scarf (even if i've never even seen an ep, i'm a good sci fi fan, i know what's what). she got all excited and told me that well hey, she'll teach me on the rides home! though not this week because she wasn't taking my bus. gives me a week to get supplies i suppose. but from now on, she'll be teaching me how to knit on busrides home. and then we started talking about other artsy craftsy things... we're gonna start a whole art project theme on the bus every week. what fun!

i did, however, have company on my ride home. before getting on the bus i started a conversation with a woman who had moved to vancouver from shanghai two years ago. (there was one of the most inane hair-product ads on the bus shelter, and i had to know if i was the only one who didn't find either model even remotely attractive due to their ridiculous hairstyles. apparently i'm not. but why advertisers think that by making models look like fashion rejects will sell products, i do not know. anyways.) i don't know why she moved here. she doesn't know why she moved here. she'd never been here before, she says that shanghai is as busy a city as vancouver is, that she had a job and a home and a good life there, but for some reason she just decided to up and move to vancouver all by herself, and she's in the process of becoming a canadian citizen. and then we commiserated over how annoying it can be learning a new language. she's learning french at the moment. i'm just amazed that she came here without any reason to. but she seems happy, although she commented on how strange it was that for such a big city, vancouver really does quiet down quite early. which is true.

and then on the bus, who was there but Dude I Met Last Week. actually, he got on after me, but i was too busy pretending i was popular chatting on my cell phone to notice he was sitting beside me until he mentioned something about my classes. the shame is, i have absolutely no clue what his name is. but after talking to him, it's really quite amusing. he was one of the assholes who would sit down at the park by my house every weekend and summer night, blaring music, drinking, smoking pot, and just being generally annoying. i hated them, because they'd always be there while i was trying to go to sleep, but being the way i am, i couldn't close my window and still get a proper night's sleep, so i would just have to endure them. drives me nuts, because there's a new batch of them every year. still, he managed to figure out where i live because he remembered seeing someone who looked like me (i'm pretty certain he was talking about the inkpens - i suppose freaks all look alike) last year. and the thing that amuses me is that if we weren't on a bus sitting next to each other, he's hardly the person i'd be having a conversation with in much of the world. there's something about busses that just break down any sort of barriers between people. at least the long busrides. at any rate. he's being transferred to florida, to be a manger down there. he sounded thrilled, going on about the sun and the crawfish and the accents and the golfing... really. he's a year older than me, and he sounds like he's in his forties or so. somehow that just isn't right. still, i'm happy for him. now if only i remembered his name. especially if he actually remembered mine...

i'm vaguely concerned that i jostled my brain a little too much when i fell skiing. i feel like my memory for little details, like newly-learned names, or actors' names (i sat here for a few minutes trying to remember matt damon's name as well as that good will hunting film, and you'd think that something that has been so often mocked in your household should at least spring to mind when you need to mention it), or films... it feels as though my memory's gotten worse. so long as i don't blank out in exams, i suppose i'm fine.

at any rate. that was just my evening. wednesdays rock.
tavie's post about synesthesia {sp} sound very cool. although i can't say that i have ever associated words and flavours. unless, of course, the word is a flavour. like orange. not orange juice, but Orange, that drink from McDonald's. mmmmmmgood. however, does this count when it's a word that is always a certain colour in your mind? like number seven always being red. i would suppose not, considering it's just random mental associations. at the same time thouh, does that mean that it's the sound of "seven", or the shape or it, or just the idea of "seven" that links to the colour?

hmm. now i'm going to have bizarre dreams of floating coloured numbers with a dreamy voice listing them off. someone i'm imagining the voice of a giant tea bag doing it. "sixteen. one hundred and seventy two. come on. lick my bag. eight. fourteen...."

on an unrelated vein, salt really isn't that great of a condiment. tasty on pretzels, alright in small doses on popcorn, good in a licoricey sort of way, but in most other foods... bleah.

Wednesday, January 16, 2002

and finally, because i do need some sleep tonight, from alternet, the real pretzel story. i can't believe this was a top news story last night.
six degrees of separation.

In 1967, sociologist Stanley Milgram created what is known as the "small world phenomenon," the idea that every person in the United States is connected by a chain of six people at most.
But Milgram's theory has gone largely unproven for more than 30 years and hasn't yet been repeated with any success. Now, two separate research projects are using electronic communication to test the small world phenomenon.

(link via follow me here)
ronnie is actually getting good reviews from sundance. i shouldn't sound surprised, but i am a little. but i can't wait to see it either. {g}
a beautiful mind really was a lot better than i expected. i didn't know too much about it, but it was actually pretty good. and certainly worth what we paid to see it. {g}

saw amelie again, this time with jodi and sharon, and afterwards we walked by the theatre for a beautiful mind (jodi paused to point out cheryl, one of her co-workers, who was unmistakeable even from behind: huge blonde hair and a zebra-print fuzzy jacket. i don't know her at all, but from all i've heard about her, she seems terribly amusing.) and decided to stop by. hey, it's free, what more can you ask for? at any rate. very interesting.

i knew that he ended up with schizophrenia, but my definite knowledge of what technology really was/is available is rather limited, as is the level of conspiracies and whatnot. so it was minorly confusing at first, albeit a lot more interesting than i expected.

music was good...

interlude (speaking of soundtracks): this afternoon, during tutorial, whatever class was next door, they started watching Edward Scissorhands. i want to know what class that is! of course, it was infinitely distracting because i know the music inside and out, which was what was making its way through the walls, and i spent the rest of the class imagining what was on the screen half the time, rather than paying attention to what was being said. i'm such a good student.

...good enough to download a couple tracks of, at least. and that's really about it. oh, except that geeks really shouldn't have arms that big. it just looks funny. and chaucer was a nice surprise. {g}

and amelie. i don't need to gush about this film any more, but it just makes me feel so happy inside. oh, and david, i lied. there is a baby's bum in it. three, to be exact. how can it be french without them? still no reason why you shouldn't see it. {g}
geek status established. first class, first tutorial, i already have a mini-crush on the TA. i'll admit it, i had one before, but i thought it went away. apparently it didn't, though. but hey, can you blame me? he's cute, he's smart, he's really sarcastic, he's a musician, he's a music geek, he's cute... or did i mention that already? and the amusing thing is, if this was a stupid teen show on tv, the hints that the feeling was mutual would already be there. random subtle body language amuses me so, because you know it's just an accident, but if it was on a screen, it would mean something!!! ask slashers - they know. {g}

it's between him and the computer geeks here in the lab. at least this means that during boring lectures or tutorials i can just drift off into dream world without too much trouble.

oh and speaking of dreams! i forgot to mention it, although it's still been plaguing me, and i just realised i've been having some dreams along a similar thread (sorta not really). a few weeks ago, i had one of the nicest, calmest dreams i'd had in a long time. i was sitting there in a comfy chair, talking to whoever was sitting across from me on the footrest thingy (who it was isn't important, because afterwards, there was no weight on that fact, the importance was....) and in my lap, there was a white duck. he was standing, fluttering his feathers some, but i was just petting it and he was staying there. that was it. the thing that made the dream so perfect was that duck. so what on earth does that mean?

and then yesterday morning, i had another birdy dream. this time, it was a movie theatre with really steep seating, but rather than the usual dark colours, the seats, the walls, the stairs, they were all white. it reminded me of something, though i'm not entirely sure what - like a lecture hall crossed with the omnimax theatre seating, i suppose. anyways, i'm not entirely sure what the movie was, though i know i'd seen it before, but this time there were deleted scenes (DVD culture is permeating my subconscious, it seems), which consisted of the "Eagless" (that was how i thought of her in the dream), some woman warrior who had led her brigade to this place on a grassy hill, trees and rocks all around. she was on horseback, and done up in some fantastic feathered headdress (musta been eagle feathers, i'd assume). don't remember the other clothes, although i know they were bright colours (not like neon, but like white and fitting in with the green-grass-blue-sky scenery), and she was there, waiting, with all the rest of them around her. they were wearing similar things, but nowhere near as elaborate. she wasn't called the Eagless for nothing! and that's all i remember.

and then in this morning's dream, everything was dark, everyone was getting some sort of illness, there was a car wash, and nardwuar was some squatter in need of a shave at this lodgy inn place that i was hiding out in too. i have NO clue what it was about, except that it was really really interesting. i think his secret daughter had something to do in there too.

the real shame about all this is that i can't ever remember the dreams well enough to actually draw things from them afterwards, because i swear, there is some of the neatest imagery in them. it's just all too intangible in the waking world. or maybe i should just start taking drugs and see what happens. {g}
university of east anglia, UK - 2 hours from london
university of leeds, UK
uppsala university, sweden - canNOT get a work visa while i'm there.
lund university, sweden - same deal
charles university, czech republic - oldest U in central europe, ooh la la.

so am i just too busy dreaming?

y'know what keeps springing to mind, now that i suddenly remembered it on the busride down here (after already spending all morning thinking about these things), is when rebecca and i saw the palm readers at the PNE last year, she said that i'd go on a big trip this year. and i figured she was on crack, because without a job and whatnot, i didn't see how i was going to be going anywhere. still don't know if i will now, but hey, it's minorly amusing if she turns out to be right. or am i just more determined to go because she told me i would? hmm....
apparently they still make ziggy comics. it crossed my mind last night that i hadn't seen any ziggy's in a long time, which isn't too much of a tragedy. just something to be noticed.

however. while it's not the ziggy i went looking for, i came across this page. AND DON'T GIVE ME ANY GIRLY STUFF. {g}
and if anyone knows where my disk with a bunch of old papers and my resume is, i'd appreciate a nudge in the right direction..
seems that blogspot's down right now. oh well.

finished the readings for my music class. total taken in: zilch.

too busy thinking about going away, whether to go to school in england or the czech republic or sweden next fall. because if i do, i have to make up my mind NOW. well, by the end of the week. why did this cross my mind again? other than it just being That Time of the Year, when sarah tries to run away.. i was filling out an application for bursaries for this semester, and after filling out their budget part, i suddenly realised that by the end of the semester, i'll have a grand total of $4.67 to my name. seriously. so, i could lighten the course load, stay in school longer, but still go travelling despite that and do it through school which will cost more from a school POV, but i'd be stationed in some exotic location for a full semester, which'd let me explore and whatnot. either way, i'm going to have to get a student loan in the end, which i'm not looking forward to, but still. if i'm going to get a loan, shouldn't i be doing something amazing with it?

and apparently there's a film club at my school. for watching, not making them, but still. i'm impressed. and on the list now. {g}

and who'da thunk it, Muffin Man is also a part of the Stuffed Dog collective, a creative writing group. it suits. i really do need to define his character if i'm going to use him in a story quickly, before i talk to him too much and find out what he's really like.

Tuesday, January 15, 2002

it has been pointed out to me that i am about to finish the Phish Food ice cream, when daniel has only had half the bucket thus far. somehow the tragedy of this unfairness eludes me...

daniel and i are the only ones eating all the ben & jerry's, and i don't think anyone's noticing. bully for us!
cool but grr.

"canada" is not just "toronto"!

and i wish i'd said something sooner and gotten to see the lovage show last week. my fault, though, can't complain.
oh yes. and re: that course i'm debating taking. the problem is, it's women and the environment. it's very much based in reality, a world of which i don't know a ton about. i'm an arts student. the past while i've been taking predomantly courses on english, on fiction, on music, on art, on imagining worlds where ________, on popular culture, on the creation of realities through media and advertising.... the real world scares me. but i know i'd learn a lot in this class. i just don't know if i want to be marked on it. i don't know if i can handle discussing the environment, overpopulation, the links between the opression of women and the opression of nature.... i don't know.

there is some guy who's clearing his throat every fifteen seconds. quite loudly, too. it's getting quite annoying. ooh! variance! he coughed before the last one! grr...

so yes. and advice would be greatly appreciated. do i dare take a course on reality, or do i continue my academic career through fictitious worlds where things may not be happy and wonderful, but they're certainly not here. maybe i should just work hard and get into film school or photography or something like that afterall - get out of the chances of running into y'know, Issues or something so terrifying.

happy thoughts. oh yeah, and i saw jason lee today! {g}
(see? reality? value? not an issue for me whatsoever!)
what an odd day.

accomplished a lot at school this morning, which in the end might all be for naught, if i decide not to register in the class afterall. after talking to the prof, however, i'm feeling a little better about taking a course that seems terribly overwhelming right now. and Muffin Man downstairs berated me for taking five courses at once, but he's taking four and working, so i think we're on even ground here. some day my Muffin Man will have a name, but i don't know when. i'm not even absolutely sure what name he looks like he should have. at any rate.

sat around in the sun. absolutely wonderful. spent an hour freezing my ass off in the wind at kits beach, which never ever fails to make my day. leaving it will often make me sad all over again, but while i'm there it's glorious. learned the universal bird call for "JACKPOT!!!" when i left a handful of sanckmix on a log. there was one crow that was poking his head around the entire time i was sitting there, so i'd left him a gift (although i told him that he'd better get some real food after that), and after cawwing a few times, EVERY SINGLE BIRD on kits beach came swarming down. gulls and pigeons included. i was amazed. felt like i should have left a bit more food. but it was absolutely hilarious at the same time. at any rate.

and then on my way back towards the downtown campus, i went by the old united church, where they just happened to be filming something. and immediately i wanted to infiltrate the whole setup, offer to help out, be a PA, whatever. it's been awhile since i've poked my head into the productions down at the hospital by my place. but instead i kept on, but not before noticing jason lee coming out of the church wearing a nice tux with a sprig of white flowers on his breast. i could tell you that he swooped over and proposed marriage to me then and there, but i won't. no, no marriage proposals (by him or me), no handshaking, no hellos, not even eye contact. didn't even get to bump into him as i've done a number of times to People in the past, just watched him walk around to the back of the church. don't know if they were finished filming for the day, because it looked like they were packing away some things, but at the same time i'm pretty certain they were setting up at the other end of the church, and julia stiles was sitting there looking pretty and chatting away to people around her. i'm pretty certain it was her. didn't know she was in town, but she's pretty recognizable, so correct me if i'm wrong. still, i saw jason lee, and that was the fun part. completely pointless and utterly geeky of me to be even posting about it, but hey. i'm a loser. so what?

oh, and speaking of people from the screens. channel surfed some last night while i was having a drink of milk, and i came across the lofters? maybe? whatever that show is where people are locked up together for awhile, because there's oh so few of those these days... but i didn't realise it was a canadian production, but they were going through and choosing their next batch, it seems. anyways, the only reason why i stayed on the channel for a little while (having NO interest whatsoever in any of those reality shows) was because while i was there they were talking about one girl, erin maybe, and then they showed a brief clip of her, and under her name at the bottom of the screen, there it was: "Coquitlam, BC." so the exotic dancer is from my town. i don't know if i'm happy or disappointed that i don't recognise her, because she must be somewhere around my age, and the fact that someone from coquitlam is on that show just amuses me to no end. (remember, me = very easily amused.)

at any rate. the question now, is do i take five courses? i found out i actually need two more english courses to graduate, not the one i planned on, so i'd have to take five courses next semester afterall to finish by then end of the summer. or i could just take four courses now, three or four next semester, and two or three the semester after that. all i really want to do right now is go away somewhere, but some part of me (probably the part of me labelled "Dad") figures i should just get the degree first before going anywhere. i don't know. if i do five now, however, i'll have it over with, so gah. do i take 'em regardless, do i stretch the two more semesters into three and take a break in between them, do i cram 'em altogether and make the next eight months really tough for meself... i don't know. suggestions? please. tell me what you think.. i need to make up my mind by wednesday morning latest.

and then i still need to finish my picks for the blogger oscars tonight as well. have the email all written, just don't have all the spaces filled quite yet. {g} so many things to do....

Monday, January 14, 2002

anyone feel like seeing Black Hawk Down? i don't know why i want to see it exactly, mainly just dreadfully curious how the whole situation's portrayed i suppose. like i'm expecting something other than a Go America movie, but ngh. maybe i just want to see some explosions and carnage. i'm sure ewan mcgregor and orlando bloom being in it doesn't help either. i do wish there was still such a thing as a $2.50 theatre, though. still, if you're game, call me.
also, if anyone knows anything about rundll.exe files, particularly what can make them disappear and stop working, i'd love to hear about it. this is the second time my computer's collapsing in on itself because of this little problem, and i'm very unhappy about it. last time we figured it was a virus, and in the end the computer was reformatted ("last time" being just two months ago). if it's happening again, however, i don't know what it could be. i don't want to lose everything again, though. this isn't fun anymore.

(and yes, i did have a virus scanner running, it's just never picked anything up. argh.)
if you write a test and give out the html for people to post, you really shouldn't become all antagonistic when your bandwidth becomes heavy, and make it so little windows telling people to fuck off pop up whenever a site with the image is loaded.

that is, unless you are an idiot, i suppose. just one girl's opinion though.

Sunday, January 13, 2002

inbox: 21 messages.

still not covered everyone, but i'm doing a lot better now. whoo!

find a penny pick it up
and all that day you'll have good luck.

ever wonder how much of that luck is stuff that won't happen to you, rather than stuff that will? like, you don't catch that cold that everyone else has. or The Man doesn't ticket your car when you're parked where you shouldn't be, even if it's just for a minute. or you don't get hit by a car in the midst of Drivers Gone Stupid day.

i'm not sure if i like that idea more - luck in what doesn't happen. it's very dull and boring, no change. still, if you didn't have that, i suppose you'd end up worse, wouldn't you.

so back to working on that email again.

ai yi yi. i've just spend nearly an hour working on that big long email i got just asking a simple question to a webmaster back in september. i think that's the one email that's been stopping me from answering everyone, because every time i went to start a new email, i'd be asked if i wanted to continue working on that one, and the sheer length (and theoretical and ideological banter) continuously kept me from continuing it. i still have one last paragraph to tackle, and in pure sarah way, each answer i give is prolly twice as long as the original. i think i've nearly perfected the "bullshit" part of uni papers - i do it in everyday life already. still. i'm tempted to take a break and go buy Quartetto Gelato tickets. if i quit though, will i ever finish it? and will i ever answer any other emails from anyone else?

that aside. this is fun. this is why i'm still in school, so i can have (or at least listen to) big debates with big ideas and think that they do make a difference in my world. {g}

from 111 emails down to 36. though i only answered 3 thus far, the rest were moved or junked or whatever. leave me alone, i'm working on it.

i had the fun of coming downtown supa-early this morning. had to go with my dad to some meetings he had so's i could get the van, which meant i was down here by 8am. alright, i've been around here earlier, but never on a saturday! it's a very odd thing, to see a city so quiet that's normally either really busy and bustly or dark and quiet, but still moving. there were the homeless people wandering around, some big group of people, i'm guessing either a tour group or a field trip, but the one guy who intrigued me the most was carrying a big white plastic bag. don't know what was in it, though i'd guess it was cans. he'd have just been another homeless guy to my eyes except that he was wearing yellow fisherman's overalls and overcoat and a toque, just taking his time going down the alleyway. for a brief second, i felt like i was in nova scotia or new brunswick.

i really wanted to go out and take pictures, but the fact that i'd only had a few hours sleep and have a ton of things to do today made me decide to just have a nap until the library opened. fortunately no one took out my sleeping bag after my whistler trip last week, cuz it was cold. so instead i had the occassional sound of cars driving by, the sound of something falling off the trees above me hitting the roof every now and then, and some completely whacked out dreams. always fun. {g}

Saturday, January 12, 2002

i think i need to befriend one of my aunts. christa. the one who goes off and does a fair amount of travelling. i don't really know anything about her, other than that she's the only one in my mom's family who isn't married, her job is something like being in charge of the home-care nurses in vancouver, she lives towards kitsilano, and she goes on little trips every now and then. apparently she was thinking of going to portugal, but then decided that she's been there a few times, so why not france instead. i just think that it's wonderful that she has the opportunity to just decide these things like that. "oh, i could go back to africa, but last time i was there it was sooo rainy, so perhaps greece this time?"

alright, so she's not that type of person. when my mom was re-getting her teacher's degree awhile back, us kids were tossed between different relatives for one summer, but while going to grandma's meant that we got to swim in the neighbour's pool, and going to my dad's work meant playing cheesy computer games, i always liked going to aunty christa's the most. don't know why. i remember she brought me to see some clown show one day, although that was hardly why i liked going there, that was just one of the bonuses. i need to hear stories, though. find out if she has contacts i could make use of whenever i get going on my travels. offer to look after her place while she goes away.

i sound so self-serving, don't i. just put some more emphasis on the stories, because it is true. i really don't know much about her at all. always wondered why she's not married. gotta admit, there's a little part of me that wonders if she's a lesbian. imagining the contrast between that (if it were the case) and my mother (they're sisters) and her "high moral standards" (no comment) would amuse me terribly, but i don't know. i don't think she is...or maybe i know that even contemplating this is wrong or unfair on some level, just because it isn't my business. but really, if you didn't know, wouldn't you wonder, even just a little?

i need to get to know her better.
cleaning time. found a classifieds ad i tore out awhile back:

PUNJABI Tudor Required in my
Port Moody home for 2 students. Call ******

the mental image is terribly amusing.
and for those who don't get it (::cough::daniel::cough::), The Tudor Period.

Esquivel passed away January 3.

quite frankly, i didn't even know he was still alive, but now i'm sad all over again. same thing as what happened with edward gorey - found out he was still alive and kicking, and then a week or two later he passed away. ::sigh:: gonna have to pull out all my esquivel music now.

mucha muchacha! {g}

Thursday, January 10, 2002

i had nothing to do with that last post. just came back from a bath and it was there.

daniel's a freak. {g}

abominate \uh-BOM-uh-nayt\, transitive verb:
To hate in the highest degree; to detest intensely; to loathe; to abhor.

    "Sir Laurence," he said, smiling wanly, "I detest literature. I abominate the theatre. I have a horror of culture. I am only interested in magic!"
    --John Lahr (editor), The Diaries of Kenneth Tynan

i like the word of the day today.
daniel, on self-care:

"i care a lot about myself, see?"

::gives himself a big hug::

"ooohhh yeah!"
"...kegel exercises -- and i know you're doing them as i speak because i just said 'kegel'..."

awesomeness class is chosen. wednesday nights are going to be so much fun this semester.

my History of Female Sexualities course began today. the prof is a sexologist who is just as excited about teaching the course as most people were to be there - there were seven people trying to get in today on top of the twenty people smushed into the room. but she's friendly and, while i suppose you'd have to be with her job, completely open and up-front about things. it's really quite exhilirating in its own right, coming from a house as sexually (amongst other things) repressed as mine (where i'm told off for watching movies like Hedwig or Billy if my little brother might end up watching it. heaven forbid i warp his mind and make him gay! i guess my mom already figures i'm a lost cause, but she'll try hard to save daniel, lest satan have his way. bah.), so it's also a little intimidating. and we're gonna have to do group presentations. but hey, it's gonna be fun. and we were told that for homework, she'll be getting us to check out porn sites and videos, chatrooms (i kept thinking of just going back to brinta, even if it was just those spanish guys), and the like, and lord only knows what we'll be seeing in class. we've been told that we cannot miss week six - self-care and women's health. she sounded rather devious when she mentioned it, and refused to tell us why because she didn't want to spoil the surprise. {g}

so yes. wednesdays will be terribly interesting. i'm going to die under all the work i'll be doing this semester, but hey! for possibly the first time ever i've got my readings done for my class tomorrow, plus i finished reading Double Indemnity, which is the film we're watching. didn't have to, i just wanted to. and after reading the article about the film, it goes on about the homosexual undertones in the film, i'm sure i'll be noticing them tomorrow simply because they were mentioned. oh, horrible! horrible! or not, but i'd at least have liked to know if i'd have noticed it if i didn't know about 'em already.

* which i know is characteristic of film noir, but despite not having seen the movie yet and going by the author's descriptions alone, it really sounds like a stretch. when you're talking about how one character habitually lights the other's cigarette because the other one fumbles around too much, does that really count?? or wait. if proof can be one little "smouldering" look alone for slash, i suppose anything's game, ain't it. people are insane.
my god there's a mosquito flying around my room right now. it's way too warm this winter.

Wednesday, January 09, 2002

cmns 321 today: the cultural production of popular music.

the instructor rambled on in the most endearing way. she wasn't going to do an official lecture today, but still managed to go on for about 45 minutes. she made me think of how i would be if i ever taught a class. but i think i like her. and brady's the TA. of course this means absolutely nothing to anyone, except possibly jodi, but this is good. and bad. i had him as a TA a few years ago - when i wrote my "marketting of God" paper. which was fun, but could have been much better, as it goes with almost every paper i write. now if he was like most TA's, he'd have forgotten me, and i don't know if he actually remembers me or just that i was in one of his tutorials, but he usually smiles and waves and says hi when we pass in the halls. including today when i was chatting with someone else - he still made the motions. it just makes me feel like i have to make up for being a not-so-great student the last time around. which might not be too hard i suppose, should i actually work this semester (second-to-last-one, i think, gotta start sometime!). it's just me being neurotic, so i suppose i'll get over it.

oh, and my muffin man is working here at harbour centre again. and once again i can't help but devise entire plots to explain who he is. {g}
everyone play mash!

sounds like a GAP ad.

i came here to write some emails. how many have i written? one. the easy one that was just forwarding someone else's message.
wendy's dave thomas dies.

it's effect on me... it's not tragic, but it's still odd. and their entire ad campaign will have to shift gears, won't it? i remember back in... gee, i don't even know. i remember taking the bus to school while i heard about it, so it must have been junior high at the latest. but i remember the radio folk talking about how they were looking for a replacement Dave who looked like mr thomas so he wouldn't have to keep doing the ads. don't know whatever happened to that.

Tuesday, January 08, 2002

time flies when you're listening to music. especially when you're listening to the same things over and over. even if they're short songs, all of a sudden you realise that you listening to the bunch of them a few times over, which means that as short as they are, you've just wasted another hour of your life.

and then you post boring entries like this and destroy any plans you had for making your blog a better place.

i want milk.
unless you like being odd and eccentric with your wierdness, you're not the only one who knows those "old" things. at least not this one!

i had so much fun playing a song from the rutles tribute record on the radio the other week, and proceeded to ramble on about who the rutles were, and neil, and the bonzos, and have ed suddenly poke his head into the studio asking if he'd heard me right, amazed that i'd mentioned the bonzos, and start asking me the questions about a band for once. finally! music that i can introduce to him instead of just being shown the new cool stuff every week. not that that really bothers me. {g}