Friday, November 30, 2001

not only is it snowing up here at SFU, it's sticking! i love being up here during winter. {g}

and nick drake is beautiful.
doh. at least i know how to use the phone on-air, even if my mind was scrambled the rest of the night. but i'm sure i'm sorry. i did have the fun of having Ed poke his head in, exclaiming that in the past four years, there hasn't been one person who played classical music, or had a classical show. not that everything was classical. far from it, in some cases, just in the opposite direction of the norm. but at least now i know the codes to find which cds are classical amongst the mess around them.

and julie, sorry i didn't fit some kruder-dorffmeister in there. i'll play it another time, promise!
listen to millie small singing "my boy lollipop." and then imagine a bjork remake. especially with "giddyup."

and smile in amusement.
daniel's interview with a fire alarm:

D: so, mr fire alarm, how are you today?
F: (pretend animal from the muppets is saying it) BRING BRING!!!
D: i see. and why is that, exactly?
D: you don't say. fascinating! and do you have any other comments for us today?
D: ah. not much of a conversationalist, are you?

co-op radio can be so amusing.

Thursday, November 29, 2001

oh woe is me. here i sit, tired and hungry, typing away, with no viable means of procrastination! granted, i could always skip through webpages, but then the people waiting in line for a computer would notice, and think ill thoughts of me as they wait to type up their own assignments - how dare that girl sit and surf the 'net when real work must be done! (i know, i've done it to others many a time.) i could answer old emails, but the reason i haven't answered them yet is because i know that they'll take a long time to answer, and this would then be purposeful avoidance of papers. which again, is not an option. and sadly, i don't have any new messages to answer. because even if i just had them to read, it would only take a minute, and i'd be once again inspired to ramble on about dytopias and their ineffectuality. or talk some more about slash, but i've gotten bored of writing about that for the time being. but if i had emails, i might even answer them, because it would only take a second, and i'm a fast enough typer that it would only take a bit longer than it did for me to think the thoughts for me to write them and hit 'send'. so ask me inane questions. or just say hi. or send me more time. i'd like that last one a lot, actually.

my utopia includes a pointed nonexistance of time. i really don't like time. too constrictive.

now to go grab a muffin (but i'll pretend i'm going upstairs to get books, as the aforementioned lineup won't be as annoyed by me that way) and see if it's still snowing.

tavie should be my official love slut. i don't know if she'd be the slut or if it would be me. rather, that she'd be giving or receiving. probably more receiving than giving. or we could bask in mutual affection.

right. food. snow. snow! {g}
it's snowing outside. {g}

Wednesday, November 28, 2001

more stupid points for me! i got a paper back tonight that i'd handed in last week. good enough mark, but right there, at the end of the introduction, the marker had circled my last word and written "WHAT???" beside it. i had left my retarded notes-to-self-to-fix-up in: "....k'bleah" to be precise. and somehow did not think to fix it up before handing it in. stupid stupid stupid. ah well. still got a decent mark, considering.

oh, and a short list:
screw you, to the busdriver who called me on not using a current bus pass when i'm too distracted to argue the fact that i have very good reason not to.

screw you, to parents.

screw you, to the guy who not only refused to return a smile on the bus, but pointedly kept the window open the whole way downtown, as though he was paying me back from something. because the whole time he was watching me. i don't get it.

screw you, inspiration to write my friggin' papers, for eluding me. although i think it may have returned, thanks to the next guy... actually had a ton of ideas spring to mind after he left.

i love you, guy who did return a smile (it was a very grumpy busride today!), who also happened to be cute, and even said farewell when he got off the bus, despite the fact that we hadn't spoken before that.

i love you, guy who marked my paper, for overlooking my real mess-up and writing overly exuberant comments on my bubblegum music paper that made me laugh out loud when i read them.

i love you, jamaica, for coming up with some of the happiest-sounding political music that never fails to raise your spirits.

i love you, my music class, now ended. parting is such sweet sorrow. i'm going to miss that class. a lot. and i now have to make a cd of jamaican music of all sorts. and i did not realise that Rocksteady from TMNT was named after an actual style of music. shoulda known.

i...well. something. to shaggy, for remaking "oh carolina" and getting it stuck in my head for most of the night after we heard the original song in class.

and now i'm going to go spend the night in the women's centre, in hopes of getting a computer tomorrow morning. k'bleah.

You are 15 - 29% HO!
You reside in the suburbs. And you are damn proud of it! You scored in the same category as the townspeople of St. Olaf.

I am 60% British. and elton john, apparently, but the image link doesn't want to work. but if you want to do the test yourself, enjoy!

Tuesday, November 27, 2001

winter has truly begun. the ritualistic checking of the weather forecast every four hours in hopes of snow is in full force. the fact that i'm avoiding work has something to do with it, but not really. i just want snow.

just think! soon the snow machine* will be working once more!

* ie: the back porch light, because when it snows at night, you can rarely see the snow falling unless you turn on the light, making it look like the snow just started falling. hence, "the snow machine"!
someone in my company is also a secret sexfiend. but i couldn't tell you who it is. it wouldn't be a secret then! but i'll give you a hint - it's not [daniel as an -exb-y, s and o removed to get rid of annoying hits]. thank god. {g}

i just spent the past long while having a heavy discussion about slash. someone didn't understand it, thought it was a pointless excercise in futility. i'm just amazed at how much i wrote in response to it. whether it made sense or not to see subtext in movies and shows. whether there was a difference between getting slash and seeing slash. comparing slash to porn and mashed potatoes. {g} (i understand why people might like 'em, i just don't see the attraction meself.) all this, considering that i haven't thought about or read slash in a really long time. and yet i'm writing a paper about whether slash could be considered utopian or not. with my luck, lynne'll turn out to know everything about slash, despite the fact that i think of it as a fringe 'net community thing (although she isn't an internet person, i do know that...), and she'll disagree with me completely. then again, she likes it when people have different opinions than her (she really is the perfect prof), so maybe i'll still have a chance! at any rate. rather than write a paper about it, i wrote essay-length responses in icq on a tangent from what i should be writing about. i'm so good at this academia thing.

neutral milk hotel has some good music. and i did not need to know that there's mighty morphing power rangers slash out there. i won't link to it. if you really want it, you go look for it yourself.

somehow i don't think i'll be handing this paper in on wednesday night. doh.
"you don't need to floss all you teeth. just the ones you want to keep."

"be true to your teeth, and they'll be true to you."

i'd forgotten the wonderful dentist jokes that came out of schizopolis, though. {g}
dancer in the dark is such a good movie. it's the only movie that brought me close to tears when i saw it. and i just found out that it still does. bjork is absolutely amazing. and to think that the ridge showed it with hard day's night awhile back. sure, they're both musical-ish movies, but can you imagine going from DitD into HDN? it would just be jarring!

and schizopolis is still completely insane. i really like it, but i won't even pretend to get it yet.
dilemma. the offering of gifts from parents has already begun, more on one side than the other. the latest one is a sewing machine. which i feel obliged to turn down. i don't know why, but i do. because it's trying to buy love, i suppose. at the same time, it would be my own sewing machine. and refusing everything offered is going to hurt my dad's feelings, while taking it would probably hurt my mom's.... i don't know. stupid stupid stupid. then of course, there's the fact that maybe i should hold off for something great that i'd never ever get normally. {g}

so anyone who's dealt with this sort of thing have any tips they want to share?
the weather channel has said that there's a possibility of snow on wednesday. highs 6 celsius, lows 0. they've said it, therefore it shall be!

::does happy snow dance::

any strangers reading this now think i'm 12 years old.
four hours wasted, two phrases written! whoo!

there's a strip of blue sky that's widening outside my window, which ismaking the wet road reflect a gorgeous blue. and amazingly enough, the clouds seem to've lifted enough to see the other side of the valley. the best part of it all, however, is the beams of light streaming down from the sky. you can't actually see the sun, just the streaks. if i was feeling really religious, i could pretend that for some reason the mall had become a sacred place. but somehow i don't think that's the case.

want to go christmas shopping. want to make christmas chains. want to make cds. want to sew. want to sit at colony farms and write letters and stories. want strawberries. want to take the ferry to victoria. want to redesign. want to visit the inkpens. want to visit jasmin (she's only in germany!). want to see lord of the rings. DON'T want to write an essay. only because i don't know how to write it. i have ideas aplenty, just can't get started because as soon as i type it out it's nowhere near as refined as it is in my mind. huh. guess i am a perfectionist afterall, just the annoying kind that puts off rather than starting.

i don't blame you at all for not reading this entry.

Monday, November 26, 2001

a belated thank you to those of you who answered my ponderings a few days back. all two of you. {g} but it's greatly appreciated, and i promise you i have plans to deal with it as soon as i have the current mess of papers done. i did from the beginning, i just can't make coherent phrases about anything at the moment. in the meantime, thank you. and anyone else want to add their own two cents, let me know. i'd love it if you did.

Sunday, November 25, 2001

$165 later, i now have my own working logitech mouse (with the nifty difty laser thingy...i was suckered in, but the fact that anything without it was just as expensive or pretty much guaranteed to break within a week is my excuse), a cd burner of my very own along with a free 3-yr warranty (yay wheelin' and dealin' with future shop managers, & comparing prices with him online!), a spindle of cds to use up at my leisure, and a new cd! which is the same as i'd have spent getting just the burner and cds at the place we were comparing to. now to finish essays so's i can start burning discs at my leisure!
i never noticed before. daniel just pointed out to me that the buy nothing day logo uses l33t sp34k. "escape captivity." he said this without even pausing to figure out. he's fluent in it. i am sincerely disturbed.
i'm posting from future shop down by my house. for some reason all their display computers are set up with cable connections. if i'm ever homeless (or 'netless), i know where i'm going.

taking advantage of the system. tee hee.
david is now the splendid bohemian warcow. this becoming boring? perhaps. so what? oh, and he's already claimed Australia when we do reign supreme. i hope nobody minds.

Saturday, November 24, 2001

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

if i'm supposed to be the blunt one, why can't i do it when it matters? and on top of that, it's the secret game again. sick and tired of this. i don't want to be forced to take sides.

couldn't life have waited until after finals?

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

dare i play Secret Santa with the whole world? i'm really tempted to. it means buying one more gift this year, but just imagine - you're sending it to an absolutel stranger for no reason other than.. well.. to get one back yourself. but it'll be fun! it'll be like santa really does exist. oh, and it'll feel good, too!

i was reading a book the other day, and one of the characters commented that there was no such thing as altruism. you do good in order to feel magnanimous about yourself. or to have others do better unto you. i think that's a little pessimistic, meself. i don't think i'm doing good in order to feel good about meself... but maybe i'm just deluding meself. but no, i think i still do good things just to do good. probably less than i'd ideally like to, but everyone has their vices, don't they?

not that that has a lot to bear on this secret santa thing. i just thought of that, though. so do i do it or not? i'm leaning closer and closer to yes. do i go to the confirmation link or no? hmm...
must remember to get some jelly belly beans.
a brief reminder to all, that attempt number two to paint the moon takes place tomorrow night. i only remember this because zhan mentioned forgetting about it last time, so somehow it's stuck in my head since then. ::shrugs:: despite the fact that the physics would seem to be impossible, i'll be trying to see it anyways. why? on the (very) off-chance that it does work. because wouldn't you feel gypped if it did work and you missed it?
it's 3D pong! thank you mr mulder.
happy moment #4726:
having put off paying a mastercard bill out of sheer laziness, and getting the next bill, scared to even look at it for fear of the amount of interest you've accrued, actually looking at it and realising that at some point, even though you don't remember it, you actually did pay up, and the amount owing is less than half what you expected it to be. course, you're left with a fear that you're just misreading the bill, or that they've gone and made an error, but hey, if it says i don't owe that much, i won't complain!

Friday, November 23, 2001

work on papers, or go do things about doing nothing at all? today's Buy Nothing Day. i already have the image further down, but for any people in and around vancouver, there's actually an event taking place at the art gallery around 5:30pm. can't say anything about any other cities, but it looks like vancouver's deal could be interesting. and ooh! stilts!
corporal & minister of eastern affairs zhan has joined my ranks. as has sex-boy daniel. my company is far from traditional.
lieutenant jodi and i became "jill & sandy" for a brief time today. it seems that MTV Canada is centred in vancouver of all places, and as we wandered around today, they jumped us and asked us to introduce a song for them. so we agreed, and lucky us, we got to do an intro for......O-Town!!! and we screamed like schoolgirls. actually, we didn't. but you had fun imagining it, didn't you. no, we meant to be from spuzzum, but sadly, the last take (because i kept jumbling words - how am i supposed to remember an O-Town title?), i forgot to mention the city. ah well.

what also amuses me of this thing is that they asked us to do it because we looked cool enough to be on television. or maybe they were taking pity on us. but i'll pretend that we actually do look like we should be on TV. or at least MTV. introducing boybands. could life get any better than that?
oh, and a happy thanksgiving to you americans. enjoy the turkey. save some for me. {g}
allow me to introduce to you Lieutenant jodi. careful how you pronounce that - she's canadian, you know. and Modern Major General rebecca. and Captain chris.

some people live in a land of delusions, don't they. but i'm god, "an egocentric happy-go-lucky sexxy robot", so what do i know? come! join my army!

Thursday, November 22, 2001

buy nothing day nov. 23rd

image c/o adbusters.
tell me. what defines a canadian other than "not american", "nice", "funny"(-lookin'!), and "compromising"? ponderment comes out of a discussion in the dreadfully boring class today. i immediately started thinking of past threads in but really, just one sentence if that's all you feel like, what do you think? and this time, i seriously do want to get an answer or two. there's canadians who read this, and non-canadians. answers from both would be greatly appreciated. so humour me. {g}
my love is so fickle. this course is gone and forgotten, now that i've come across this one! course, my getting excited over it will once again assure me that i won't get in. such is life. people should not tease you with stuff like that, though. if i didn't know about the class, i wouldn't care one bit. ah well. serves me right for not going and looking at what the special topics actually were.


Wednesday, November 21, 2001

i have one presentation, two mid-sized papers, one big paper, and one final all within the next two weeks. these are the last things i needed to find right now. but they're so much fun!
stupid internet connection. disconnected right as i posted, making me lose the entry. grr.

i'm very disappointed that i forgot about the maddin film playing at the blinding light cinema on sunday. the real tragedy, of course, is that i really could have used the distraction from my own thoughts that day. i need my own personal assistant to remind me of everything that i'll end up forgetting anyways. any volunteers? i can guarantee an invite to any strange culty artsy musical thing i end up at, and i have a stash of rockets to offer, but that's really about it.

at any rate. i came across an article about maddin in terminal city from when he was here during the vancouver film fest (i could have seen him on my birthday! dammit, dammit, dammit!), and at the end it has a snippet on his next project:

“It’s about a contest held in Winnipeg each year to determine which culture has the saddest music. It’s this contest where you get a million dollars if you can prove your ethnic plight, as reflected in your music, is the worst. Where better than to hold the contest than in the saddest city in the world, in the middle of winter, in the depression?”

where better, indeed?
it may be old news to some, but i just discovered presidential haiku.

George Washington
Wore a powdered wig
That winter in Valley Forge
It kept his head warm

oh beautiful amusement!
we covered indian music in class tonight. when my prof asked who it was who'd seen trichy sankaran performing at the sacred music fest, i got to feel smug when sal saw my face and talked about the show to me for a few minutes. just me. for two minutes, i was special. unique. different. one of a kind. i take my perks where i get them.

sankaran really was incredible, though. but sadly, i can't find the one piece that i like the most. eventually. see him perform if you have the chance.

in the meantime, amuse yourself with the comic possibilites inherent in these crime-fighting duos.
for those of us who can admit that we need help in displaying our emotions through that wonderful world of dance, ze has kindly put together a follow-up tutorial on How To Dance Properly. i am forever grateful.

and i really don't want to write about Indian music right now....
ai yi yi. i was right - the other trailer is better. i'm only just seeing the Ep II trailer now, but it looks so frighteningly bad! possibly in a good kitschy way, worthy of dressing up for the fun of it (with sharon, of course, dressed as sailor moon). it looks oh so romantic...makes me ill. ooh, and look at the symbolism in the colours they wear! i will have so much fun tearing it apart when it's out. i'm praying that ewan redeems this movie. he's my only hope.. {g}

Tuesday, November 20, 2001

the house is shuddering because the wind outside is so strong. love it.
i just have to make this official:

if you didn't know, i was gonna write a novel this month, as a part of the nat'l novel writing month. national, being in the states. however, like i expected, i'm too busy with school to actually get anything done. but i still want to write the thing, so instead my novel writing month has been moved to december. i'll finish a book by boxing day instead (starting on november 26), when i can actually take the time to write it. the sad thing is that i don't get to join in on the community aspect of nanowrimo, but i'll survive. and if anyone else wants to join me in my month of misery, let me know. we could make our own community! {g}

Monday, November 19, 2001

i am impressed. star wars in ASCII. just telnet to
(via boingboing again. i'm catching up, i'm sure i'm sorry.)
i accidentally came across an email kim had printed out for herself. didn't mean to snoop, i was trying to find phone numbers of her hockey team for someone at the time. but i saw it, saw who it had been sent to (the human resources dude at ritchie bros), and saw my name. so curiousity got the better of me and once i was off the phone, i read it. short, sweet, just saying that she'd been told to get rid of me and that i could never work there again, but wanted to state that she was very against doing it, she just wasn't given a choice in the matter. nothing new (other than the "never again" thing), and i know even you're getting bored hearing about all this. but my blog!

there was a comment in there that at the post-sale meeting there were 3 people who were "very opinionated" about me and my work, and that there had been some "very derogatory comments" made during the meeting about me and my appearance ("she has a nose ring" the email explained). she also noted that she hadn't told me about those comments, but i had already heard that the 'ring had been an issue from my dad afterwards. but. i didn't know it had been that big an issue, and more to the point, that i was being derided for it behind my back.

reading that, all of a sudden, i was really, really insulted. and i don't know why. i don't care about the people there (save kim), i don't care what they think, i really don't have a high opinion of a number of them. but i read that and almost felt like crying. maybe because i have no clue what exactly would have been said, so my imagination's allowed to go wild. maybe because the day before the meeting i'd been complimented on my hair by one of the guys, not that it made my day or anything, but to think that they'd say something nice one day and mock me the next. maybe because i can guess who two of them were, but i don't know who the third person was, but if my assumptions are right...yeah. maybe i needed food, having not eaten yet. but whatever the case, all i had for comfort were the kitties, so i spent the rest of the day being miserably unproductive, watching dvd's i didn't feel like watching until getting a ride back home (kim's back tomorrow).

but now i'm home again, and even though my brother may be more of a distraction than a comfort, daniel's good at distracting. i've been putting off writing a letter to the human resources guy though, just because. but to think that stu called, didn't even apologise for a thing, and assumes that i'm going to be gleefully returning to work for them? i'm... i'm speechless.
how well can you tell if someone's chinese, japanese or korean?
average is 7. i got 8. if you scroll down and read her entries some, according to an article from the Economist, "there is scientific proof that one is better at recognizing the faces of one's own race." makes sense, i suppose, but i'm not sure why it does. could i tell a german person apart from a dutch person? actually, probably yes, more often than not (however little the difference b/t yes and no). s'like that family that we dubbed the german Gap family at church. dunno what it was, but they just looked german. and like Gap spokespersons (even the children), but that's beside the point.

what strange creatures we humans are.
interesting. fandom could be making fans different from the rest of the world in a linguistic sense as well as the mental insanity that goes with it, if karyn ashburn's hypotheses have any merit. found it via boingboing (which has a snippet or two posted), but here is the usenet thread from rec.arts.sf.fandom. she presented the topic at a recent sf con, and while it's hardly real research and i question some of her observations, it still makes you think.
avoidance time once more:


I could go either way. Deep into the madness of nights filled with coding CGI-Scripts and online role playing games, or I could become a normal user.

technical age: 22.1; real age: 19.9

0% - 10% (Britney)

Oh dear, oh dear.
Far from being a world destroying DeathKiddy, you appear to enjoy kittens, bunnies and boybands. Not a cloud enters your sky and all is sweetness and light for you.
i got an email today.
Subject: These Horny Teen Girls Will Do.
i hope their mothers love them, at least...

Sunday, November 18, 2001

I am 34% Metal-Head.

Most other metal-heads acknowledge my presence, but they laugh at me behind my back. Maybe I need to stop spending all that money on haircuts and invest in a few Pantera T-shirts.

Saturday, November 17, 2001

If I was an Autobot, I'd be:
Click to see what Autobot you could be!
i'm such a geek nerd.* today turned out to be a day of classics. discussed utopias with the doctor, of all people (and i left without antibiotics! whoo!), and then i found a ton of classic movies on dvd at the library. arsenic & old lace (need a copy of that one), walter mitty (see previous entry. although if anyone pictured conan before, that works as well), it happened one night, mr deeds, mr smith goes to WA, how to succeed in business..., and then i couldn't help taking cabaret. {g} regardless of how old these movies are though, some of the sexism is astounding. particularly in how to succeed. it amuses me, but...yeesh. although the whole glorifying of the corporate world makes me laugh as well. but yes. it's a good thing they don't sing the wonderful brotherhood of man song quite so much anymore.

and more importantly, it's a good thing styles have changed, both in decor and in fashion. although working in an office with brown shag carpets could be fun for awhile.

* if i was a geek, i'd be at harry potter with everyone else. in costume. but i'm not. and not spending a penny. {g}

tall, lanky, seemingly-socially-inept, imaginative redheads. especially with a hint of a curl in their hair.


i like going to hannah's page using lynx. even though she has frames, she has one comment up there that i can see: "i love you". it makes me smile every time.
my plans today include going to the doctor, writing about indian music, writing about ideology, writing some more for my novel, seeing a friend, cleaning up bigtime (because at the moment kim's house is strewn with papers and pamphlets and text books i was using), and maybe writing a paper for my utopias class. realistically speaking, i may get half of that done. if i'm lucky. but before i start.

i suddenly realised that one of my links has the wrong address attached to it. it should be boingboing.NET, not .com. i swear i fixed that weeks ago, but it's still like that, and because i'm dealing with text-'net, i can't fix it right now. i'm sure i'm sorry.

one thing i forgot to mention about my show: remember the langley schools music project? cjsf actually has that album, and ed has an original vinyl of it. he was telling me how he'd scrounged it up in a garage sale or something years back, thought it was the neatest thing since sliced bread, and thought it would be a great idea to do a show on the album, interview people who'd sung in it, talk to the guy who directed it, the usual. the album doesn't really list any of the kids' names, so he couldn't just dig through the phone book to see who still lived around here, but he tried to get ahold of the musical director dude (whose name escapes me), ended up with a phone number for.. i forget what kind of company or place it was. but he had a number, so he called 'em up, asked for Dude. the receptionist paused a sec and put him on hold, so he grooved along to the snazzy hold music for a few minutes, until she picked up the phone again. "there's no one here by that name, there never has been anyone here by that name, i don't know who he is, never call us ever again!" and she hang up. so ed never got to do his show about the langley schools music project, but he's really curious as to what actually did happen, because something must have, with an answer like that! but back to me, so i played a couple tracks off it. it's good, it's strange, and it's mildly creepy. craaaaaazy langleyites.

and stu called this morning. woke me up, but i knew it was him and i just wanted to be finished talking with him. in his typical stu way, he launched right into asking what i was told when i was both hired & fired. i guess i'd been expecting some sort of apology for things, so i hesitated some, told him briefly what he wanted to know, he made the comment how "the girls are always hired as temporary, you know that, right?" and basically excused anything that happened like that. made no other comments. made silly friendly smalltalk and, in his typical self-centric way, told me i should be outside in the sunshine right now! because in his world, you get up at 6am. you don't write papers until 4am, or have a day to sleep in to recuperate for lost sleep earlier. no, in StuWorld, everyone is the same as stu, so you don't need to think twice about what other people think. anyways, after i told him what he wanted to know, he made a comment about "well, i'm not sure what'll happen, but i'll talk to kim when she gets back and we'll get back to you." umm..what? i just sat in silence, before saying that, well, i'd help if i could, but i sorta have things going on...foolishly hoping that innuendo that i wasn't asking for anything might make a mark on the man. stupid me. so i just let it slide, cuz i really don't care. he can call back and tell me i have my job back, and then i'll say whoops, i actually found better things to do with my time, and haven't spent the past month obsessing over a lost job! i just.. i couldn't be snarky over the phone. habit of talking to someone who i know is supposedly The Boss, him just being sweet and friendly over the phone, i just couldn't do it. didn't know how to without winding up looking like the bad one. i'm worried about how this'll affect kim though. and his stupid stupid comment about how "the girls are temporary." what sort of excuse is that, anyways? regardless of that fact, i was still told that i wouldn't be needed for reasons that are complete bullshit. but they can do it because i'm only a temp? no. that still doesn't make it right. oh, and he said that "you know that you weren't fired, right?" right. i was just told not to come back. so it might not technically be being fired, and i didn't use that word afai can recall because of that, but he said that as though if i understood that, i'd be perfectly alright with having been let go? oh. of course. why didn't i think of it that way?

wish i could've figured out how to say what i was thinking to him then. wish that people weren't so retarded. wish i didn't feel like i had to say the right thing so kim doesn't get in trouble. wish i didn't feel obliged to be on kim's side. which means, wish i didn't like kim, i guess, which is stupid to say. so forget that last one. still. gah. sorry for the rant.

Friday, November 16, 2001

romeo and juliet is so very very very melodramatic. i was thinking, though. i read it for the first time in grade 10, but i can't remember if i already knew the ending or not. i very well may have, i suppose, it being such a commonly known story in our society, but i'm just not sure.
first things first:

come one come all to kim's place saturday night! watch the kevin smith dvd's! watch episodes of buffy that jodi insists i see! eat vegetables! take part in a rousing discussion of whether slash can be considered utopian or not! the only criteria is that you have to be avoiding something. i've got papers and novels, catherine's got her 12-pager, what are YOU avoiding? excitement will surely be had by all. or not, but i really don't care either way. it's not papers!

now. had my show today! and it actually went quite well. so now i can tell the world, thursdays, 6-8, on cjsf, have a listen if you want. or just go listen to the station regardless - there's some good stuff on there. chatted with ed awhile - very nice talking about nothing but bizarre bands and him telling me about the horrors of co-op radio and the crazy people who call in the wee hours of the morning. apparently there's this one guy who calls citr, the ubc station, regularly who ends up speaking in tongues, totally possessed. sounded mighty disturbing. at any rate. i just need to come up with a show name. "Random Tracks" works but it's rather dull, "whatever works" same story.. anyone have a good suggestion? or even a bad one! email me and i'll award prizes for the best one. come on people, humour me.

but yes. playing at the radio station is a lot of fun, and so not stressful when it's not a crazybusy day. i really like it. and i'm on the list now, so i can go up there whenever i want! mwahaha!

in other news, today marked the first day of christmas for starbucks. went to visit ivana and was overwhelmed by christmas colours and christmas carols. it's nice,'s november!

i really don't feel like making dinner right now.

whatever will we do when fuali exhausts all possible tests?

I am 35% Grunge.

What's this? The longest I've been without a shower is three days? Not even close, man. I should go sit out in the rain for a week.
i'm gonna sleep so nicely tonight. in the past three hours, i have finished two articles, one paper, many registration woes, enjoyed the sunshine, heard some great new music, and started planning my show tonight. most of that in the past hour. and then last night i got rid of one presentation, as well as had a big ol' email-a-thon with jodi which we haven't had in a loooooong while. and on top of all that, i might be able to get into cmns 486 afterall - it's been moved to a bigger room. so hope for me. if i don't, i still managed to sneak my way into the cultural production of popular music sans prereq's.

lucie is god.

so now to decide whether to present on slash in my utopias class next week or not. still not sure if it'd work or not.

Thursday, November 15, 2001

it's windy and rainy outside, and now that the cats have settled down to sleep, the only noise is the hum of the computer and the blinds banging against the open sliding door with every gust of wind. i love november nights. (as well as every other time of the year, but that's beside the point.)

i met this girl, angie, tonight. i was at the bus stop, she wanted change, i didn't have any and couldn't go a-wandering to find a coffee shop at the moment. so instead i dug through my bag and found whatever food i could find - came up with soy beans and tuna-salad-in-a-can. she took the beans, said that she'd eat 'em even if she didn't like 'em ("but they're healthy!"), but she was tickled pink over the tuna. all happy because she could feed it to her kittie who didn't have any more wet food because she hadn't had the money to buy any. she recited a poem of hers to me as a thank you, and offered me some weed as well ("someone else gave it to me, only i don't smoke the stuff either"), but i let her keep that. she can sell it to someone who'd use it for a few more dollars. she was really friendly though - i liked her. but when she was telling me all about her cat, she made one comment that made me sad. "my dad can do whatever he wants to me, but as soon as he started hurting my cat, that's where i draw the line." i can only guess at what she's been through before now. she can't be older than i am, but she looked so worn. still, she was so cheerful at the same time - especially when i asked about her cat.

reminds me of yet another project that i have on my list of things to do downtown when i get bored. almost started it this morning if i hadn't already been late for class. i just want to interview some of the people who i always see downtown. like this morning, i saw the french-canadian dude (daniel, i think is his name, iirc) in his usual haunt. really wanted to chat with him awhile, but like i said, i was late. i'll start it all on friday.

i hope angie's alright, though. her and some friends are squatting in one of the hostels, thanks to some friendly people who work there. she swore me to secrecy though, so i can't tell you which one. i'm sure i'm sorry.

have i mentioned how much i love my women studies class and lynne, my prof? she just mentioned how she's making one of her classes read bastards and boneheads by will ferguson in her canadian studies course. this, after a rousing discussion on sex in utopias.

i love Women & Utopias...

Wednesday, November 14, 2001

results from Heckler's Ultimate Sex Survey:

Your sadomasochistic tendencies, though extremely intense, are somewhat balanced by your propensity to share. It is likely that you are reading these survey results while sitting in some sort of institution, but the other people in the institution probably speak well of you. You must attempt to control your desire to copulate with a stingray, as such an attempt could lead to serious injury. Seek help from a qualified professional.

you can tell people have other papers and projects lately, can't you.

oh my. i'm not one to plan ahead for things, but for this i'll make an exception:

Friday February 1 8:30pm
David Yonge has a conceptually cinematic idea and we at The Blinding Light are going to help out. As we all know, Hollywood films tend to premiere on Fridays. Yonge's plan is to covertly videotape the afternoon screening of a Hollywood Film Premiere and screen it here at the Blinding Light the evening of its official premiere the same day (THIS evening) for FREE (membership required). Is he looking for trouble? You bet he is. In fact, he is going to let everyone know that he is doing this - including the Hollywood cinemas! Raising vital questions about authorship, copyright and Hollywood dollar value, expect a second generation copy of what will be yet another mediocre film churned out of a genuinely blandified entertainment industry. DISCOVER what Dolby Digital Sound feels like once processed through the microphone on David's camera! OBSERVE the wonders of videotaped film! SEE a few heads in the original audience block your view! And walk out knowing you've avoided the box office suckerpunch!

so what are you doing that day?

(again, apologies if things look strange, juno.. no access.. using lynx.. yeah.)

maybe if i write it, i'll actually do it. tomorrow, i will:
leave the house by 9.
talk to lucie, the CMNS advisor (aka God), and get into the courses i need.
email anthony with a name for my show ("random tracks" or "whatever works"? sorry daniel, can't use "random shit" {g}).
throw together my presentation on sex & violence.
actually do readings for the boringest class in the world.
get my radiohead cd (whoo!).
get the presentation over with.
write two articles for the peak and send 'em.
write 1000 words for my novel.
throw together a playlist for thursday night.
watch shakespeare in love, because kim has it.

wish me luck.

and seeing bishop reminded me:

I am 30% EMO.

Not quite Emo

Hmm.. I suggest I stopped listening to Dashboard Confessional.... enough said... Now that I stopped looking at my shoes, I know how the real world looks.
tee hee. i know, three posts in a row, but bishop just came by - haven't seen him for a few weeks. just a dude that pops up around school every now and then. but today, he looks so emo. he's not, but he looks the part. and it amuses me terribly. oh, and chris? he likes amanda's desktop. particularly the image of her stomach. "that's my fetish!!!"

and i tried hard not to laugh out loud in the computer labs. {g}
oh, and trying to write newspaper articles about music that has its basis in spirituality is a lot harder than i ever imagined. if i'd wanted to make it easy on meself, i wouldn't have gone for the whole event, just the specific things i was supposed to cover. but then i'd have missed out on oh so much.

ooh! melodrama!

and i forgot to mention, i have now finally seen Moulin Rouge. ewan's adorable, but that was a given. i liked nicole kidman too, although i couldn't watch her without thinking about a guy i used to work with who was in love with her. i miss trevor. the costumes were wonderful. some of the music they used... i'll never be able to listen to dentist music the same ever again. {g} and i don't know whether to be impressed or disturbed at how well nirvana meshes with patti labelle. i liked some of the movie, got dreadfully bored with other parts. like the dying scene. oh so dramatic. and the caged bird. ("metaphor!!!!!" whispered jodi) and random comments whispered between us referring to star wars and ewan throughout the film. i'd have felt bad for the people sitting behind us if they hadn't done their own whispering at times. but really. the death scene is exactly why i don't like baz luhrman. there's always parts i like, but by the end it's just way too much. still, i think it'll be a movie to rent and dub, at least parts of it. and yes, i couldn't resist popping in Lipstick On Your Collar when i got home. {g}
i want to learn the digiridoo. and circular breathing. but the two go hand in hand anyways.

i just spend awhile chatting with katie. she looks worse than i feel, but somehow we were both cheery. i like talking to her, though, because she has a way of helping things make sense, despite the fact that i rarely talk to her for long. i'm still trying to decide courses, but she's made me feel like i have a better idea of what to do. of course, within an hour i'll be confused all over again, but it's a little better than thinking of taking one communications course next semester, and then seeing a girl break down in tears over the project that's due for that class this week. i have heard of so many crises out of 375.... it sounds really interesting, but at the same time, watching stephanie freak out and everyone else in the room try to console her.... yikes.

and this is what i want to do with my life - go to school forever. i make meself laugh sometimes....
i also have a strong desire to go pull out the chrestomanci {sp?} books by diana wynne jones. have for awhile, but the dreariness outside makes me want to all the more, i think. oh, and the harry potter hoopla might have something to do with it. still torn between seeing the movie or avoiding it like the plague.

must research fabien maman today. i'll tell you all about him later, promise.
i want to experience christmas in new york.

i am also one of the laziest people i know, and it's really starting to bug me.

Tuesday, November 13, 2001

you know how when people are consoling you for any given reason, a lot of the time they'll assure you that "you're better than that/them" or "you deserve more than that" or "there's something better out there for you"? due to the route i was taking tonight, i ended up thinking about some people i haven't thought of in awhile, and i suddenly realised that those comments are actually true. or at least they are to my way of thinking. suddenly realising that i really do seem to be the better person, in the better situation... it's really quite nice. the thing is, you can think that, but believing's a whole different matter, but for the first time, i do believe that comment. i like this feeling.

or maybe i'm just a snobby bitch determined to live in a false reality.

don't worry, this isn't about you.
first it was eleanor rigby. now tonight i had the great misfortune of hearing the beatles' Revolution done by...i think they said it was linkin park? i am greatly saddened. and when limp bizkit puts out their version of Imagine next month, i won't be surprised at all.

i could hold this against the station playing the song, but they seem to be my main source of radiohead stuff of late - they just gave me the new album. and it wasn't even contest-time when i called, i just called to ask. aww. more money saved! {g}
whoever created processed cheese should be shot. it's pretty disgusting in and of itself. but when it comes to making grilled cheese (*my* way) sandwiches, it's terrible! the stuff sticks to your teeth and the roof of your mouth, and it doesn't even taste decent to make up for it.

6pm and all i've done is gotten a lot of new music today. an accomplishment, yet....not.
random purity tests, cuz i should be writing papers/presentations/novels, and i haven't touched purity tests in... years, actually. pointless ones only:

BtVS: 95% pure
Gaiman: 62% pure; 49% unique, compared to other test results
(what's the relation between Stardust & Howl's Moving Castle? jodi?)
WLiiA?: 76.9% pure. only so low because of my dirty past.
childhood trauma: 43.4% pure
cruel & unusual: 44.8% pure
teenybopper: 90.1% pure; only??? i'm scared..
shakespeare: 80.2% pure
movie nerd: 54.5%

and now i really should go search for my bus pass. argh.
this story (via boingboing) intrigues me for two reasons.
1) he knows douglas rushkoff! which is just odd. he came up a few times in cmns courses, and it's strange hearing about him as another average joe.
2) they're in my general area. alright, so langley's not next door, and the sippet says the recordings are from the 70s, but when you're looking at pages from all over and see a reference to the city right by you, it's amusing.
i have no clue what the music is, though. crazy langley-ites.
i was going to say that it's a shame that today's a holiday, otherwise i could smirk at the people on their way to work at this hour as i crawl into bed. only i just heard some doors opening and closing.


Monday, November 12, 2001

i really wish that being tired and actually being sleepy went hand in hand.

i've been exhausted since around 7pm. but it's almost 5am and i'm still awake. pathetic, really.
why can i not find a webpage for Radio On, david wisdom's (kinda) new radio show? all i want is a playlist...
i need to stop having mini-crushes on people that are SO not even an option. even if they are really friendly. and adorable. with accents. and really nice hair. and play a ton of bizarre instruments. and drums. lots of drums. and know details about every single one of them. and their teeth cross over just a little in the front making them all the more endearing. when they're (possibly) twice my age, it's just not a good thing.

in other news: i am completely speechless. 11 hours of "sacred music" today, in a row. jewish, turkish, iranian, new age, indian, buddhist, and more. i can't even begin to talk about it at the moment, other than to say that it was amazing. and so friendly as well. i learned so much today. and i really want to learn to drum. but i have never before felt so overwhelmed by music that i had to leave the building for awhile. came back to kim's and had some soup, unsure whether i could handle more music or not. but i'm so glad i went back.

what a great weekend. and all free, too! {g}

Sunday, November 11, 2001

does anyone know where my bus pass is? i'm really beginning to worry.
blogger was down, so i posted it in scribble instead. day one of the sacred music fest: sarah wants to become both jewish and indian. stranger things have happened....

ooh! and the blinding light's playing archangel as well - sunday november 18:
"Archangel is a full-blown amnesia melodrama set deep in the confused winter immediately following the Great War-the last war designed exclusively for the pleasure of children."
it'll be a guy maddin month!

oh, and happy rememberance day. i hope everyone has poppies on (because just i finally got around to getting one saturday night...).
new favourite salad dressing: olive oil and balsamic vinegar. very tasty. hides the fact that i'm unsure of the age of some of those vegetables.

because i know you care. especially chris.
while cleaning out my mailbox, i am reminded exactly how much i like spam. at least, certain spam. like this one about tea. it has the links to kith, of course. but even without that, it makes me laugh. as well as the ensuing conversation. i just wonder how a person chooses which groups to post to....
i am impressed.

In actual fact you are not willing to exert yourself in any way. You have that truly "laid back" attitude, and unwilling to extend yourself or exert undue effort. You feel that to move forward - be it in your life style or in business relationships - it would require more energy output than you are prepared to give at this time. You want to take life easy and your attitude is such that Enough is Enough.

it seems that they have me pegged today. or at least i'll pretend that an online quiz can really do that.

and i really wish people who i can't just hang up on would stop calling my cell. i'm already way over on minutes for the month. so aggravating.
beulah's "i'll be your lampshade" = very nice song. the country-lover in me is poking its head out. it's a holdover from my dad listening to willie nelson and patsy cline when i was little. either that, or kim's tastes are rubbing off on me while i housesit for her.

my amazing list of recent accomplishments:
  • making java my bitch. or at least making it so you can choose if you want links to open in new windows or not. (happy jodi? {g})

  • cleaning up all the dirty dishes AND cleaning the kitchen in general. never at home, only when i'm in someone else's.

  • cleaning my mailbox and emailing half the people i should have.

  • downloading a lot of beulah

  • deciding what to wear for the sacred music fest tonight. (indian master percussionist! excitement!)

  • not writing a single paper.

  • still not having written anything for my novel. tomorrow! i swear!

  • started researching althusser's ideas on ideology, because i really do have some of the nicest profs this semester.

  • having colorgenics tell me who i really am.

and to think that yesterday michelle told me that she wants to hire me for her "putting-business-peoples-lives-in-order-because-they're-too-busy-to-do-it-themself" company, if it takes off like she expects it to. because i'm so productive, meself. {g}

Saturday, November 10, 2001

i accidentally left the computer connected to the 'net all day long today. i thought i'd disconnected, but apparently not. hope there weren't any important phone calls..

i ended up seeing Freight Train Land over Sloan. i'm such a horrible fan. i was so torn when i was standing outside the Sloan venue with jodi as she waited for doors to open. i really really did want to see Sloan, but at the same time.... at any rate. waffling is over with. and i'm glad i saw FTL. it really is a hiphop opera. it's all about the different issues in east vancouver: welfare, environmental, prostitution, drugs, all the typical good stuff. it was far from refined (community theatre - gotta love it), but what they lacked in finesse, they more than made up in heartfelt emotion. the fellow who wrote/directed/had-a-part-in it, CR Avery, is one of the guys i've seen busking around commercial drive before, one of those people with the uncanny ability to do the whole turntable/mixing sounds and still keep a song going all by himself (and, in his case, with a harmonica). i've always been impressed with him, but in FTL each scene ended with him doing his own little piece, and actually listening to what he was saying with each piece... i was very impressed. there was one scene which may have come the closest to moving me as any theatre piece i've ever seen. scene six, showing the east van situation at its worst. everyone had their own lines they repeated overtop each other, and it worked so well. yeesh. it's the most i've been moved at church in a long time.

oh, and the other neat thing: they passed baskets around during intermission for people to pay. it was completely trust-based. made me like the whole show all the more.

so yeah. hardly the best show technically that i've ever seen, but definately the most enthusiastic, both by the actors and the audience. while i know most cities have their own Eastsides, i'm a little curious how well this show'll translate in touring, if only due to references to the grandview clearcutting, really. but if they are performing in your town, check it out. if anything, it'll be an experience. {g}

Friday, November 09, 2001

this morning i took the bus down to kim's house in richmond, the place where i'm staying for the next week and a half while she goes off on her honeymoon. i ended up taking the route to my old work, which i haven't done in over a year now. not so much the route, but taking it in the morning, surrounded by business-types scurrying on their way to work. on the one hand, it was sorta nice being back in that swing of things. on the other hand, i definately didn't feel like i belonged. but that's hardly a bad thing. dunno what i want to do with my life, but going to work in an office for a 9-5 job day in and day out is hardly it whatsoever.

and then jodi and i saw rufus and tori at the orpheum. great concert. jodi already wrote something, so go look at her page. and i think that rufus is my favourite live performer. at least he is today. not many people can go from making stupid jokes straight into "and this is a song about death," right into the music. how adorable is that? {g}

and now my latest dilemma: what to register for tomorrow? and more importantly, whether to see Sloan or Freight Train Land tomorrow night? you'd think it would be an easy decision, but when something is described to you as a local hip-hop opera, followed by intense gushing over it (not to mention it's much cheaper), it makes you think twice. and a call meself a sloan fan.

Thursday, November 08, 2001

[it's...well, it's not a whiny post, it's just a list of all the stuff on my mind at the moment. it'll sound like whining, but it's just indecision. don't read it if you don't want to.]

i'm in a terribly state of both apathy and indecision. apathy because of the indecision. i'm supposed to register on friday, but i have no clue what to do. i was initially going to go to europe in the spring, except that i was also counting on another two months-worth of money from my now-defunct job. i could go and work abroad, but i've just gotten the radio show, and i feel like it would be a terrible waste to abandon it after a month and a half. at the same time, i feel like i could end up trapped here because i'm not going anywhere. there's always the exchange program, and i could go off to school in england (although i'd still love to do switzerland...only it'd cost ~$12,000 - a bit much). and then i have no clue what's going on at home at the moment, so i don't know whether i want to stick around or just go. and then i prolly should be doing a presentation today to make up for my missed one last week, except that i haven't done a thing to prepare it today, so i'll prolly end up postponing it some more. and if i register on friday, i don't know what courses to pick, because i don't know if i want to just get the general studies degree with english & art & culture minors, or if i want to return and get a fine arts degree later, in which case i should stay away from certain courses so i don't end up repeating them. and i have to talk to a prof, to see what i can do to make up a mark that will severly bring down my GPA, due to a paper that i didn't work hard enough on because i was too busy with work at the time. ironically, it's because i did finish that paper that i lost my job - killed two birds with one stone there! and i have another couple papers and a novel to be working on.

and i'm exhausted. can't anyone just wave a magic wand and tell me what to do?

Wednesday, November 07, 2001

noticed during a stroll through Riverview, the nearby mental hospital:

scary, no?

it's a crazy world, ain't it?
oh, and a prize to whoever either sends me a copy of loudon wainright's "we're having a war" song, or shows me where i can download it, because after a week and a half i still can't find it anywhere. i promise it'll be a good one.
just added still more links. hesitated adding the war-related links at the bottom, because, well, i'm not a political person! i don't know enough about issues, and i have too short an attention span for Issues most of the time. however, just because i've been reading them lately both out of interest alone and for actual research for things, i figured i'd link 'em. so take it as you will. oh, and i added moby to the links. why? because he usually manages to amuse me. he's an interesting guy. and because i can pretend to be friends with a celebrity. whoo! because of course i'm close personal friends with everyone i'm linked to....
not fair. daniel does the smurf name generator thing, and he gets either "Fidel Smurf" or "Fundamentalist Smurf" if he doesn't use his last name. and i'm only "Doctor Smurf." what a disappointment.

in other news, as much as the idea of buying 5 cent candies from a 7-11 in the heart of downtown vancouver frightens me, knowing that anyone could have had their paws in the containers, the fellows working there have endeared me to their store. i popped in to find a piece of Double Bubble to tape to the front of my essay before handing it in, only i couldn't find the gum anywhere. so i asked the guys at the counter and one came to have a look with me, apologised that they didn't have any and tried to sell me on Hubba Bubba instead. what a good salesguy. but i explained that i specifically needed Double Bubble after using the name in my paper a number of times. the guy told me to hang on a moment and popped behind the counter, came up with a piece of Double Bubble just for me - didn't even take the nickel i had in my hand. so even if i'll always refrain from buying my sweets there (although somehow i can conceive getting slurpees there), they're now in my good books.
which kid in the hall am i?

# 1 Dave Foley
# 2 Kevin McDonald
# 3 Mark McKinney
# 4 Scott Thompson
# 5 Bruce McCulloch

i can work with that. {g} and here i thought that music snobbery would end me up as bruce.
i like writing papers when i can make constant referrals to candy. i really want some double bubble at the moment, though. but exploding chocolate from england (basically, chocolate with poprocks in it) sorta makes up for it.
btw. any bizarre line breaks can be blamed on the fact that juno, in an effort to keep people from stealing connections using their free dial-ups, has gone and changed the encrypted password once again, and i'm too lazy to find out what the new one is. why bother when my daniel will do it for me? so for the time being, i'm left with using text-based 'net. almost as good, just no pretty pictures. and weird text editors.

yeah, cry me a river.
i was going to post a link to an article in one of the local "stuff going on" type papers. however, it appears that their latest issue isn't online yet, which is a real shame. i'll let you know when it is. instead, i'll point you to last week's Organ Grinder column. and to think that if i'd read that sooner, i could've worn my own pasties for hallowe'en!

Tuesday, November 06, 2001

if you have the time & patience to read through legal jargon, there's a point-by-point explanation of how the attacks against afghanistan are illegal put together by a vancouver lawyer, to be found here. i found it interesting, at least.

from the Rome Statute:
    article 8.2.b.iv
    “Intentionally launching an attack in the knowledge that such attack will cause incidental loss of life or injury to civilians or damage to civilian objects or widespread, long-term and severe damage to the natural environment which would be clearly excessive in relation to the concrete and direct overall military advantage anticipated;”
    and 8.2.b.v
    “Attacking or bombarding, by whatever means, town, villages, dwellings or buildings which are undefended and which are not military objectives;”
    and 8.2.b.xxv
    “Intentionally using starvation of civilians as a method of warfare by depriving them of objects indispensable to their survival, including willfully impeding relief supplies as provided for under the Geneva Conventions;”

on the one hand, i'm glad that there are agreements in place against this sort of thing. and in answer to my wondering how one country can delegate over another from a few days ago, there are agreements against that sort of thing in the UN Charter as well, or so it seems. on the other hand, the fact that they can be blatantly disregarded both saddens and disturbs me.

interesting point, though, that i haven't heard voiced by anyone yet:
    When the US entered Germany in 1945, it was not suggested that millions of German civilians be stripped, gassed and bulldozed into mass graves in retaliation for the holocaust. The crimes that had been committed were so enormous that to even think of retaliation in like kind was unimaginably barbaric. Instead the Nuremberg trials were held, setting up the rule of law as the most powerful opponent of rule by military force.

you've really got to wonder why Bush can get away with this course of action. and, what sort of consequences will come out of it, not in terms of how many people will die or future public relations, but in terms of whether the US will get a slap on the wrist from the UN or what.

because you know what this all reminds me of? david. one of my brothers. the one who sits around doing nothing, acts like a jerk to most everyone, and gets away with whatever he wants because he knows that our parents worry about him, and just don't believe in tough love. so despite ultimatums and whatnot, he still gets his way time and time again. it's not really the funnest situation to be in when it's a family, but it happens. however, shouldn't we be a little more strict when we're talking world affairs here?
when jasmin, the crazy german girl who spent a year living with us, came over to canada the first time, she was obsessed with a band called Take That. my sister and i had never heard of them. and when we did hear some of their music, thanks to jasmin's tapes, we really didn't want to hear any more of it. needless to say, jasmin got heckled incessantly the rest of her time here.

i've been meaning to download some Take That for awhile, now. and NKotB. just to remind meself what they sound like, having never really been a fan of that music in the first place. i remember watching some NKotB video at toyo's house, and she was singing and dancing along and loving it, and i...pretended i didn't know her. {g} but after going through my notes about bubblegum music...

    Take That's Greatest Hits...tells only half the story, since mere records cannot convey the exciting hairstyles, Howard Donald's arse, or depict the lads dressed as deer, but it's compulsive enough.
      - Danny Eccleston

...i'm reminded to actually go get the music. because hey, it's free! and all this is taken from academic essays. i love it.
To be really medieval one should have no body. To be really modern one should have no soul. To be really greek one should have no clothes.
- oscar wilde
i really did not need to see this. at the same time, it amuses me so...

thank you, sarah. at this rate i'm going to have to comb the tv guide for Saved By The Bell before long.
british people are insane. it's the only reasonable explanation. there's no other reason that they would have candy that tastes like mashed potato, of all things.

and for the record, it's revolting.
dammit, here ends my "no porn referrals" doesn't it. doh.
pages like whatever whenever should not be linked to when on school computers. they have links that just demand to be read, but you know that the SFU computer police are keeping an eye on things, and you never know how sticky they are about content and site-names, but i'd really rather not lose my access this far into the game. still, sometimes you have to give in.

but at least i'm refraining from the furniture porn and live nude stick figures. what a good, innocent, student i am.

(good lord there's more... trying to find the url in google rather than type it in meself to make sure the url's correct, and i come up with this. apparently possibilities are endless! but going by names alone, live nude cats. tee hee.)
if you were a smurf, what name would you have?

i'm quite disappointed with mine: Doctor Smurf. but if i just put in sarah c, i get Boozy Smurf. whither gets me Raspy Smurf.

random thought that popped to mind.

bubblegum pop was about making some catchy tune and getting it out on the streets asap. lyrics were simplistic, and it was basically a revolt against the deepness and heaviness of prog rock (no hour-long solos!) at the time (late 60's/early 70's). now of course, it's come back with boybands and spice girls and whatnot (with the making-of the spice girls documentary? that's scary, that they assumed that this band'd be big enough for the documentary to be worth it. frightening reflection on the music industry), but that's neither here nor there.

my question is, even though the style's not quite there (although you could argue that styles just change over time), could tmbg be a form of bubblegum music? say, bubblegum music without the expectations of grandeur. it's simple, it's made up in no time at all, it's catchy, the only thing is the lyrics are out of some free association game rather than nursery rhymes, but they still tend to be simple at the surface. (istanbul's not constantinople? the sun is a mass...?)

this has absolutely nothing to do with my essay, but one of the compilation titles was "...dial-a-hit" which reminded me of them. never seen 'em live, and like most of my ideas, with 3 minutes thought, it'll be disproven i'm sure, but still. thoughts?
from one of the text books i'm going through for that bubblegum music paper. a really stodgy one, at that:

The groups have to find gigs and get to the gig. As this normally involves transporting themselves and the equipment, access to a van is very important and a musician with a van might be accommodated within a group in preference to a more accomplished player without one....The bar gig is very important to the local group (which, given the male nature of most bars, will affect the potential for participation of women).

after flipping by charts and graphs and really dry language, that sounds like one of those cheesy info films from the 50s. with the scientists and their white lab coats and horn-rimmed glasses, pointing to images of "A Van" and "A Bar".

i can sympathise with linn at the moment, although i'm not nearly in as bad a predicament. my getting-in-over-my-head consists of just an email i sent someone yesterday. one little question got me a seven-page email in return, and i'm frightened to think that i'm going to have to read it, make sense of it, and answer it. somehow a simple "i see" doesn't feel like it'll suffice.

of course, this is the internet, and really, i don't have to answer it, do i - i can just escape into obscurity.

still. artsy people intimidate me so much.

Monday, November 05, 2001

feel like baking?

crazy fucked-up monster shit muffins
makes ~12 muffins

½ cup vegetable oil
½ cup sugar
1 egg
1 cup mashed bananas
1 package chocolate chips (300g)
1 cup flour
1 tsp baking soda
¼ tsp salt
½ tsp cinnamon

heat oven to 350ºF (180ºC).

in a mixing bowl, whisk together oil, sugar & egg; stir in mashed bananas and half the package of chocolate chips.

combine flour, baking soda, salt & cinnamon; stir into banana mixture just to moisten.

spoon into 12 greased muffin cups. sprinkle remaining chocolate chips evenly over top. bake for 15 to 20 mins.
it's now nearly 9:30. all i've achieved is getting a stack of books to go through at home tonight. this means i have now spent at least an hour playing with whoops.

so what did you accomplish today?
y'know, it's so true. the less you know, the more you're willing to trust and assume.
although i do find it vaguely amusing that they've resorted to using google & selling email accounts, because if i recall, at the beginning the makers of the site were pointedly against commercialism and the like. they were (and still are, i suppose) a collective of people trying to make more than art out of the 'net, making a completely separate 'net of their own.

still. wow. the more you play with it, the stranger it gets. i need a cable connection at home so i can play with this stuff more often.
wow. and as always, after exploring the sites found off of (literally, found), i am in awe. i don't know what they're trying to do, i don't have any clue how or why they do it,
oh no! once upon a time, i came across this site, through a little place known as they were posting random websites artsy enough to be mentioned by them, and once upon a forest was up for a time that october. i don't know why they do it, i don't even know who it is or where they are, but every month they added another creation. but the october '99 one was always my favourite: a conch shell with some diagrams/lines around it, and a few buttons you could push to hear what sounded like staticy radio noises. why did i like it? because of the main sounds that played with the page. i always imagined it was giant footsteps by some huge machine in the woods, although others argued that it was the sound of breathing and a heartbeat. whichever it was, i would leave my computer on at that page sometimes, just because i loved the sound.

and now, i just had a look to see what's up there now, and the page has completely changed. much of their previous months' work is still there, but it stops at 2000. so my giant machine is gone forever. granted, i didn't hit every link, because i really should be reading textbooks, but i didn't see it there. amazing that i've known about that place for two years, though. doesn't feel that long at all.
note: must find kick me generation by the sweaters, for the title track alone. if you know where to download it, let me know.
i've always loved reflections. when i was little i'd try to watch reflections in the store windows when we went by them (so maybe i was a little narcissistic, too {g}). never understood why the lake would reflect the entire mountain when the actual landscape pulled away from the water and really shouldn't have been visible. same goes with car windows and being able to see your feet reflected in proper store windows. i know that someone could explain the physics to me quite easily, but i'd rather just pretend it's magic for now.

however. been meaning to post this link for awhile. interesting concept, some really good pictures up there. everyone takes pictures of their reflection at some point, i know. but i have collections from when i first started borrowing my dad's camera to take pictures of meself framed in the mirror or the window, whatever the case may be. it was my attempt at pretentiousness. and now, i can actually make use of it! {g} that is, if i ever get around to submitting any of my pictures. but if you have the time (and a decently-quick connection) check it out.
i just added michelle to the links. i hope she doesn't mind. she's chris' girlfriend, not that he wants to rub it in anyone's face that a) yes, he has a girlfriend and that b) she's hot. not at all. but having finally met her, albeit briefly (chris, you can be so strange sometimes), and having already decided that she does indeed rock, she's up. course, her list of sisters of rock only confirmed that decision.
i really should be working on homework. instead, random survey borrowed from gleebs.
I am 26% Raver.

Well, I have been to a rave. I probably know a bunch of ravers, but they may think of me as an outsider. That's okay, at least I am not a complete freak.

(now, really.... no, sorta but sorta, and it's debatable. i just find it amusing that the reason i have that high a score is because i had to say yes to things for completely un-rave-ish reasons.)
hm. bubblegum pop in terms of the 60s and the cartoon pop that helped define it, or a look at the backstreet boys and bubblegum pop today?

or cover bands? although i'm not sure how i'd find too much about that.

due tuesday night....
addendums to the beta band review:
Lonely Guy. and his counterpart, Other Lonely Guy. two scary guys wearing fake mustaches and either a toque or a greek fisherman's hat who looked like Village People rejects. very disturbing. but fun to talk about when they're right in front of you, knowing that they can't hear you over the music. and bass heavy enough to pound through you and make the whole place shake. looooooooooove the bass.

that was everything.

Sunday, November 04, 2001

so. beta band. awesome show. getting into the commodore without having to check my hoodie & small shoulder bag for once - you don't understand how amazing this is - the bag containing my big camera no less. great music played before they started. knowing how the dj was doing it, and that i could do his job just as easily. the only concert i've ever seen with a movie trailer before the actual show. {g} wonderful slide/video show behind them as they performed - videos of them being silly, films, music video clips, and the view of them performing from the video camera's angle. bongo drums. jumping between instruments by all of the band. scottish accents. watching white boys dance. being able to watch the show from above most of the heads AND take pictures. watching one particular almost definately drunk white boy dance - he prolly thought he was amazingly brilliant. jodi and i would argue. but damn amusing. watching amazing rubber band boy moving in ways that you'd expect would end up with him on his back. watching people flicking ice at dancers, dancers not noticing, and the glee it gave those two. some guy stealing a plant from the pizza place we stopped at afterwards. i hope the plant is okay....
huh. blogger ate my entry. argh. at any rate. new layout. wasted a day trying to use programs, ended up writing this one in notepad in the end. new links, more add-ons will come as time goes by, but for now, i'm going to see the beta band.

hope your day was more productive..

Saturday, November 03, 2001

ooh how exciting! after not actually having the coding correct and me just not being smart enough to figure out what the problem was, i finally have it set so that you can link to specific entries! i know most people have had that working for eons, but whatever. i'm thrilled with meself.

dead tired, too.
quick! what's the first thing you think of when you think of the Hardy Boys? did you think of a "groovy rock band"? (scroll down..) 60's television.

In this series the Boys use their super-cool, groovy rock band as a front to investigate mysteries.

i know that tv today can be terrible, but i wonder if that's not such a new trend?
oh. and once i do have a slot lined up (either tuesday mornings or thursday evenings, it looks like), i'll let you know. for now, go listen to CJSF anyways (click on the volunteering image). there's some good stuff on there! although they don't have that Sugar Bears song. i actually knew more than ed at one point last night. i rock. {g}
you may have noticed that despite the fact that i said i was going to be on the radio, i neglected to say anything about where and when. why? because i knew i'd mess up somehow. gah. today was nice and terrifying. but hey, it was my first time on the radio. considering that i had to deal with remembering how to do everything (which in itself isn't all that difficult, actually, just frazzling when it's all at once and live), dealing with interviews that magically disappeared and reappeared, franticness rubbing off from the spoken word manager (which wasn't emily's fault - she's just a terribly efficient sort of person, which often makes me feel less sure of meself. horrible cycle, really), and me trying to deal with things that aren't exactly part of my ground base of knowledge, i think i did alright. what was really annoying was when english decided to rest just outside my grasp, taunting me, leaving me struggling for words at the most inopportune time. but i'm gonna be working on that, i'm sure.

instead, what did i learn today.
  • there is a LOT more work than i expected that goes into preparing a show. i knew there'd be some, but i figure it's because of the whole spoken word part. if i don't have to plan a huge schedule, i'll be fine.

  • both the radio station and the newspaper offices are terribly friendly places. why did i not realise this years ago?

  • you are god when you're in the control booth. seriously. it's a little intimidating.

  • it's really strange being able to say hi to half the people walking by you, because you actually know them. that, and it seems like most of the station actually remembers me. dunno why, but they do - emily, ed, anthony & matt all commented that i'd changed my hair when i didn't even expect them to know my name, and matt even remembered i didn't have glasses the first time i was there. i was very impressed. i feel so loved. {g}

alright that's all i have right now. but today was a good day. and now next week i'm gonna go offer to help out at the peak some more. such excitement...
just wanted to say, about that link about the division of afghanistan, i posted that before really researching it, and i should've held off. i haven't seen anything more to confirm that story, but i haven't really looked. however, i'm still asking the same questions, being that that sort of thing has happened in the past so many other times. but just saying, i really don't know the validity of the comment.

Friday, November 02, 2001

argh, this is frustrating! loudon wainwright has a song, nice and sarcastic, about the gulf war, and i really wanted to use it tomorrow, only i can't find it anywhere. i swear it was called "hey everybody we're having a war" but nothing comes up, and i don't see a title like that on any of the albums at amazon.

i have no clue what i'm gonna do tomorrow.
oh my. rufus is all well and good, but i've just been getting some music of his poppa's, mr loudon wainwright III (a name like that, he must have been pretentious grown up, don't you think), and i think i have a new favourite song. "i wish i was a lesbian." dunno if it's the intro or the song that's more fun.

folk music can be so much fun. {g}
it has been pointed out to me that the Ep II trailer is going to be screening before Monsters, Inc. or so says mark. and while i have to admit i'm looking forward to seeing it (although i don't know when that'll be, because no, i won't see a movie just for the screener, i'm not that pathetic), i already know i'll be disappointed because it's not the trailer that i already have on my computer. sometime...last year? at some point, some fan put together a mock trailer which would have just been amusing if it didn't look so good, editing in clips of movies with all the actors rumoured to be in the movie as well. this is not, of course, to say that it isn't cheesy. because why would i love it if it weren't? hah. found the link. just thought i'd share.
oh, and note to rebecca. if there is no update in the next 24 hours, i'm taking you off my links. well, when i get around to fixing those up. BUT CONSIDER THIS A WARNING. cuz i know you're reading this...
can you tell i'm starting to get antsy sitting here in the computer lab?
what i ate in the past two days: 1 roasted marshmallow. two curry chicken pockets. 2 bananas. 1 cup milk. 2 sips water. some ben & jerry christmas ice cream. half a cheese sandwich. 1 hallowe'en chocolate. that's it.

i need food. i really need water. i need sleep. i need iron. i need protein. i need an orange. i need strawberries. i need bubble tea. i need a comfy bed. i need milk. i need minty peas. i need sweet potatos. i need a coherent list of music. i need mango with lime. i need cucumbers. i need peppers. i need a spinach salad with hardboiled egg and roasted almonds and raspberry vinagrette. i need orange juice. i need peach juice. i need vitamin c. i need substance. i need FOOD.

i do not need candy or chocolate, which sadly is all that i have in my bag at the moment. oh, and funny-tasting water that's been in the bottle for at least a month. i don't trust it.
my sister and i had a plan of re-using birthday cards until no more names could fit on 'em. woulda been good too, had one of us ever gotten around to getting a card to start the tradition with. but these guys have us beat bigtime. although it does inspire me to go find a card tomorrow.

after the radio show. i just want to sleep right now, though, and i have nothing. maybe i'll just print all this stuff off and read it out between musical interludes. but i need suggestions first!!

oh, and i picked up my beta band prizepack from the straight today. when i was just about to leave, i had a sudden urge to ask if they were hiring at the moment. i really don't know why. i'm gonna have fun and pretend that it's the same reason i just change lanes driving, only to discover that had i not changed, i'd end up in a traffic jam, or behind someone turning left, or whatever. that's right, i'm gonna pretend i have ESP! whoo! but that wasn't the point i was going to make. no, i ended up getting tickets to the show, the new album (hurrah!), a zine-like book which i haven't had a chance to properly go through yet, but i like it already, and one of those posters-mounted-on-plywood thingies, signed by the band, from when they were touring with radiohead. part of me thinks that it's really kinda cool and entirely unexpected. part of me wonders how much i could get for it on eBay.

i'm a BAD media fan, taking advantage of others! but i don't have a job right now.... {g}
see? bert really is evil! {g}
Meanwhile the chairman of CNN, Walter Isaacson, has told his correspondents to be more "balanced" when they report civilian deaths, suggesting in a memo that showing the misery in Afghanistan runs the risk of acting as propaganda on behalf of the enemy. "It seems perverse to focus too much on the casualties or hardship in Afghanistan ... We must talk about how the Taliban are using civilian shields and how the Taliban have harboured the terrorists responsible for killing close to 5,000 innocent people," he said.

from the vancouver indymedia centre.

i love how people talk about propoganda blatantly, and still expect it to work. alright, he may have a point. but the fact remains, they're discussing the proper way to manipulate viewers into seeing thing the Right Way, which in the end is propaganda, plain and simple.

in high school, i found it utterly hilarious that germany had a "minister of propoganda". couldn't understand how he got away with it, and how he could still make it work. at the time, being the naive 15 year old (and lutheran! {g}), i didn't think that we had anything similar to that, that we lived in a good country where people were actually honest to you, regardless of my dad's mutterings during the news each night. i just didn't realise that we renamed them out here. at least the germans were being honest with themselves.

damn, i need some music....
good god.

can someone explain to me how certain countries hold authority over other countries? who approves this sort of thing? and doesn't the fact that we all are in separate countries mean anything?

this is why i'm hesitating to do too much talking tomorrow. i know i'm an idealist. a lot of what i would say would end up being rhetorical/snarky/whimsical/whatever else. after talking with ed, i'd much rather just have a list of songs to play, and then explain why the hell i'm playing them in the first place. although, anyone know a good cold-war tune that i could play to link to this?

i can't believe that, though. regardless of whether it will do the people of afghanistan good or not, i'm just talking about the situation in and of itself here. it really makes you wonder if there isn't already someone running the planet. or rather, some country running the planet....
i dunno...does this count as my first p-word referral? and should i be scared that i was the first one listed?

see, i like the fact that i haven't gotten any of those sorts of referrals. and yeah, i'm skipping around words, but only because i don't want to make it easy. makes the actual referrals all the more amusing, i think. {g}
i just spent the past...nearly two hours hanging out at the radio station, helping Ed (the resident hermit/music programmer) deface cd's. got some ideas (but i still have nothing concrete) for whatever i'll be doing for the anti-war programming tomorrow. it's only an hour, but i really don't know what to do yet. at any rate, it reminded me...

no one's offered me any suggestions! at least, not that i've noticed. you rat bastards. if i don't get at least one suggestion from everyone reading my page of music that can somehow be linked to anti-war sentiment, or anti-orwellian-universe ideas, or anything, i'm gonna take it as a personal insult.

actually, i never would, but i could pretend to be a bitch, right? but seriously. give me ideas. ed's was to do a beach boys theme, some happy-go-lucky music that would be anti-war, just not in the usual way. which is terribly tempting, and i may just go home and go through every cd i have until i have a good 20 songs, work on it from there. but i don't know how much i really have. and somehow, i don't want to fall back on john lennon and rage against the machine. love 'em, but

so yes. everyone should send me suggestions. or the first song that popped into your head when you read this, provided that it wasn't one of those two that i mentioned. deal? deal.

Thursday, November 01, 2001

i will now be vaguely pale for the next few days. i love the white stuff i've got, but it take forever to really get off. so worth it though.

so now that it's november, however, how many people are actually going to write a novel? i know jodi and erica decided to join in on the misery...anyone else? and best o'luck to ya as well. {g}