Wednesday, October 31, 2001

oh, and everyone should go download You Are The One by the Sugar Bears. just do it.
i have a headache. and a stomach ache. one, or both, probably, because i'm hungry. and one because i have saran wrap tied around my head, and have had it there for the past seven hours. wore a bandana over it when i was out in public, so don't worry, i haven't lost all shame. {g} however. next time i'm in a hairdying mood, remind me to take off the white t-shirt before i cover my head in goop. makes things a lot easier in the end. better yet, remind me to wear a button-up shirt!

i like it though. i think. haven't washed out half the dye yet, so i'll let you know when i do.

Tuesday, October 30, 2001

if anyone was thinking of getting me a post-birthday-pre-christmas gift, this would be great. especially if you gave it to me before the weekend so's i can use it to write a paper due tuesday. or anytime. looked interesting at the bookstore yesterday, but $30 is a bit much for my blood.

just, y'know, if you had nothing better to do with your time and money....
kitana wrote, "I've made an appointment with the Learning Skills centre about my procrastination."

a pack of popeye cigarettes says something will "come up." {g} no offense meant to kitana, of course, but i'm in the same boat, and try as i might, i'm still there. despite all good intentions, i never seem to be able to work on a paper before it's due. i've been at SFU for five years now, you'd think i'd learn, but...nope! if anything, i've gotten better at putting things off, figuring out little ways to hand things in even later. it's quite pathetic, really.

and it doesn't even just apply to school. i have emails galore sitting there, waiting to be answered, but i just don't get around to it. not that i don't want to at all, i just...don't. and you don't want to know how long i put off finishing that tunic. i amazed even meself.

the sad thing is, most of the time, once i get started on whatever paper is due, i suddenly realise all that i could do with it if i'd only started a little bit earlier. or i get a million new ideas that would be great, if only i had the time to follow up on them. it's quite tragic.

at the same time, however, procrastination allows me to maintain my pretense of smartness. see, most of my papers are written during the last four hours before they're due, and i hand them in knowing that i could do better, but glad to be rid of them. when i get my papers back with the usual B average, it's good enough to keep me in school, but inside i know that i could be an A+ student if i actually tried. it's simply my way of convincing meself that i deserve to be in school still. that i'm good enough to be there, regardless of my work habits.

kitana, i hope that you do make it, for your own sanity. if you don't though, come join us out here, sitting in the living room doing nothing, because to make plans would be purposeful avoidance, and that would be wrong. instead, come procrastinate with the rest of us fools, revamping layouts, playing solitaire, cleaning our rooms, downloading hours of music, anything but actual work!
catherine & a horse

tee hee.
guess who won beta band tickets today! purely accidental - i was counting on CJSF for tickets, but this way i also get the new album as well as dunno. but hey! it's free! so now i'm definately going on saturday. hurrah and huzzah.

and now my pleas for help: i agreed to do some music programming for the radio station on their anti-war/racism day this friday, so i need some anti-war/racism themed music! i have a few songs, but i need more suggestions, so if you can think of anything, PLEASE let me know! seriously. anything. the kitchier and stranger, the better. john lennon'll only go so far.

and the other one: i had plans to dye my hair black with red tinges, only it's short and pixie-ish, and i can only imagine the colours on hair longer than mine, and can't seem to find the right phrase for google. so if anyone can point me in the direction of images of short, black&red hair, i'd be eternally grateful. i need some sort of idea so i know how to chunk the colour! let me know if you have any suggestions or ideas. preferably before wednesday. {g}
just did one of those terribly accurate IQ tests, and guess what! i'm a certifiable genius, with a score of 166! i'm such a smartie...

because of course, it's true. despite the fact that any schmuck answering the questions would realise how biased they can be towards english-speaking americans (i really don't know empirical measurements at all), and how much they can rely on trivial knowledge rather than intellect. as any first-year psych could rant about, i'm sure. {g} still, it's fun to pretend that i'm smart.

Monday, October 29, 2001

gah! on the one hand, i'm glad that bullfrog is the featured artist on audiogalaxy today. on the other hand, they're mine! people need to stop giving out my music to the joe schmoes of the world!

threw together a review of sorts of the kronos quartet concert. read it if you want.

oh, and any bored hitmen out there want to rid my house of the asshole leech that lives downstairs? i really don't need to be abused all the day long. i'll give you crazy-fucked-up-monster-shit muffins.... {g}

(and btw, rebecca? you still owe jodi some of those!)

Sunday, October 28, 2001

oh yeah. and anyone in the vancouver area want to see the kronos quartet with me sunday night? 8pm, chan centre.... lemme know, or come say hi to the skinny, blonde, bespecled girl in blue at the show.
hallowe'en has always been one of my favourite times of year. it's nice and crisp and cold, the epitome of fall, there's leaves everywhere, you dress up and galavant around town pretending to be something you're not, and no one tells you off for doing so. for one night of the year, you can pretend to be your favourite superhero, or ghoul, or idol. love it, love it, love it. and hey, the free candy never did anyone any harm. and considering i managed to keep up that ritual until the year before last (20 years - whoo! having foreign friends who need to be introduced to these crazy n american rituals can be nice.), it's worth a mention. {g}

this year, it just hasn't been feeling much like hallowe'en. usually i'd be putting together a new costume, but i just haven't been into it. i was figuring that it was because i'm gonna be in class this-coming wednesday, but i was vaguely concerned over my lack of excitement, considering that this is my favourite holiday. so i should be at a hallowe'en party at the moment, but ngh. not really in the mood. and my lame excuse is that i don't have my dress for my costume because someone forgot to return it. regardless of the fact that i have another seven costumes within easy reach. shhhh!

however, after tonight, i am completely in hallowe'en mode! just dead tired as well, hence the avoidance of the party. {g} tonight was the Parade of the Lost Souls. they do this every year downtown, but i've never gone before. people start communing around 6pm in a little park, some with some awesome costumes, exploring shrines to the dead set up around the place, having a look at some of the decorations up on the sides of the road. my favourite shrine was the one to grandmothers. it had some photos of grannies, a collection of lipsticks, a kit kat bar, grandma mints, some jewellry, and then the expected candles. so sweet, though. anyways, there was a sorta-bluegrass band there, performing in white outfits, and even though you couldn't hear the words, the energy was great. when they finished up it had grown pretty dark, and we were pointed towards a performance put on: "Persephone & the Pomegranate." vaguely confusing, but they had people wearing stilts and some great costumes, dance, fire-dancing, and drummers. so regardless of whether you knew what was going on or not, it was neat to see.

but that was mostly to keep people amused while we waited for the fun to start. as P&tP ended, you could hear a drum band start up, and the parade was about to begin! there were so many people we couldn't see a thing, so jodi, catherine & i headed further down the road to see it as it came along. took a little while, but we had time to gape at costumes, and when they actually came by, after the stilters, the band, and some of the dancers, you could join in the fun. huge crowd following the drummers, and even though it only went a few blocks, most everyone was into it, dancing, hollering, carrying lanterns or incense, waving at the people in the houses along the way. the houses were decked up (there was one house putting on their own shadow show in their front window as we waited for the parade to reach us), there were people hanging out on the balconies watching everything, and egging everyone on at some houses. there were setups with musicians and dancers on street corners. there were more people in stilts directing the crowd, but having fun themselves. there was a velociraptor crouched on a mailbox along the way. there were these two guys dressed up as dinosaur skeletons who looked *really* good who appeared here and there. there was one guy dressed as a skeleton with a faceless mask riding a bike with a demonic head on the front, with a huge mouth that he'd open and close as he made hungry grumbling noises into a microphone of some sort - FREAKIEST thing to see when you first arrive, before you even know what's going on. but damn cool. {g} (jodi later told me that towards the end, he was telling kids that they'd better not put their heads into the mouth, because they'd get eaten. so of course, all the kids rushed to stick their heads in, and were promptly chomped on. {g}) there was a brass band playing music in a mock graveyard of social problems that should die out (ie: sexism, warfare, homophobia, famine, etc), before coming across the seven deadly sins. each sin was plastered up on the fence behind them, and in front of each a person acted out that sin, tied to one of the trees nearby. avarice, sloth (he looked so comfortable just dozing there), greed, gluttony, pride, envy, & lust. lust was great - as we walked by her, the guy behind us commented loudly that this was his favourite part of the procession, and she casually whacked him with her boa as he passed without missing a beat. {g} and with that, we were finally directed into the schoolyard, going through banners and flags hanging overhead.

inside, the drum band played a bit longer before dispersing, prolly to go through the route again. there were people arriving constantly all evening long, and at least three bands that made the rounds, i think. inside they had more shrines set up, they had people performing fire tricks all around, they were handing out "fear" (little pieces of paper saying just that), which you could then burn at one of the setups, but the best part was the main area. there was yet another drum troupe performing, wearing skeleton outfits, maybe 7 of them, playing for ages. they played the drums, and at one point, pulled out this vaguely vibraphone-esque contraption, although it was entirely made up. there were plumbing pipes used instead, and it had a wavy shape to it, rather than being flat and straight-forward. sounded great. they performed themselves for awhile, and later, played music for another fire performance. this one was amazing. flaming batons, longer sticks aflame, the flaming balls at the end of chains that they'd spin around, those we'd seen already, but were still magnificent to watch, especially when it was a choreographed dance. but on top of those were the girls who wore gloves with spindles attached to each finger, each of those on fire as well, not to mention the two fellows wearing flaming skeletons of angel wings. there was fire-eating, fire-blowing.... it was beautiful. i know, fire fire fire, but considering that i've rarely seen fire acts at all up here, not to mention having never seen someone eat fire before, it was awesome.

and after all that, fireworks! nothing too spectacular, but fireworks are always nice. and after all that, the night was pretty much over. but the costumes... there was one person on stilts, all in black, with a dragon's tail and wings - doesn't sound nearly as impressive. there were more stilted folk, these holding marionette strings, as other people acted as their dolls in front of them. there was a spot-on hunter s thompson. there were people with paper maché-ed heads that were very well done in some cases. there was a leather-clad drag queen baby-stepping it up the road in stilleto high-hells with her boytoy in tow, being stopped for photos all the way along. a ton of skeletons. some beautiful costumes that weren't necessarily anything in particular, but just looked awesome. your usual collection of witches, mummies, ghouls, and hooligans. a group decked out as hillbillies & alpen sheepherders (one even had the long horn). a Spike (tee hee). there was this one heavy guy dressed as a fairy - loved that one. oh and there were a few kids decked out as santa. aww. some girl with a giant pickle-looking head - no clue what she was supposed to be, but she looked cool. did i mention the dinosaurs? {g}

all that, and the sad thing was, we hadn't dressed up! catherine didn't think that we were supposed to, so we didn't, but once we were down there, jodi happened to have a wand and a broomstick with her (so resourceful, that girl!), and we cut some branches from one of the shrubberies. they made crowns, i stuck mine into my toque for antlers. stabbed a number of people accidentally, but i felt better being in a sorta-costume, despite catherine's mockery. evil girl, telling me not to dress up! i was just glad i had gloves and a toque at all - it was cold! but wonderful.

so now, i'm totally in a hallowe'en mood. not in the mood for hallowe'en parties, because any party mood on my part is pretty unusual. but to dress up, to see others dressed up, to dance around for no reason other than celebrating fall.... and the drumming was great. it can put you in the mood for celebrating so easily, and it's just so...tribal, i suppose. it's addicting. always loved the beat in music, but when all it is is beats, it's marvelous. i wish hallowe'en was longer than one night. i think i'm going to start wearing semi-costumes for the rest of the month, just because. i love dressing up in costumes, i just wish there was more call for it these days. but i'm looking forward to hallowe'en now. even if i do have to do a presentation. (more on that later - good lord...)

oh, and this time next year, hopefully i'll be taking part. i'd like to. gonna have to get involved with public dreams. sad thing is, thought about going to their other events, never made it down there. but want to be a stilter, want to learn to play with fire. and want to live on The Drive, to be closer to this sort of thing all the time. more reasonable goals to achieve in this lifetime! but a good, good night. way better than any silly party, even if you do get to dress up. i'll just a costume party later on in the year when i won't miss out on all the other hallowe'en cheer.

Saturday, October 27, 2001

it's been a little foggy all day long, but at the moment i can see the streetlights down the street and that's it. no lights in the valley. the valley doesn't even exist anymore. the ocean level rose, and surrey and port coquitlam disappeared underwater quite tragic, but it means i have an ocean view when i look out the window now. gorgeous.

i can pretend. {g}

and while i live in my fantasy world, you can take The Political Compass test. i'm a very-libertarian-pretty-leftist, meself. more libertarian than ghandi, but about as leftist. as if there was any doubt of that fact.
i'm never getting married.

just in case you were wondering.
if i said i'd found some music that i wanted to be my reality, would it make sense to anyone out there? not what the music's about, what a song might describe, who's singing it, where it was performed, anything like that. it's the whole being-swept-up-by-the-music feeling, i suppose. if it was a tv show or a cartoon i'd be the girl with headphones closing my eyes with a blissful smile whilst i'm whisked away to another world.

sadly, this is earth. specifically, coquitlam, on a very rainy dreary day during which i have accomplished.....nothing. nearly. but i'm finding some songs that i just want to bring to life. or make my life mirror the music. or i'm not even sure what.

i just wish music could actually be tangibly real sometimes. jodi? that's what my heaven is. music brought to life. couple that with photography, somehow be able to take snapshots of music, or pictures with their individual soundtracks captured together.... i don't know. but that's where i'm going when i die. {g}
my dad found out that i'd been fired, and him working at the same office and me being his daughter, he was rather indignant about it. which is one of the reasons that i held back mentioning it to him. however, he knows now, and while he didn't make a mention of it to the head personnel person, he did talk to some people - found out what people had to say of lynn, talked to kim.... so really, i should email kim and talk to her as well. {g} however. my dad's the lawyer-type for the company, and has a ton of respect from most people there, and he's also the one who bails people out all the time, and he can get away with asking questions and get away with it, simply because he is respected there. but i digress.

he asked kim exactly why i was fired, and while he didn't tell me much more that kim hadn't told me (although he did tell me which sales guy i had a problem with - and i bet you anything that it was because he wanted me to fix his computer one day, like i did most days, only this time i couldn't, and because of it he didn't have a printout for a meeting. even though i tried my hardest to fix it for him. stupid people....), one thing that he did mention was my nosering - that was one of the reasons they (the sales guys) wanted me gone.

it's a very good thing that kim didn't mention that to me that day. i had it when i worked at the head office. they took me off the switchboard when i got it, but that worked in my favour anyways. when i started working at the surrey yard, everyone knew i had it. and to fire me because of that could get the company in so much trouble. as it is, i'm supposed to be writing a letter to the human resources dude today, and i don't know whether to mention that if i hadn't been told that meself, but that made me angry. well, and many other things, considering that everything i was fired for was inconsequential, but still. {g}

what amuses me is that i had so many compliments on it from the customers. a lot of them are east indian, granted, so it's nothing special to most of them (although there was one guy who told me that i had a nice "koka" before explaining that that's what it's called - had a very nice conversation with him about it, actually. shame that mickey and stu weren't up front that day..), but a lot of the plain ol' caucasian guys as well. and i know i'm being somewhat generalising with all this, and that they can be just as open-minded as anyone else, even if they're old (and that even east indian people could take offense at facial piercings), but still.

i'll never understand it, though. lynn dyes her hair the most unnatural "natural" red, and the guys compliment her on it, yet if i'd done my hair like that, you know they'd have held it against me. we live in vancouver, weirdo central, so you'd think that people would learn that a ring through the nose or eyebrow doesn't mean a thing, but employers still think that it looks bad. yet somehow that isn't somehow derogatory, putting forth the attitude that only ring-free and natural-coloured people are "normal"? stupid stupid stupid.

oh, and then when my dad heard i'm thinking of going off to europe (or austraila. or central america. or asia.) next year, he was musing out loud that he knows a few law firms in london that he could possibly find me work at (which really, could be sorta fun when you think about it, doing lawyer stuffs. my dad was trained a charter accountant, but he's the one who does any heavy negotiating for the company, he's the one who deals with all the cases filed against the company, he's the one who knows canadian and US law inside and out... it's really interesting when he talks about it. and did you know that there is such a thing as "forensic accountants"? he had to deal with those down in TX awhile back. my dad really does have a cool job. {g}), "although you'd probably have to get rid of that thing in your nose... or go to glastonbury to find a job, although i don't know how easy it is to find work there, either." silly dad...

i apologise - i coulda worded this so much better. but i'm running on rockets and popeye sticks for lunch. {g}
oh and speaking of abbey road and music in general. finally started finding tenacious d music yesterday, after hearing so much about them, and downloaded one file called "cover song." ended up being "you never give me your money" and "the end." it's priceless. my new favourite live cover. at least for the time being. although i'm partial to ben folds doing elvis costello's "wave a white flag" these days as well.

oh. and tenacious d rocks. {g}
Guide to Shooting Rubber Bands. the one thing i never could do well in school. that, and folding paper hats.

in other news, i may have to splurge for a digital camera, despite my resolve not to spend anything these next few months. i'm not sure i'll be able to hold off too much longer.
i'm posting this for jodi, as telnet lag is terrible today. if i was smart, i'd have found a way to get my email that wasn't telnet eons ago. but it appears i am not. (see, if i egg on another's obsession, it somehow can keep me from joining 'em in it. so long as one person has the exuberance for two.... trust me, it works. {g})

but...jodi? musical?? can they all even sing? it only makes me think of newsradio. wish they could've done a musical episode. wish, wish, wish.

Friday, October 26, 2001

everyone go listen to brazilian MPB music! chico buarque & milton nascimento singing "calice". means "chalice." sounds like "calle se" {sp - i don't know portuguese}, which means "shut up." ("callete, carlos!!" {g}) a semi-protest song hidden under the pop style. and one of the main reasons i really needed to hear Abbey Road last week.
geez louise. awhile back, when zhan mentioned the noble cause of using your computer to find a cure for cancer (having grown bored with SETI still not finding any aliens), of course i had to go download it. and, like any other idea like this, it downloads a packet of data and goes through it, looking for whatever it is that it looks for, and it keeps track of how far along it is in the nifty difty program you download to use it. thing is, the "percent complete" refers to how many molecules it's looked at, not time-wise, so it could be stuck somewhere for a long time if it has to be, problem being that, to my understanding, it saves after each percentage finished.

at the moment, it's been working for 60 hours straight now. 35 of those hours has been on one percent. haven't dared to turn my computer off, knowing how long it'd take to get back to this point.

this packet better have the cure for cancer in there, or i will be disappointed indeed. at least the program draws pretty-coloured pictures of what the molecules look like. because molecules really look like shredded rainbow gift ribbon.

::boogies down to eels::

Thursday, October 25, 2001

so chris went and listed 20 things that aren't sexy, and among them were The names "Helga", "Gertrude", "George", and "Vernon".

i have to argue with "george." well, not necessarily for any guy georges (nearly typed "boy georges" there...), but i like george as a girl's name. i'd argue that it's sexy. as are most other gender-bending names: jordan, ashley, erin (it is with that spelling.. didn't believe it meself, but it's true!), lindsay (sometimes), kim...

wait, not kim. makes me think of kim mitchell, and y'know, i just don't need that thought right now.
this truly is the best referral i've had thus far: Google Search: buying menthol eye drops. i have NO clue where the menthol comes from. no clue whatsoever.

handwriting analysis letter anthrax has been up there a lot lately too. you weirdos. (link is further down...)
"...she uses va-a-a-a-a-aaaaseline!"

i think i'm almost over the ben folds mood. almost. but if i had a band, that's the kind of music we'd have. music that revels in its nonsense. and of course, i'd get to play the piano, and i'd play it well.

we can all dream, can't we?

i fear i have a cavity. the problem is, i went to the dentist's last week and they didn't mention a thing, so i'm stuck until april wondering about it. doh.
"Since Mary Shelley, female writers and readers of speculative fiction have enjoyed the freedom of stories in which womanhood is marginal or absent." (from 20: No Man’s Land: Feminised Landscapes)

what?? thinking back to all my science fiction, i can't think of a great many that had prominant female characters, but i hardly think that i found a sense of freedom in the lack of them. if anything, i probably tried to identify with the female characters if they were decent enough. (actually, now i'm curious - gonna have to dig up some old reading journals, if i can find them.) or there were the mercedes lackey books which were so girly and... can you call them slashy if they were intentionally so? they're such brain candy though, so pulp fiction. gotta love it. {g}

actually, a minor aside, reading the magic trilogy back in grade...9? i think that was my first introduction to a non-hetero character/person/whatever in any sort of media. at least, the first one that i actually noticed. i knew that one of my friend's mom was a lesbian, but that was just a word, never met her, she never really registered as an actual person. but it was strange reading the books, realising that, what's his name? vanyll? was an actual person (so to speak) who was gay. although, thinking back, he was such a stereotype - the tortured sensitive guy, and remarkably girly in the way i remember him. i should go reread those books, see what they're like now, if i still have any of them - may have given them all away. oddly enough, the daughter-of-the-lesbian was the one who lent the books to me in the first place, and i clearly remember thinking that it made sense that barbara gave these to me, with a mother like that. stupid? hell yeah! but considering i was an innocent, naive, little lutheran at that point, i'm sure you can understand where i was coming from. those books felt like my dirty little secret though. i *liked* them, but i could never let me mom know i read something like that. it was almost as bad as those crappy romance novels, which honestly, i've never read. skimmed 'em when they were in the car while i waited for my mom, tried to read one once, but got terribly bored. regardless of what rebecca says, i still don't believe that a romance novel with plot can exist.

at any rate. look how i turned out, thanks to barbara and ms lackey. {g} and back to SF...

one more aside: last week we went through a history of science fiction, which everyone else was pretty bored with, but i found it interesting. at any rate, towards the end of the night, lynn mentioned that none of the true fans call it "sci-fi." "you can call it SF for short, but never 'sci-fi.' NEVER." now even though i already had that in my head* as i was taking notes (you'll notice no 'sci-fi's anyways, tyk), it made me think of jodi right then, her being the one to tell me that originally.

* and it being in my head (what a convoluted entry, i know, i'm sure i'm sorry). the amusing thing about that was that it was one of those things that hasn't quite sunk into your subconciousness, and you're quite aware that it's floating around in your mind, but at the same time you sorta don't pay attention to it, just accept it. but you know the thought's there, as opposed to not even realising it existed in the first place. crazy, watching the mind at work.

...back to SF. no, i always knew SF tends to be a man's club (usually a geek-man's club, not that that's a bad thing), but you just accepted it for the sake of good stories. speaking of accepting without realising it, that's what it was. i can't think of female protagonists that made a huge impact on me, or that even existed. there usually was a cool female character somewhere in the wings, and i'd hook onto her, but i've always been more drawn to the male characters. and when you think about it, it's probably because a lot of the time, they were written so much better than female ones. the guys were the ones having the adventures, going to battle, exploring... so really, you can't blame me. {g}

(i realise that there are exceptions, and that i'm vastly generalizing, but whatever. i didn't say that i've never been affected by a femaile character, just that i can't recall any offhand as i go through all the protagonists i can think of in my mind. except the witches in the discworld series, but i really haven't read those ones. don't think i own any witches books, actually. and characters from the robert jordan books are springing to mind, however i can tear them down at the same time. so i'll let it be. but feel free to berate me if you must.)

Wednesday, October 24, 2001

geez louise. need referrals? use "jaan pehechaan ho" some day. i get searches for that almost every day. it beats Mr. Dressup!

and Space Odessey 2001 explanation. this one amuses me.
i was gonna write about all the celebrities i saw on my way downtown today. but i won't. i could tell you all about the histories of cuban, brazilian, and irish music, which i may do in a couple of hours. good study method for me. and i know that other people care. i could list the bands that may have possibly influenced hawksley workman or any other number of musicians, although i have no clue if it's true or not. but it's more fun to ponder anyways.

instead. popeye cigarettes. remember those things? they still sell 'em, although they seem to've gotten cheaper with them. i swear the hallowe'en packs used to give you three, but these only contain two. damn capitalist society. but regardless. my next job, i'm gonna stash up on these things, and demand my smoke breaks however often i need them. because really, they're perfect. a little sugar buzz, none of that annoying cancer, and a breather whenever you want it! and they can't stop me, because if i was caught inside "smoking," i'm sure someone'd complain.

three hours 'til the midterm....
searching pollstar for assorted bands, and guess what i just learned. there's a club in ottawa, ON, called Zaphod Beeblebrox.

tee hee.
oops. once a student, always a student. previous links thanks to tavie and gleebs.

it's past 11:30, i have a midterm tonight, and i haven't done an iota of studying. although i turned down a hike in the sun and the wind in order to study, so i must get some points for that, right?

i'm also debating calling the prof of the other midterm in order to see if i can do that test at another time. with this flu, i start fading at night, but it's a night class. the downside is that i wouldn't have it over with. i don't know what to do....
I AM 42% GOTH.

Oh My Goth! You Goth, Girl. There is a good chance I am bi. Freakiness pumps through my viens, but I can still laugh at myself.
I AM 17% PUNK.

It's not a fashion craze, or even a cool thing to do. I should just swallow it, get lost, and take my friends with me.
yawning, sneezing, and coughing simultaneously has to be one of the worst things a person can do to themselves.

my jaw hurts.
I AM 29% GEEK.

I probably work in computers, or a history deptartment at a college. I never really fit in with the "normal" crowd. But I have friends, and this is a good thing.


Tuesday, October 23, 2001

"there's a sadness in that smile..."

i'm one of the poor sods who's got to suffer with a dial-up modem still. but we have a call director thingy for when i'm online. at any rate, they just upgraded, and i can now record personalized messages. now i want people to call just so's i can play them the chorus of the bassplayer sketch. does it make sense when you haphazardly call our house? no. your point? {g}
michael jackson is the stuff my nightmares are made of.

i just had the misfortune of seeing his new video on MMM. never noticed how annoying his little gasps and voice-catches were before. but more than that, he looks damn scary! i just worry about the world, sometimes....
back to that ben folds song. i know what it is now. Mother Goose Rocks. Three Little Kittens by Ben Folds Laundry. bwa ha. although you know i'm now going to download most of those just to see what they're like...

and the three kittens song is still awesome. {g}

it's miserable, wet, and windy outside. even though my window's sheltered by the roof, it's almost entirely covered by raindrops because of the wind. and here i sit catching up on other peoples' lives when i should be studying for a midterm tomorrow. instead, i reformatted my computer friday, went to alberta on saturday, had a samosa party and re-loaded everything onto my computer sunday, and am now enjoying a lovely flu and rockets.

thank you to people for their thoughts. "answering emails" is on the list right after "memorize brazilian instruments for midterm," so i'm not being entirely lazy. {g}

for some reason half the songs i'm downloading have no bass. perturbing, but it's the songs, not my computer. dumb luck, i suppose.
oh my. again, i'm prolly one of the last few to find this, but if you're a ben folds fan, go find Three Kittens, credited to him, although i'm not sure that's actually him singing. i'll have to find out.

but that is priceless. {g}

Saturday, October 20, 2001

from Robert Rodriguez's 10-minute Film School:

"Okay, so you wanna be a film-maker?
"(Class choruses 'YES')
"Wrong! You ARE a film-maker. The moment you think about that you want to be a fillm-maker you're that. Make yourself a business card that says you're a film-maker, pass them out to your friends, soon as you get that over with and you've got it in your mind that you're one you'll be one, you'll start thinking like one. Don't dream about being a film-maker, you are a film-maker. Now let's get down to business."

that is something that i have to remember. because y'know what? it's true.

that, and "a mistake to one person is actually a piece of art to someone else. Hide behind that, tell everyone its art, you can get away a lot."

that's it. it's all art! {g}
oh tara. there isn't anything to say, i know. my old cat, marmalade, was the best cat in the world. but he ended up developing cancer, which was bothering him, and you could tell he wasn't entirely well, but . but when he nearly died on christmas day (NEVER feed your cat wiskas. or any other dry food with ash in its ingredients. can form crystals in the cat's intestines. wish we'd known that sooner.), my dad brought him to the vet for emergency surgery. it was like a bandaid-solution. he may not have had one illness, but he was still sick, and it was only a matter of months before my mom finally brought him in to be put down, but even that took her months to do. it was sort of a reverse denial, because we knew we couldn't pay for more surgery, so he was kept alive because we knew he'd have to be put down. but as much as i loved him, i didn't think it was fair to him, and i always felt that even though it was christmas, that should have been marmalade's time to go. sounds crass, i'm sure, but i do.

still. that happy anecdote aside. {{{{tara}}}}
this referral to my scribble amuses the hell out of me.

i could feel hurt that i have yet to have one p o r n search come up with my site, and yet... i think i'll live. {g}
there are so many people in this world that i want to make contact with. people who actually do what i dream of doing.

maybe i'll get to do 'em meself someday.
i find it interesting, so i'll post it. images of the anthrax letters from the smoking gun.

two points of interest:
a) according to handwriting analysis, writing with a downward slope is a sign of lower self-esteem. same thing with writing in capitals. or rather, it's a sign of self-importance and possible over-compensation, which is due to a lack of self-esteem in the first place. which always pops to mind when i sign letters with my usual "SARAH." really, i just do that because it's easier and quicker to write than "Sarah." it flows!
b) the return address on the second letter. that's... very very intriguing to me, although i'm not entirely sure why.
i really want to write a novel now! technically, i have time, but will i then? course, i don't have much to lose, do i.

gonna be a novelist....
Mona's Tips. because i've always wondered when the best time to call a mortician would be.

found at metascene. the explanation below the comment on wax museums. wonderful.
geez louise. now why didn't anyone think of this before? mind you, it brings back scary images of Little Otik.
my wonderful week, in a nutshell.

and apparently everything's centered? dunno why, and my computer doesn't show that, so i have no clue what's up. i'm sure i'm sorry.

Monday, October 15, 2001

finally, i finished all the reviews for the film fest. including the one we saw today, which i'll count for the hell of it. so have a look if you care. or don't. whatever works.
what on earth was someone looking for with a referral link like this??

Sunday, October 14, 2001

and the LM Montgomery quiz quiz...

#1 Anne Shirley
#2 Sara Stanley (The Story Girl)
#3 Emily Starr

i loved anne. wanted to be her. wanted her hair. in terms of significant others, the anne/gil story always was my ideal - being enemies, then friends, then all of a sudden realising it was something more. the problem, of course, was that i didn't really have any guy friends, so it sorta limited that fairy tale. but sadly, much like kitana, i never really got into the later books. i owned up 'til book five, but i don't think i really got into any after the second one. at that point they got too sappily dull. in fact, i lent my books out to someone i used to work with years ago, only i lost contact with her while she had books three and onwards. i should have cared - they were my books, afterall, but really, didn't bother me. at least i still have the first one. {g}

never read the emily books, though. don't recall much of the sara stories. but as much as i did like sara, and even though she almost had the same name as me, she could never be as cool. see, she spells her name without the "h".

it makes a huge difference.
"you'd rather live without a donkey than live on the ground floor??"

even when it was in context, it was hilarious. lazy boardgame nights with jodi, catherine and daniel rock.
gah! mouse has died. again. need to reformat this hunk o'junk.

#1 Dave Nelson
#2 Beth
#3 Joe Garelli
#4 Bill McNeil
#5 Catherine Duke

and least like matthew. should i be relieved?
oddly enough, jodi and i were just discussing the need for a newsradio quiz today. thank you tavie and toronto steph!

Saturday, October 13, 2001

one last entry. What I Learned Today To Make My Day Complete:

apPARently, when we make eye contact with someone we find attractive, not only is it pleasant eye candy, the part of the brain that recognizes this event also monitors the chemicals in your body, rewarding your whole body by releasing happy!hormones giving your whole system a boost. by the same token, should you see someone s-e-x-e and not have them return your look, your brain's reaction is to give the body a bit of a downer. i figure this explains why i love customer service half the time. getting to make contact with so many people, especially the hotties. looks are my personal drug of choice. {g}

"so all of you can be happy knowing that you're giving everyone a charge when you look at them on your bus ride to work today!"

even when cbc radio is frivolous, they're still so intellectual. what else could you be when all you play is classical all morning? it's adorable, really.
yeesh. that was a lot longer than i planned.
quick comments. well, not really, but i'm trying to do a week's worth of catching up here. gimme a break. {g}

steve had an interesting entry. i remember waaaaaay back in my first year at SFU, i made an offhanded comment to jodi that i could never be a feminist. at the time, i knew i should remember why i said that. a week later, when she asked me what exactly did mean by that, i really wished i could remember what i meant by that comment. now, i still don't remember what i meant by it, but that one comment stuck with me these past 4 years. the irony is that now, i keep taking women's studies courses and will probably take another few before i graduate. but after reading steve's entry, i'm wondering if maybe one of the reasons behind my comment was that i couldn't take meself out of the sexist realm of things, like steve's dilemma - never even picking up on kubrick's treatment of women, and doing the same things with his own female characters, regardless of the context. damn hegemony.

but hang about. rethinking that, i don't know that that's it, either. i think i'm aware of how women are treated in real life. very aware about that, actually, although a lot of the time i really don't know how to react to it. so i just play it by ear. which usually means not saying a word. yay, silent rebellion! it coulda also been the stereotype of a feminist being the hardcore protesting dyke, wanting to overthrow the system entirely. i was so sheltered... {g} but seriously, i think that i've become more of a believer in a need for a radical change. or at least, fonder of things changing, preferably while i have a good long rest and wake up to a Better, Healthier World. or maybe i'm just all the more disgusted with the way things are. amazing what communications classes will do to a person.

at any rate. that's what steve's post made me think of. that, and something that we were talking about in my women & utopias class (thebestcourseever) on wednesday. we were discussing race, but it's still related. i forget who it was and my notes are downstairs at the moment, but lynne mentioned this one person's assertion that in discussing racism - that you have to keep the ideas of "white" and "whitely" separate. according to this person, racism is ingrained - it's been a factor in our society far too long for us to be able to be above it at this point, that due to the way the world is presented, as well as the way the world runs, racism exists, despite our attempts to rid ourselves of it. now for us white people in western society, we might be white, meaning that we've naturally lucked out through genes, having light-coloured skin, as well as the perks that go with it, such as facing a world where criteria for any number of things (jobs, programs, sports, etc) can be unintentionally geared towards whites rather than hispanics, asians, or blacks, let alone language that can itself subtly gear one towards a racist frame of mind. but you can try to overcome these things, being aware of situations like those and try to consciously avoid them. to be whitely, however, is to take advantage of these situations. so the deal is, us caucasians can't help our whiteness, but we can help our whitely-ness. it sounds a bit like an excuse for the way things are, but i don't think it is. it's just a way of explaining things, and if we were all good white folks, rather than there being a number of whitely ones still, this would hardly be such an issue.

so after all that about skin colours, i think the same sort of thinking works with feminism as well. or rather, sexism, i suppose. society today seems to be stuck in a sexist rut, but fortunately, there's people who realise this and are trying to get over it. but to say that you aren't sexist would, i think, be a lie. because due to the way the world is, you can't help but be sexist, despite your best efforts, even to a small degree. to deny something means that it doesn't exist and removes you from it. at least if you admit you are, you can try to fix it.
i think i need to catch up on world affairs. they need a coles notes version available, NOT published by CNN or NBC or whatever. can you ever get rid of bias though? i mean, even when you read the history texts, they've still got bias. granted, they tend to be a little more balanced, but it still exists. human nature annoys me sometimes.

at any rate. not to jump on a bandwagon, what with everyone else posting their thoughts one month post-, however, what with work, i didn't get a chance to post this sooner. (boring & true fact: today was a 10 hour work-day. it felt so short compared to the rest of the week. and sadly, all i want to do on this friday night is sleep. sad, sad, sad.) i know i'm playing...devil's advocate? whatever. but regarding the supposedly "goodwill" food drops. bugs me so much. think about it. food *drops*. meaning it comes down by parachute or some reasonable fascimile. meaning it's generally directed, but in the end, a fair amount of it is probably unreachable. gets caught in trees, atop buildings, but worst of all, lands in minefields. minefields that apparently are often unmarked. meaning people try to reach them but end up wounded or dead instead.

there are ways to help the afghani people. somehow, bombing their important and/or religious cities while making token food drops doesn't seem like the best one. because it is a token gesture. "look, we're against the taliban, but we care!" it's like giving old clothes to the homeless not out of the goodness of your heart, but because you don't like them anymore. or giving canned oysters and candied onions to the food drives. or giving someone a bandaid after you stabbed them. absolutely retarded.

so. had to say that, now that i have time to. and yes, i didn't come up with all of that meself. was critical of it from the get-go, but after hearing an item on the minefields in afghanistan on cbc radio the other day, it only strengthened my distaste for it all and gave me more reasons.

an aside. hearing the news sunday morning, two things popped into my mind. #1 - i realised that i'd been half expecting Bush not to take this course of action. naive and idealistic? absolutely. but suddenly noticing how disappointed i was with the world really surprised me. #2 - if the US had the same thanksgiving day as we do, that wouldn't have started until at least tuesday. bet you anything.
flipping through the latest EW (reminder: must cancel subscription), it has the top 100 soundtracks of all time. because they're really the authorities on that one. at any rate. i was happy to see that hedwig made the list! way down at #91, but at least it's there. kudos to whoever managed to get that one on.

virgin suicides made it too. as well as rushmore. i'm content. kinda.
Click here to find out what robot you really are
apparently i'm a blue.

You're blue — the most soothing shade of the spectrum. The color of a clear summer sky or a deep, reflective ocean, blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude, and loyalty. Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending some time on your own, you'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of slight acquaintances. Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you — they're soothed by your calming presence. Cool and collected, you rarely overreact. Instead, you think things through before coming to a decision. That level-headed, thoughtful approach to life is patently blue — and patently you!

...cuz i'm such a calming person....
because i couldn't help it....

# 1 Buffy
# 2 Angelus
# 3 Dawn
# 4 Faith
# 5 Spike

nooooooooooooooooooo! of all characters to be like as a top two?? bleah.

and no, i don't watch the show. really, i don't.
got the selector bug now, too.

# 1 Alexei Krycek

oh yeah. {g}

Friday, October 12, 2001

i understand that people have bad, stressful days. i understand that people have long days that they just want to end. i understand that waiting for a person who doesn't have keys can be annoying when all you want to do is go to bed. and i apologise for being that person making you wait. but for fuck's sake, i'm not doing it to annoy you, nor am i doing it purposefully. but i am sick and tired of people being angry with me when i don't even have a clue what for. and because i'm so self-important and self-riteous, i'm certain that they have no reason to be mad at me in the first place.

but seriously. i can feel meself growing more and more paranoid that i'm just a pest. that all this time i've just been a spoiled kid who thinks that they're wonderful when really, they're just as bland and untalented as the next person. that i'm forever going to be a wisher, rather than a doer, that i seem like an interesting person until you get down to the real me, which is nothing more than an idealistic wuss. and it's probably just a vicious cycle, people being angry with me, making me feel paranoid, making me act in certain ways, making people annoyed with me, making me feel paranoid..... ridiculous.

so. sale was today. and for the most part i had a great time, as usual. got to chat with customers all day long. got to actually befriend some of the staff. even started befriending salesguys and yardguys. (really, this is a big deal, when i can do that with people i know i'll have to work with.) end of the day, the backup program did not want to work, so ended up having a wonderful conversation with the help desk dude. jeff? whoever. such a geeky conversation too - "hey, i remember DOS!" {g} and after a very very long day, it was nice to be chatting with someone who was actually vaguely similar to me, rather than being the odd duck. so thank you jeff, you have no clue how much you brightened my day. having to cut it off abruptly just as things were getting interesting so that other people could go home was truly disappointing, cuz i know i'll prolly never speak to him again. tragic.

but honestly. some people are truly getting on my nerves. all my drive home, i was just hoping that someone, anyone would have left me a good message on my voicemail. and y'know what? i don't know if they did or not. never did check. maybe i'll do that now.

for now. thoughts of jeff the geek, sebby in a leapord-skin housecoat, the customer who "never will forget my kindness," and hammered fourteen year olds half-trying to pick a fight will amuse me.


Wednesday, October 10, 2001

shouting "fuck" simultaneously along with a crowd of other people when absolutely no one has any other emotion going than pure happiness is a wonderful release of tension.

and ben folds rocks live.

and in the tradition of ben folds and his celebrity-look-alike-(at-least-when-they're-live) band (old bassist = christian bale, old drummer = dude from ally mcbeal), we have the new drummer who looks like the guy who left MuchMusic before bill wilychka did, and the guitarist who looks like norman lovett (holly on red dwarf) and tim roth mixed together.

and then there was the guy in the crowd whose reflection in piano side looked like jay mohr.

fun times.

Tuesday, October 09, 2001

and i have no clue why my layout's all fucked up again. haven't even touched it. bah...
on a non-john note.
today's already started out well. psycho-movie ended about midnight, so we'll pretend that that's today. and after chatting with him before and after the movie, had a guy, all flustered and nervous, ask for my phone number.

aww. {g}
and because i couldn't pick just one, here's two, both by john:

A Surprise for Little Bobby

It was little Bobby's birthmark today and he got a surprise. His very fist was jopped off, (The War) and he got a birthday hook!
All his life Bobby had wanted his very own hook; and now on his 39th birthday his pwayers had been answered. The only trouble was they had send him a left hook and ebry dobby knows that it was Bobby's right fist that was missing as it were.
What to do was not thee only problem: Anyways he jopped off his lest hand and it fitted like a glove. Maybe next year he will get a right hood, who knows?

I Sat Belonely

I sat belonely down a tree,
humbled fat and small.
A little lady sing to me
I couldn't see at all.

I'm looking up and at the sky,
to find such wondrous voice.
Puzzly puzzle, wonder why,
I hear but have no choice.

'Speak up, come forth, you ravel me',
I potty menthol shout.
'I know you hiddy by this tree'.
But still she won't come out.

Such softly singing lulled me sleep,
an hour or two or so
I wakeny slow and took a peep
and still no lady show.

Then suddy on a little twig
I thought I see a sight,
A tiny little tiny pig,
that sing with all it's might.

'I thought you were a lady'.
I giggle, - well I may,
To my suprise the lady,
got up - and flew away.
happy 61st birthday, john lennon. wish him a happy day personally. {g}

Monday, October 08, 2001

couldn't resist another questionnaire. top five best drugs for me:

#1 hash
#2 marijuana
#3 psylocibic mushrooms (magic mushrooms)
#4 DMT
#5 DXM

fortunate that i live so close to port coquitlam, i suppose. but is it sad that i'm too naive to even have a clue what those last two are?

(of minor amusement: heroin is #19 out of 25. apparently i'd be fine with shooting up before i run out of possibilities! ::shudders::)
i've been in such a hedwig mood lately. don't know what it is. but i'd jump at the chance to see it again. oddly enough, in the 2 minutes i was actually in a book store today, a hardcover script book of the broadway show just happened to jump into sight. amazingly, i refrained from buying it right then and there. i'm such an example of self-restraint. the fact that i didn't have my wallet with me had nothing to do with it.

at any rate. after playing the music almost constantly (smattered with billy nader show music) all evening, i got caught up with jess' page. on dvd in december! just in time for christmas. whoo! just need a dvd player, and i'll be set!

i think i'm going to have hedwig dreams tonight. wouldn't that be fun!
a nice, self-indulgent entry can be found here. be warned.

in other news, my mouse still does not work.
a very very happy birthday to nicole today! may she actually finally get to see rufus opening. {g}

and a very happy thanksgiving to the rest of the canadians and honourary canadians everywhere.

and thank you for the birthday wishes. good to know that my birthday was spent seeing awesome music with cool people.

Sunday, October 07, 2001

i believe i may have dislocated my jaw again. excitement.
how did i miss this?? damn work, keeping me away from wasting my time reading blogs and scribbles. i am way too happy for matt. and jcm, for that matter, getting to meet the genious who wrote those crazy essays. {g}

at the moment, the valley has a nice layer of fog with the sun breaking through the few clouds that are above my house. although the fog is starting to burn off, so you can actually see tips of hills and trees here and there. i love this time of year. you can look at it and imagine that it's got and warm out there, and that the rest of the world just decided to disappear for the day, or you can imagine that that's snow, not fog, and christmas time's near. and now, after reading kitana's blog, i'm busy dreaming of christmastime.

nice weather and good news. what a great start to the day.

Saturday, October 06, 2001

my mouse has decided to die, and i've found out that blogger doesn't like working without a mouse. can't publish from the actual site at all! bah. so i can't fix older links at the moment, which is a pain, but at least i can post this.

a minor explanation for the previous link.

and by the way, daniel, that's what i want for my birthday. a working mouse. because i know that it's your fault it's broken. who knows the what evil lurks in the heart of man? the shadow knows!

::whisks away in the darkness of go have a bowl of cereal for dinner::
look! it's hawksley!
yesterday morning i saw the first frost of the season. coincidentally, i also chose that day to walk to the bus stop in my thinnest t-shirt, without a coat. but it was alright by the afternoon - hot as the middle of summer.

i love october.

Thursday, October 04, 2001

oh, and i just found out dave & crissy are engaged. more good news for people. {g} someday, i will have to actually meet this amazing crissy....
yesterday was one of those days. EVERYTHING seemed like it was going terribly. work was awful. people were awful. listening to QMFM was awful. feeling miserable was awful. trying to write a paper was awful.

and then you hit the snapping point, whatever it may be. so after a crying break on the porch in the sunshine for 15 minutes, i could handle the world again. resolving that that paper just was not going to be finished, realising that my problems with everyone else had more to do with how sick i was feeling inside, actually having Stu come up and ask if everything was alright after i'd tried not to show my moods (he said he'd fire everyone just for me if it'd make me feel better. aww... {g}), realising that kim's computer would play cd's, and having cake for sebby's birthday, i was feeling much better. but on top of that, i saw bishop on the skytrain, ellen at school, found out that matt is the luckiest bastard alive (i'm so excited for him), had part two of Cuban Music at class (lotsa good music, but we started the night with desi arnaz singing Cuban Pete {g}), saw another film with jodi (good music. understandable why the writeup mentioned wong kar-wai.), and actually spoke to the guys from my class who happened to be sitting behind us.

so all in all, it turned out to be a pretty good day. and above all, i got to sleep last night. best part about it all.

Wednesday, October 03, 2001

if i'm supposed to live 'til i'm nice and old, with good health through to the end,
why why why why why why why why why why WHY can i not be healthy now?????

i'm really getting tired of this.
(s/t: bedhead, transaction de nuovo)
i am in such a retarded mood today. half pissed off like you wouldn't believe, half happy as a puppy, and then throw in the veryveryverytiredness as well. which explains it all, really. but being at work early and listening to your own music for the only time ever, rather than the easy-listening station, and having the other person who works there arrive 20 minutes after you do and immediately go switch the station back without a word, in the middle of a song no less, sorta starts the day off on a sour note.

it's because i'm stressing over this essay that's due tomorrow. or next week, if i choose to write on ideology. but i have ideas for this one, and it'd be easy... i just don't have time. shoulda planned things differently. shouldn't have been seeing movies every day since sunday. but good movies they have been, and i've finished the tunic, and really, writing an essay in the mood that i'm in would not be a smart move. so i'll just have to write it all up thursday. and who knows - maybe i can fit some of those ideas into it anyways. that's what university's about, isn't it? manipulating essay topics so that you end up writing about something entirely different anyways. just depends on how good you are at it.

so. enough complaining. my moment of amusement this past half hour (aside from watching the kitty dreaming, twitching like mad). someone came across my page searching for weezer, island in the sun & puppies. ooh la la. but when i checked google to see where i was listed, guess who was right behind me! another sarah. what a small world.

Monday, October 01, 2001

good lord.

i just had the great misfortune of hearing a hardrock version of "Eleanor Rigby." no clue who the band is.

that is NOT cool. same goes for the site that goes by that name.